"Paul M. Arezina" <arezina@acad1.stvincent.edu> wrote:

Sunrise found the Nekohanten unusually silent. No cheery ring of a bicycle
bell, no splash-and-quack combination, not even the sound of a bubbling pot
of water came from within the restaurant. And certainly no voices.

Bleah. Incredibly over-used opening.

Cologne glared at Mousse for a moment. "Curb your impatience, boy. Inside
was... well, it was certainly the cure for irrational behavior you must have
seen it as, great-granddaughter." Cologne sighed for a moment at the
impatience of youth... if only she had known... "Now, for good or ill...
pure reason is loose in Nerima."

****

It's got potential. At least I think it does. You may not. 

It's a nice job of writing so far, and I agree that it's got potential,
as long as it's handled very carefully. The irrationality of the
characters is a major force behind the conflicts of Ranma 1/2, and
you'll have to walk a very fine line with this to make sure that this
new addition doesn't just resolve everything so that the characters live
happily ever after. If you can manage to still keep the conflict level
high, I'd certainly like to read more of this.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics