At 12:52 AM 3/7/98 EST, Kaintskr wrote:
<Stuff, of which it is not necessary for this message to repeat
 all of, so it won't>

Homecomings

A Tenchi Muyo/El Hazard crossover

By Kain The Seeker
 AKA Andrew Graham (kaintskr@aol.com)
 Co-authored/Plotted/Connived by Deunan (deunan@aol.com)
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CMA Disclaimer: All characters are the respective property of the owners,

Original characters are mine (or Deunan). Actions of all characters are not
by my hand/or fault. (Blame my MUSE! I do!)  :-}

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----

Ayeka followed the others at a full run. Makoto had the lead with Miz

close behind. They all hurried towards the burning building in the bazaar
district and it was child's play to follow the devastation from there.

Makoto disappeared into the fleeing crowds and the two women were hard put

to keep up with him. As all three of them came around the turn, they saw
Sheyla scream out and throw a monstrous wave of fire down the alley.

"Sheyla don't! That's Ayeka's kinsman." Miz screamed as the blast

detonated in the alley. Sheyla snapped out of the rage and looked down the
alley in shock.

"Oh no! I didn't mean to go so far," she said to Miz. Ayeka glanced down

the smoking alley and saw something in the wreckage and ruin that lifted
the horrible weight that had lain on her shoulders.

-The Wings of the Light Hawk!- She gave a small cry and bolted past Miz

before the priestess could stop her.

"Tenchi!" she yelled as the wings vanished and he staggered out of the

smoke and haze. She caught him as he collapsed, and she quickly checked him
over. Aside from a few minor scrapes and burns he was fine. She looked up
to the approaching trio with a smile. "Makoto, Miz and Sheyla, I would like
to introduce my kinsman, Tenchi Masaki."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Sheyla growled.

"Sheyla behave!" Miz snapped.

"What did I do?"
----

Later on, you state that Makoto and Tenchi knew each other, once
(that they were, in fact friends from childhood). As they seem
to remember each other, and their friendship, later, it would be
logical that Makoto recognise Tenchi here, and vice-versa.
	That would make the revelation later on a bit less startling
(it seems to come out of left field. Here they do not know each
other, and later Makoto is not the same person Tenchi remembers).
If Makoto were not in this scene, it might help, I suppose, but so
would just a few lines of dialogue here. Something like (for example):

	"Makoto?"
	"Tenchi?"
	"You two know each other?" (someone else in the scene, doesn't
matter who)

	Otherwise, a previous friendship between Makoto and Tenchi
stretches the bounds of credulity (for me). It needs to be explained,
or told, in a slightly different way.

"Hello, Tenchi." A voice from his past said, pulling him out of his

thoughts. He turned and looked at the slender young man in sitting on a
nearby bench.

"You look like hell Makoto." He said simply to his old friend, and smiled

as he held out a hand. Makoto gripped the hand and shook it.

"It hasn't been easy for me over the last 6 months. I've had a lot on my

mind." Makoto looked over Tenchi, hungrily it seemed. -What do you want,
Makoto.- Tenchi was surprised at the changes that he saw in his 

I would take out 'it seemed' and change it to: 'Makoto looked over
Tenchi hungrily.'
	Much stronger. More assertive and definite. This is not
something that Makoto would be wishy-washy about, considering
his current state.

childhood friend. Makoto fidgeted nervously under his scrutiny. "I never
intended to bring anyone across, I only wanted to bring the Key over. Do
you have it?"

"No, it must be with Ryoko." Tenchi said, surprised with the ease that he

had just lied to an old friend. -I can't trust you yet,-he thought as he
watched Makoto stagger off, bent under the weight of another failure, -you
aren't the Makoto that I knew.-

Ayeka wrapped her arms around him as he watched Makoto walk away. He

rubbed his hand across her clasped hands, savoring the smooth gentle hands.

An alternative to changing the first scene would be to change this one,
so that Tenchi only now is able to place Makoto (some mannerism of
Makoto's or something triggers the recognition here).

Nanami eased the door open, most of the guards didn't pay much attention

to the prisoner in this wing and the council's state of agitation made it
easy to slip through most of the ones that remained. Gossip and gambling,
not guarding, were far more enjoyable.

She slipped from shadow to shadow with practiced ease, born of many

visits. She opened the cell door, taking care not to make too much noise as
she pulled the door closed behind her. Most of the guards had as much as
said that there was no real reason to keep the door locked, but they were
still expected to keep it lock and the key wasn't too easy to get ahold of.

This prisoner didn't want to leave. He had voluntarily accepted his

imprisonment. Nanami had heard of him in the course of palace gossip and
felt compelled to seek him out.

Fauric looked up from the scrap of paper that he was drawing on with a

piece of charcoal. His normal intense look of concentration broke into a
sincere smile. The smile banished the few wrinkles that showed on his
bearded face. He brushed a stand of silvered hair back as he turned around
to face her.

"Ah, Chara, you came to visit again." He put down the paper and pulled out

another one, gesturing to one spot in the cell. "Sit please, I am almost
done."  She pushed away the clenching feeling in her stomach and sat down
to pose for him.

He started drawing rapidly, occasionally looking up to motion for her to

move in some slight manner. He spoke as he drew, taking care never to move
from his post. She still was wary of him and ready to bolt at the first
sign of trouble.

"Rumors usually don't make it down here till they are long past interest,

but I have heard that one of the Lost have returned." Nanami nodded, then
realized that he was still looking at his drawing and started to tell her
friend what had occurred.

"...and that is pretty much it," she finished, looking out at the window

of the cell and realizing how much time had passed. Time with Fauric never
really seemed to matter, she didn't feel any of the weight or guilt with
him. She stood and reluctantly walked to the door, "well I had better get
going...."

"k'Chara?" Nanami looked back into the cell, both at ease and

uncomfortable with his name for her.

"Please don't call me that, don't make me into something that I'm not."

she said in a husky whisper from the doorway. Fauric looked at her for a
moment with that intense gaze of his that sent shivers through her. It was
like he saw her true self, and wasn't fooled by the facade she had put up.

"Don't think you are a monster because of what you are, it's what you do

that matters." She took that with her as she left.

Fauric looked up at the sky, his gaze resting on the Eye. It was painted

blood red by the setting sun. On nights like this, he couldn't help but be
reminded of the past. 

You might want to change this scene a bit, because it almost totally
mirrors a previous scene, with the exception of a few words. At first,
I thought you had accidentally put it down twice, until I saw the end
bit of this scene. This scene mirrors the other too closely (while
there is something to be said for mirroring it, there is a certain
threshold, which I feel you have crossed. Paraphrase, use a few
different words to describe things).

General thoughts: I noticed a few minor spelling errors, a run through
a spell-checker would pick them up though, and they didn't really deter
from the story.
	As for the character names, Shayla-Shayla's name is usually
transliterated with an 'a' instead of an 'e'. 
Najato (or possibly Nahato, but usually with the 'j' instead of the
'h'), instead of Nahto is the traditional approach also (Nahto is, I
assume, a typo for 'Nahato').
	Then again, I've also used some slightly variant spelling for
the names (Lune instead of Rune, Mizu instead of Miz. I have seen these
spelling elsewhere, 'Mizu' in some of the credits for the OAVs [but not
all of them], and Lune in a couple of places). 
	I mention this to let you know of these possibilities, and not to
say "conform or else!" As with all of my comments, feel free to ignore
this.
	Overall, I'd say I enjoyed this. One has some speculations on what
is happening to Nanami (and if I'm correct, the way you're using her is
a great way to foreshadow it), as well as on a few other things. One
could also wish for some more interaction between the two casts, but
seeing as they have just met (pretty much), and there is some deep
feelings about Jurains among the citizens of El hazard (not to mention
the Tenchi crew being in an unfamiliar world, which has just killed one
of them), this is understandable. Perhaps the earthlings might be the
bridge?

	Anyway, keep it up!


Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis
	maybeso@ican.net
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Stuck at the station, he lost his train of thought.

Those who are kind say he's full of himself,
The unkind just say he's full of it.
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