Money Talks
By Cassandra Jackson

Interesting shortfic but it feels incomplete. Now if it was 
your intention to use this as the teaser for a longer story, 
the plan worked. I definitely want to read more. If it's meant 
as a stand-alone, that's a shame because I think you are 
scratching the surface of what could be a very good fic. 

The idea behind this story, Nabiki giving up her schemes 
and manipulations, has been done before but you did a 
good job showing us Nabiki's way of thinking. Particularly 
during the flashback to the 'negotiations' she's had with 
Ranma and Kunou. 
 
One nice touch was the timing of Nabiki's crisis of conscience. 

Who would've guessed Naruya-sensei could get so TOUGH? she 
thought wryly. The new teacher had been quiet for a week, then 
*BOOM*! 

Shortly after this Nabiki begins to doubt herself and the motives she 
has used to make her money. Coincidence, or did this new teacher 
somehow influence Nabiki?

The last section, concerning the broken CD and the soccer ball, 
was effective when it concentrated on her thought process. It lost 
steam at the end with a series of trite statements: 

For a long time, she had only wanted to be rich in money.
Maybe now, she could be rich in something else.
Nabiki got up and began walking home, feeling the peace settle into her
soul.

The ideas behind the words are perfectly appropriate and I 
understand the intent, but the words themselves just seem 
awkward and clumsy. 

Overall, I enjoyed the story. It was worth reading even with the
flaws I saw in it. Nothing that can't be fixed in editing though, 
Good work.

Carlin




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