Mina-san, Ohayou.
In message <199802260210.SAA24363@m3.sprynet.com> Richard Lawson wrote:
: > -- Nick
: > -wondering when subtlety became an impossibility in fanfic writing.
Don't worry. I believe I read it the way you intended it. When I
read this passage, I got the impression that Ranma was concocting a
horror story to scare off Kodachi (hopefully permanently) and that
she was using her own experience with the curse and her bottled-up
feelings to lend her story more substance. She just changed male
and female around for her story and added some made-up stuff to
make it sound even more terrible.
: I dunno... you're hammering this message of "Male is Evil", and expect us
: to find the subtlety of "it's a ruse" underneath it? In no part of this
: chapter is there any indication that these aren't Ranma's and Kodachi's
: true feelings on the matter - male *is* evil.
That is because these *are*, for the most part, true feelings.
And that is because Ranma doesn't talk about "male=evil", but
about the change itself. What she is saying here is that being
involuntarily changed from one's birth gender to something
different in body and (purportedly) mind, over and over again at
the drop of a hat without any control over it whatsoever - *that*
is evil.
Read it again, and try to see it as a statement about involuntary
change - it does fit, and it explains why Ranma was so shaken by
her own words; even if some of it was just made up, a lot of it
originated in her own emotions.
: You can add something to indicate that this *is* a ruse. It can be
: something - I daresay - subtle, such as a small smile and a shake of
: Ranma's head as she watches Kodachi flee. That would work.
No, it wouldn't, because that is not what Ranma is feeling at that
moment. She has just let out a lot of her frustration, fear and
humiliation that she had bottled up, ever since she was changed
for the first time. She is shaken badly.
: But one also wonders why the "Male is Evil" part of this chapter even
: needs to be there. There could be a thousand other ways Ranma could get
: Kodachi to stop chasing her.
Yes, but she chose this one because gender roles and changing them
is at the moment foremost on her mind.
My suggestion to Nick is to rephrase the passage. It is
apparently written too male-specific, if it generates this
impression with so many readers. Try starting out with
male-specific statements and gradually going to statements about
the change itself. That would also convey how Ranma more and more
lets her own experiences flow into her story for Kodachi, and make
clearer why she was so shaken afterwards.
Sebastian