Title swipe from the Mighty Mighty Lara Bartram.
BGC Not By Me, you know who to give thanks to.

---------------------------
     BUBBLEGUM CRISIS:
       GENOM RAIDER!
---------------------------


WE'RE DOING A SELF-INSERTION FIC.

-poof-

Rod conveniently stepped out of a time/reality vortex and
had a look around.  Skyscrapers loomed high everywhere, but
all were dwarfed by a gargantuan pyramid in the horizon.

In the distance police sirens wailed.

A lady dressed like a waitress walked by, her arm falling
off with a metallic -CLANK-.

Rod sighed.  "So, Bubblegum Crisis, huh?"

YEP.

"So, what are we supposed to do now?

I HAVEN'T A CLUE.

"What kind of writer are you?!"

YOU, ACTUALLY.

"Ah."

"Hey man, who the hell are you talkin'to?" asked a passing
punk.

Rod frowned.  "Him.  See?  Say hi."

HI.

"Whoa!"

"Okay," said Rod, "get rid of this guy.  We need to talk."

The passing punk vanished in a poof of reality unmade.

"Hey, wait a minute, I'm speaking Japanese."

STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE, YOU KNOW.

"Ah.  Right then.  I suppose we could go look for Sylia and
ask for work.  I mean, it's worked in every other
self-insert, right?" 

WELL, YES.  BUT...

"Yeah, I know, done to death.  Hrm."

WHAT'VE WE GOT?

"Well, I'm no engineer.  I can program, but not much.  I've
got a few years of management and finance under my belt, as
well as a few classes of mass media."

HRM.

"Hey, I got it!  I'll join Genom!"

AH... WHY NOT?

"Righto!  Now gimmie a suit, I can't go over there looking
like this."

         =============================================

TWO YEARS LATER...

Rod looked out from his corner office in the Genom Tower and
casually sipped a can of soda.  Sitting on his lap, a 33-S
sexaroid with feline eyes and short brunette hair smiled
pleasantly. 

HI THERE.

"Oh, you again?"

SO, HOW'S IT GOING?

"Great!  Lemme tell ya, there's a big demand for spin
control at Genom, and I'm spinning better than any DJ
alive!"

GENOM'S TREATING YOU GOOD, HM?

"Darn right.  Thanks to some... aheh... events yet to
happen, I've managed to make some shrewd investments too.
Once word gets out of the impending deal Genom's got with
Gulf-Bradley, it's the midas touch.

BUT DON'T THE KNIGHT SABERS DESTROY THAT BOOMER?

"Pfeh, four on one against commandos.  It won't affect the
market for those things, and it's not like they won't be
able to build more."

WHAT ELSE IS COOKING?

"I've got a lot riding on the Geo City development project. 
Right now it's just a big hole in the ground, but we both
know how Geo City will develop, eh?"

YOU'RE GONNA BE RICH.

"Darn right, buddy.  I'm looking to retire in a few years."

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

"Heheh, thanks.  Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta make sure
that my... ah... secretary... ah... is fully functional."

OH MY.

         =============================================

FOUR YEARS LATER...

"The bitches are gonna die!"

UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"They ruined me!  Someone hacked into MY account and put the
wrong damn spin on the press release!  Quincy wants to talk
to me in an hour, probably to fire me, kill me, or both."

SO WHAT'S WITH THE POWER SUIT?

"I ain't going down quietly.  Those bitches'll PAY for this!
Especially Nene!  I KNOW she's the one that did this!"

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T.

"Shut up!"

I MEAN, ARMIES OF BOOMERS COULDN'T KILL THEM, AND LARGO
COULDN'T-

"Shut up shut up shut up!  The least you could do is help,
y'know?  Gimmie... hell, I dunno... super powers!
Something!"

WE AGREED THAT WAS KINDA OVERDONE, DIDN'T WE?

"Yeah?  So what?  GIMMIE!"

SORRY, NO WAY.

"Big help YOU are."

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE, DON'T YOU?

"This is a self-insert!  The self-insert-guy might have a few
setbacks, but we don't lose!  Not when everything's on the line!"

BUT...

"But nothing!  Screw you, I'm outta here."

OH MY.

         =============================================

       // ... Genom press relations executive apparently
          snapped, stealing a powersuit and going on a
          rampage in Tinsel City and severely damaging
          several stores before the AD Police and the
          Knight sabers put a stop to him.  The executive,
          Rodney Malapitan, died at the scene of... ///

         =============================================

Ed Becerra turned off the television set and frowned.
"Rod... Rod... hrm.  Why does that sound familiar?"

"You say something, Ed?" asked Priss.

"Nothing, not important."

*SIGH*  OH WELL.

"Hey Priss, you say something?"

"Not me."

-end  :)


---------------------------------------------------------

writer's notes:

I would've had me prevailing in the end, but that would
be rather standard among self-inserts too...

"DAMN YOU!"

Shaddup, yer dead.

Quick tip'o the hat to Ed Becerra, self-insert writer of
'Legion's Quest'.  Act 2 of his series takes place in
the BGC universe.