[The scene opens on a large, bland room. In the far corner
 is a projector screen, a projector not far from it. In two
 chairs on either side of the projector are Mr. Panda and
 Yuji, our wonderful MST team.]

Mr. Panda: And here we are with our first installment of...

Yuji: Neon Genesis Mystery Science Theatre!

Mr. Panda: That's right... us two are dedicated to MSTing
 this EVA fics out there!

Yuji: At least until we find something better to do...

Mr. Panda: (sweatdrops) Err... right.

Yuji: And here we have "Of Eva's and Motels" by Phillip
 Msters. My kind of fic! Let's get started!

Mr. Panda: You even HINT at sex and you get a reaction out
 of him... Sheesh. (holds head in hands) Roll em.

[The lights dim and the projector rolls.]

This is a little story I came up with a little while back and am finally
putting into force (may God have mercy on my soul).  Anyway, I'd like to
thank Cap'n Jack and Andrew Huang for the Eva information I asked for.
I hope they don't feel it was *too* wasted.

WARNING:  Limeish tinted/flavored.  Whatever.  Mostly just because of
adult subject matter.

 
Yuji: I'm ecstatic! I can barely stay on this seat!

Mr. Panda: Yeah, well don't get too excited... last time
 you had to run your pants through the wash.

Yuji: (sweatdrops) Err...

PM Productions Presents
A Phillip Masters Fanfic
Of Eva's and Motels

 
Yuji: Phillip Masters... Man I love that guy.

Mr. Panda: Well isn't that good. I'm sure he's flattered.
 Can we start the story?!

     "What's forty stories and is a great place to have sex?"

Yuji: (shouting) Anywhere I can get Asuka naked!

[Mr. Panda falls out of his chair with a bloody nose.]

Yuji: (snickering) Virgin. Ya gotta be, Mr. P.

Mr. "P"anda: (recoving slightly) Shut up. And you call me
 Mr. P again and I'll rip that tongue right outta your
 mouth. I don't like being compared to Ryouga.

Yuji: Hehehe... sore spot... Soooo soooorry... P-chan. ^_^

Mr. "P"anda: Dammit, that's it.

[Insert sounds of violence.]

     Shinji stared at Asuka, dumbfounded.  What in the hell kind of
question was that?  As was his obvious reaction to such situations, he
blushed in response.

Yuji: Y'know, Shinji... I'm thinking maybe you should step
 aside and let _me_ show you how it's done.

Mr. Panda: You wanna show Shinji how to screw?... Coming out
 of the closet, Yuji?

Yuji: Err... no.

Mr. Panda: So you're staying IN the closet, then...

Yuji: (sweatdrops) Shut up.

     Asuka threw her hands up in disgust.  "Geez, even after we've done
it a number of times, you *still* can't talk about it!?"  She stared him
down.  "You have got to learn to lighten up!"

Mr. Panda: You still can't talk about doing "it"? Isn't that
 kinda hypocritical?

Yuji: Touche... point to the furball.

[Mr. Panda growls.]

     "I'm sorry."  Replied Shinji meekly.  "It's just that I wasn't
expecting it is all.  Since there are no more 'Love Motels', I assume
you are reffering to the Eva's?"
     "Well, of course I am!  So, how about it?"  Her face took on a much
more sultry look that belied her age.

Yuji: And here I thought she looked pretty sultry, anyhow...

Mr. Panda: Gotta love being under consenting age... We can
 get away with saying all this _without_ being called pedo-
 philes.

Yuji: (grinning happily) I know what you mean.

     It was just that look that made Shinji fold like cookie dough.
Much like folded cookie dough, he also got hard.  "Uh, okay." 

Mr. Panda: And I always thought cookie dough had that gooey
 consistency.

Yuji: The word "flacid" comes to mind.

Mr. Panda: (groaning) Yuji! Terrible!

Yuji: Hehehe... sorry. Couldn't help it. ^_^

     Asuka smiled.  "That's better.  Your place, or mine?"
     "Mine?"  Shinji figured it was best since his was up for
maintenance anyway.  "We can just go to the top of the holding bay."
     "To true."  Her voice took on a more mischeivous tone.  "Let's go."

Yuji: It wasn't mischeivous already?...

Mr. Panda: "To true" should be "Too true".

     Shinji obediently followed Asuka till they reached the head of the
gigantic cyborg.  From the base of the neck jutted the cockpit.  

Mr. Panda: o_O Jutted?

Yuji: That's one well endowed Eva.

Mr. Panda: (sweatdrops)

     Asuka was just giddy with excitement.  "Oh goody!  Someone left it
all out just for us!"
     Shinji had to admit, it was a coincidence allright.  Yet, who was
he to look a gift horse in te mouth?

Yuji: It's always nice to know their mouths are empty before
 they su-

Mr. Panda: Stop.

Yuji: ^_^ Who... me? And the "te" should be "the".

     Asuka pulled the release lever of the hatch, which slid open with a
hiss.  LCL spilled all over the floor much to the young couple's
amazement.  They stared into the pod in awe as they saw Misato and Kaji
in a very comprimising position within.
     "Misato!"  Cried Asuka.  "What the heck are you doing in there!?"

Mr. Panda: From the look of things...

Yuji: I'd say screwing.

     Unfortunately, or fortunately according to who you were, the couple
didn't hear or notice a thing.  They were in the final stretch, and NERV
imploding wouldn't have phazed them one iota.  In fact, it may have
actually increased their pleasure.

Yuji: But damn would that hurt...

     Well, the auburn haired girl would stand for none of it!  She was
ready, and it was too long a walk to her Eva.  "You two!  Out!  This is
Shinji's place, and we have reservations!"

Mr. Panda: And here I thought Asuka's Eva was right next to
 Unit-01 in the cages.

Yuji: That's what I was thinking... Maybe their after a
 quickie...

Mr. Panda: Yuji...

     Shinji, well, he's another story.  Even though he knew the LCL was
recycled, it didn't help much in his mind.  All he could think of was
what he saw before him and what he breathed on a daily basis.  In other
words, he was searching for a place to toss his cookies.

[Yuji and Mr. Panda snicker.]

     Asuka's face fell as she saw Shinji dash off in search of relief.
Then, she got angry.  How dare they!  She turned to the recently
attached couple, who were now looking quite embarrased.  "You two!  Do
you have any idea how much trouble it is to get him in the mood!?"

Yuji: Try me! I'm ALWAYS in the mood!

Mr. Panda: Gotta love those hormones...

Yuji: A girl once asked me what men thought about...

Mr. Panda: What'd you answer?

Yuji: Sex.

Mr. Panda: (nodding sagely) Too true...

     "I think I have an idea."  Kaji said, staring at Misato, who
blushed even deeper.

Yuji: (imitating Kaji) Let's have a threesome!

Mr. Panda: Yuji... are you asking to be pummelled?

Yuji: No... but being "beaten" would help some. ^_^

Mr. Panda: (sweatdrops) You. Are. A. Sick. Man.

[Yuji grins evilly.]

     "Well, I don't care!"  She was on a roll, and damned if she would
stop now.  "You two get out and get dressed!  And clean this place up!
Ooh, if Shinji still isn't up for it when I find him there will be hell
to pay!  Do you understand me!?  Your last concern will be an Angel
attack!"

Mr. Panda: If Asuka was in the mood...

Yuji: I couldn't help but be...

Mr. Panda: Agreed.

      The two officers shrunk under the onslaught.  They hurredly
gathered their belongings, set the cleaning mode on the Eva on, and beat
a hasty retreat.

Yuji: Oooo! Neat! Does it have a spin cycle, too?!

     Asuka took in a deep breath while counting to ten.  She found it
very difficult to reach this blessed number sometime.  Yet, she did, and
she was calm, collected, and still horny.  She scanned the area.  What
had that boy gotten off to?  She began her hunt.  Like a predator in the
night, she stalked her man.  Using all sorts of primitive techniques,
she continued on.  When all of those failed, she used the computer to
locate him.

Yuji: Gotta love those time honored trackign techniques...

Mr. Panda: Yeah. I just love having them fail.

      Unfortunately, Rei was with him.  Mothering him, again.  It seems
she found out about what happened.  She looked up at Asuka with a mostly
expressionless face.  The only thing shining through ever so slightly
was an aura of loathing.  Like she didn't approve of her or something.

Yuji: Mayhaps she'd like a turn...

Mr. Panda: Something tells me Asuka wouldn't be too keen on
 the idea of sharing Shinji...

     Well, thought Asuka, all that matters is that Shinji likes me.
"Hello, Rei."  She said, mostly out of protocol.
     "Hello."  The bluish haired girl returned, still holding on to the
tired looking Shinji.
     "Shinji."  Asuka spoke with a light voice that was reserved only
for the one's that she loved.  There was only one person she used it on
at the moment, and he was being nurtured by a fourteen year old.

Yuji: As opposed to bumping like rabbits with a fourteen
 year old...

Mr. Panda: Those would appear to be the choices.

[Pause.]

Both: I'll take "bumping like rabbits" for 500, Alex.

     Shinji recongnized the voice immediately.  He looked up at Rei with
an almost sorrowful glance, then to Asuka with an endearing one.  She
smiled at him and was infinitely pleased when he returned it.  Though he
still looked a little green around the gills, he was able to get up and
approach her.  She took him into her embrace and started to walk out of
the room.  She threw her gaze back at Rei for a moment.  She was staring
right at her.  However, this time there was more in her eyes.  More of
an acceptance.  At least, that's what Asuka hoped.  Who knew with Rei.
She's such a complicated person.  

Yuji: Part Lilith... Part Yui... Mix'n'match!

Mr. Panda: (sweatdrops) I don't quite think that's what
 Phillip meant...

      Yet, so are they all she supposed.

Yuji: So they are, so they are... All those females probably
 have a little Shinji in em...

Mr. Panda: I know what you mean by that, Yuji... Stop.

END

Yuji: Oh, damn! That means I DO have to stop!

Okay, don't ask me where this degenerated (generated?) into a more
involving fic than it started out as.  It just worked out that way
thanks to the insanely late hour it is.  Well, C&C appreciated very much
as I'm very curious to see what people think of this one.  Don't jump on
me over the Asuka/Shinji thing either, I just like it that way.
PMasters

 
Mr. Panda: S'okay, Phil. We do love those Shinji/Asuka
 pairings, deranged as they may be.

Yuji: Late hours'll do that to ya. Kinda the same thing
 behind "The girls all get prettier at closing time"
 syndrome.

Mr. Panda: (sweatdrops) Err...

"I'm only holding back the rain.  So many raindrops, so many pains.  I
want to find my train someday.  As seasons go past the station." - Tokyo
Babylon OVA 1
/ My anime fanfiction page:
http://www.iwaynet.net/~dr.diddy/masters
/ E-mail at:  PhilMasters@webtv.net
Member of the #AAS#, #WASHU#, and the #SAS#.  I'm a very appreciative
person!

Mr. Panda: Another great fic by Phillip Masters!

Yuji: Well done! Keep it up, and I wanna see the lemon
 version of this! (wink wink)

Mr. Panda: (sigh) He'll never change, will he... G'night,
 folks!

[Fade out.]