gah. I'm certain I posted this last week, but have seen
no indication of it arriving. Maybe this time.
My apologies if this has popped up before.

Ash.


               The Pocket Dimension Theatre

(Mason and Miyuki enter the theatre to find Ash dusting off his hands as 
if 
finishing something.)

Mason: Wow. Nice Paint job!
Miyuki: I can't even tell that you actually had to sandblast in here.
Ash: heh. Well, I had to make some changes after those Hyper-influenza
creatures tore through here, but nothing too major. Robot, you done with
the screen?
Robot: Affirmative.
Ash: Well then, let's take our seats and start the MST.
Mason: what's up for today?
Ash: Bailesu made a funny.
Miyuki: (giggles)
Mason: Cool. I wonder what the Dread one has in store.
Ash: Hit it, robot!
Robot: Affirmative.

(The Theatre goes dark as the fic begins.)
 
 Miki was bored, bored out of her skull. 
Ash: That has got to hurt.
Mason: and leave a nasty hole.

 She was busily writing an
entry in her diary that she shared with her best friend Meiko.  They 
would
each write an entry, then pass it to the other person, who would reply 
and
talk about their life.  Normally, Miki really enjoyed this, but she 
wasn't
sure what to write today.  'Today, I found a cat that some children were
picking on.  They were dressed up in silly 'Gastaman' outfits and were
chasing it around with their water pistols. 
Ash: Hmmm... a pint-sized 'Gatchaman' team. I wonder what they'd
be like in their teens?
Miyuki: That's horrifying! (Shudders)

 So I charged them with my
towel I had taken to practice tennis and drove them off, shouting that I
was the Towel Monster. 
All: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!

 After a while, we all started laughing and had fun
for a while.  Sometimes, it's nice to be a little kid again, at least in
spirit.  After they finally left, the cat came over and rubbed up 
against
my legs.  She was a really beautiful cat, with soft black fur and a 
white
patch on her forehead.  I tried to take her home with me, but she ran 
off.
I guess cats can't make up their minds.'
Miyuki: They can. They just change them again so as to be annoying.


      Miki tried to think of what else to say.  'The weather is very
beautiful, but my life is so boring.  I wish something exciting would
happen.'  
Ash: Famous last words, Miki-chan.
Mason: makes ominous noises.

      She turned and looked out the window, putting down her pen and
stared at the posters on the wall of her bedroom.  Sometimes, I wish I
could be glamourous like all of you.  It'll never happen, though.
Mason: I wouldn't bet on that if I were you.

      An odd scratching noise from her 'diary' caught her attention.  
She
stared in shock as her pen moved across the page, apparently under its 
own
power.  Whatever was moving it had beautiful handwriting.  The pen 
wrote,
'Your wish is granted.  Signed, Sealed, and Notarized by Urd, Second 
Class
Goddess of the Goddess Relief Office.'  
All: Bwahahahahahaha!
Mason: I hate to say this, but you're doomed, Miki-chan.

      Miki blinked.  "What?"

      'For more details, go downstairs and turn on your TV.  Moving this
pen is making my wrist cramp up.'
All: Bwahahahahahaha!!

      "..."  Miki got up and went downstairs.  

      As she entered the living room, she could hear her mother in the
kitchen.  Various banging and crashing noises indicated she must be
cooking something.  "Would you like some cake, dear?"
Miyuki: Why do I suddenly have the urge to run screaming for the hills?
Ash: Dunno. Maybe you still haven't gotten over that encounter with 
Akane's cooking.

      "Umm...in a minute, Mom."  She turned on the TV, having concluded
this must be some kind of dream.  The scent of lemon frosting wafted
through the air into her nostrils from the kitchen, making her smile.  
Mom
would never be a great cook, but I guess she can make frosting, at 
least,
Miki thought.
Miyuki: Awww. How sweet.


       The image of a beautiful, exotic woman with long white hair, 
skimpy
clothing, and a blue tattoo on her forehead, lying on a sandy beach 
filled
the TV screen.  "Hello, Miki.  I'm Urd, from the Goddess Relief Office."
M&M: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!  Run Away! Run Away!

      Miki stared mindlessly for a moment.  "Um...hi."
Ash: Good Lord! She's in Shock!

      "I was spying on people because I was bored, and noticed you were 
as
bored as me, so I decided to grant your wish to make both our lives a
little more exciting."
Mason: too late! We're all gonna die!

      "..."

      Urd smiled and sat up.  "Of course, your life was about to become
more exciting anyway, I just turned up the level of excitement a tad.
You've been marked by destiny for a long time."
Ash: You ain't drumming wipeout , sister.

      "Am I dreaming this?"
Mason: No. we are. It's horrible.

      "This is quite real."  Urd's tone became more serious.  "I can be 
a
little obnoxious at times, but you can trust what I say.  The bargain 
has
been sealed.  I can't undo it even if I wanted to.  History has already
been changed."  Now she sounded a little nervous.  "But I think you can 
do
the job better than that screamer, anyway."
All: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!

      "What are you talking about?"
Mason: You have a starring role in Urotsukidoji. The Overfiend will
be along in five minutes.
Miyuki: Mason no baka!
Mason: (Dirt road)

      "I suppose you can't even tell, yet, but you will.  Don't worry, 
you
WON'T be bored!"
Ash: Yep. You'll spend half of your time being confused by the
bizarreness of it all.

      "I am dreaming this."

      Urd smiled.  "Well, maybe you are Buddha dreaming of being a
Butterfly dreaming of being Lao Tze dreaming of being Dogbert, but..."
Ash: That's a horrible thought.

      Miki tried to understand that and failed.  "Are you REALLY a
goddess?  What are you doing inside my television?"

      Urd stepped out of the TV, and Miki nearly fainted.  "How's this 
for
a start?"

      "Uhh...good start."  Miki shrank back on the couch.  

      "What would you like for a sign, oh daughter of Eve?"
Miyuki: Huh?
Ash: C. S. Lewis reference.
Miyuki: oh.

      "My mother isn't named Eve."  Miki said.

      Urd sighed.  "Doesn't anyone...never mind.  What can I do to
demonstrate my power?"
Ash: do something competent.
Miyuki: spend an hour with Skuld without getting into a fight.
Mason: not meddle in someone's love life.

      "Make my mother a good cook?"
All: Bwahahahahahaha!

      "I'd have to be a first class Goddess.
Ash: heh. And it'll be snowing in Makai before that happens. Wait.
It  has  been snowing in Makai a lot lately. Drat.
  
How about..."  Urd looked
around and smiled.  "SPIRITS OF AIR, WATER, EARTH, AND FIRE, HEED MY
CALL!  REDECORATE THIS ROOM IN A PLEASING MANNER!"  Streamers of fire 
and
light rushed forth from Urd, washing across the room, reconfiguring
everything in their wake. The ceiling now had a disco ball hanging from
it, the floor was a deep blue shag carpet, and the furniture was now in
neon colors.  The TV was now 25 inches and sitting on top of a very
elaborate stereo system, which was the only thing Miki considered an
improvement.  The walls were decorated with pictures of couples 
embracing,
nymphs and satyrs in the forest, and palm trees.
Mason: I think I'm gonna be sick.
Miyuki: don't do it around me.
   
Urd sat down hard on the couch.  "Now that made me thirsty."
(A group of badgers run for the hills)

      Okay, she IS a goddess, Miki concluded.  The goddess of Bad Taste,
maybe.
Ash: DING DING DING!!! and we have a weeEEENAH! Miyuki,
tell our guest what she's won.
Miyuki: (confusedly) well Ash, She's won a visit from a certain 
talking cat?

  "I don't think Mom is going to like this."

      Miki's mother stepped out of the kitchen.  "Why, Urd!  How nice
of you to drop by."  She looked around.  "Hmm.  I think this place needs 
a
nice stuffed parrot to go with the palm trees."
Mason: (Hurls.)

      "I'll bring you one the next time I stop by."

      Miki stared mindlessly at her mother.  "Umm...You know her?"

      "Of course I know my own sister!" she pronounced.  "Don't you
recognize your Aunt Urd, Miki?"
Miyuki: huh?

      "..."

      Urd whispered, "Don't worry, I only lightly fuzzed her mind to 
avoid
problems."
Ash: (K voice) J, you did  what  with the neuralyzer?
 
      "..."

      "Oh, Miki, we have some exciting news for you!"
Mason: Here comes the axe.

      Miki had already hit her excitement quota for the month, maybe the
year.  "What kind of news?  Did something exciting happen in Hawaii?"  
Her
parents had just gotten back from a trip to Hawaii.

      "Yes.  We met a nice couple, so your father and I are getting
divorced and marrying them."
Miyuki: (jaw drops while an eyebrow twitches madly.)

      "..."

      "We're having dinner with them tonight, so you might want to get
dressed up."  She turned to Urd.  "You'll help Miki pick something nice,
right?"

      Miki fainted before she could hear any kind of answer.

*******************

       That night, before going to bed, Miki was in a mildly frantic
state.  Everything had gone horribly wrong.  Her parents and the 
Matsuuras
were quite set on the whole deal of swapping partners and remarrying.
Their son, who she had hoped would be her ally in opposing the
deal...didn't CARE!  Was he insane?  
Mason: no. he just wants to live with you.

      At least the crazy goddess had taken off, but the living room 
still
looked like a love hotel...and her parents didn't seem to care.  Does
anyone care about ANYTHING except me?  She stared at her diary,
wondering if she had dreamed it all.  There was too much evidence to
believe that, though.  

       Maybe I should call Meiko and see what she thinks.  She called
Meiko on the phone, and the maid answered.  "Hallo?"

       "Is Meiko there?"

       "Meiko has gone out for the evening with Miki."
Mason: Looks like she's gone bar-hopping without you.

       "..."

       "She'll be back around eleven."

       Gone out with me?  But I'm RIGHT HERE.  Maybe she lied to the 
maid?
Better not to blow her secret.  "Okay.  I'll call back later."  She hung
up.  Now what?
Mason: Thing's begin to get weirder.

  She sighed.

      The meowing of a cat at the window caught her attention, so she 
went
over.  It was the cat from earlier in the day.  She opened the window 
and
let it in.  "Wow, you're a smart kitty, finding your way here?  Are you
hungry?"
Miyuki: (cat voice) no. there's mouse under your bed. His tail is mine!


       The kitty purred and climbed into her arms for a moment, then
sighed in a rather human manner.  "I can eat later.  We have important
business to attend to!"

      Miki fainted, of course.
Ash: uh huh. This is just par for the course.

*********************

Marmalade Moon

A SM/Marmalade Boy fusion (with just a touch of AMG)
Mason: Y'know, this is the second Marmalade boy story
that we've done.
Miyuki: huh?
Ash: Mason and I have been doing some prereading lately.
Miyuki: oh.

Episode 1:

"If wishes were horses..."
Ash: they'd bolt at the slightest noise.

by

John Biles

**********************

       Miki woke up on the floor with the kitty on her chest, licking 
her
face.  I must have imagined it talking to me, she thought.  She petted 
the
cat on the head.  "I'm so silly.  I thought you started talking."

       "I DID start talking.  Are you going to faint again, or are we
going to get down to business?"  The cat looked disturbingly human as it
gazed at Miki, and it sounded a little irritated.

       "Did Urd send you?"
Miyuki: (Luna voice) yes. She wants her mirror ball back.

       "Who?"  The cat sounded utterly baffled.

       Maybe someone tied a weirdness magnet to me while I was asleep 
last
night, Miki thought.

Ash: that would explain a lot of things.

  "Um...what kind of business?"

       "I have been looking for some people for a very long time, and I
believe you're one of them!"  The cat sprung out of Miki's arms and up
onto her desk.  "My name is Luna, and you...You are the Senshi of the
Moon."
Mason: (luna voice) and you will posture as you say that you will fight 
for
toy sales and triumph over ratings. 

       "The what?"  Miki tried to boggle, then realized she'd used up 
her
allowance of funny faces for the day, and for Miki, that was pretty 
rare.

       Luna did a backflip, which stunned Miki further, since she 
herself
couldn't do a backflip with help, and chanted something that sounded 
like
pig-latin.  A small golden locket on a chain appeared.  The cover of it
had a crossed tennis raquet and golf club over a silver crescent moon.
"This is your transformation locket."

       Miki picked it up hesitantly.  "It's for me?"
Mason: no. it's for me.

      "Absolutely.  Put it on."

      Miki quickly put it on, then curiously opened it, finding a tiny
picture of Meiko being attacked at a jewelry store by a monster inside 
it.
"What the..."
Ash: that's different. Kind of Sailor V-ish.
 
      Luna stared at the picture.  "Your friend is in danger!  Quickly,
you must say, "Love Forty, GAME POINT!"
All: Bwahahaahahaahaaha!!!

      "..."

      Luna shouted.  "JUST DO IT!"
Ash: 'You don't know Diddly.' Skeevo Phlatus, Dreadstar #63.

      Miki gulped.  She stood up and shouted, "LOVE FORTY, GAME POINT!"  

      Every photon in the room suddenly converged in on her body, then
exploded outward.  She corkscrewed around, suddenly caught in an upward
spiral of air.  Her hair spilled upwards as it ripped loose from the
ribbons and ties that were adorning and controlling it, although being
short, it couldn't go very far upwards.  Her clothing apparently decided
it would join the photons as it dissolved away into the spray of light
that helixed around her.  The light formed into bands, and the bands
converged inwards from all sides, becoming a uniform of durable, but 
soft
pink cloth, a headband and blue visor, and white sneakers.  The skirt of
the uniform was banded with blue and white stripes, and the visor had a
bright gold crescent moon embossed on it.  The locket hung down her
chest in front.  Four swirling ribbons coalesced in her right hand into 
a
golden racquet, and another ribbon encased six shining motes of light in
her left hand, forming a small case of moon-marked tennis balls.  While
this was happening, Miki was experiencing the greatest rush of her life.
She had never felt so energetic and strong in her entire life, and when
the process was finished, she instinctively struck a triumphant pose.  
Mason: And look dumber than the Ginyu doing it.

       "Wow,"  Miki said, then looked at herself.  "Hey, this looks like
my Tennis Uniform."

       "That's because the modern girl's tennis uniform is a distorted
cultural memory, derived from the combat garb of the Tennis Warriors of
the Moon Kingdom,"  Luna said.  
Ash: that explains everything. Not!

       Miki tried to think of some coherent way to respond to that and
failed.
All: ROFL.

*********************

       Tennis Warrior Moon (Aka a very embarrassed Koishikawa Miki) 
stood
outside the OSA-P jewelry store.  "Are you SURE this is a good idea?"
Miyuki: (Luna voice) no, but it'll be good for ratings.

       "Yes,"  Luna said.  "Your friend is in danger!  Stop yammering 
and
get in there and sock it to them!"

       TW Moon gritted her teeth and charged inside.  A red haired woman
was sitting on the jewelry cases, laughing maniacally at a room full of
unconscious people.  The air was thick with glowing energy.  TW Moon
looked around and quickly spotted Meiko who was lying with a necklace in
her hands on the floor.  Miki felt a burst of anger running through her.
Whatever this thing was, it had hurt her friend Meiko.  

       "You...you...you whatever you are!  You hurt my friend!
I'm...uh..."  TW Moon hesitated.

       "The Lovely Tennis Warrior Moon", Luna whispered, reading from a
script.  "You need to pose more, too."
All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

       TW Moon drew on her knowlege of Science Ninja Team Gatchaman and
began striking a series of extravagant poses, as she continued, "The
Lovely Tennis Warrior Moon!  Stealing energy from innocent shoppers is
EVIL!  I will punish you in the name of the moon!"  She paused, trying 
to
decide if she had REALLY just said that.
Ash: did she?
Mason: well, according to our polls, 54% say yes, 20% say no, 9% say
that they want more service, 10% say we're all doomed, and the 
remaining 7% say get on with the bloody MST already.

       It was too busy laughing maniacally to notice her as she popped
open the can of tennis balls and extracted one, then tossed it into the
air.  She leaped high, shouting, "MOON SLAM!", as she struck the ball 
with
the golden racket in her right hand.  The ball glowed, shining brightly 
as
it cut through the energy and slammed into the monster's head.  It went
flying, crashing into another jewelry rack and slumped over.  "Yatta!  I
won!"  TW Moon said, then ran over to Meiko.
Mason: That.... was different.

       "Meiko!  Wake up!"  TW Moon shook Meiko, who moaned slightly.  
She
turned to Luna.  "How can I wake her up?"
Mason: (Luna voice) only a royal kiss can do it.
Miyuki: (pulls out a jackhammer and demolishes Mason)

      "She'll recover with some rest.  You did a great job, Moon."

      TW Moon smiled until the youma's hands suddenly wrapped around her
throat and flung her into the wall.  "INTERFERING MORTAL!  I WILL KILL 
YOU
FOR RUINING MY PLANS!  AND FORCING ME TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPITALS!"
Ash: Hey, that's Bill Door's Bit!

       "Wasn't...my...idea...make...you...talk...like that..."  TW Moon
choked out, beating on the youma's arms with her racket.  

       A golfball flew across the room, striking the youma in the arm.
It howled and lost its grip on TW Moon.  "Don't despair, Tennis Warrior
Moon!" a voice cried out from the window above.  TW Moon and the youma
both looked up and saw a cute guy wearing a Zorro mask and a golfing
outfit.  He had a bag of clubs slung over his shoulder, and was carrying 
a
nine iron.  
All: Bwahahahahahaha!


        The youma howled and tried to throw an entire jewelry case at 
him,
but he dodged.  TW Moon got to her feet and grabbed another tennis ball.
"MOON SLAM!"  This time it did the trick.  The youma screamed and
dissolved away into a spray of light.  The aura of thick light that
suffused the room dispersed as the light flowed back into its rightful
owners.  
     
       TW Moon turned to the mysterious Masked Golfer who had aided her,
but he was gone.  He had been reaaaaaallllly cute, too!  She sighed.  
"Who
was that Masked Golfer?"
Robot: Warning! Bad Cliche! Warning!
All: The Hurting! Does it ever stop?

      "And why did he use a nine iron when a seven iron is recommended 
for
indoor combat?"  Luna replied.
Ash: Doesn't she know what can be done with a putter?

****************************

       The school was abuzz with rumors the next day about the jewelry
store incident.  It was pretty flattering, but Miki had other problems 
on
her mind.  She was supposed to meet the Matsuuras for dinner.  I can't
BELIEVE my parents are getting divorced and remarrying these people they
just met on a trip, she thought.  On second thought, it was a little too
easy to believe.
Miyuki: Especially after last night.

      "Hey, Miki, you need to change!"  a boy's voice said.

      Change?  The voice sounded familiar...could it be...the Masked
Golfer?  Did he know her secret?  Miki turned around VERY slowly, only 
to
find herself face to face with her friend Ginta, who was in his tennis
club uniform.  "What do you mean by...change?"
Mason: (Ginta voice) like this! ( pulls out a large crystal) TEK SECTOR!
Miyuki: (Miki voice) Who are you supposed to be?
Mason: (Ginta voice) I am Tekkaman paddle with a rubber ball attached
to it with a string!


      Ginta blinked.  "Your uniform.  We have practice!  I'm already
late."

      Miki shook her head.  "I have stuff...to do with my parents.  
Bye!"
She ran off, feeling a little relieved, but still worried.

***********************

      Miki sat at home, trying to figure out exactly where things had 
gone
wrong.  She had fully intended to lay down the law to her parents and
negate this whole silly affair.  She had hoped the Matsuura's son, Yuu,
would help her, but apparently, he thought it would be fun, and it had
ended up as Miki vs. the world.  The world won.
Ash: huh? Didn't this happen last night?
Mason: (singing) I fought the world, and the world won!

      Miki sighed.  "Am I the only person who thinks this is crazy?"
All: NO!

      Luna curled up against Miki's legs.  "I agree with you, Miki.  
This
is crazy.  But unfortunately, I couldn't go help you."

      "Well, they do seem like nice people at least."  She sighed.  

      "Well, they'll probably turn out to be monsters and you'll have to
kill them, but..."  Luna said.

      This was NOT the best way to cheer up Miki.
Ash: but then, what is?

*****************
Ash: That was really good.
Mason: I'm still waiting for the Prisoner � .
Miyuki: don't mind him.
Ash: Keep 'em coming!

The three leave the theatre as everything fades to black.



                                                               

"...But cats are sneaky," I added.
She tossed her head, raised a paw and studied it.
"There are certain pleasures to be had in lurking."
"For cats," I added.
"...and certain knowledges gained."
"Such as...?"
 Snuff and Graymalk from,
     A Night In The Lonesome October


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