Laugh with me and for me, for joy is in the ear that hears.
Bad things have/are happening in my life, of which it isn't
really necessary to go into right now as it does not really
affect you that much, if you wish to know, ask. If, while you
are asking, you wish to comment upon this, by all means, go
ahead....

Ranma 1/2 is the creation of one (1) Rumiko Takahashi, and is
distributed in North America by Viz Communications, a subsidiary
of Shogakukan Ltd. if I recall correctly. I feel that you have a
right to know that I'm not doing this with their permission, nor
am I doing it for prophet (I foresee that you're going to catch that
spelling error, it should read "profit").
	Excuse me while I punish myself for that feeble attempt at comedy.
I'm in a bit of an ill-humour, I'm afraid....


			When Ranma was Two
				or
		A Funny Thing Happened at Jusenkyo

In China:

	A sombre valley filled with pools.

	A bamboo pole stands stoically in each pool.

	A panda knocks a teenaged boy/man into one of the pools.

>From the pool, a confused shout. "What the hell happened to my clothes?"

"Who are you?"  asked the other (clothed) resident of the pool.

"Oh, sirs. You fall in spring of drowned twin. Very tragic story of 
twins who fall into pool many year ago and drown. Now, whoever fall into 
pool take form of twins," said the Guide.
 
Sometime later, in Japan:

	A dojo in Nerima district.

	A man cries as he reads a postcard from China.

	On the back of the panda postcard something is written:

		Bringing Ranma, 
					Genma.

	Soun Tendo calls his children to tell them about what the future 
holds for one of them. The girls are less than pleased at Soun's attempt 
at sooth-saying.

In the streets, in the rain:

	Two identical young men, wearing clothing of the Chinese style 
(one with a red shirt, the other a blue one, both short-sleeved, red-
shirt wore a back-pack) were busily shouting at a giant panda, which 
also sported a back-pack.

	"We're going back to China, old man!" the youths screamed in 
unison at the panda.

	"We already have a fiancee, why do we need another?" shouted the 
one in the red shirt.

	"Yeah!" blue shirt agreed with his obvious brother, "Besides, I 
was learning some stuff from her great-grandmother. Up until I," he 
cocked his head at his sibling, "decided to take a hot shower."

	Red shirt stopped pummelling the panda, and stormed towards his 
brother. "Hey, it was the old man that doused me/you! Besides, we 
thought we were rescuing you/me!" He highlighted his point with a quick 
thrust to the abdomen. 

	The situation quickly degenerated into a brawl, with neither 
brother gaining the advantage. Gravity-defying leaps, punches and kicks 
so fast that arms and legs became blurs, feats of flexibility that made 
one wonder whether the two had any bones in them, coupled with impacts 
into and through the surrounding walls and road, made onlookers doubt 
whether the two were truly human after all. So engrossed were the two 
brothers in their fight that they never noticed the panda come up and 
bash them into unconsciousness with a street sign.

The house of the crying man and his daughters:

	"Put me down old man! I'm going back to China!" two angry male 
voices rang out.

	"Ooh! That must be them!" said the middle daughter, Nabiki.

	Nabiki and Soun eagerly ran to the door, wanting to see Genma, and 
his (hopefully) cute son. They ran back, fear and shock on their faces. 
Following them came two identical looking young men, who were in turn 
followed by a gigantic panda. The young men looked up from their study 
of the floorboards, and in perfect unison said, "I'm Ranma Saotome- 
sorry about this."

	"You were both named Ranma?" Kasumi asked.

	"Ooh, they're both handsome," Nabiki nearly squealed with obvious 
delight.

	Akane was non-plussed.

	Both Ranmas put their right arms behind their heads, rubbing their 
necks, peforming this action in perfect unison. The boys mumbled, "Not 
quite."

	
	"What do you mean, 'not quite?'" Nabiki repeated dangerously.

	The Ranma on the left (Blue shirt) looked at the other Ranma (Red 
shirt), who looked at the panda, then nodded to Blue shirt. "If we could 
have a kettle of hot water?" lefty said.

	Kasumi nodded, and went to prepare the water.

	Red shirt began, "Well, it happened when we were in China. The 
ole' man wanted ta go to the legendary training grounds of Jusenkyo...."

	By the time the Ranmas finished (one would often pick up midway 
through the other's monologue), Kasumi had finished heating the water. 
The Ranma closest to the panda (the one in the blue shirt), and dumped 
it on the creature, turning it into a middle-aged man known to Soun as:

	"Genma!"

	"It didn't have to be so hot, boy."

	The Ranma on the right replied. "It's the least I could do, old 
man. You dragged us away from China, away from--"

	"No need to go into that now, boy," Genma frantically tried to 
stop the direction Ranma was headed in.

	"What's in China?" asked Nabiki, rendering it impossible for Genma 
to fix now.

	"Shampoo," both Ranmas said, a warm expression on their faces.

	"We have shampoo in Japan too," said Akane, peeved at these new 
and obviously strange *boy(s)*.

	"Shampoo is my," the Ranmas looked at each other with a grimace, 
then continued, "our, fiancee. The old man dragged us away from her."

	"I thought I was helping you!" Genma thundered. 

	"Ranma was promised to one of my daughters before he was born!" 
Soun protested. 

	Both Ranmas turned on Genma with lightning in their eyes, and 
thunder in the faces. "We don't care, pops! We're going to go back to 
China!"

	"You haven't been showing me the respect I deserve, lately."

	"Give us a reason to respect you, then."

	"Are you interested in a little match?" Akane interjected in this 
obviously touching father/son(s) moment.

	The Ranmas looked at each other and shrugged. "Why not? Be a nice 
change 'o pace, from fighting myself. The ole' man ain't hardly a 
challenge no more."
	
	 The one in the blue shirt picked up the kettle of now somewhat-
less-than-boiling water, and poured it on himself. His clothes collapsed 
in a wet pile on the floor, as there was no body in them to keep them 
standing.
	The other Ranma in the red shirt reeled as if from some unseen 
blow. He shook his head a few times, trying to clear it.

	"What's that all about?" asked Nabiki.

	"Whoa. You try suddenly having to sets of memories too deal with 
for the past two weeks. Takes a bit o' time to adjust when we've been 
two for a while."
	Ranma stood up, slightly wobbly from the change. Nabiki helped 
steady him.
	"Which way to the dojo?" he asked.

	"This way, just follow me," answered Akane curtly.

	"I think I'll watch. This could be interesting," mused Nabiki.

	The trio made their way to the dojo, Akane in the lead, and Nabiki 
with her arm around Ranma's... purely to steady him, of course.

				***

	Ranma and Akane faced each other in the center of the hall, while 
Nabiki lounged lazily near the entrance. 

	"I warn you, don't try and go easy on me just because I'm a girl! 
Even though this is just for fun..." Akane trailed off ominously, 
frowning slightly.

	Ranma just had a slight, enigmatic smile on his face. "Don't 
worry, I don't make that mistake. I always evaluate my opponent on 
skill, and nothing else. Besides, if Shampoo ever found out I let up on 
an opponent cuz she's a girl." Ranma just shook his head.

	"She's a martial artist?" asked Akane.

	Ranma nodded. "And an Amazon, too."

	Ranma and Akane flowed into their opening stances, projecting 
auras of readiness and confidence. Nabiki knew her role. 

	"Begin!" 

	Before Nabiki had a chance to blink, before Akane even registered 
her sister's shout, Ranma had closed the distance, and Akane went flying 
into a wall. He went over to her and offered a hand up, which Akane 
accepted with a glare.

	Back to the center of the hall, the two martial artists bowed and 
waited for Nabiki to say the magic word again.

	"Begin!"

	This time Ranma let Akane come to him. Akane started off with a 
quick lunge, and followed it up with a high kick; neither of which 
connected to a Ranma that was no longer there, crouching low for a sweep 
kick which dropped Akane to the ground. 

	Back to the center of the hall, they started again.

	"Begin!"

	And again.

	"Begin!"

	And again.

	"Begin!"

	Throughout the matches, Akane did not once come close to touching 
Ranma.  Sometimes the matches lasted longer than others, Ranma analysing 
Akane's technique, and sometimes incorporated a move she used against 
him. They fought very differently. Akane's style was based on strength 
and power, smashing and breaking, direct, forward and blunt. 
	Ranma's was more devious. His style was all speed and 
misdirection. There was a randomness to his actions; he would start on a 
pattern then change it mid-way. Misdirection, speed, agility-- water and 
air to Akane's earth and fire.

	Nabiki just clapped. "That was... amazing," she finally uttered.

	"You're really good," Akane admitted, her voice a mixture of 
respect (grudging), and frustration.

	Ranma looked distantly for a moment before answering. "You 
probably didn't have as good instructors as I did. Cologne (Shampoo's 
great gran'ma) an' my ole' man (even though he's an idiot) didn't go 
easy on me."

	"Are you saying my father went easy on me?" Akane said 
indignantly.

	For answer, Ranma just said, "Hit me. As hard as you can, hit me. 
I won't move."

	Akane took him up on his offer, and he went flying into the wall 
with a satisfying crunch. Ranma picked himself up and non-chalantly 
dusted himself off.

	"I won't even bruise from that. From some of the old ghoul's 
training."

	"Old Ghoul?" asked Nabiki, who was not quite as stupefied as Akane 
by Ranma's reaction.

	"Cologne. It's only at half strength though, since both bodies 
didn't do it, and I didn't do it when I was one."


Outside, on the porch:

	"Ranma, would you like to wash up?" asked Kasumi. "You must be all 
sweaty from your workout."

	Ranma looked up from koi pond which was the focus of his gaze. 
"Sweaty? Not from the workout, but yeah, I could use a wash, I guess."

	Famous last words.

Inside, in the bath:

	"What do you think, Akane? He's handsome *and* a great martial 
artist. Then there's that condition of his!" Nabiki enthused. "But what 
about that Shampoo girl?" Nabiki said, her face somewhere between a pout 
and a thoughtful frown.

	"Yeah, whatever." Akane was still sulking from the ease which 
Ranma dealt with her.

	Akane and Nabiki should have probably told Kasumi they were going 
to use the bath before she told Ranma, and they should also probably 
have put an occupied sign on the door. They should have, but--

	Ranma entered the bathroom, quickly and efficiently disrobed, got 
two washstools, and dumped a bucket of cool water on himself.

	"So," said the first Ranma.

	"So," agreed the second Ranma, who appeared as the curse 
activated.

	"You know what we could do, of course."

	"Yeah, but pops is sure to douse us with hot water, just to make 
sure we haven't split up and are really on our way back. He's done it 
before."

	The Ranmas nodded in agreement as they finish washing up. 

	"Nabiki, did you hear anything?" asked Akane.

	"Must be your imagination, Akane."

	"I could've sworn I heard--"

	Ranma took that moment to open the sliding door to the furo. All 
parties were surprised, to say the least. Three of the faces were 
shocked: Ranma, Ranma, and Akane. Nabiki, upon seeing the two Ranma's 
musculature, had on a slightly goofy-looking grin.
	Ranma quickly tied the towels he was carrying around his 
respective waists, before the two sisters could overcome their shock and 
get a good look at the family jewels. As the Ranmas were tying their 
towels, they slammed their eyes shut and backed away.
	The water around Akane, already hot, began to bubble and boil from 
the heat of her anger/shame/embarassment/desire. We already know about 
Nabiki's reaction. Nabiki enjoyed the whole situation, not just for the 
view but for the humour of it too. Akane did not share her sister's 
opinion, to the inevitable harm of the offending male member... of the 
species, that is.

	"I'll kill him!" Akane shouted in righteous female wrath.

	"And how are you going to do that?" Nabiki asked lazily. "We both 
know he's better than you, and how are you going to get out of here 
without him seeing you?
	"I'll tell you what, I'll look and see if he's there, and if he 
isn't then you can come out, okay?"

	Akane agreed. Nabiki poked her head out and noticed a distinct 
lack of males in the bathroom, so she gave Akane the okay signal. They 
dressed and headed to the living room where the rest of the family (and 
guests) were.

	"What the hell do you mean we're staying here, pops?" Ranma (only 
one of him around) thundered.

	"Boy, tomorrow you're enrolling in school, and when you get 
back... I've called your mother. She's coming." Genma knew he had his 
son outmanouvered.

	Ranma's face paled as the shock hit him. "My mother? You never 
told us about... I mean, I thought she was...." Ranma's face contorted 
in anger once more. "Okay, one day. I'll go to your school, and if she's 
not here when we get back, I'm heading back to China."

	Ranma stalked off.

	Genma smiled.

	Soun joined his friend.

	Nabiki had a thoughtful look on her face.

	Akane was unsure of what to do.

	Kasumi co-opted Akane into helping clean the house, which 
consisted mainly of getting Akane out to buy groceries so that she 
didn't destroy anything in her attempts to play house.


Author's notes: May nix the bath scene, seems too obligatory. Tell me 
what you think, I can't read your minds (honest! I'm most definitely not 
in your heads rooting around for your deepest, darkest secrets.... 
ewwww! You're a sick lot, aren't you? ...I mean, see?)
Since nobody wanted to take this on for themselves, I've decided to 
write it, and have worked on it off and on, in little snatches when I 
had a bit of spare time, or to just get the juices flowing for another 
project, or just to take a break from one.

Next part: Ranma goes to school. What about Tatewaki? He meets his mom-- 
how manly is being twice the man other men are? More pronoun-confusing 
fun!

P.S. I'm currently in a bit of a backlog, which is going to increase due
to circumstances beyond my control, totally unavoidable, so it will take
a bit longer than usual for me to get back to any replies. You may have
noticed this already happening, those who have sent me something in the
last few days. Don't worry, I got it, but haven't had time to either
a) look at it, or b) formulate a proper reply.



Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis
Maybeso on IRC
Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
Warped, in Real Life
Member of:
FFML, FFIRCML, El Hazard ML
	maybeso@ican.net
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Change is inevitable, especially if you pay with
large bills.
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