Whew. All done. Now that I have this little distraction out of my head, I
can get back to work on CoJ. 

This is still a work of lemon fanfiction, bleah bleah bleah. 
If you are easily offended, don't read it. Got it? Good.
----------------

FF7^3, Part 2

Shinra Headquarters, 2:30 AM

"Let me make sure I understand this..." Hojo began, 
struggling to maintain a straight face. "You're unable to 
have an...an o...org...oh, hell--" And he lost it, falling 
over backwards and laughing his scrawny little ass off. 
Elena was not amused.

"It's not funny," she snapped.

Scarlet nodded in assent. "Damn right it's not! My tongue's 
about to fall off!"

"Hmm...I'd like to run a little experiment if you don't 
mind, Elena." Hojo nodded towards a round glass chamber in 
the center of the lab. "Step in there and disrobe, please."

"No way," Elena replied, shaking her head.

"Come on," Scarlet prodded, shoving Elena towards the 
chamber. "Look, it can't hurt."

"Elena? I don't have all night." Hojo tapped his foot 
impatiently, and Elena was about to protest when she saw a 
black-cloaked figure step into the chamber. It removed its 
cloak and Elena (and Scarlet) let out a gasp.

The hooded figure was Rufus. Well, sort of. His eyes glowed 
bright green, and there was a Roman numeral tattooed on one 
nicely muscled arm.

"Rufus!?" Elena gasped; Scarlet just turned bright red and 
sweatdropped. Hojo laughed shrilly again.

"Nope, it's just a special Sephiroth clone, trained in a 
wide variety of sexual techniques. Scarlet paid me big bucks 
to make this one, lemme tell you--"

"Shut. Up. Hojo." Scarlet was turning several interesting 
colors, mostly shades of red and violet. 

"Hell, why didn't you tell me about this before, Scarlet?" 
Elena bounced (sorry) right on into the chamber and stripped 
gladly as Scarlet fumed, and the Rufus clone went to work.

"Um--Hojo--exactly WHAT kind of techniques does this guy 
know--OH!" Elena squealed as the Rufus clone pounced on her, 
covering one of her breasts with his hand and the other with 
his mouth. His free hand went straight for her sex and 
rubbed her firmly as his tongue and fingers worked over her 
nipples. He slipped two fingers inside her, still pressing 
his thumb against her little bud, and Elena gasped 
loudly...but did not come. 

"Hojo, I am going to kill you," Scarlet said matter-of-
factly.

Hojo ignored her. "Hmm...it shouldn't take too long."

Scarlet snickered. "You'd be surprised."

Another squeal issued forth from the glass chamber as the 
Rufus clone grabbed Elena's ankles, pulled them up onto his 
shoulders, and roughly thrust his rock-hard member into her. 
"Oh! Harder! Faster!" she wailed as the counterfeit Rufus 
continued to pump into her very wet little hole. His hands 
went back to her breasts, squeezing them in rhythm with his 
thrusts, and Elena gasped loudly. "Oh, yes! Just like that! 
I'm almost there..."

Hojo watched with his usual cool and detached demeanor; 
Scarlet wasn't quite so cool. Her hand had once again found 
its way under her skirt. 

THREE HOURS LATER...

"I don't believe this," Hojo muttered, shaking his head. 
"Try another position," he directed, and the Rufus clone 
nodded. The clone was beginning to show signs of exhaustion; 
Hojo had lost count after the clone's fourth or fifth 
orgasm. Scarlet snorted and rolled over; she had fallen 
asleep before she'd even managed to get off again.

The fake Rufus pulled out quickly, grabbed Elena by the 
shoulders, flipped her over, and slammed back into her from 
behind; again one of his hands cupped her breast and toyed 
with her nipple. His other hand snaked around her hip and 
went straight for her clit again, rubbing it faster and 
harder than before, and Elena continued to squeal and 
moan...but it was obvious that she wasn't even close to 
coming.

Over the moans and yelps emanating from the chamber, Scarlet 
heard Hojo mumbling to himself..."Everything seems 
okay...neurologically, physically, mentally...why the hell 
isn't she coming? What's her problem, anyway!?"

Scarlet sat up and rubbed her eyes. "You got me," she 
shrugged.

"Blast!" Hojo kicked a console and sighed. "Looks like it's 
time for drastic measures." He stepped over to one of his 
workbenches and loaded up a syringe, then he reached into 
the chamber and jabbed the needle right into Elena's shapely 
bottom (an amazing feat of coordination in and of itself, as 
fast as his target was moving).

"Hey!" she wailed, and Scarlet frowned.

"Hojo, what did you just inject her with?" She continued to 
watch Elena and her pet Rufus going at it...and suddenly she 
noticed something she never expected to see. Elena gasped 
loudly and stared straight ahead for a few seconds as 
"Rufus" kept on thrusting, her eyes going sort of glassy...

"Oh, nothing much...just some modified Jenova cells, 
designed to increase the output of certain hormones..."

"What!?" Scarlet stammered. "Jenova cells? Are you NUTS? Do 
you--"

Scarlet was unexpectedly cut off by an ear-splitting shriek 
of "I'M COMING!" emanating from the glass chamber.

"What!?" Scarlet gasped again, unable to believe it. But 
sure enough, Elena was indeed coming. Her juice ran down the 
insides of her thighs and slicked the Rufus clone's still-
solid cock; "Rufus," feeling Elena's already-tight passage 
grip his manhood even more snugly, groaned and let loose as 
well filling Elena's tight little tunnel with his hot 
come...then he wheezed "Help," and fell over, either dead or 
unconscious.

"She broke my Rufus!" Scarlet wailed as Elena looked around 
and blinked.

"I..." A wide grin broke out on her face. "I...I came! Oh, 
thank you, Hojo! Oh--oh, shit!" She looked at her watch and 
facevaulted. "Oh no! I was supposed to go over to Tseng's 
tonight! Bye!" She dressed, possibly setting a speed record, 
and dashed out the door. Scarlet watched her go, her lower 
lip quivering.

"You want me to make you a new one, Scarlet?" Hojo asked, 
grinning sweetly. "Of course, if you want him to have more 
endurance than that one it'll cost you..."

Scarlet fumed. She then reached into her purse, which 
actually contained a small dimensional door whose other side 
opened somewhere in Nerima, and pulled out a rather large 
mallet (not hearing the angry yells of a certain tomboy on 
the other side of the door).

"Hojo no BAKA!" were the last words Hojo heard before he 
went into orbit.

*			*			*

Midgar, 6:20 AM

"Growf," Tseng snapped as he was rudely awakened by his 
doorbell. Good thing it was Saturday and he didn't have to 
go to the office...that'd give him plenty of time to slowly 
and painfully kill whoever was waking him up at this ungodly 
hour. Bad enough that Elena had forgotten about their damn 
date; he was already pretty pissed off about that. He didn't 
even bother to put on a bathrobe; he just padded to the door 
in his boxers.

As soon as he opened the door, Elena pounced on him.

"Hey--?" was all he had time to say before Elena's mouth 
covered his; her tongue practically attacked his, and her 
hand went straight through the fly of his shorts and coiled 
around his already halfway hard member. Not that he wasn't 
enjoying the unusual sensation of Elena being in charge, but 
he had to find out what the hell was going on. "Where have 
you been? I stayed up until three AM waiting for you!"

"Sorry," Elena gasped. "I had to take care of something." 
She fastened her mouth over Tseng's again, still stroking 
his now completely rigid cock. "You still want to have some 
fun?"

"Shit, yes!" Tseng gasped, finally remembering to close the 
door. After he did that, he reached down and pressed his 
hands firmly against Elena's shapely bottom, at the same 
time grinding his hips into hers. "I don't suppose you have 
any idea how horny you just made me," he whispered into her 
ear.

"You liked that?" Elena giggled in reply as Tseng kissed her 
neck hungrily.

"Oh, yeah. I've been wondering what it'd be like if you were 
in control. But you've always been so shy and all..." Tseng 
gasped as Elena sucked on his earlobe. It is a little-known 
fact that in most men, the earlobes are wired directly to 
the groin, and Tseng was no exception. "Oh, God..."

Elena grinned. She hadn't expected this kind of a reaction 
from Tseng, and it thrilled her that he was so excited. She 
abruptly pushed him away, then she sank to her knees and 
took the tip of his aching cock into her mouth, barely 
brushing her lips against it as she slid her mouth along 
just the first inch or two of its length (which was, true to 
her fantasies, considerable).

"Holy--" Tseng honestly couldn't believe what Elena was 
doing to him....not that he didn't enjoy it immensely. He 
gently tangled his hands in her short hair and let out a 
soft moan. Her mouth still slid softly over the tip, driving 
him nuts with the desire to plunge his whole throbbing shaft 
deep into Elena's tight little box. As if she had read his 
mind, Elena stood up and locked her lips over his again. 

"You like it when I'm in control, huh?" Elena whispered 
against Tseng's neck, and his knees wobbled noticeably. "I 
guess so," she giggled. "Lay down on your back."

"What, right here?"

"Why not?"

Tseng shrugged and smiled as Elena kissed his chest. "Fine 
with me." He did as told, lying on the entry hall rug 
(which, fortunately for Tseng, was thick and soft). Elena 
sank to the floor shortly thereafter (first taking her suit 
off again; she was getting very good at dressing and 
undressing at an amazing speed), situating her knees on 
either side of his hips and sinking directly onto his 
incredibly hard cock, enveloping the whole thing right off 
the bat.

"Oh my God!" Tseng gasped as Elena began to ride him slowly 
at first, then picked up speed. "I can't stand it..."

Already Elena felt the familiar sensation of pleasure and 
pressure building deep inside her, and she furiously  ground 
her hips against Tseng, playing with her own nipples as she 
did. Watching Elena touch herself like that made Tseng even 
crazier with desire, and he grabbed Elena's hips tightly and 
thrust into her as deeply as he could.

It didn't take too long. Tseng arched his back and cried out 
as he came inside Elena; she likewise threw her head back 
and wailed, "I'm coming..." as Tseng pounded into her (as 
best he could with gravity working against him and whatnot) 
uncontrollably, trying to prolong her pleasure as long as he 
could. Finally, his entire body went limp under her, and 
Elena sighed and leaned down onto him, kissing his shoulder 
softly.

"Wow," Tseng managed to gasp after taking a few minutes to 
catch his breath. "Sorry that didn't last very long...you 
just kind of drove me crazy there."

Elena smiled. "I wouldn't mind going again, if you want." 
She poked the tip of her tongue into Tseng's ear and almost 
immediately felt his cock begin to stiffen inside her again.

"I wouldn't either," Tseng grinned. "You know, there's 
something I've been wanting to do, but I didn't think you'd 
go for it before."

"What's that?"

"Lemme up a minute and I'll show you." 

Elena slowly got up and rolled over onto her side. Tseng 
stood up a bit shakily and picked her tie up off the floor.

"I guess this'll do for now," he smiled. He crouched down 
next to Elena and kissed her deeply, then he blindfolded her 
with the tie. "You trust me, right?"

"Sure," Elena croaked as she heard Tseng walking off in the 
general direction of the kitchen. What in the world was he 
doing? She barely heard some odd clinking noises, and then 
she heard Tseng's footsteps again.

The next thing she knew, there was something incredibly cold 
just barely brushing up against her right nipple; it stood 
at attention immediately. "Whoa!"

"How's that feel?" Tseng whispered.

Elena laughed. "Cold!"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"God, no!" Elena lay back on the rug, and Tseng continued 
teasing her nipples with the ice cube he held. She felt a 
tiny stream of cold water running down her stomach as the 
ice melted in his fingers, and she shivered and moaned as it 
trickled down between the folds of her sex. "Where'd you 
learn THAT!?" she blurted as a fresh ice cube was applied.

"Sorry, that's classified." Tseng chuckled as the second ice 
cube melted on Elena's left breast; he leaned down and took 
her hardened nipple into his mouth. He then took yet another 
ice cube out of the bowl he'd brought in and ran it between 
her breasts, down her stomach, and between her legs where he 
held it until it too melted. He released Elena's nipple from 
his lips and grinned. "You're going to love this."

Without warning, he retrieved another ice cube, inserted it 
into her tight little tunnel, and followed it with his 
tongue.

"Good God!" Elena gasped, blindly reaching out and grabbing 
a handful of Tseng's long black hair as he kept right on 
licking the ice inside her. One of his cold fingers pressed 
against her aching clit and rubbed it, gently at first, then 
harder as he continued to slide his tongue in and out of 
her. He paused once to add another ice cube, then resumed, 
and Elena moaned loudly and clutched even tighter at his 
hair. "God, that feels so good..." she whimpered, arching 
her back and letting out a little yelp. "Oh, yes!"

Tseng smiled, reached up, and removed Elena's makeshift 
blindfold. "Tell me what you want."

Elena blushed. "I--"

"Go on." Tseng kept right on rubbing as the last piece of 
ice melted inside Elena. "It really turns me on."

"I--" Elena turned a deeper shade of red, but she gathered 
up her courage and whispered, "I want to feel your cock 
inside me again."

"You got it." Tseng lifted one of Elena's legs over his 
shoulder and slid the head of his now fully-hard member into 
her snug (and rather cold) little tunnel, holding it there 
for what seemed like an eternity or two before sinking all 
the way inside her. "You know, it really drove me crazy to 
watch you touching yourself before..."

Elena took the hint and gladly reached down, pressing her 
fingers against her little bud and rubbing hard as Tseng 
pumped into her slowly and deeply, watching her fingers 
intently. He gradually picked up speed as the sight of Elena 
rubbing herself made him hotter and hotter, until he was 
pounding into her as furiously as before, and Elena threw 
her head back and wailed "I'm coming!" once more. At the 
same time, Tseng let out a growl and gave one last hard 
thrust, exploding inside her again. And that was all 
Tseng could take. He flopped back onto the rug, panting and 
exhausted, and Elena rolled over and lay on top of him, 
nuzzling his neck.

As Tseng's arms went around her waist in a loving embrace, 
Elena frowned and sighed again.

/Why didn't I.../

*			*			*

Shinra Headquarters, 9:00 AM

"Uh oh."

Scarlet woke up and scowled at Hojo. "You know I hate it 
when you say that." 

"Sorry, but I was just going over some new test results on 
those modified Jenova cells I injected into Elena." Hojo 
(who now had a noticeable lump on his head) tapped his 
clipboard. "It seems those cells are only active in the 
presence of another Jenova carrier."

"Let me get this straight," Scarlet said, standing up. "The 
only way Elena's going to get off is if she does it 
with...with..." Scarlet didn't even want to think about it. 
"Ewww!"

"You better go tell her," Hojo suggested. "You know, I could 
make her a Sephiroth clone that looks like Tseng..."

Scarlet reached into her purse dimension again (this time 
forcibly snatching the mallet away from the protesting 
tomboy's grasp); her glare told Hojo he needed to shut up, 
like right now. She was just about to open her mouth to say 
something more when she was interrupted by her cell phone, 
which she answered; she turned white shortly thereafter. 
"Oh, hell," she stammered as she hung up. "Sephiroth's been 
sighted heading for the Northern limits..."

*			*			*

Midgar, 9:30 AM

Tseng woke up on the entry hall rug, a little sore but 
otherwise okay. Elena still lay on top of him, sleeping 
peacefully, and he kissed her forehead. She stirred and 
mumbled.

"You want to get off the floor and go to bed?" Tseng asked, 
and Elena stretched and yawned.
  
"I guess so--" she started to reply, but she was interrupted 
by the yammer of her cell phone. "What do they want?"

"Don't answer it! We're not here!" Tseng was too late. 
Elena, being the good Turk she was, had already answered it. 
"Aww, damn..."

Elena listened for a few seconds, then her jaw dropped. "Oh 
my God! They found Sephiroth! He's heading for that crater 
up north!" Elena was already dressed and halfway out the 
door, and Tseng made a mental note to give old Sephy a very 
large piece of his mind later.

*			*			*

Northern Limits, 11:00 AM

Both sides, Shinra and AVALANCHE, had arrived too late. 
Sephiroth had already prepared a lengthy speech (complete with notecards),
and 
everyone knows that when the bad guy makes a long speech 
something really bad is about to happen.

"I suppose you all want to know why I'm doing this," 
Sephiroth smirked, waving the Masamune in one hand and the 
Black Materia in the other. When he received no response, he 
prodded the nearest person to him (who happened to be Rufus) 
in the ass with the Masamune. "I said, I suppose you all 
want to know why I'm doing this..."

"Yeowch!" Rufus leapt three feet straight up and treaded air 
for some five seconds. "Okay, okay!" He rolled his eyes. 
"Why are you doing this?"

Sephiroth's lower lip trembled. "Because I'm getting shafted 
in this damn game! Three goddamn CD's full of hot babes and 
do I get ONE? NO!" He pointed the Masamune at Rufus. "I 
mean, look at you! You've got half the women in Midgar 
chasing after you! And Cloud's got--" he ticked them off on 
his fingers--"what...Tifa, Aeris, Yuffie, Jessie, and that 
kid in Junon hot for him, and is he sharing? Hell, no!" He 
sniffled and continued as Cloud blushed and sweatdropped 
behind him. "Cid's got a devoted slave and a half-naked 
chick on the side of the airship...Tseng's got Elena...hell, 
HOJO even got some! And what am I stuck with?" He burst into 
tears. "I GOT THE HEADLESS BITCH FROM OUTER SPACE!"

Hojo shuffled his feet. "I could make you an Aeris clone, I 
guess...after I finish Scarlet's new Rufus clone, anyway--oopsies!"

"WHAT!?" Rufus spluttered.

"Shut up, Hojo..." Scarlet hissed.

"Scarlet, is there something you aren't telling me?" Rufus 
asked, as calmly as he could.

"This is not the time or the place to discuss it," Scarlet 
sniffed.  

"Like hell it isn't!" Rufus thundered. "What the hell are 
you doing with a clone of me!?"

"Excuse me--" Sephiroth waved the Masamune around in the 
air. "I believe I have the floor here--"

"SHUT UP!" Scarlet and Rufus screamed at him in unison, then 
Rufus turned his attention back to Scarlet. "Well?"

"Oh, Number 23 was a masterpiece!" Hojo chirped, and Scarlet 
sweatdropped. "Trained in every erotic technique known to 
man--"

Rufus turned purple. "Where is this clone right now?"

"Oh, it's gone...Elena sort of wore it out last night." Hojo 
grinned; now Elena sweatdropped and Tseng turned purple.

"Excuse me--" Sephiroth tapped his foot impatiently. "You're 
not paying attention to me..."

"WHAT!?" Tseng wailed. "I stayed up till three in the 
morning waiting for you to come over and you were--you were-
-"

"Hey!" Elena wailed. "I only did it because I wanted to 
figure out why I couldn't come--"

Now Tseng began to sniffle. "You were faking it!?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings!"

"Oh, gee! Thanks a lot!" And Tseng sat on the ground, 
dropped his head onto his knees, and began to bawl.

"EXCUSE ME--"

Hojo sweatdropped. "Oh yeah...Elena, there's something I 
forgot to tell you..."

He didn't get the chance.

"THAT'S IT!" Sephiroth got Elena in a headlock and held the 
Masamune against her throat. "I am TRYING to make my big 
expository speech here and you're all RUINING it! If one 
more person says one more word before I'm done, the blonde 
gets it!"

He did not notice the glassy look that had suddenly appeared 
in Elena's eyes the second he touched her, nor did he hear 
the tiny moan of "Huh!?" that escaped her lips.

"Oh boy," Hojo gasped.

"Oh no," Scarlet replied.

"Oh, God!" Elena panted as she felt her little satin panties 
growing very damp, and she threw her head back and cried out 
while Sephiroth just stared at her.

"Is there a problem?" he asked timidly.

"No!" Elena wailed, "I--I'm coming? How--"

Reno and Rude looked at each other, jaws hanging. "This is 
getting too weird for me," Reno whispered. Rude nodded.

"We're out of here," he said, and the two Turks bailed out 
of the crater, dragging the still-sobbing Tseng out by the 
arms.

Cloud and the rest of the AVALANCHE team looked at each 
other, then they too silently escaped from the crater. Rufus 
and the Shinra execs took a hint and followed.

Elena finally calmed down as Sephiroth dropped her like a 
hand grenade dipped in liquid Ebola virus. "Now wait just a 
damn minute--" he stammered as Elena looked around her and 
blinked, confused.

Cautiously, Sephiroth reached out and poked her on the 
shoulder...and once again she went into spasms. Realization 
dawned on both of them.

"Oh, yes!" Elena cried, grinning evilly.

"Oh, shit!" Sephiroth wailed as Elena pounced on him, 
smothering him with kisses. "Someone help me! MOMMY!"

/Gee, I'm sorry,/ came Jenova's disembodied voice from the 
depths of the crater, /I'm just a headless bitch from outer 
space! How could I POSSIBLY help you? Bwahahahahaha! Good 
luck, sonny boy!/

"Noooooo!" Sephiroth wailed as Elena pulled him down onto 
her.

*			*			*

As soon as the Shinra execs returned to their headquarters, 
a full-scale coverup was launched. The official story was 
far less disturbing that the real events at the Northern Limits; 
it was something about a large meteor hurtling 
towards the Planet and five big oogly monsters shooting out 
of the crater...

Not long after that, Bugenhagen ascended into his 
observatory with a nice hot cup of rum punch. He took a sip, 
and then he turned on one of his machines; the one that had 
enabled him to hear the scream of the Planet earlier. He 
heard screams now, all right, but not the Planet's...

"Oh, Sephiroth! Nobody's ever made me come like you!" This 
was followed by kissing noises...then moans and wails...and 
then a second voice...

"Get off me! I take it back!! I don't wanna get any! I'm 
going to go become a monk right now just get off me PLEASE--"

And then, finally, he heard the voice of the Planet. It 
wasn't screaming. It was laughing. Hysterically.

Bugenhagen cautiously sniffed the remainder of his rum 
punch, and then he poured it out the window. 

THE END (we hope...) 

--Sailor Solathei   
"Ice...snacks...and--fifty gallons of BEER!? What kind of life does she
lead, anyway!?" --Shinji Ikari
"Hang on to your drawers and don't piss in 'em!" --Cid Highwind
"A brand new ML to blow up! Wai!" --Zen
--------------------
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
--------------------
Sailor Solathei's Cid Highwind shrine (still under very heavy construction)
http://members.xoom.com/ssolathei/cidshrine.html and the Cid Highwind Otaku
Ring: http://members.xoom.com/ssolathei/ring.html