<2 figures, sitting at the front of the theater>
Moeru: Its been awhile since we've heard from Lurker-kun.
Ritsuko:<Grins>Maybe he's slacking like God-boy
Moeru: No, you've got slacking confused with a life..
Ritsuko: Oh..Anyway, this is a special MST of an MST Special...Special
isn't it?
Moeru:Anyway...Roll 'em!

The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:

[Scene: Earthside, an airport bar. Two redheads sit at the bar. One,
with loose hair and wearing a rather flamboyant costume, is nursing a
drink and a significant pile of pretzels and peanuts. The other,
whose long scarlet hair is braided into a tight, waist-length
pigtail, already looks fairly wasted, and seems to be upset. We
recognize them as Lina Inverse and Shidou Hikaru.]

Moeru: Are they getting annoyed by the little bald guys with orange
robes?Ritsuko: If Lina-chan is there, the monks are praying to whatever
deity they subscribe to.

Lina: You look like hell, kid. What's wrong?

Hikaru: I don't wanna talk about it...

Lina: C'mon...spill it, girl.

Hikaru: <sighs> Well...a week ago...

[Flashback. Scene: The Lurkerdrome. The familiar, purple-haired
Eternal Lost Lurker is sitting behind a cherrywood desk, a high-tech
monocle clipped over his left ear. He is reviewing some papers. There
is a knock at the door.]

Moeru: J..Just a second! I'm playing Strip Pok...DOH!

Lurker: Enter.

[Hikaru enters, and has a seat at the desk.]

Hikaru: What's up?

Lurker: [shuffling papers] Your contract is up for renegotiation.

Ritsuko: She's a free agent? Since when do anime characters get
salary?...And why am I not getting paid?<Ritsuko glares at Moeru>
Moeru: Uh..Well..I...Uh...

Hikaru: [blinks] Contract...?

Lurker: [passing a sheaf of forms across the desk] Yes. It's been
almost a year, and your contract is about to expire.

Hikaru: I have a contract?

Moeru: The man says you have a contract. Far be it from me to ask why
you'd have a contract with what was thought to be your woman.Ritsuko:
Girlfriend, Moe.."Your woman" sounds so posessive

Lurker: [facefault/recovery] After careful review, I've decided not
to renew your contract for fic reviews.

Hikaru: [eyes wide] Not...renew...? Lurker-kun, I don't understand..

Lurker: [shuffling papers again] You realize that this summer, act
five of Onna: Red Side is due to enter production.

Moeru: Oh! I get it! She's working for Lurker-kun..sorta like all those
people worked with Biles to have sex!Ritsuko: Pervert!
<A mini-tank drives over Moeru>

Hikaru: [nodding] Hai. But there's plenty of time on the side for...

Lurker: No.

Hikaru: Nani?

Lurker: Due to certain...commitments to the plot of O:RS, I can't
keep you on staff here on the Lurkerdrome. I'm sending you back
planetside.

Hikaru: !!

Ritsuko: She's speechless..She's an insect! She's...damn..pass!Moeru:
Wrong thing there Rit-chan..
Ritsuko: O_O Oh..Gomen

Lurker: If you'll please just sign here, to waive service on your
remaining contract, you can collect your final pay vouchers and
return to Japan immediately.

Hikaru: Now wait  a minute...

Lurker: [Gendou expression] The matter is not up for discussion. Good
day, Shidou-san.

Moeru: Why do I suddenly have the urge to pilot a knuckle-dragging mecha
and be self-consious of everything?Ritsuko: Its the Gendou expression. It
does that to any male.

Hikaru: ...

[Hikaru rises shakily, and forces herself to remain dignified as she
stalks from the office. As the door slides shut, Lurker removes his
monocle. A tear spills from his good eye.]

Lurker: Chikushou...

Moeru: Uh..<flips through j->e dictionary> Huh? Might wanna add a
footnote at the end or something there Lurker-kun.Ritsuko: Touching
moment all the same though...<Sniff>

[Fade back to bar.]

Lina: Wow...that's tough.

Hikaru: [sighs] I can't figure out what happened to him...I thought
he...[begins crying softly.]

Lina: ... [thinking] If I ever get hold of this guy...

Moeru: He won't even have any atoms to spread to the four winds..Ritsuko:
Hell, that's just if Hikaru's brothers get wind of this..

[Scene: The Lurkerdrome. The door to the main theater slides open,
and a barely recognizable Lurker shambles in. His neck-length hair is
in disarray, and a full week's worth of lavender beard growth covers
his chin. He wears an El-Hazard T-shirt and dark workout pants, and
looks like he hasn't changed clothes in several days. Presently,
several lights are blinking on the central console. Lurker shuffles
over to the boards, absently scratching himself.]

Ritsuko: That looks so familiar..Oh yeah...Moeru-kun...Moeru: Hey! I was
off that week! Do..<looks at the camera> Heheh..uh..

Computer voice: Incoming teleport.

Lurker: [grumbling] Flush 'em into space...[scowls] Stupid...belay
that. Bring 'em in.

[The teleport pad hums, and a lavender-haired figure nearly identical
to Lurker appears. The new arrival, however, is much more neatly
groomed, and wears a dark blue Capsule Corp. jacket.]

Trunks: [waving a hand in front of his face] Whew...what stinks in
here?

Moeru: Give you 2 guesses and this hint: Lurker-kun doesn't have any
pets.

Lurker: [grimacing] Knock it off, Trunks.

Trunks: You look like hell, Baku--

[Lurker nails him with a small ki blast]

Lurker: Don't call me that...!

Ritsuko: I think Lurker-kun is offendedMoeru: Offended might be too weak
of a word..

Trunks: Sorry...sheesh. What's wrong with you?

Lurker: [sighs] It's nothing. Forget it.

Trunks: [shrugs] Don't we have a fic to review.

Lurker: Yeah, I guess so.

Trunks: [grins] I invited a couple people to help with this one...

[The teleport pads hum, and two new figures appear: Mano Yohko, clad
in her Mamono Hunter garb, and Captain Tita, wearing her usual Pet
Shop Hunter wetsuit. Lurker perks up noticeably as the two girls
flounce into seats.]

<Moeru's eyes glaze over as he gets a view of Yohko-chan>

Lurker: [stage whisper] Remind me to thank you later, Trunks.

Trunks: [grin]

Yohko: [wrinkles nose] Phew...what smells...?

Lurker: ... chotto matte...

[The two girls blink and Trunks grows a sweatdrop as Lurker
disappears through the theater doors in a blur. Moments later, he
re-emerges, dressed in a clean purple tank top and camo pants, his
hair groomed and face shaven. All present note that he now smells of
strong aftershave.]

Moeru: Now I'm a hard manly man...wait...that didn't come out
rightRitsuko: Pervert!
<A large tank cannon fires a shot, barely missing Moeru>
Moeru: O_O

<Fastfoward through the fic>

Lurker: Well, that was another great chapter of Half a Sorceress.
Until next time...

[Trunks, Yohko, and Tita leave the Lurkerdrome via teleport. Lurker
retreats to his office. He sits down at his desk, and stares at a
framed photograph, sighing.]

Lurker: Kusottare...

Moeru: <Sniff> aw hell...forget the comment..its such a touching
sight..<Ritsuko hands Moeru a hanky>

[Crushing the frame, Lurker wads up the photo and tosses it in the
wastebasket. He stands and walks out of the office. Pan in on the
wastebasket, where we see a part of the photograph: the waists of two
figures, both clad in red, standing side-by-side. Waist-length,
braided red hair trails to the side of one of them. Fade to black.]

<Both silent for a moment>Ritsuko: For all lovers out there, good luck.
Moeru: And for Lurker-kun...Get her back, nothing is more important than
love.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
We know how to get an internal high
In the centre of the lightning speed waltz
See our soul struggling to survive
As we head down for the self distructive edge

Sayonara to intrusive noise
No more childish play and no more toys
We know how to get eternal life
While we feel and sense mother natures strong might - Information High

-Hayama Akito moeru@intersurf.com


-----------------------------------------------------------------------