Mizu:  Hello, and we're glad to be back.  

Boggs:  Yep, they drove a stake in our heart, but they forgot to cut
off our head.  Too bad we lost all of our reruns though.  

Mizu:  Our target tonight is Faux Existence by Lurker and Radler.  
As ever, it has been selected through rigourously logical criteria
by our ever genial cybernetic host, Cogito Ergo Sum, through rigorously 
logical criteria.  And tell us, Cog, just what were those criteria?

Cog:  Leave One alone.  One is depressed.

Boggs:  Ah come on, Cog, don't take it so hard...

Mizu:  Cog's still a little upset about that demolished hard drive, so 
he might not be his normal cheery self tonight.  Still, perhaps 
reviewing a good new fic will take his mind off his troubles.  Let's
roll tape...

                     Story Concept: The Eternal Lost Lurker
                     Written/ Taken Over by : Radler of ZFTZu

                                  NFTZu Presents
                               A Zu Productions Inc.

                                  FAUX EXISTENCE
                                          PART 1
                                 A Secret Revealed

      Yamaguchi Kotomi sighed wearily as she finished wiping down the 
last table
in the now empty supper club. Leaving her rag in the kitchen, she 
headed
into the locker area and began changing out of her work uniform.

Boggs:  ...which slid down her creamy thighs, revealing her taut-
Mizu:  What are you doing?  
Boggs:  Oh, just thinking this would make a great lemon.  

      A block away from the club, Kotomi was stopped by three large, 
scruffy
men. The largest of the three, bald and stupid looking, leered at her. 
"Hey
koneko, let's you 'n me 'n my boys go have a little fun, whatcha say?"
        "I say go to hell," Kotomi growled.

Boggs:  What?  Don't you like bowling?  
Mizu:  This could use more build-up.  Scene description, that sort of 
thing.  

       The two other men laughed, while the leader glared down at her.
       "You stupid little bitch, when I say you're gonna come with me, 
you're
gonna do it or I'm gonna hurt ya!"

Boggs:  When I go bowling, everyone goes bowling!

    "Alright, guys, your turn," Kotomi said evenly. The other two 
hoods seemed
rather uncertain about facing her, but their boss was down and they had 
to
do something. They attacked, but discovered too
late the mistake that was, as they too were downed by the slight young 
woman.

Boggs:  Ya know, it's more likely they'd back off once their leader was 
down seein' how easy she took him down.  After all, she lives in this 
neighborhood and they can always get her later, when they have better
odds.  

      The girl had shoulder-length blond hair, and was, like Kotomi, 
rather
pretty.

Mizu:  What, did she move into Sailor Moon's neighborhood?  

     Kotomi's eyes widened, and her grin became somewhat lusty as the 
two made
their way upstairs.

Boggs:  L-e-e-e-mon!  L-e-e-e-mon!

       The next day, Kotomi and Megumi sat together in a small

Boggs:  Awwww...

 >okonomiyaki-ya

that that had opened a few weeks earlier. As they talked and ate, 
Megumi
frowned at something. "Say, Kotomi..."

Mizu:  "...do you have to chew with your mouth open?"

       Megumi pointed a chopstick in the general direction of Kotomi's 
head.
"What's up with your hair?"
       "My hair?" Kotomi asked, confused.
        Megumi nodded. "Yeah. Umm...I know that red and green go 
together for
Christmas, but it just doesn't look right on a girl's head, y'know?"

Boggs:  What's red and green and goes around, and around, and around...

      Megumi looked confused. "Catch what?" Suddenly it dawned on her.
"Oh...Kotomi...you mean you dye your hair?"

Mizu:  No s(bleep), Sherlock.  What did you think different coloured 
roots meant?  
Boggs:  So, Megumi's not real bright, eh?
Cog:  A basic capacity for inductive reasoning should have precluded the 
need for verbal clarification.
Boggs:  Hunh?
Mizu:  He said, "So, Megumi's not real bright, eh?"

      Ukyou slumped against the wall. "Masaka..."

      Kotomi slumped against the wall of her apartment and groaned.
       Megumi stared at her with concern in her eyes. "Kotomi-chan? 
What's going
on?"

Mizu morphs into Kotomi:  I feel...a disturbance in the Force.  As if a 
tormented soul was screaming out it's loneliness and betrayal to me...
Boggs:  Either that or indigestion.  

      Kotomi sighed, and closed her eyes. "Alright...it's just, I know 
the woman
who owns that restaurant. She's...kinda someone I don't want to run 
into."

Boggs:  Wimpy-wimpy-WIMP-ee!

       "Oh." Megumi seemed to accept that, and Kotomi didn't feel bad 
about the
lie, since it was at least partially true. "So...what do you want to do
now?"

Mizu:  What lie?  She told the truth!  

      "Hmm...what's in your closet, Kotomi-chan?" she muttered to 
herself as she
dug through the myriad Chinese-style blouses and pants in the closet. 
She
also found a few nice dresses she'd never seen Kotomi wear.

Mizu:  You mean, the only thing she did to disguise herself was dye her 
hair?  She still dresses exactly the same?  
Mizu shakes his head:  The only person she'd fool would be Ryoga...

       In Nerima, a short-haired figure, decked in camouflage, marched 
briskly
through the gates of the Tendou residence. A few minutes later, a
motorcycle roared out of the residence and down the quiet streets, 
headed
south.

Mizu:  Gee, Kasumi, haven't you gotten butch...  
Boggs (sings):  Get out on the highway
                Lookin' for adventure...
Mizu:  STOP SINGING!

conversing in Mandarin. Stopping out of sight, she caught a glimpse of 
a
head of all-too-familiar purple hair, and a young man she didn't 
recognize
at first, but by the way he carried himself, he could only be one 
person.

Mizu:  <gasp>  Elvis?
Boggs:  Why wouldn't she recognise Mousse?  The glasses should be a 
big give-away.
Mizu:  Yeah, but this bimbo thinks that dying her hair green is good
enough to make her invisible...  Maybe he got a haircut.  

attend to the matter with utmost efficiency."
        Kunou allowed himself a small smile. "You always do." Indeed, 
Sasuke had
become quite a worthwhile companion and servant in the last few years. 

Mizu:  Once he was eaten and replaced by a pod creature, that is...

this is the author speaking. the above lyrics are from the DoCo image 
song
Usotsuki, used as the ending theme of the so-called third Ranma 1/2 
movie,
known to VIZaholics as Team Ranma Vs. The Legendary Phoenix.]

Mizu:  Don't stick that in the middle of the story, put the notes at the
end.

[From this part on, Radler of the NFTZu takes over]
With the blessing of Lurker, I continue on with his work�. *sigh*

       Shampoo stared at Akane with slitted eyes. Akane had changed 
_much_
through the years. Shampoo judged this changed had been triggered by
Ranma's mysterious disappearance. Too bad she did not know just how 
right
her judgement was.

Cog:  "this change"
Mizu:  I sincerely hope that the author can back up this foreshadowing 
with something real later on.  

. Hell, like she cared
what anyone else thought. She had enough of that with her sisters.
       Specially Kasumi.

Mizu:  Yes, Kasumi is special, isn't she?  
Cog:  "Especially" or "'Specially"

      What reasons did she even go to all that trouble getting the 
stupid kettle

>from the arrogant ass?

Cog:  "Why did she even..."
Boggs:  She got the kettle from Kuno? 

After all, she
had rationalized the feeling she had once had for Ranma. It had been 
merely
her immature heart that longed for him. Now, she knew better.

Cog:  Rationalized?

       She glanced at Ryouga. Gods! Just looking at him brought back 
those
memories. She could not believe how innocent she had been. She glared
daggers at Ryouga who met it with his own steely gaze.
       Akane merely stuck out her tongue and jab a finger at him.

Boggs:  And then started chanting "Liar, liar, pig on fire!"
Mizu:  It is rather a juvenile gesture for a woman of her age and
personality.  

       Ukyou sighed before she began. "I'm not so sure about the 
facts. I am
merely rationalizing certain events that have come to my attention 
recently
on two of my regular customers.  Still, the fact remains that the one 
of
them could be Ranma.

Boggs:  rationalizing?
Cog:  on her customers?  
Mizu:  This speech sounds quite unnatural.  
Cog:  ...and depressing.  
Mizu:  Cut that out!  You're starting to sound like my nephew, Dim.  
In any case I'd recommend that she talk a little more like a real 
person, such as saying "Well, I'm not totally sure of my facts,
but it looks like one of my two most regular customers could be Ranma."

       "I have my suspicions but cannot be too sure." Ukyou sucked in 
her breath.
"Ranma's here alright, but I'm not so sure if it even still is Ranma."

Cog:  "can not" or "can't"
Mizu:  She keeps saying that she isn't sure, and then that she is sure.
Something like "I have my suspicions but...  No, I'm sure Ranma's here.
But I'm not sure he's still Ranma." might sound better.  

      "Um.. Kounji-san, I know someone who works for Kitomi's 
girlfriend."

Mizu:  ...said a voice from nowhere.  You might want to tell us who's
talking here.  

       It was somewhat late that evening when Megumi decided for a 
little visit
to Kotomi's place; using the key Kotomi had given her.

Mizu:  And yet, she doesn't know that Kotomi dies her hair?  Surely 
she's used the bathroom there...

      Kotomi returned the kiss with vigor, twining her arms around the 
woman and
pulled her closer. Megumi stared wide-eyed at her friend's face which 
was
barely millimeters away from hers. She found herself enjoying the kiss, 
to
the passion that flowed into her from Kotomi. Megumi let herself 
surrender
to the fire that began to burn within her.

Boggs:  Le-e-e-emon!  Le-e-emon!
Mizu:  Actually that brings up a point.  What the heck is Kotomi doing 
with a furo in her apartment?  How can she afford a place that large?  
Cog:  "enjoying the kiss, the passion that..."

 Kotomi had always thought Megumi to be a rather
impulsive woman prone to do _some_ surprising things.

Cog:  So she expected Megumi to be surprising?  

      Kotomi waved her hands in front of Megumi's face, hoping she was 
okay.
       Then again, getting kissed by another girl so.. well� wantonly 
would put
any female into shock.

Mizu:  Uh...  I thought they were already lovers.  What was all that 
lecherous grinning about if they've never even kissed?  
Boggs:  Maybe it's a flashback?  
Mizu:  But Megumi has a key to the apartment!

       "I dunno, Megumi." Kotomi said dubiously, eyeing her friend 
cattily. "I'm
sure you're as hot and tingly as I am right now."

Boggs:  My pervert sense is tingling!
Mizu:  Rather a radical change in Ranma's personality.  One might almost 
say unbelievable.  

      "WHAT?! No way! I had my fill with insensitive jerks and 
assholes who only
want a good lay. I've no intention of being with another guy, Kotomi. 
Not
as long as I live."

Boggs:  She's pretty stupid, eh?
Cog:  It seems unlikely that gender would entirely define qualities such 
as empathy, fidelity, veracity, and the ability to establish meaningful 
pair bonds.  Further, Kotomi shows no particular sign of having 
abandoned her previous identities self-absorbtion and seems to have a 
substantially increased libido.
Boggs:  Hunh?
Mizu:  "She's pretty stupid, eh?"

   It bore the handiwork of one certain Nabiki Kunou. Or is she 
remembered
correctly. Nabiki Tendou, divorced wife of that moron Kunou.

Mizu:  You know, earlier the names were being given the Japanese way.  
Cog:  "a certain" would be more correct.

       Kotomi trotted through the streets of Kyoto with no hint as to 

Cog:  "clue" is the common usage.

where she
was heading. Many a number of people stared at this beautiful woman who
seemed to be distressed about something. No one dared to inquire having
witnessed how she had dealt with anyone who came too close to her.

Mizu:  And we're dieing to know.  How did she deal with them?

      She could not understand why those jerks had to go and ruin her 
life right
now.

Boggs:  Cry me a river.
Cog:  This is an example of the self-absorption One was discussing. 
Kotomi seems totally consumed by her own interests and utterly 
unconcerned by any sense of responsibility even for her own child.  

     Her musing were suddenly interrupted by a couple of streets thugs 
who had
appeared to found easy meat. Kotomi smiled inwardly. Well, she _was_
looking for something to ease her temper. These gentlemen were just the
morons she was looking for.

Boggs:  You mean, somebody tries to rape her _every_ night?
Mizu:  This might work better if it was round two with the previous 
batch of thugs, perhaps with reinforcements or weapons.  

      Her heart ached for Kotomi. It always had ever since Megumi had 
first met
the young woman that had saved her life and made t the way it was now. 

Cog:  "made it"

She
was now a successful career woman who had many a number of 
opportunities
open for her in today's world. Opportunities given to her by one 
person.
       Kotomi.

Mizu:  I don't think repeating the word "opportunities" is all that
effective.  
Boggs:  Forget about that!  How is having an affair with a waitress 
giving her opportunities?  

       "Jeez! Couldn't you have at least moved out of the way, you 
know. 

Cog:  This sentence should be clearly defined as a statement or a 
question.  As it stands, it is both.  

The damn
sidewalk's pretty much big enough that you could have avoided colliding
into me."

Mizu:  Clumsily phrased.  Try, "There's plenty of room on the damn 
sidewalk for both of us."

       The black-haired woman smirked, tossing the cigarette butt into 
a trash
receptacle. "Do I look like I even care.

Cog:  Should be a question mark.  

     Megumi found herself quickly gaining an active hatred for this 
rude crass
of a woman.

Boggs:  What part of the woman is the crass anyway?  
Mizu:  Try:  "Megumi found herself quickly developing an active hatred
for this crass woman." or perhaps "crass woman's rudeness."
Boggs:  Of course, Megumi's manners suck anyway.  

    "I think you know." The woman rewarded her with a level stare. 
"You know
someone whom I and a few other people had gone to a lot of trouble 
finding.
I also know you have a liking for this person who also happens to be a
woman. I don't like what you are doing your 'friend.' And I certainly 
am
not fond of you for the pains you have caused me and my family."

og:  Og not like paragraph!
Cog:  Apologies.  Technical difficulties.
Mizu:  This is a another clumsy speech.  Try, "You know someone we've
gone to a lot of trouble to find.  I know what your relationship is, and 
I don't much like it.  I particularly don't like the pain it is causing 
my family."

       "What that hell are you talking about, you bitch?" Megumi 
demanded, temper
flaring. "I don't know you but you sure know awfully too much about me 
and

Cog:  "awfully too much"?

my friend." Megumi's eyes narrowed. "Whoever you are, bitch, leave me 
and
Kotomi alone! We have done nothing to you nor do we wish to know you. 
Get
lost or I call the cops."

Mizu:  You are kind of blowing the colloquial speech pattern here as 
well.  Try, "What the hell are you talking about, you bitch?  I haven't
done a damn thing to you or your family!  I don't even know who you are, 
but you know too damn much about us.  Get lost or I call the cops"

     The woman suddenly grabbed her arm. Pain shot through it as the 
woman
squeezed her arm none too gently.

Mizu as Akane holding her other arm:  If you don't give me what I want,
I'll break my arm!"

"Listen here, girl! I don't give a piss of how you feel. I need your 
friend
only because I am honor-bound to find her."

Cog:  "I don't give a piss how you feel"

    Megumi nodded. "Yes. Although I do not understand why you accosted 
me so."

Boggs:  Ah do declare!

    "Gomen." the woman apologized as she led Megumi back to the coffee 
shop.
"When I saw you there, sitting there, I knew instinctively you were the
woman whom Ranma knew."

Cog:  "who Ranma knew."

       "You wish to hear a little tale?" the woman asked as she took a 
seat.

Boggs sings:  Let me tell you 'bout a story, 'bout a man named-
Mizu:  NO SINGING!

      "My name is Akane. Tendou Akane."

Boggs hums the theme from "James Bond"
Mizu:  NO HUMMING EITHER!

      Kotomi found her apartment deserted. She could almost hear her 
heart fall
off its perch within her chest and land with a squishy splat on the
carpeted floor of her apartment.

Boggs and Mizu both wipe bits of splattered "heart" off their faces.  
Mizu:  A truly grotesque metaphor.  

      Kotomi suddenly sprang into action, practically plowing two of 
her
neighbors as she ran back to the Happy Spatula.

Mizu:  Wow.  Her libido really has increased.
Boggs:  There's always time for a quickie in the elevator.  

     "Do you expect me to believe this crap?!" Megumi asked, eyes 
staring at
the woman who was blowing cigarette smoke in her direction. "And while
we're at it, put that damn thing out will you?!"
Megumi hated losing her temper.
      But somehow, this woman knew exactly how to make her.

Boggs:  Hey, Akane's making Megumi!  Good stuff.  Maybe they can have
a fromage a trois.  

      "Even if it means breaking the heart of your son?" a woman with 
shoulder
length brown hair  inquired in a cool voice.
       "Even that, Nabiki." came the reply.

Boggs:  Wow.  Ain't it great that Megumi found such a caring sensitive 
girl to love?

     "My sister still tries to make herself believe that she hates 
Ranma.
Contrary to what _she_ herself thinks, my sister still loves Ranma. 
That
much I know as her sister."

Mizu:  And as her sister, I feel obligated to my sister, to stick the 
word "sister" into my paragraph as many times as I, her sister, can 
possibly manage to do.  For only then will you realise that I am her 
sister.

      "By the way, Nabiki, did you have to ask your ex-husband and 
that insane
woman about Ranma's whereabouts?" Ryouga asked.

Cog:  "tell"
Boggs:  Don't ask, don't tell.  

       "Ranma deserved no less for what she made my sister become." 
answered
Nabiki.

Mizu:  For as her _sister_, I feel obligated to avenge my _sister_...
Bogg pounds Mizu until he dissolves into a puddle.  
Cog:  "deserves"

"Time will be the judged of that. It always had been." Shampoo 
whispered.

Cog:  "judge"

     Megumi was silent all throughout the trip across Kyoto's skyways. 
Small
wonder considering all
that she had witnessed in so short a time. Shock barely explained the
turmoil within her.

Cog:  "Shock barely described the turmoil within her"

But, Megumi knew, to an extent, the woman said was true. Still, it 
could
all be a lie. One that even this Akane believed to be the truth.

Cog:  If Megumi knows that some of it is true, it can't all be a lie.
Mizu:  Denial can be an irrational process.

      Her world suddenly felt devoid of the comforts of a friend.  

Cog:  "comfort"

     "Why, Kotomi-chan?" Megumi asked in a low voice, devoid of all 
emotions.
"WHY?" she demanded again.

Boggs:  Because I'm a wimp and a liar and I'm trying to run away from 
all my hassles.
Mizu:  Well, nobody's perfekt.  So Cog, did reviewing this fic cheer you 
up?
Cog:  One supposes so.  
Mizu:  Any final thoughts?
Cog:  The one designated "Radler" needs to achieve a more naturalistic 
dialogue style between his humans.
Boggs:  Needs more lemon
Mizu:  The progression of the relationship between Megumi and Ranma
needs work.