Subject: [FFML][FILK][R1/2] Something I Can Never Have
From: msimmons@bcgroup.net (Mike Simmons)
Date: 3/19/1998, 9:20 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

A Ranma 1/2 filksong by Ronin.  All characters herein are property of
Takahashi Rumiko, and the music and lyrics are property of Trent Reznor.
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--Something I Can Never Have--

[Camera fades in on the inside of the Nekohanten.  It is late evening, and 
the restaurant is closed for the day.  The chairs are all upside-down on 
top of the tables, and most of the lights are off or dimmed.  Through a 
forest of chair legs, we see Mousse washing up the last of the dishes and 
putting them away.  He pauses for a moment, wiping his forehead with an 
arm.  He looks tired.]

[He looks up.  A sound has caught his attention.  Dropping his dishtowel 
on the counter, Mousse moves to the kitchen door and peers out into the 
darkened restaurant.  Shampoo is crouched by one of the windows, and a 
cloudy kind of half-light washes over her.  A glimmer reflects from her 
cheek, and Mousse starts.  Shampoo swipes angrily at her eyes, ashamed of 
such weakness.  Clutching a battered photo, she traces its contours idly.  
It is a picture of Ranma.]

[She hurls the picture away and drops her head into her hands.  The photo 
of Ranma is bathed in the pearly light from the window, then abruptly goes 
dark as Mousse's foot grinds it into the floor.  He kicks it away, going 
to Shampoo.  She is curled up in the window, and Mousse places a hand 
gently on her shoulder.  Shampoo's eyes blaze, and she knocks his hand 
away.  Springing to her feet in rage, Shampoo delivers a savage blow to 
his midriff.  Mousse falls, clutching his stomach.  She storms out.]

[With a supreme effort, Mousse hoists himself to his feet.  Still doubled 
over in pain, he staggers through the kitchen and up the stairs to his 
room.  Shutting the door on his bare and spartan living space, he crawls 
over to the bed and curls up on it.  Clutching his small portable cassette 
player, Mousse puts in the earphones and draws himself into a ball, 
shutting out the world.  A stark piano melody begins.]

i still recall the taste of my tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.

[Mousse remembers.  We see a young Shampoo, just beginning to train as an 
Amazon.  She trains hard, running through the jungle, battling her peers 
in combat.  A younger Mousse is always following her, always watching in 
the background.  He approaches her, only to be shoved away, or used for 
target practice, or as a kicking dummy.  Each time he falls, only to 
spring up again.  He shows no sign of pain until she leaves, but then the 
young boy hides in the foliage and weeps where no one can find him.]

my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head
'till i don't want to sleep anymore

[Mousse squeezes his eyes shut.  We see the faces of Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, 
Ryoga, Cologne, and Shampoo, all laughing at Mousse as he plows into a 
lamppost.  The world goes from a blur into sharp focus as he puts his 
glasses on, and the rest of the people fade away, leaving only Shampoo, 
laughing at him.]

come on tell me
you make this all go away
you make this all go away

[Mousse opens his eyes, and sees the small porcelain statue on his table.  
It is of Shampoo, eyes closed, her face uplifted to an invisible shower of 
rain.  Her delicate china features have a look of happiness and peace.  He 
takes the figurine from the table, caressing it gently.]

i'm down to just one thing
and i'm starting to scare myself

[His fingers tighten around the porcelain statue.]

you make this all go away
you make this all go away
i just want something

[With an explosive motion, Mousse hurls the figurine viciously against the 
wall.  It shatters like a bomb, scattering shards of porcelain over the 
floor and the bed.]

i just want something 
i can never have

[The last shot is of the broken china face of Shampoo.  The statue is 
missing an eye and part of the hair, but the look of happiness on her face 
is still present as she welcomes the rain.]

[Finis.]

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author's notes:  
now that you've read this, go back and read it one more time, and try 
as hard as you can to visualize each image as it comes.  this was so easy
to write because the images were incredibly vivid and beautiful.  
evangelion fans will recognize the bit with Mousse and his
tape player.  halfway through writing this, I realized that the song 
fits equally well with Shampoo.  She too wants something she can never 
have.  So in respect, she and Mousse are more alike than they realize...

Ronin.