Ranma Al'Thor Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 1998 3:57 PM

On Tue, 17 Feb 1998, Richard Lawson wrote:

This didn't sound good.  The last thing Amano needed
was someone partaking of underestimation.  Too many
others had already made that same mistake.

partaking of underestimation sounds rather stilted to me.

Unless he's supposed to sound stilted.

Well, it *was* supposed to be reflective of how Amano talks, but you're
right, this can be written better.

You might want to either turn this into some compound
sentences or else change the subject a bit instead of
having them all start with 'He'.

Good point.  This has always been a weakness in my writing.

Komatsu frowned for a long moment.  "You're right.  Our
lives *suck*."

Hatta began crying.  "Why can't we get all the women you
do, Kasuga?"

Nice touch here :)

:)  I had fun with this scene.

Fortunately, the audience seemed to put it down to
wedding jitters, and laughed gently at his constant bumbling.

He'd have been more suspicious if he DID know what to say :)

Hehehehehehehehehehe.  Good point.  :D

Interesting story so far.

Thanks.

I assume they don't plan to kill 'Kazuya' because otherwise,
Kyousuke is pretty much doomed.

Well, there plan *is* to kill him, but slowly.

Anything that doesn't leave him a vegetable would be setting
themselves up to have him start turning mob goons into crazed
assassins, etc, etc.

Hehehe, true again.

You'll see in the next part.

Thanks for the comments, John.  I always appreciate them.

 John Walter Biles

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

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