Mannheim Steamroller wrote:

Given the Chance

-My catharsis. Please C&C to the list, if you bother.

<snip fic>

    Music and credits intermingled with the sounds of chairs flipping back
into place, and people getting up to absolve themselves of an hour and half
of bladder abuse. In the back a few door men come in carrying a modified
version of the Jaws of Life, and began helping the few patrons who had
found themselves welded to the floor with a combination of gobber heads,
fudgie wudigies, and highly caffinated syrup. Toward the front of the
theater, two figures sat, one of them was studiously ignoring his
companion, trying to find some buried mystery deep with in the confines of
his Gutbuster soda... the other was just brooding. People with the ability
to manipulate vast quanties of death energy really shouldn't be allowed to
brood like that. It tends to upset them, to say nothing of the city they
happen to be inhabiting.

    Black tendrils of energy writhed and lashed at an approaching custodial
employee. The young boy gathered his resolve, screwed his courage to the
sticking place... and handed his vest and bow tie to his manager. Krudd
sighed in relief, Keener would have felt real bad if he had vaporized the
kid. "Wouwd you pwease stop doing that?"

    "Stop doing what?" sulked the Parrot King.

    "Tossing things at the scween, it's getting disconciwting." Watching
black appendages from the nethervoid ripping seats from the floor and
tossing them at the vynil covered wall tended to do that to a man. There
you would be; munching on something vaguely salt encrusted and quite
definatly covered with a substance that was unbelievable as any form of
dairy product, much less butter; and then row c crashes into the movie
screen. It was definatly something you'd require a refill for.

    Keener sighed and let the energy in his soul gems wane to nominal
levels. "Okay, look... first and foremost, Ryouko has had little miss tree
hugger cold, lots of times. She's demonstrated that when she casually
knocked her to the ground in Ryo-Ohkie after she found out Tenchi was dead.
In the battle with Kagato, she actually allowed herself to take a beating
rather then accidentally frying Ayeka with the excess energy of her attack.
Then there's the bit where Zero, using Ryoko's power easily knocks on wood
with a simple hand thrust toward Azaka, Kamadike and the princess. When
truly serious, the girl's got enough raw power to vaporize her rival."

    "Maybe it's tv sewies based?"

    "No go, Washu is referred to as her mother, therefore placing it in
OAV."

    "Awtewnative univewse?"

    "Doubtfull, and if it is, there really isn't enough here. It seems to
be trying to give some insight into a character, without an established
background to reflect upon, that leaves the original source material."

    "Maybe Washu was testing her."

    "Well, that's certainly what it looked like, but why? They share a
bond, the irrepresible master of all that is Bill Ni and kawaii would know
what her real feelings are."

    "Humph, your the one that says that awl good cwitism comes with a way
to impwove, what do you suggest?"

    Keener nodded reluctanly, snagged a box of knut's from the floor and
began a general inspection as he thought. "Lesse, first I'd go with the
really nasty exchange, probably have Ayeka refer to her as a monster, maybe
in front of Tenchi. Then have Ryoko alone and hurt, she strikes me as the
sort who wouldn't let anyone see her cry. Have her wish the royal pain in
the highness dead and have Washu overhear."

    "So this isn't weawly about a parent wearning about her chiwd, but
about a chiwd wearning about hersewf." Krudd smiled.

    "Yeah, but that's just my thoughts, as for the actual style and
format... well there were a few typo's and some misspellings, but the guy's
wasn't repetative with names or phrases when he shouldn't be and there were
a few real gems in the dialogue." Finding nothing more then the supreme
dissappointment that comes with a box full of wrappings, he tossed the
container to the side.

    "I wiked the wast bit about not being her size myself."

    Keener grinned, "Me too. Well all in all, I can't say I liked this one
at all, but I do like the writer's style and will probably read the next
thing he comes up with. Ready to go Krudd?"

    "Ummm," the huntsman tested one boot, then the other. "I'm stuck."

End...