On Mon, 16 Mar 1998, Coutuva wrote:

As Long As you Love Me	Part 4
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	Hitomi sat quietly on the Saotome's futon, listening

Saotomes', or Saotome family's

intently as Ranma related his tale.  Akane, who had joined
them after bringing tea and finger foods, sat demurely on her
mat beside Ranma, also listening carefully.  She couldn't help
but notice that Hitomi was still paying a lot of attention
to her, and she would feel her cheeks flush every time they
made eye contact.
	This Hitomi, she had noticed, was much different from
the Mu Lin person that she had met previously.  She seemed a
good deal more emotional, caring and sensitive, and several of

I'll say.  Mu Lin had a serious arrogance problem.

her mannerisms reminded Akane of her husband.  Overall,
however, she could not see anything exceptional about the girl.
The more she tossed that observation around in her head, the
more she began to feel that somehow, it wasn't fair that she
had taken Ranma's body from him, and he was now forced to
exist as a Spirit.

No, but we're going to have to live with it.

	Akane also noticed that her husband seemed quite
comfortable with the situation, treating Hitomi like someone he
respected.  She found that surprising, given what he had lost
in order for her to even exist.  She had always quietly
wondered about that, figuring that since his body was alive,
it should be possible for him to be put back in it.

Yes, but not at that cost.

	Adding to her confusion was the fact that she found
herself liking Hitomi, far more that she would have guessed.
She wrote it off to the notion that she was sensing her
husband's essence in the woman, because she certainly wasn't
into relationships with females.
	Miyabi, meantime, had slowly migrated toward Hitomi's
seat, and was now on the floor in front of her.  Hitomi glanced
down at her occasionally and smiled slightly, even catching
herself thinking that she wanted her own child to be just like
her.

A little tsunami.

	At length, Ranma wrapped up his tale, and regarded
Hitomi questioningly.
	The redhead looked back at him sadly, and sighed slowly.
	"Saotome-san, thank you for explaining things... I think
I finally understand what I'm all about.  I know that Kiko-chan
was telling me the truth about all of that now, and that makes
me feel... a bit better."
	Ranma's face darkened slightly as he listened, as he knew
that the second shoe was about to drop.
	"But...?"  he asked, leaning toward his guest.
	"But... that doesn't change what she did to your family,
and I feel absolutely sick about it.  Akane-chan, I hope you can
forgive her for her actions."  she began, placing her hands

Finally, someone apologizes to Akane.  Not any of the people who *should* 
apologize, of course, but someone.

	Joy had to stifle a smirk.  "Understatement of the year.
I think I'd better let you folks in on what this is all about."
Joy indicated, patting Hitomi's shoulder again gently, then
turning to face the assembled.

Okay...

	"Hitomi has a very powerful calling, and it's the major
reason this is so hard on her.  First off, she loves Kikyo...
they are literally inseparable.  Second, she loves children...
any children.  So much so that she would kill without hesitation
anyone who causes serious harm to a child.  And on top of that,
because she loves Kikyo so much, she would likely do the same
to anyone that harmed her."  she indicated, again reaching out
and touching Hitomi's shoulder gently.

Classic double bind...

	Akane gasped audibly.
        "Masaka..."  she breathed, raising a hand to her mouth.
"This must be awful for you..."  she added, glancing at Ranma.
	"Hai... I... really don't know what to do.  And it's
making me crazy."  Hitomi sniffed in response, raising her
reddened, puffy eyes to meet Akane's.
	"Hai... I can almost identify with that.  Hitomi-chan,
I want you to listen to me for a minute longer." Ranma
indicated, his face becoming serious.  "I had the opportunity
to be in touch with Kikyo's actual soul during your 'absence',
and I can tell you this much.  The girl loves you, Hitomi...
so much that when she thought that she was going to lose you,
she tried to kill herself."

true.

	Htiomi's eyes widened in shock.
	"Ano... you mean..."  she breathed, the color draining
from her face.
	"I do.  She was attacked by someone who wanted to get
her away from you, because they thought you were really me.
They threatened to tell all her secrets if she didn't leave,
including a personal one that Kikyo is deeply ashamed of.

Even though it's the one thing she's *not* responsible for.

	"And there's more.  You don't know about the life
Kikyo has had, Hitomi-chan... she was born here in Japan, and
lived here up until about 6 years ago.  She was an elementary
school teacher, and fairly happy in her life, except that she
was only attracted to relationships with women.  This was hard
on her, as she could have lost her job and her reputation over
it.  Things took a bad turn for her when she tried to get a
better teaching position, and the place she tried for did a
background check on her.  They found out she was burakumin, and
that literally destroyed her.  Her life, her job, her
girlfriend at the time, anything she held dear was ripped
away in an instant.  She had to leave the country to ever have
a hope at a normal life again, since being burakumin is like
being dead in this place."  Ranma sighed, still amazed at the
sad truth of that situation.
	As Ranma spoke, Hitomi lowered her head, and he could
see a single tear fall from her eye and land on her hands, which
were folded together tightly in her lap.
	"There's lots more, Hitomi... Kikyo moved to Canada, got
her citizenship and joined a special unit of the Military, using

Boy, that was fast.

her weapons skills to promote the Armed Forces.  That went okay
until someone discovered her sexual preference, and threatened to
expose her.  After her discharge, which she took to protect
someone she cared about, she was approached by my sister-in-law
to work for her.  She acted as an agent for Nabiki in Canada,
which she did proudly until she started at the Daycare, and met
you.  Shortly before that however, she got the assignment to find
me.  When she figured out that you might be me, she deliberately
misled her boss to protect you 

	Umm, no she didn't.
and her relationship with you.
Okay, this part's true.

When that decision was made, she didn't know I had kids, or was
married.  That information was not provided to her.

I simply do not believe this statement as it is presented.  The dossier 
would certainly have contained *all* important information, including 
Ranma's marital status and family.  Heck, knowing Nabiki, it probably had 
8x10 color glossies of Akane and the kids to show Ranma if the agent 
found him and needed to jog his memory.  Kikyo simply *refused* to look 
at the rest of the dossier.  Plus, any newspaper story on the 
disappearance would have mentioned the family, as would any in-depth 
radio or TV coverage.  Even if Ranma didn't have a wife or children, odds 
would be pretty slim he didn't have parents, siblings or even close 
friends who loved him and wanted him back.  But Kikyo chose to blind 
herself to that.
	Worse, when Nabiki tried to *tell* Hitomi about the children, 
Kikyo pulled a gun on her, and later, when Hitomi asked about Nabiki's 
words, hotly denied they meant anything.
	So "not provided to her" isn't much of an excuse, is it?

  So you see,

she didn't 'deliberately' harm anyone, much less any children.

	Ahem.  If I go to a house and deliberately don't check to see if 
anyone is home, wear blinders so I won't accidentally see any lights, and 
plug my ears so I won't accidentally hear any sounds, and tell myself the 
car in the driveway is just a coincidence, when I set the house on fire, 
I haven't "deliberately" burned anyone to death, right?  Wrong.

She could have turned you over right away, but she was too much
in love with you to stand losing you.  She finally had something
wonderful in her life, and she simply refused to give it up."

No matter who else would be hurt; if she just ignored that anyone might 
be hurt, it's okay, right?

  he

concluded, leaning back in his chair.
	Akane looked over at him blinking, then shot him a look
that even he couldn't figure out.  Deep inside, he had the feeling
that he wasn't quite finished explaining things yet.

She's probably figured out the dossier thing too.

	Clearing his throat, he winked at Akane and turned his
gaze back to Hitomi.
	"Hitomi-chan, she went through a version of hell while
Mu Lin was trying to take you over, and again when she did.  And
the baby she's carrying...?  She did that for you as well, even
though she despises contact with men... to tell you the truth,
it's utterly repulsive to her to have a male even touch her.
But, she did it all willingly because of her love for you,
Hitomi."  Ranma stressed, knowing he was making his point.

In other words, she lied to you to have your baby.

"And I think if you really search your heart, you'll know that's
true."  he added, levelly.

Editing pretty heavily, aren't we, Ranma?

	Hitomi sat silent for a few seconds, then sniffed once.
Taking a deep breath, she sniffed again, and slowly raised her
moist gaze to meet Ranmas.

Ranma's

	"I... know that now, Saotome-san.  I had no idea...
Kiko-chan never told me much about her life... and I feel
terrible for the things I was thinking about her." she began

Even though they were true.

slowly, sniffing yet again.  "I do love her... more than I have
the words to say.  I miss her so much right now... she's all I
can think about... and especially since we had that fight.  I was
awful to her, and I hope she can see fit to forgive me."  she

Heck, if you can forgive her, why not?  Especially since she needs you to 
live.
 > added quietly, wiping her face on her sleeve.

	"Go home to her, Hitomi-chan... she needs to know that
you still love her."  Ranma advised, smiling gently.

Love, yes.  Trust?  I hope not.

	"You see, Hitomi-chan?  It's amazing what a difference
getting it from the horse's mouth makes, ne?"  Joy smiled, to a
collective groan from both Ranma and Akane.

boo...

	"Hai... I will, Saotome Ranma-san."  Hitomi responded,
the sparkle returning to her large blue eyes for the first time
all evening.  Rising from the futon, she stepped over toward her
hosts and smiled brightly.
	"I will never forget this.  Arigato gozaimasu,
Saotome-sama." she indicated, a happy, satisfied smile now
lighting up her face.  Straightening her skirt, she bowed
respectfully.
	At the same moment, Miyabi saw an opportunity and leapt
toward Hitomi, intent on glomping her leg to say goodbye.  As she
homed in, her foot caught a wayward toy and she tripped,
stumbling into Hitomi and causing her to fall forward.
	Before anyone could react, Hitomi landed squarely on top
of Ranma, and with a loud crack, the two disappeared into a
brilliant flash of blue light.

Uhoh.

	A few silent minutes later, an anguished scream pierced
the air, sending the Amazon racing down the hallway and crashing
through Kikyo's bedroom door.  The sight before her froze her
blood in it's veins.

its

	The phone lay on the bed beside a sitting Kikyo, who was
crying uncontrollably.  In her lap, she limply held a small
semi-automatic pistol, and it was pointed up at her face.  Kikyo
glanced up quickly at Shampoo, and uttered only one tear-soaked
word.
	"Sayonara..." she sobbed weakly, and raised the gun
before her.
	Shampoo's instincts took over and she instantly leapt
through the air toward Kikyo, only to hear a loud, sharp bang
echo through her ears.

Dream sequence.  Gotta be.

	Checking herself over quickly, she noticed much to her
surprise that she didn't have any wounds, and nothing seemed
out of place.

Kikyo wasn't aiming at you.

	"Am I dead?" she asked aloud, startled by the sound of
her own voice.
	"No... but if I were you, I might want to be." a
distorted voice answered from somewhere in the void, sending a
chill down the already shaken Amazon's spine.  
	"So, tell me, Amazon... are you happy with yourself?"
the same voice asked, it's tone dripping with disgust.  "Both
Hitomi and Kikyo are dead... as well as their unborn child...
and it's all because of you.  You should be happy... Kikyo isn't
going to have Hitomi's baby after all."  the voice taunted,
sarcastically.  "That *is* what you wanted, isn't it?"

No.

	Shampoo shuddered involuntarily, her face dropping in
stunned disbelief.
	"D... dead?!?"  she blurted, her chest suddenly feeling
as if a vise had been clamped on it.
	"Yes, Shampoo.  Dead.  Just like you planned."  the
voice confirmed, flatly.

That's not how she planned it.  Someone's playing mind games...

        "I... I... only wanted... to have my own baby..." she
haltingly sobbed, barely able to say the words.  "I never...
EVER... wanted anyone to get hurt!  Why did they have to die?"

How were you going to pry Hitomi away from Kikyo without *someone* 
getting hurt?  Die, no.  Hurt, yes.

	"Fine for you to say, Amazon... but it happened, didn't
it?  You deliberately tore them apart.  They were two souls
literally intertwined, indescribably happy with each other's
love... until you came along.  Old habits die hard, don't they

Ano ne...cheap shot.  Hitomi would have found out eventually, and without 
Shampoo there, Kikyo could very well have shot herself first thing.

that she didn't even notice the movement in the blackness.
	"You asked why they had to die... think about it,
Amazon.  Hitomi had to go to Japan to set her mind at ease...
had she not had to do that, she'd still be alive." the voice

?!

indicated, coldly.  "And Kikyo... when she found out Hitomi
was no more, she felt she had nothing left to live for.  All
her life, she had sacrificed so others could succeed, or at
least go on with their own lives... she was always forced to
lose, until Hitomi came along, and gave her more happiness

When she started only taking instead.

	"Joy?!?" she blurted, as a small figure wearing a green
china mini stepped from the murk.
	"Hai... it's me, Shampoo.  Nice gesture, but I don't
think it'll buy you any points."  she commented, handing the
Amazon back her dagger.
	Shampoo's face darkened abruptly.
	"Something's strange here... How do I know who you are...
and why can I remember everything you talked about?  Even though
I wasn't there?"  the Amazon asked, her expresion changing to one
of suspicion.
        "Smart girl... you're catching on.  You've been dreaming,
Shampoo... consider yourself lucky.  I made you dream the
potential results of your dirty little plan, so you could see what
would happen... before anyone died."  Joy snipped, looking down
her nose at Shampoo.

Snotty little brat, ain't she?

	"Exactly.  You see, Shampoo, I can't let you destroy what
Hitomi and Kikyo have... especially since the Light has plans for
Hitomi."  Joy explained, still regarding the Amazon disdainfully.

Cheap shot.

        "I don't understand..." Shampoo blinked, squaring herself
around on her backside and regarding Joy questioningly.
	"I wouldn't expect you to.  Hitomi is a creature of the
Spirit World, Amazon... her strength comes from The Realm of the
Light, and so does her ability to enhance the lives of those she
meets.  She's not your Ailen, and she's not even really human.

Ah.  Now here's something interesting....

She's meant for bigger and better things... so I advise you to get
with the program.  You can be part of it, or you can go on about
your usual life, but not with them.  You've already proven that
doesn't work."  Joy explained, walking around the sitting Amazon.
	Shampoo lowered her head away from Joy's scathing gaze,
feeling both guilty and ashamed.
	"Can I... still stay with them?" she finally asked,
quietly.
	"Like I said, that's up to you.  They both love you in
their own way... you have soul-sisters for life in them, even
though you certainly don't deserve it."  Joy sighed, stopping and
facing the Amazon.  "But, I'll tell you this much... if you're even
dreaming about coming between them again, then I can't allow you
to ever go back, Shampoo.  I've been given the responsibility to
watch over Hitomi, and right now, you're a threat."  Joy replied,
her eyes narrowing.
	Shampoo gasped at the fire seething in Joy's eyes.  The
sight left little doubt in her mind that the Spirit-child was
deadly serious.
	"Well, Amazon?  We can stay here as long as it takes to
smarten you up.  Time means nothing on this plane."  Joy prodded,
crossing her arms.
        "Joy-sama... before I answer, I have to ask a question."
Shampoo stated quietly, surprising Joy slightly.
	"Be my guest..." she responded, bemusedly.
	"What... what is to become of me?  I have no purpose...
nothing to live for.  Even if I do go back, what is there for me?"
she sniffed, her voice again starting to waver.  "Everything I've
ever done has either failed or hurt someone else... Joy-sama, if
that is to be my fate, then I don't want to go back.  To them or
anyone else.  I am better off... dead."  she continued, closing
her eyes and starting to cry.  "I love Hitomi-chan and Kikyo...
but they have something wonderful, and I... I only wanted to know
what that feels like.  Nobody has ever loved me like that,

Mousse gave it his damnedest, mind you.

 and I

want it... I want it more than life.  I thought I could get it if
I could have Hitomi's child."  she went on, opening her large,
moist eyes to Joy imploringly.  "Tell me.  Tell me what my fate is
to be."  she insisted, still staring at the Spirit-child.
	Joy's face slowly softened, and then a small smile drifted
across her lips.  This was what she had been hoping to hear.
	"Shampoo, I wish I could tell you, because if anyone needs
guidance, it's you, to be sure.  About all I can say is that your
life is not without purpose... but it's not going to be an easy one,
by any means."  she began, kneeling before the distraught woman.
"You just have to look deep inside yourself... search your soul for
your true calling.  The rest, including love, will follow, I
promise."  she added, smiling assuringly.

About the time you're as old as Cologne is now.  No kids, of course, and 
you can forget about regaining the respect of your tribe.

	"So I am not... 

useless?"  Shampoo stammered, her heart > lifting slightly.

	"No, Shampoo... you have a lot to offer.  You just haven't
put any effort into figuring that out yet.  Your life has been
dictated by instinct... gut reaction.  *You* have to take control
now, or you'll never achieve your potential."
	"Take... control?" the Amazon echoed, thoughtfully.  "I
don't... know how." she finally added, blinking back at Joy.

She's *tried* taking control.  How do you think she ended up in this mess?

	Joy could only smile again, and shake her head knowingly.
	"Shampoo, if you had put as much energy into planning your
life as you did your schemes, you'd already be there."  she winked,
rising to her feet.

Her schemes 8are* her life.

        Shampoo went quiet for several minutes, then a small smile
weaved it's way across her face.  Closing her eyes, she huffed and

its

shook her head slightly. 
        "Joy-sama, I think I am ready to go back... I have a good
idea of what I need to do... I just want to be sure." she asserted,
regarding Joy expectantly.
	"I think you are too, Shampoo... just don't make me do this
again.  You've used up your chances."  Joy indicated, wagging a
finger at the Amazon.
	"I will not interfere with my friends any more.  Now that
I know I have a purpose... I want to find out what it is." she
replied, smiling.
	"Do you swear... on your honor?"
	"Yes.  I swear it."  Shampoo replied, emphatically.
Abruptly, her face softened.  "Joy-sama... thank you.  I will never
forget what you have done."  she stated, bowing repectfully.
	"Just doing my job, Shampoo.  Now go... meet your destiny."

And for Goddess' sake, let poor Mousse know about the divorce so he can 
find *his* destiny.  Or does Joy not care about him?

	"Lin-san?!?  What's wrong?"  Hitomi finally asked,
handing a glass to Kikyo.
        "I thought... Kuso, I must have been having a bad
dream.  I was sure you two were having a big fight."  Shampoo
recovered, breathing a sigh of relief.
	Kikyo smiled sheepishly while Hitomi nodded knowingly.
        "Lin-san, you weren't dreaming.  We did have a fight.  We
were up most of the night 'discussing' things, after I overheard the
conversation you two had out here."  Hitomi explained, a small smile
on her face.
        "Hai... I was in a *really* lousy mood last night because
my back hurt, my feet ached and I had a headache... and I took it
out on Anata."  Kikyo admitted, embarrassed.
	"Ano... so then you... told her all about it?"  Shampoo
blinked, covering her mouth.
        "Hai... I did.  Hitomi-chan knows all about my life as
a 'secret agent' now." Kikyo smirked, shrugging.  "I even told

I don't hear an apology here.  A recital of events is *not* an apology.  
And was the trip to Japan all Shampoo's dream?

her about my assignment to 

find Ranma.  All I can say is, 
thank the > Kami that she trusts me... 
She shouldn't.  

	"Kiko-chan... I love you... and that means I trust you."
Hitomi smiled, happily.  "I know in my heart that you'd never
do anything to hurt me."  she added, softly.

Lots of other people, yes.  Me, no.

	"Anata... I want you to know that I am sorry for the way
I've been behaving, and that I know I didn't handle things very
well back then.  Someday, I want to talk to Ranma and his wife,
and apologise to them, too."  Kikyo indicated, quietly.

about time.

	Well...I'd have to say that things are looking up.  
However...Kikyo should have to *earn* Hitomi's trust back.  And I'm not 
really convinced she's learned her lesson.  After all, she learned 
nothing from the last time...As it is, Kikyo comes off as author's pet. 
	At the very least, I'd like to see her and Joy have a sit-down 
talk, as the kid and Shampoo did this time.  Yes, Shampoo's intentions 
were bad, but what she actually *did* was so minor that it barely counts, 
(that conversation could easily have gone *exactly* the same way without 
any bad intent on Shampoo's part), and she showed remorse for it as soon 
as she saw the results.  (Though I still wonder about Mousse.)
	Kikyo, otoh, did *much* worse, repeatedly, deliberately blinding 
herself to the consequences.  And instead of feeling remorse for what 
she'd done to others when her lies caught up to her, she only felt 
self-pity.  She needs to face up to what she's done in a situation where 
she isn't suicidal so the other person doesn't need to pull the punches, 
as Ranma has done both times.  And she has to do so on stage.
	So far I have seen no sign of conscience or concern for anyone 
outside of how it affects herself that wasn't forced or dubious.

	Looking forward to the next chapter, in which (I hope) Joy gives 
some answers to other long-standing questions, and soon...


SKJAM!