THE little woodsman SADISTICALLY PRESENTS
BREAKFAST CHAOS
a brief excursion into lunacy,
starring the cast of
BISHOUJO SEISHI SAILOR MOON
Please note that I am not on the mailing list. I love
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facefaults as he remembers what "talented" means in SM
context, then mallets himself!) (Gomen na sai!) 8^)
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This work was written by a fan, for the enjoyment of
fans. Anyone attempting to sell this work or use it for
profit in any way will be hunted down and beaten to death
with a live flounder.
*******************************************************
(The curtain rises on the inside of Makoto's home. The
time is approximately 6:30 a.m. Makoto, wearing a long skirt,
modest blouse and apron is bustling around the kitchen. Ami,
wearing comfortable slacks and a thick sweater is seated at the
(western style) table with a book open in front of her. Rei is
also seated at the table, wearing a long dressing gown. Her eyes
are half-closed and her head is propped up in one hand, while her
other hand is wrapped around a steaming cup of tea that she holds
directly under her face. Minako is also seated, but she has her
head down on the table with one arm curled under her hair and the
other flung straight out, almost touching Rei's teacup. Minako is
wearing cute orange pyjamas with yellow birds printed on them, and
is snoring rather loudly. Luna is seated on the table next to
Ami's place, industriously washing her paws and face. Artemis is
curled up on the corner of the couch in the front room, sleeping.
Usagi, wearing her customary pink pyjamas and bunny slippers,
shuffles up to the table and takes a seat.)
USAGI:(whinily/sulkily) What is the point of having a sleepover
and spending Sunday with your friends if you have to get
up early?
AMI:(looks up from her book reprovingly) Usagi, you know that
today isn't supposed to be a fun day. It's a day for us to
catch up on our studies. And with as far behind as *some*
of us are
(Ami tilts her gaze at Usagi even more sternly and uses her
free hand to prod Minako in the shoulder)
(Minako stoicly continues to snore)
we need to start as early as we can.
(Usagi slumps in her chair and her mouth forms one of
those crinkly up-and-down frowns that she gets)
USAGI:(even whinier than before) You know I can't function
this early in the morning.
MINAKO: *SNORE*
(Ami opens her mouth to remonstrate further, but is
cut off by Rei)
REI:(releases her teacup and makes a back-and-forth waving
motion with her hand to emphasize her point)
Let it go, Ami. You know that once she gets some food
in front of her she'll be more awake than we can handle.
USAGI:What's that supposed to mean!?
(Makoto arrives from the kitchen with a tray of
toast and butter)
MAKOTO:(speaking around the piece of toast that she is
holding in her mouth while her hands are full)
Imf jusht meansh hat shoo enshoy your fud Ushagi.
(places the tray on the center of the table and
removes piece of toast from her mouth)
There's nothing wrong with that,
(turning to look directly at Rei)
*is* there?
REI:(dourly) Not in moderation.
MINAKO: *SNORE*
USAGI:At least somebody understands.
MAKOTO:(turning to head back to the stove)
Eggs'll be ready in a minute guys.
(Rei picks up a piece of toast and begins munching it dry,
while Usagi starts to butter a piece of her own. Ami turns
her attention to trying to wake Minako)
AMI:(with some exasperation) Come on Mina, Venus is supposed to
be the star of the morning!
MINAKO: *SNORE*
REI: You shouldn't use so much butter, Usagi, it's bad for you.
USAGI: Can't you let me enjoy anything?
(Usagi tries to replace the butter knife with one hand
and move the toast to her mouth with the other, but
it proves to be too much for her early morning coordination
and she drops the toast)
*WAAAAAAAH!* Now you've made me drop my toast!
REI:(rolling her eyes) Of course. It's *my* fault you're a klutz.
USAGI:(oblivious to anything but her own misery)
It even landed butter side down.
AMI: Usagi, toast *always* lands butter side down.
USAGI:(suddenly alert) Really? Always?
AMI:(somewhat surprised by her friend's sudden interest)
Yes. Every time.
(Usagi turns back to the fallen toast with a look of
fascination. She picks it up, holds it perfectly horizontal
and releases it, watching attentively as it flips over to
land butter side down. She picks it up again and repeats
the process)
MAKOTO:(half turning from the stove) *Hey!*
REI: Don't worry. *She'll* clean it up.
(her tone makes it clear that she intends to make sure
that Usagi does precisely that)
LUNA:(finally looking up from washing her face and paws)
Oh, leave her alone. At least she's actually trying
to learn something for herself.
MINAKO: *SNORE*
USAGI:(turns towards Luna)(Usagi's expression shows that
she is still rapt with wonder over the physics of
breakfast items)
Is it true that cats always land on their feet?
LUNA: Why, yes, we do.
(suddenly alarmed)
But you don't need to *test* that! You can take my
word for it!
USAGI:(speaking slowly, deep in thought) And toast always
lands butter side down.
(there is a brief pause, and then
a look of maniacal inspiration suddenly crosses
Usagi's face and she leaps up overturning her chair.
she keeps the toast firmly gripped in one hand while
reaching towards Luna with the other)
Somebody bring me some super glue! I've just had an
idea for an inexhaustible power source!
LUNA:(backing up against Ami's chest while arching her back,
flattening her ears, baring her teeth and extending her
claws)
*KEEP THAT DUMPLING-HEADED PSYCHOPATH AWAY FROM ME!!!!*
ARTEMIS:(finally waking up and raising his head)
Huh?
MINAKO: *SNORE*
(the scene dissolves into chaos as the curtain descends)