This was a fun read. Ranko strikes me as a bit too sensible for the
Ranmaverse, but that's normal for "New Character" fics, and this one
seems better than most.

I like the way Nodoka is treated here, with both the good and bad
aspects of her personality coming into play.

I wanna see some comedy-of-errors stuff between Ranko and Ranma in the
next part(s). I can imagine them trying to convince Kuno that Ranma and
the PTG are one and the same, and him almost believing it until he sees
Ranma and Ranko...

BTW, Words such as "Mom" should get capitalized when they're used as
names, but not with usages like "my mom." Here's some other
miscellaneous corrections and such:


Dave Eddy <dje@progress.com> wrote:

Wild Child 1 -- Kono Ko, Dare?

Truth or Dare? :-)

    Nodoka grabbed her hand, stopping her.  "Ranko-chan,
please... I know that sounded unsympathetic, but didn't mean it

I think there's an "I" missing after "but"

    The echoes were still fading when a plan occurred to her.
She thought back to her initial thought about this other "Ranko".
This girl was her twin in appearance?  She wondered what it would
be like to meet someone who was a mirror's reflection.  Would it

"Mirror's reflection" sounds a tad redundant to me. I'd say "mirror
image," but maybe that's just an American thing.

    ' Dear, you know I don't approve of your relationships with
other girls,' echoed Nodoka's voice in Ranko's head.  Pah!  What
would she know?  Hide-bound, traditional, narrow-minded old bint!

It seems weird to hear Ranko use the Commonwealth slang word "bint," but
again that's just my own cultural prejudice.

Her mind was made up.  She would stick it out for the rest of the
week, but next weekend after school she would go out, seeking her
father and twin brother, and possibly also this other girl who
was also her twin.  She would go out, get away from her mother...
and never come back.

    Ever.



    *    *    *

     "I'm back!!"

    She hauled the map she had copied during a midnight raid on
her mother's papers from a pocket of the backpack along with a
miniature Tokyo Metropolitan street map book and spent a few
minutes fixing the layout of the district in her mind before
tucking everything away again and shrugging into the backpack.

Whoa! Long sentence! I'd break this one up.

    Ranko looked to the 'Ranko' in the pond, and saw her staring
back at her slack-jawed.  No help there.  She looked back to see
that Akane had produced a shinai from somewhere and was now

>From the context, I'd guess that "shinai" means mallet. Why not just say
mallet -- or whatever this is?

    Ranma jumped up.  "I'll do it," he said and dashed outside.
He was back in moments, and Ranko was amazed to see him
nonchalantly carrying her heavy pack as though it was empty.  He

as though it were empty (it's a hypothetical).

    "So, is Nabiki taken?"

    Akane looked at Ranko quizzically, but eventually shook her
head.  "She doesn't go out with anyone."

I believe Nabby does go out with guys, but only to get them to buy her
stuff.

    "From the way you were reacting with Ranma this afternoon, I
though you'd be a boy toy."

thought

    Nabiki noted that Ranko's figure seemed identical to
Ranma's, then corrected herself.  Ranma's girl figure was
different, a little.  As Ranko, still nude, began to neatly fold
her clothes and put them into her pack, Nabiki tried to recall
there differences but couldn't quite pin it down.  Maybe they

their differences


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics