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[sorta 65 character post]
[Part 1 of ??]
_________________________________________________
Aikun's and Dark Angel's MST-style commentary #1:
TITLE: "The seven tasks of Gadget and Co."
OR
"Oh, No! Not Another One!!"
(You Decide)
AUTHOR OF FANFIC: Byron "TheBoz" Crowe
E-MAIL: croweb@trump.net.au
COMMENTARY BY: Brian H. and Linna H.
DATE OF COMMENTARY: 4-30-98
NOTES: Our first MST-style commentary - Enjoy!
Other notes left at the end of this file.
__________________________________________________
- - - - - - - - - -
Not long ago, not far away
Two college students surfed the Net
Reading fanfiction all night, all day
As a result, a conference with our profs we met:
"You lazy kids, you won't pass
Our course unless you haul a**!
So therefore--
To make up credit, to redeem your crime
To make the grade, you'll spend your time...
"Reading FANFIC, tons of the stuff--"
Declared our professors from English Lit
"So off to the Media Room, wherein you'll sit,
Don't you worry, we'll give you enough
To read--
We received - oh no! - a DVD!
("MPEG-40-Format, compressed two-score")
"Sit until your rumps are sore;
Critique the fics - then you'll be free!"
So thus imprisoned, we are forced to view
One fanfic per diem -- with no chips, no drinks
We insert the disc, wait for the cue
Then blast away at the fic's faults and chinks
Pressing PLAY, suppressing our fears
[Smurfs tone] Tra la - la la la la - la la la la la!
Watching the screen as the words appear:
" WE HAVE FANFIC SCREEN! "
--------------------------------------------------
Scene: Like a hollowed out safe, the Media Room is cold, dry, and ..
pretty as an airport ... which isn't saying much. A few live wires
hang like gutted entrails from the support beams of the ceiling. We
see a dangerously dangling halogen lamp in the northwest corner of the
room, two cheap plastic chairs in the middle of the room, and a
DVD/projection screen setup against a wall.
In one chair sits Aikun, a 22-year old be-spectacled male college
student, dressed in an oxford shirt and charcoal slacks.
In the other chair sits Dark Angel, a twenty-year old female student,
with her long hair in a ponytail. She is dressed in a blue silk
Chinese outfit, as though ready for Tai-Chi class.
Aikun: Welcome to the Media Room, where we'll be commenting on our
first fanfic ever, "The Seven Tasks of Gadget and Co." by Byron "The
Boz" Crowe.
DA: [turns to the reader and flashes a brilliant smile] Hi! I'm Dark
Angel, but everyone calls me DA.
Aikun: This is our first Mystery Science Theater 3000-style
commentary. Having said that, go easy on us --
DA: -- please. However, we do welcome feedback. You can reach us at
either:
carnet@jps.net
(or)
tzukumori@hotmail.com
Aikun: We've diverged enough personal information. Let's go on, shall
we? [points at the screen]
--------------------------------------------------
"The seven tasks of Gadget and Co."
OR
"Oh, No! Not Another One!!"
(You Decide)
--------------------------------------------------
Aikun: [as Gadget] *Another* seven tasks?! But I just finished
completing Myst, Riven, Zork Nemesis, the Journeyman Project,
Eleventh Hour, Disney's Hunkin' Hercules Doom World Beta, uh ..
DA: [Hands `Fallout' to Aikun] Say, can you get us a hydro-filter to
purify liquids into drinkable water?
Aikun [Looks nervously at DA] Where are we going to get _other_
liquids to start purifying?
DA: [Looks around] In case you haven't noticed, there's no restroom
around here-
Aikun DA!
DA: I'm thirsty!
This fanfic is a hybrid between 3rd person perspective and
TV style scripting. It jumps between the standards, so
beware.
DA: Heavens to Mergatroid(tm)! MTV-style point-of-view changes ahead!
Aikun: Hey look, DA! [points to remote control] There's a POV button
on here. Maybe I can permanently set the standard to just one point-
of-view, say, script mode only-
DA: No dice; I think these changes are hard-wired into the DVD code.
Aikun: Oh well, it was worth a try.
- THIS FANFIC IS PROVIDED 'AS IS'. THEBOZ DISCLAIMS ALL
WARRANTIES WITH REGARD TO THIS FANFIC. IN NO EVENT SHALL
THEBOZ BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES WHATSOEVER TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
(OR ANYTHING ELSE) RESULTING FROM USE, DISUSE OR OTHERWISE
OF THIS FANFIC.
DA: Reminds me of a Windows 98 Beta disclaimer.
Aikun: Speaking of disclaimers, we have a few of our own ...
DA: But we'll put them at the end of this session...
[[rest of disclaimer snipped]]
- NOTE: All sizes and weights are adjusted to assume all
characters are roughly the same size, it needs to be this
way because of the inherent dangers present in this type of
'fic, (and no one likes to see Gadget hurt), it's also more
convenient for me and the adventures to do it this way...
DA: Obviously the author has a soft spot for Gadget ...
Aikun: Which is good, given that I'm not in the mood for a dark-fic.
- So now, in the words of Arnott's. Enjoy.
DA: [whispers] Psst! You got da Notts?
Aikun: [pulls out a bottle of apple juice and whispers back] Yeah, I
got da Notts!
------------------------------------------------------------
Start of part one...
It was Friday, and Gadget, after spending a long and tired
week acting in fan's fanfics and posing for various
drawings(and photos) was looking forward to a nice, calm,
relaxing weekend break.
DA: I sense foreshadowing here ...
Aikun: Uh, yeah, right, whatever.
On her way back to the ranger tree,
she stopped off at the local electronics shop for some parts
to further a project she had been working on for the last
month, on her way out she slipped on a uneven paver and
fell.
Aikun: What's a paver?
DA: Something that paves?
Aikun: Like a street roller?
DA: Heh, heh. <screams> SQUOOSH! End of fic!
Aikun: Dark, ain't yeah?
[Dark Angel grins. Aikun sighs.]
Instead of hitting the ground, there was a bright
flash and she found herself sitting on a cold surface. With
a feeling of deja vu she looked around, she was in a small
steel room with benches around the walls and the roof was
open to the sky.
Aikun: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
DA: Yeah, but won't our upstairs neighbor be upset if we install in a
sky-roof?
Aikun: [facefaults]
GADGET (yelling): OK, who put me in here!!!
VOICE: I did, welcome to my fanfic.
GADGET: Not another one of these fanfics with the author in
it!
VOICE: 'Fraid so.
Aikun and DA: ~/O Self-Insertion is my name-oh. V-O-I ... O/~
GADGET: You're not going to kiss me like the last one did??
VOICE: No, at least not yet. (Snigger)
GADGET: You'd better not! And anyway this is my weekend off!
DA: Yeah, no kissing on weekends!
VOICE: It's still Friday, not the weekend, and anyway it's
on your schedule.
GADGET: But I don't have a schedule.
VOICE: You do... Now.
DA: [robot] You are a mechanic. Mechanics need schedules.
Aikun: [robot] Therefore ...
GADGET: Oh, why do I bother!
VOICE: Can I introduce the other characters now??
GADGET: Might as well.
VOICE: Here he comes now!
GADGET: (Thinking) He?
Aikun: He? You mean Him?
DA: Uh oh, and I thought it was weird enough when He was in that
"Twelve Days of Christmas" or whatever...
There is another flash of blue light and a short mouse with
a big head, a bent tail and a cross expression appears. He
is holding a rolled up blueprint in one paw.
Aikun: Ever tried to hold a blueprint this big (spreads hands _this_
wide) in one finger?
DA: Maybe he has an evolved paw. Imagine if your middle finger was a
foot long -
Aikun: Don't go there.
BRAIN: (Shaking blueprint): I WAS getting ready for
tonight's world takeover, you'd better have a good excuse
for this interruption.
VOICE: I do, a fanfic. And by the way, meet one of your co-
actors.
Aikun: [Brain in sarcastic voice] Oh, a fanfic. Best excuse in the
world.
DA: [continues with Brain voice] I always have time for a subject
like you - one who wishes to immortalize my exploits to document my
rise in power as supreme dictator of all that lies in the cosmos.
Aikun: [nervously] This is Brain we're talking here, not Kuno.
Brain turns to look at Gadget.
BRAIN: You! The last time I saw you, you took my emmy!
DA: Emmy ... is that a kind of pet?
Aikun: Maybe that's the name of his tamagotchi.
GADGET: It's not my fault, it was voted over the internet.
All my fans are there.
BRAIN: So you are saying I should blame your fans then?
GADGET: In a manner of speaking, yes. Although technically
they are not to blame because Rescue Rangers is not shown
on TV and the continuation of me in show biz is up to my
fans on the internet(And they are doing a good job of it),
and to a certain extent to Disney for allowing my fans
to...
DA: That was the longest run-on sentence I've seen so far .
Aikun: I think it served its purpose well. It gave the impression
that Gadget had numerous reasons to show that her popularity
overshadows that of Brain by just ranting off the reasons one after
another and by connecting these incomplete phrases with a combination
of commas and the word "and" and by ...
DA: [face-faults] Not you, too ...
BRAIN: All right, I get the idea.
GADGET: No grudges? We _have_ to act together.
Gadget and The Brain shake paws.
BRAIN: OK. All is now forgiven.
DA: That was a quick resolution.
Aikun: A good thing, since we still haven't gotten to the main plot
line, yet.
GADGET: Good. Excuse me, Mr. Author? When are we starting
this fic?
DA: And speaking of the devil...
VOICE: In a few minutes, only one more character to
introduce, I doubt either of you have met her, as she is an
'anime babe', from Japan.
Aikun: The comma after `anime babe' is unnecessary.
DA: Just had to nit-pick, had you?
GADGET & BRAIN: Ok, Just introduce her!
VOICE: In a one, and a two, and a...
Aikun and DA: ~/o All together now! o/~
Green flash of light, big bang and Akane is also in the
room.
DA: Hey, our favorite tomboy!
AKANE: Is Ranma in here?!?
Aikun: Isn't is funny, how most of the Ranma characters start off
their conversations by asking where Ranma is?
DA: Except Ryouga, he's always looking for Furinken High
School.
Aikun: But that's to find Ranma, right?
DA: You have a point ...
GADGET: Ranma?
AKANE: You know tallish, black hair, big eyes, Pervert??
Aikun: [Gadget] You're calling me a pervert? You're the one going
after guys with big eyes!
DA: [Gadget] ~/o That's Pervert with a capital P and that spells
Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with Pool o/~
GADGET: No, not that I know of.
AKANE: Then what am I doing here?
GADGET: Better ask the author, he SHOULD know.
AKANE: It's not one of these 'fanfic with the all powerful
author' is it?
Gadget nods sadly.
AKANE: (whispering to Gadget): Has he tried to kiss you
yet?
DA: [wryly] Ever tried to kiss a disembodied Voice?
[Aikun tries to envision DA doing just that.]
[Insert silly laughter followed by sound of mallet impact.]
GADGET: Not yet, although I don't trust him not to.
AKANE: He'd better not.
VOICE: And what's to stop me?
AKANE: This!
Akane pulls a huge mallet out of a hammer space and waves it
in the air.
Aikun: [rubbing noggin] Oh no, not again!
DA: [smirks]
VOICE: Nice try, but not good enough.
A small tin appears and spills termites on the mallet, the
mallet is reduced to sawdust. The tin vanishes.
DA: Tin what? Can? Cup? Pitcher? Bra?
Aikun: [blushes] DA!
AKANE: Damn!
DA: [Akane] Anyone have a can of Raid?
VOICE: Can I start this fic now?
GADGET, AKANE and BRAIN: Please!
Aikun and DA: DITTO TO THAT!
VOICE: But first. Akane, meet Gadget Hackwrench and The
Brain. Gadget, Brain meet Akane Tendo.
Aikun: I never knew Gadget's last name until now.
DA: Thoughtful of the author to include it.
GADGET: Hello Akane, Hello Brain.
AKANE: Hello Brain, Hello Gadget.
BRAIN: Hello Gadget, Hello Akane.
Aikun: Those commas don't really need to be there-
DA: [shushes Aikun] I'm trying to listen here! The exciting part's
coming up.
VOICE: And now, on with the adventure. This is a set of
seven tasks you and your friends have to complete to get
out of this story.
BRAIN: I thought there was supposed to be twelve tasks.
DA: No, don't give him any more ideas, Brain!
VOICE: There was, only I don't have time to think them all
up.
DA: Whew!
BRAIN: And if we don't finish the seven tasks?
VOICE: You all have to stay for my next fanfic.
GADGET: That don't sound too good.
Aikun and DA: [laughs]
VOICE: (Musing) And I think this one will be a 'not for
kiddies' sort of one.
GADGET: That's NOT good!
Aikun: [prays] Please, no dark fics.
DA: Spoilsport. I think Gadget would look cool with an ax. Think of
Kasumi with a tail -
Aikun: Aaah! Of all the horrors!
AKANE: Can we get on with it??
VOICE: The next fanfic or the tasks?
EVERYONE: THE TASKS!
Aikun and DA: YES, THE TASKS!
VOICE: Oh. Everyone ready? Off we go!
------------------------------------------- TASK NUMBER ONE.
Aikun: Cool, a DVD chapter marker!
The four walls fall outwards with a *Wump!*. On three sides
is hilly country,except on one side there is a deep gorge
with a rickety bridge cross it. On the other side of the
bridge can be seen a teleporter pad. There is a old man next
to the bridge.
Aikun: There should be a space after the comma.
DA: [testily] Why can't you give any *constructive* criticism?
Aikun: [blushes] Well, I couldn't find anything wrong with the
content per se ...
DA: In other words, the author did a good job of describing the
scene, right?
Aikun: [mumbling] YeahIguessso.
DA: Humph! Well, *I* think the scene is well presented. It reminds me
of one of the intro scenes to a Warner Brothers cartoon, with the
ubiquitous grass, hills, and the Peer Gynt Suite's "Morning" movement
playing the background.
Aikun: Except for the teleporter bit.
DA: You're too narrow-minded.
"Your first task is to cross this bridge" the voice
explained, as the adventurers walk towards the bridge "When
you get to the other side, the teleporter pads will take you
to the next task, good luck." "Looks easy enough" comments
Brain "I'm afraid it not so simple" replies Gadget "To cross
the bridge you have to answer three questions, or get thrown
into the gorge" everyone looks at Gadget "I saw on TV, It's
>from Monty Python and the quest for the holy grail, Dale was
watching it" she explained defensively. "I think I will give
it a try" says Brain walking up to the bridge, the old man
moves to block his way "Answer me these questions three and
the other side ye see", "All right, just get on with them!"
snaps Brain." "What is your name?" asks the old man, "Call
that a question?" mutters Brain, "What was that then?", "The
Brain" Brain quickly replied. "What is your ambition?",
Brain's eyes take on a strange but familiar look "TO TAKE
OVER THE WORLD!!". "What was the name of your pet cockroach
>from when your where 5?", "Mouse or Human years?" queried
Brain, "Oh no, Your not doing that to me this time, I did my
homework for once! Mouse Years." "That's a while ago, I
think it was Hawking." answered Brain. "Oh. Darn! I suppose
I have to let you pass now" grumbled the old man stepping
aside. "_Oh, Thank you_" the Brain drawled with as much
irony as he could muster. Crossing the bridge he stopped at
the far side, "Akane" he called "It's not that hard!".
Akane stepped up to the bridge keeper "Ok, what are the
questions, I don't have all day!" she snapped to hide her
fear, "Everyone is impatient today!" comments the old man, A
nasty look from Akane tells him that that wasn't a very
smart thing to say. "The first question, what is your name?"
"Akane Tendo". "What is your quest?", Akane paused for a
moment "Probably to finish these dumb tasks". "And what will
your married name be?" Akane was puzzled for a few seconds
then it clicked, the old man was asking her who she was
going to marry. She got mad, she reached into hammer space,
pulled out her big mallet and attacked...
Gadget and Brain looked up from Brain's blueprint at the
first *crash!* to see Akane pounding the old man into the
ground with her huge mallet, each impact caused them to
wince at the obvious pain being administrated by her skilled
hammer swings. Akane gave the top of the old man's head, the
only bit still showing above the ground a final smash and
put her mallet away "That should teach that dirty old man"
she muttered to herself storming across the bridge, seeing
Gadget she stops in puzzlement.
[Aikun and DA stare at the screen.]
Aikun: Uh, did the equipment just go haywire? I don't think DVDs are
supposed to give images _that_ jumbled.
DA: The Professors said this DVD unit was brand new. [Pauses] Although
it wouldn't hurt to give it a rest.
Aikun: We need a rest ourselves.
[Aikun turns off the DVD/Screen equipment.]
- - - - - NOTES FROM BYRON "THEBOZ" CROWE" - - - - -
Author's Notes: 'Ah, My five minutes of fame!'
[[ huge snip ]]
P.S. I was only joking about my next fanfic being a 'not for
kiddies' one. Sorry if you where looking forward to it.
DA: _Now_ he says it ...
[[huge snip of well-deserved credits removed ]]
DA: Sorry ...
Aikun: Liar.
- - - - - OUR ENDING NOTES - - - - -
DA: So, what you think of our very first MSTing C&C?
Aikun: We apologize if our style is not as true to the original
MST-3000 series, but we're still new at this.
DA: By the way, that long jumbled scene was just a teaser ...
Aikun: ... as a preview to what we'll see in Part 2 of our MST. We'll
continue with a brief deconstruction of that long jumbled scene ...
DA: [mutters] It's not our fault that it looks so messed up.
Aikun: ... by asking Mr. Crowe's permission to reformat the offending
portion of text.
DA: Speaking of permission ...
Aikun: We did receive permission from Byron "TheBoz" Crowe" to review
this fanfic ... although he didn't know what a MSTing was ...
DA: [coughs] ... anyway ... he did request that we not attack his
fanfics too much in the way of grammar --
Aikun: Which is why I'll try not to comment on sentence construction
or spelling too much ...
DA: [mutters] ... which is not the same as not at all -
Aikun: -ahem- Going on, Mr. Crowe also wanted funny commentary ...
DA: ... but we will not be as abrasive ...
Aikun: -or demoralizing-
DA: ... the reason being that ...
Aikun: -we truly believe-
DA: ... that this fanfic ...
Aikun: -is definitely not in the same class as-
DA: ... those by:
Aikun and DA: OSCAR!!!!!!!!
- - - - - FINAL NOTES - - - - -
[ -including spoilers-
Were the riffs understandable? ^_^ ]
Aikun is the creation of Brian H.
DA is the creation of Linna H.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 [MST-3000] is the ingenious creation
of Best Brains, Inc.
"Pretty as an airport" is a phrase coined by Douglas Adams.
The computer games mentioned are copyrighted by their respective
holders.
Mergatroid (or however it's spelled) comes from the Hanna-Barbera
cartoons.
Notts is a take on those "You got the Motts?" fruit drink
commercials. The sky-roof joke is ripped off from Steven
Cartwright.
"The Twelve days of Christmas" is a fanfic by "some
guy" MSTed by Jamie Jeans. The fanfic is a mega-crossover involving
(among others) Kami-sama from "Ah, My Goddess!", at:
<http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Anime-Wing.html>
"All Together Now" is a song by the Beatles, popularized by the
animation film "Yellow Submarine"
"Rhymes with Pool" lyrics twisted off a song from the musical "The
Music Man" (we saw the version with Robert Preston).
'Kasumi wielding an ax' is an image inspired by Richard Lawson's
fanfic, "Appearances," at:
<http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm>
The 'Bingo Song' is copyrighted by ... who knows ...
This document went through proof-reading a little over a dozen
times...
Still, if you see any spelling mistakes (TheBoz's writing excluded) or
formatting errors (except for that blurb of text at the end) then
please tell us.
We thank you for your readership!
Brian H.
carnet@jps.net
Linna H.
tzukumori@hotmail.com
____________
Brain turns to look at Gadget.
BRAIN: You! The last time I saw you, you took my emmy!
____________
[ ... to be continued in part 2 ... ]
_____________ End of File _____________