On 28 Apr 98 at 19:18, Ronny Hedin wrote:

	Ranma looked back with an innocent expression as the two receded
down the street. The man who just couldn't say no to a woman --
especially not one who's offering free food.

Technically, it should be "one who *was* offering".

Technically, "who's" is a contraction for both "who is" and "who 
was".  Which is why it is generally recommended to writer that they 
do not use contractions except in character speeches.

	Except that it wasn't all the time. Every time Akane had been
fed up and ready to just end her relationship with Ranma, he'd go and
surprise her by doing something nice. And every once in a while, a

had been - go; Doesn't fit together there.
"had been - he'd went and surprised", but that sounds way Bad.

"..he would go and.." Vs "...he would went and..."  I don't know - 
the first sounds better to me.

	Ranma's arms were a blur as they moved back and forth in three
different directions. Fingers ripped into steel as if it were paper,
shredding the weapon within seconds into metallic confetti that sprayed
into the air.

The ordering "shredding - within seconds - into confetti" sounds
somewhat bad - but placing "within seconds" last or after "confetti"
is no better. Hmm. There *should* be a better solution.

"Fingers ripped into steel as if it were paper, taking mere seconds 
to shred the weapon into a cloud of metallic confetti that sprayed 
into the air."

	"I sure do. Two mysteries at a time is too much of a
coincidence. I'm betting that when we find her, we'll know how to bring
Ranma back to normal, if he doesn't just recover on his own by then."

Hm. I think, "when we find her, we'll know ... if he *hasn't* just
recovered by then".

Better yet; "if he simply hasn't recovered on his own"

	Now it seemed Ranma's bird couldn't escape from its cage. Or
maybe it was worse than that. Fear gripped her as she remembered a
simple biological fact. Cats *ate* birds.

*That* was a highly neat trick.

Although "biological" is probably the wrong word.  I'm not quite sure 
of the proper word, though...  "natural"?  nope.  
"law-of-the-jungle"?  worse.



Aubry Thonon - ITDS Intelicom
include <standard disclaimer>
------------------------------ SigQuote ------------------------------
     Fun things to do in an elevator - #03
        Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and
        then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
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