I thought this up as a good natured little poke at Mr Barnes'
entire MWMW/CWCW continuity setup (summary: Ranma and Akane love each
other, but are running a scam on everyone to keep their fathers from
forcing them into marriage too early).  Personally, I think the little
setup below is about as possible as the one Barnes put together (no
offence, but managing to con _everyone_!?!).
	That being said, now that I think of it the general setup (as
opposed to the details) below could in fact be mutually compatable with
Barnes' basic idea.  And no, I have no plans to continue it.

HTG (Ducking into Mega-Mallet Proof Bunker just in case)

*************************************************************************

Nighttime, Ucchan's: 

	Kuonji Ukyo yawned as she stepped out of the bath and made her
way into the dark attic room that served as her living quarters.  She
considered herself lucky, the storm had not broken until well after she
close up shop and shutter just about everything. 

	As she made her way through the pitch black room by memory, part
of her mind was occupied by the madness of the past three weeks and she
asked herself again why she remained in the whirlwind of chaos that was
the Nerima district instead of taking the one she loved and vanishing as
best they could.  The subsequent fantasy that passed through her mind
was the only possible excuse for not noticing the figure by her small
futon until she had sat down atop it and was grabbed from behind.

	"Not-Nice Spatula Girl no should dream while walking," whispered
a familiar voice by her ear, "make ambush play of child."

	"ShamMMPH!" Ukyo yelled before her cry was cut off... 

	... with a passionate kiss. 

*****

	It seemed so long ago that Kuonji Ukyo first saw the Joketsuzoku
warrior Xi'an Pu.  It was in Osaka that she first heard the soft weeping
under a bridge and saw a travel-stained chinese woman sitting alone with
her misery.  She decided to offer the girl a meal and a place to sleep
for the night, but could scarcely get a name out of her, let alone any
explanation as to what happened or why she was in Japan, for several
hours until she finally spoke. 

	"He choose die before be Shampoo husband." she finally murmured
sadly. 

	"He didn't want to marry you... so you killed him!?!" Ukyo asked
incredulously. 

	"Honor want... <had him dead to rights>... Shampoo kill
before... but...." 

	"You couldn't go through with it." the transvestite said sofly,
her meaning clear even if the chinawoman couldn't quite figure out the
words. 

	"But why he want sooner die?" Shampoo said as she began to weep
openly, "Shampoo no ugly... he-"

	Finally the warrior broke down crying and wound up sobbing into
the cook's shoulder. 

	"Shh," Ukyo crooned, "don't cry.  You're not ugly, you're
beautiful."  Even as she said that she realised that she meant it. 
"Maybe he... maybe there's someone else he'd rather be with." 

	Shampoo grew silent after a while, and when she raised her head
she looked a lot calmer and thoughtful. 

	"Shampoo thank," she said at last "now must think before leave." 

	"Where are you going?" Ukyo asked. 

	The barbarian frowned and furrowed her brow as she tried to find
the japanese word for what awaited her. 

	"Judgement." 

	When Ukyo woke in the morning she was gone.  She half-expected
it to end this way, but she had not expectd her to leave what she
suspected was the best set of clothes she had (how she saw through her
disguise was beyond her).  Then the combat chef remembered a question
she never asked her guest. 

	"What was that guy's name?" 

*****

	"Sham-chan!" Ukyo said with a smile moments later as the
barbarian came up for air and gave her a chance to turn of the
night-light, "What are you doing here love?" 

	"Was late delivery from Nekohanten." Shampoo replied with a
grin, "Shampoo see storm come and look for shelter instead of crash bike
again." 

	"I _see_," Ukyo observed with a raised eyebrow as she noted
Shampoo's (nonexistant) state of dress, "just a case of 'any port in a
storm', all you're looking for is a place to watch your bike 'til the
storm clears, riiiight"

	"That what I tell Great-Grandmother," Shampoo replied impishly
as she began nibbling at Ukyo's neck, "I even give owner nice payment."

	After a few moments of such treatment failed to bring any
response, the Joketsuzoku pulled back with genuine concern in her eyes. 
"What wrong?" she asked. 

	It was like a dam bursting.  "It's just that... I _hate_ all of
these lies, this acting, sneaking around like fugitives, chasing after
Ranma when we _know_ he's in love with Akane... pretending to hate you.
I just want to... to..."

	"Shampoo know," she sighed with undisgused annoyance, "Shampoo
never think it take so long for Stupid Hermaphodite say three words to
Violent Kitchen Destroyer" 

	"'Suki Desu' is two words." Ukyo suggested. 

	"You know what mean!" Shampoo snapped before taking a deep
breath and counting to ten. 

	"Shampoo have worse problem with secret," she continued in a
more reasonable tone, "Konatsu only live here short time and too loyal
for betray us even if no submit to geas.  Shampoo need hide all thing
even in Nekohanten when sleep in own bed." 

******

	The second time Ukyo met Xi'an Pu was a bit less comforting to
the former. 

	Kuonji was happy.  Ranma had _not_ abandoned her as she had
thought a decade ago.  He thought _she_ was cute, and it was onle a
matter of time before that ill-tempered little sow that claimed to be
his fiancee was repudated and they'd have the happy family she had
always dremed about and-

	Ukyo's rapsodizing was brought short when a familiar figure
stepped out of an alley. 

	"Shampoo?" Ukyo said (wincing as she mangled the name), "what
are you doing here?" 

	"I see much Spatula Boy/Girl," the barbarian replied (in far
better japanese that Ukyo remembered) as she looked around, "we need
talk." 

	"About what?" 

	"Ranma... and Akane." 

	And in an abandoned building, Xi'an Pu told Kuonji Ukyo
everything.  Everything about the Joketsuzoku.  Everything about her
initial encounters with Ranma and the obligations she had incurred. 
Everything about her return home in disgrace, her cursing, and her
return to Japan to win the heart of her rightful husband. 

	Then she told Kuonji something she had made sure nobody realized
she knew. 

	"Ranma and Akane love each other." the Joketsuzoku said bluntly. 

	"What?" exclaimed Ukyo, "Do you realize how they-" 

	"They yell, she hit him, he insult her, they act like spoiled
children." Shampoo observed, "It look like they want ek... es... reason
to go away, but in trap of promise by stupid old men.

	"_But_," the warrior continued, "I see them in secret, I spy
when Akane talk in sleep, I see Ranma do all for protect her when mind
of man stripped away.  Is love." 

	"B-but," Ukyo said, shaking visibly as Shampoo got ready to
disable her if need be, "he _likes_ me...he said I was cute... I've been
t-trying to f-find him for t-t... WHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

	Ukyo was not happy.

	Ukyo fell to her knees as she burst into tears, the realization
that she had lost ten years of her life for a playmate that thought she
was a boy too much to handle.  Suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped
themselves around her and she sobbed into the other girls shoulder until
the tears were gone. 

	That night Shampoo simply calmed and comforted Ukyo in the
latter's restauraunt.  Later that week the former outlined her ongoing
plans to force Ranma and Akane to admit their feelings for each other,
thus opening various options for her to escape her own inadvertent
engagement.  Ukyo sees the wisdom in this, unwilling to hurt Ranma
(much) for his father's crimes and realizing that if Ranma weds another
then Genma could rightly be prosecuted for them (breach of contract and
grand theft being the wonderful felonies that they are). 

	Over the next few months the two meet as often as they can do so
unobserved to stage confrontations and co-ordinate their 'descreet
fiancee/forward fiancee' act.  They manage to become close friends
almost immediately and within weeks they found themselved growing
closer.... 

	... _Much_ closer. 

******

	"Shampoo not know why Saffron _and_ Wedding not do trick." the
barbarian mused as she sat on the futon, "How stubborn they get?" 

	"I'm worried he's still angry over the bombs," Ukyo noted, "he
hasn't been by here in sice the wedding.  Maybe we went too far this
time, I mean we could have _really_ hurt Akane with those things if that
voodoo of yours wasn't working." 

	Shampoo shook her head vehemiently.  "Shampoo never think of aim
for Akane if tracking spell in Ranma no work perfect!  She be blood
sister long-long time ago if no for stupid engagement so blow up from
ambush like coward last thing want do."  For all her hue and cry,
Shampoo had long since come to respect Akane's courage if not her skill
(at anything) and decided that there was an alternative to merely
repudating her would-be husband for infidelity.  As it were bruising
their 'rival' and scaring her senseless was as far as either of the
conspiratrixes wanted to go.

	"No worry," Shampoo concluded, "Ranma forgive easy when see
invitation from Mercenary Girl.  Way it read they marry at swordpoint
only, so what else we do?"

	"Still maybe... maybe we should just tell them." Ukyo sighed, "I
mean since we're obviously going nowhere with pushing the together
maybe we can-"

	"NO!" Shampoo all but screamed, "No... no can risk secret in
Ranma's big mouth or near Nabiki.  If this get out-"

	"Sugar," Ukyo inturrupted in a calm voice, "if Cologne _hasn't_
seen through your act by now I'll sell this place to McDonald's for
500 yen."

	Shampoo blinked at the blunt statement paused for a moment
before responding.  "Great-Grandmother not know." she said without
batting an eye, "Shampoo loyal woman who love husband and no _think_ of
taking concubine behind back.  Beside, Great-Grandmother know Shampoo
never-never have scandal-like affair or hide from her same, so no need
watch for it no?"

	"In other words she'll ignore us so long as you keep up
pretenses until you can get the engagement canceled legally." Ukyo
decided after a brief consideration.

	"Is Bingo!" Shampoo said.  Then her face darkened as she
contemplated another of her people.  "But Mousse real problem...."

	Ukyo could only nod grimly, as she was the only person who knew
how much Shampoo feared for her childhood playmate's sanity.  For all of
Ukyo's reassurances that Mousse was simply suffering from a childhood
crush compounded by arrested development, Shampoo remained
half-convinced that his obsessions would lead them to a confrontation
only one could survive.  Shampoo did not doubt her ability to defeat
Mousse, for she had intentionally concealed the bulk of her newer skills
both martial and arcane while studying his technique as closely as
possible, but the prospect of having to kill the gangly boy from her
childhood saddened her greatly.  Even worse, she feared others even more
precious to her would die before she could stop him if he snapped. 

	"Mousse no hurt Ucchan," Shampoo whispered, "Shampoo die first." 

	"Don't think like that Sham-chan" Ukyo said as she drew the
Joketsuzoku into an embrace, "I'm sure we can figure out something
before things get that bad.  In _fact_, I think I can get Kodachi
interested in the boy."

	"You kidding." Shampoo said as she looked up.

	"Now when have any of my plans gone wrong, Sham-chan?"  Ukyo asked
with a smirk as she sat back.

	Grateful for the distraction, Shampoo merely smiled innocently
as she sat back and counted off on her fingers.  "Cave for Losing Love
complete blow away, all plan for get Kitchen Destroyer and Lost Boy
together total lose, and Shampoo no even start with ten year-OOF!" 

	"I _meant_ the ones I actually _wanted_ to work Chinese Bimbo!"
Ukyo grinned as she reared back to bludgon the interloper silly with her
pillow.

	"Shampoo *duck* see why *dodge* japanese men no respect women
right *intercept with face*." Shampoo observed during the one-sided
pillow fight, "Local girl *block* no use *dodge* out of kitchen *parry*
and bed *grab pillow*."

	"You take that back!" the now unarmed combat chef snarled as she 
leaned close to the barbarian with a reasonable approximation of a
vengeful scowl.

	Shampoo merely gave an arrogant smirk as she said, "Make
meEEEEK! No fair! AIYA! Shampoo get- OOHH! -Sneaky Pervert- aaAAAaaa! 
-Girl for this!...."

	As things rapidly degenerated from there on the futon, in a
shadowed corner of the loft an extra chair whimpered in heartbroken
disbelief.

******

Beginning of the End