Ranma 1/100th
Vol 1: A Date That Will Live in Infamy
Chapter 4
Credits:
Produced by Horde O' Hentai Productions, Literature Division
Darren Demaine: Chairman of the Horde, President for Life
(Chance of parole in 20 years)
Lee (Grey Wolf): Pun Minister, Guy We Rub for Luck
Rob (Barbarian): P.U. Officer, Breath Weapon Specialist
Craig (Dr. Ruminahui): Minister of Foreign Affairs
(Until we caught him at it)
Series Concept: Darren Demaine
Written by: Darren Demaine (Regular at the Pizza Cat;
Division Commander, Santovasku 6th Army;
Master of the Kaiser Wave)
Author not giving any royalties to: Takahashi Rumiko-no-megamisama
Chapter 4 of the 1/100th fan-fic. To comment on my work,
leave mail for me at [greywolf@ffarm.ampr.ab.ca]
What has previously happened: Offered a cure for the curse by the
kami Darken (brevet third class limited probational), the gang went
to Jhusenkyo only to be ambushed by Princess Yukino, who had quite
a complaint against Darken. In the resulting chaos, the cure was
stolen and the guys captured. It looks dark for our heroes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"Where they go?" Shampoo asked, turning towards her
great-grandmother. Cologne narrowed her eyes and looked over the
spot where the teleportation globe faded from sight.
"It is impossible to say, granddaughter. That was powerful
magic the princess used; I do not have the skill necessary to track
her."
Akane looked horrified. "But...but how will we get Ranma and
the others back?"
"There is only one way," Cologne said, her voice hard and
determined; setting herself for the grim task ahead.
"Yes?" the girls asked, leaning in.
"It is a dangerous option," Cologne continued, staring each
girl in the face for a moment. "The way is fraught with peril, the
risks immense; for we must take danger itself with us on this
path."
"Yes?" the girls continued. Cologne took a deep breath, and
paused; the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.
"We'll have to have Darken show us where she lives."
The girls face-faulted.
Nabiki rolled her eyes and wandered over to the pool that
Darken had taken the plunge into. A small amount of bubbles
continued to break the otherwise smooth surface. "Speaking of the
kami-chan; shouldn't we wait to see what the dip did to the drip?
He might not be in any condition to help us after he comes out of
this." After a moment of reflection, she turned to face the other
girls with a sly grin on her face. "Anyone care to place a bet on
what he comes out as?"
Before any money could be put down, a rumbling came forth from
the pool. Nabiki moved away as the water started to churn and
froth. Suddenly a shape burst up through the liquid, spraying
water everywhere. The dark entity landed on its hind legs and held
its front appendages up in an expression of rage.
"Damn you Yukino! How dare you attack a card-carrying member
of the divine! For that grave insult, you will surely suffer all
the wrath that I can call forth from heaven!"
Standing before the started girls was a very damp, but
certainly normal (relatively), Darken. His wet clothes plastered
to his frame and his damp hair flat, he pointed a finger where the
princess had been standing. "When I get my hands on you, I'll make
you regret you ever laid eyes on-" he stopped; blinked a few times,
and looked around quickly. "Oh," he muttered; sounding somewhat
let down. "She left already. Darn; and I had this great speech
worked out too." He started to wring out his clothes, then noticed
that the gang of girls was watching him with mixed expressions:
from Nabiki's bored gaze, to Kasumi's pleasant smile, to the looks
of surprise on most of the rest. "Er...is something wrong?" he
asked.
Akane came forward, hesitantly. "Darken; you fell into
Jhusenkyo. How come you haven't changed into something else?"
Darken paused, blinking. He turned to look at the pool he had
fallen into, then smirked. Turning back to the girls, his face
settled into a look of self-assured haughtiness. "It is because;
my dear humans, that I am above the petty little problems that you
fear. Because of my lofty position in the cosmos, I am immune to
things that cause great peril for ones such as you. The curse of
Jhusenkyo is but a molehill for one of my stature. I need not
remind you after all, that I am a kami."
"Oh my," Kasumi said, placing a hand to her cheek in
amazement. "The capacity of the kami are truly wonderful. Even
the powers of a brevet third class limited probational one."
Darken's look of greatness frayed a little around the edges at that
comment, but he held on.
"Of course; I laugh in the face of Jhusenkyo. Muhahahaha!!"
His proud, almost maniacal laughter rang out.
Cologne nodded. "Undoubtedly, Darken. And the fact that you
fell into the only pool in Jhusenkyo that never had anything drown
in it has no bearing on this at all."
His laughter cut off in mid ha, the image Darken portrayed
suffered a direct hit to its ramparts. His ego visibly crumbling
to dust, Darken slouching over and looked at the girls. "You know
about that?"
They all nodded. Blushing, Darken returned to drying himself
off. "We better get going. If I don't get to Yukino-sama soon,
there's no telling what could happen to the Dragon's Tooth."
"And we can't just let her have Ran-chan and the others,"
Ukyou said, readying her kick-ass spatula.
Darken looked up, startled. "Hmm...that's right. I suppose I
should save them too."
* * *
In the large, grand hall (seen in Darken's flash-back),
Princess Yukino was sitting on a elaborate throne at one end. To
one side of her chair, a clear glass case was set; locked tightly
by an ornate padlock. Inside the case, reflecting the lights from
above, the Dragon's Tooth was visible. On Yukino's other side,
Kaitei was standing impassively, his arms folded, staring at the
new arrivals with a sneer of disgust. Between the pillars that
lined the long hall, the men of the cast were slowly shaking their
heads as Yukino removed the hypnosis she had cast over them.
"Hey!" Ranma shouted. "I don't know what your problem is
lady, but we're not going to take being dragged here lying down!"
"That's right," Mousse added, readying a boomerang. "Return
me to my lovely Shampoo this instant!" The rest of the guys also
set themselves into poses of combat. Yukino looked down at them
with some amusement.
"Really now...calm yourselves gentlemen. It's already been
demonstrated that my powers can overwhelm you. You can't defeat
me, and I have an offer to make you."
"Why you-" Ranma began, about to rush her. Soun grabbed him
and whispered in his ear.
"Ranma-kun! She's right! We can't stand up to her bewitching
powers! Let's listen to what she has to say and see if we can work
something out. Besides, she might feed us if we're nice." For a
moment, Ranma snarled. He looked around for any way out, but
finally calmed down and paid attention; his eyes constantly being
drawn to the Dragon's Tooth.
Waiting for them to submit to the inevitable, Yukino nodded
slightly and began. "As you heard me say back in your world, I am
in the process of looking for a good man to become my husband."
"As if anyone would marry that stuffy, aggressive chick,"
Ranma muttered to himself. Ryoga elbowed him in the ribs to keep
quiet.
"For a long time I tried relying on matchmakers, suitors,
suggestions from friends and advisors. All failed. All the
choices were terrible men. Flawed beyond belief! All were only
interested in themselves! It was as if the gods themselves were
mocking me! Finally," here she growled, bearing her teeth. "I had
proof they were." She turned her head and looked at the pillar
nearest to her. Stapled up, there was a picture of a moronically
grinning Darken; several darts were stuck into the photo.
"At that point," Yukino continued, "I realized that if I
wanted something done right, I had to be willing to do it myself.
So, I have decided that you will be first lot of choices that I
pick myself. If necessary, I'll keep this up until I find
someone...anyone worthy enough to reign at my side." She stared at
the men critically. "Since you can't beat me, it's in your own
best interests to try and make the best of your situation.
Depending on how happy I am with my choice will determine if I
release the rest of you or not."
As the guys mulled the conditions over, Yukino nodded to
Kaitei. The bodyguard bowed, and turned to the men. "Who would
present himself before Princess Yukino-sama first?" Stepping
forwards proudly, Kuno struck a dashing pose and began to speak.
Happosai took that moment to use Kuno's head as a springboard
to jump forwards, driving Kuno's face into the floor.
"Yukino-chan!" the perverted master yelled as he bounded forwards.
"Wait no longer! Your loving groom Happo-chan is here!"
Kaitei slammed a fist into the bouncing hentai, knocking him
into a pillar. Reaching into the imprint Happosai left in the
stone, the bodyguard yanked the stunned master out and held him up
before Yukino for inspection.
She barely spared him a glance then waved her hand in a
shooing motion. "Too short and way too old." Kaitei turned back
to the guys, let go of Happosai, and punted him across the hall
into the far wall.
Yukino looked over at Soun, who jumped at the critical way she
eyed him; he'd seen the same look in his middle daughter's eyes
before. "Hmm...nothing too impressive; a strictly regular face, a
rather dull body, can't say much for the hair...I can't imagine why
anyone would choose him for a husband," the princess finally
remarked.
While Soun's body shrunk in proportion to his diminishing ego,
the princess turned her gaze on Genma. Sweating wildly, Genma
started to babble. "Really now, Yukino-sama!...Surely you could
find a better choice then myself!" Images of Nodoka and her sword
danced through his head. "There are younger, stronger men here!
Besides, I'm already married! It would really be unfortunate for
me...er, I mean you, if my wife came looking for me...er, I mean
us!"
Hearing that, Yukino's face grimaced for a moment, then she
turned her eyes to Kuno, who had pulled his face from the floor.
Noticing that she was looking at him, Kuno flicked his hair back.
"Like the mailman who brings forth good tidings, so does the
gaze of fair damsels finally arrive at Kuno Tatewaki, age 17. As
the remote control allows sampling of the best the airwaves have to
offer; so will the affections of my glorious self bestow upon you
the multiple joys of this life. As only I have the breeding,
character, class and grace to truly treat a gentle rose like
yourself properly; so thus must you close your eyes to further
searching, while opening them to my magnificent self. For your
sake, fair princess, I will date with you!"
By now, Yukino was slouched in her throne, leaning her cheek
against her fist. "I hate poetry," she said.
"Picky girl," Soun muttered as Yukino's attention shifted to
Mousse.
"The glasses give you a serious air," the princess admitted.
"What can you bring to me as my husband?"
Mousse pointed his finger, a defiant look firmly planted on
his face. "I will never, ever, be your husband! For my heart
belongs to only one other! To make me forget my lovely Shampoo,
you'll have to hypnotize me for the rest of my life! Enslave my
body and mind, but my heart will always fly free with the clouds!"
Mousse's speech was impassioned, pure, and delivered from the
soul. It was a heartfelt speech that was presented, with feeling,
to a pillar.
The princess slouched in her chair even more. "I knew finding
a good man would be difficult," she muttered. "But suddenly, those
previous choices I mentioned don't seem so bad." Trying a
different strategy, Yukino straightened up and beamed charmingly at
the next contestant. "You know," she hinted to Ryoga, "you're
really cute." He blushed. "I think I might be able to get to like
you; what do you think?"
His face crimson, Ryoga scratched the back of his head.
"Ah...you think so? Y-you really do?" He smiled foolishly. "I-I
don't know what to say...It-it's all so s-s-sudden..."
Her hand over her eyes, Yukino moaned softly as she shook her
head. "He could, at least, possess a backbone." Eyes filled with
utter despair, she turned her gaze on Ranma. "And how about you?
Are you as flawed as the rest of this lot?"
"Wouldn't you like to know, you stuffy bitc-" Before finishing
that sentence, Ranma was mobbed by the rest of the gang who covered
his mouth and dragged him behind a pillar. Ryoga waved his hand at
the princess. "Excuse us! We'll have him back in a moment."
"Ranma!" his father whispered at him urgently. "What do you
think you're doing?"
"What am I doing?!" he snapped back quietly. "I'm trying to
tell that pushy, overbearing, so-called girl were exactly she can-"
Mousse clobbered Ranma over the head. "Baka!" he whispered.
"She's rejected the rest of us. You're the only person left who
can get close enough to her to get that Dragon's Tooth."
"We're this close to a cure," Ryoga said, grabbing him by his
collar. "I'm not going to let you mess it up! Now go and be a
good little fiancee for that princess!"
"Come on Ranma, it's not like another fiancee is really going
to cause you that much trouble," Mousse informed him.
Ranma's father nodded. "What's one more when you still have
to work it out with the other six girls I-" Genma suddenly realized
what he'd said and clasped his own hands over his mouth.
"Six?!?" Ranma shouted at his father, shock rapidly turning
into anger.
From her chair, Yukino watched as Genma sailed through the air
and crashed into a pillar opposite from the rest. Ranma walked
into sight and stomped up in front of her. Taking a deep breath,
Ranma coughed once, then wiped his face of the annoyed look he
normally had; replacing it with a determined, yet compassionate
expression.
"I can understand your problem," he began, turning on all the
patented charm of the
Saotome-Ryu-school-of-making-women-fall-in-love-with-you. "And
since you'll only accept the best, I know that you'll choose me
from this lot of sorry losers."
Yukino looked him over. "Kind of arrogant, aren't you?" she
remarked, sizing him up; Ranma bared his teeth at that.
"Listen up, you stup-" he began before Ryoga and the others
rose up from behind and clobbered him. While everyone clutched a
limb, Ryoga held Ranma's head up and mouth closed.
"Sure he's arrogant, but just look at the possibilities! A
backbone that never bends, no matter what happens; he couldn't
recite poetry if his life depended on it! Definitely nothing bland
about him! And his features! Well, I admit the face could do with
some serious work, but otherwise, it's a real find!"
"Since when did you become my cheering section?" Ranma
whispered.
"Shut up and keep smiling," Ryoga whispered back. Each of the
others used this opportunity to try and twist Ranma's limbs into
positions as yet unconsidered by the chiropractic profession;
struggling for a few moments, Ranma finally broke free of the grasp
and clobbered Happosai over the head. "That hurts!"
The ancient master responded by flipping Ranma into the air;
he came down hard on Kuno's head. Swinging his sword, 'Blue
Thunder' kongked Mousse; four seconds later the whole gang was busy
in one of their dust-raising brawls.
The princess silently watched the result for a long moment,
then responded with a simple smile. She stood up from her chair
and walked over. The fight died down by the time she got there,
and she looked at Ranma, who was standing on his father's head.
"What I've seen of you so far impresses me. You're obviously
a fighter and a determined man. I won't have anyone less then
someone I can respect by my side. What is your name?"
"Saotome Ranma."
"Very well, Saotome Ranma, I will take you as my own." She
reached out her arms and took Ranma by his hands. Without turning,
she spoke to her bodyguard. "Kaitei, take the rest of
these...guests...down to a chamber and see that they are watched.
I have some things to discuss with my new fiancee."
Glancing daggers at Ranma, Kaitei bowed and began to shoo the
guys out of the room. As the gang parted company, each was deep in
there own thoughts.
Ranma, smiled at the princess, his thoughts elsewhere: <I
don't care what it takes, I'll get that cure!>
Ryoga, grinning as he watched the princess with his rival:
<Once Akane-san sees that Ranma picked up another woman of his own
free will; heheheh. It's finally the opening I need!>
Mousse, also considering the princess and Ranma: <Shampoo will
never forgive Saotome for taking another bride! Finally; my true
love will come to me!>
Kuno: <How impure are the acts of Saotome. It is so like one
such as him to proclaim one love, then to flaunt that love by the
attempted conquest of another. His behaviour is most shameful!
Never will I forgive him!>
Soun: <Saotome-kun will not get out of his promise that
easily!>
Genma: <Ranma marrying up in the world...hmm...Nodoka would
like that.>
Happosai: <I wonder where the chambers of the
ladies-in-waiting are?>
The guys finally led out of the chamber, the princess smiled
up at her new man. "I hope you don't mind, but there's someone I
just simply have to tell about our engagement." Her smile changed,
becoming more predatory as her brows drew together. "With any
luck, he'll just DIE when he hears the news...or he'll just die
anyway..."
* * *
Outside, on a gently rolling plain that seemed to possess
ethereal beauty, a small speck of light was glimmering. After a
moment, it expanded into a large, blue globe of energy. With a
small 'popping' noise, it vanished, leaving seven figures standing
on the alien plane.
Taking a look around, Darken nodded. "There, I told ya if you
gave me enough time, I'd eventually find Yukino-sama's place.
Besides; stopping at the Bazaar of Deva was a learning experience
for you all."
Ukyou, finished looking around, turned back to their guide.
"I don't see any palace nearby. Where is that snotty, boy-stealing
girl anyway?"
"I teleported us a small ways away from the palace," Darken
explained, facing the girls. "The key element to a successful
mission is stealth, and Yukino-sama couldn't possibly know where
I've brought you."
"Want to bet," came a new voice from behind Darken.
"AAAAA!!" replied the kami; who leapt four feet vertical, and
six feet horizontal in surprise. He ended up clutching Cologne
much the same way Cologne held onto her walking stick; with both
arms and legs.
Behind the spot Darken had just vacated, there was a slightly
transparent hologram of Princess Yukino; a sly grin on her face.
Bowing mockingly, she waved one hand out. "Welcome to my realm."
Kasumi bowed politely in return. "Thank you very much for
your welcome. I hope that as guests we don't inconvenience you too
much."
Cologne looked at the kami hanging onto her for a moment, then
knocked him to the ground. Stunned, Darken stared up at the
hologram. "Well...I'd never have thought to look for us here," he
muttered.
"Darken," Yukino said, sounding snide, "as a kami, you do more
to promote a belief in atheism than any other being in the
universe."
Shampoo stepped forwards. "You give Shampoo back her Ranma
right now!"
The hologram smiled a secret smile that left everyone watching
a little uneasy. "I'm afraid that won't be possible, my dears.
You see, I've invited him to my forth-coming wedding; and I just
couldn't imagine the event to be complete without him. In fact, I
think I'll show you the groom right now."
With a flicker beside her hologram, another ghostly image
appeared. A tall, dark haired figure with a pony-tail and one hand
rubbing the back of his head. On his face, a stupid and clearly
hesitant grin split his features as he watched the girls nervously.
"RANMA!?!"
Nabiki shook her head. "I knew she was desperate for a
husband, but I didn't realize it was this bad."
"He's not hypnotized is he?" Cologne asked, staring at her
future son-in-law closely.
"Nope," Darken muttered; his electronic notebook making
tri-corder noises. "According to this, he's freely accepting the
ball and chain."
"Ran-chan," Ukyou asked, her voice threatening to break, "what
are you doing? Tell me you aren't marrying that-that woman."
Gulping once, Ranma took a moment to speak. "E-easy there
everyone; it's all under control. I'm sure you realize," he began,
trying to drop a hint to the girls, "that she's the only one who
can give me what I really want."
Naturally, the girls took it the wrong way.
"NANI?!" "How dare you say that!" "Shampoo always ready to
give Ranma what he want! What Ranma need now is pounding!"
"Ranma! When I get my hands on you, I'll-"
Getting to his feet while this was going on, Darken walked
towards the projection of Yukino. A serious look on his face,
Darken asked, "Yukino-sama; are you truly going to marry him?" The
princess, smirking, nodded once. "Well," Darken continued,
seriously. "In that case..."
His face suddenly spit into a huge grin. "Your wish is
fulfilled! Since you found him chasing after me; I'm responsible
for finding you a husband!"
KA-BAM!!
When the flashes of colour faded, the resulting scene
displayed Darken's face driven into the ground, with his hands
doing the pointer, pinkie, and thumb extension. On top of his head
was a brightly coloured mace, a large spatula, and a very heavy
wooden mallet.
While Ukyou and Shampoo alternated between pointing accusing
fingers at Yukino and trying to outdo the other for Ranma's
attention, Akane was gently rubbing a finger over the rose clipped
to her blouse. Nabiki leaned over to her sister. "While I realize
he isn't much, aren't you going to fight for him?" With her lower
lip between her teeth, Akane looked up at the two ghostly figures;
then stepped forwards with a determined pace.
"Yukino," she said in a voice that cut through the bickering
of the other two girls. All heads (except Darken's, who was busy
trying to pull it from the ground) turned her way. "There is
something about him you must know."
<Oh please,> Ranma thought, sweating. <Don't tell her we're
iinazuke, Akane! She's fickle enough as is! That could kill any
chance I'll have to get the Tooth!>
"I have made my choice," the princess said, haughtily.
"Nothing you say could possibly be of any consequence."
"No?" Akane asked, giving her own sly smile to the princess.
"Well then, how about this..." She paused, noticing that everyone
was staring at her, waiting for her response. Taking a nervous
breath, she continued, "R-Ranma is-"
"Arrogant, selfish, stupid, lazy, rough, crude, headless,
cheap, unfaithful, a glutton, rude, short tempered, a pervert,
opinionated, battle happy, and he can't hold his liquor."
Ranma's face, while it still possessed that look of fear, was
transformed somewhat by the large sweat drop running down the side
of his head.
Nabiki slouched. "An interesting way to fight for him,
Akane," she muttered.
Darken leaned over to Kasumi and whispered, "They're iinazuke?
Engaged?"
Kasumi nodded, smiling. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Darken shuddered. "Glad I'm not assigned to the romance
division."
Ranma came out of his funk. "Don't listen to that jealous
girl, Yukino. She's just a kawaikune thing that's going to grow
into some bitter old spinster."
"Better than chasing after skirts all the time like you do,
you pervert! Earth girls aren't easy enough for you? I can't
imagine why she'd choose you! Obviously she doesn't know you for
the loser you are!"
"Well, at least she's got taste! Unlike those desperate
princes that took you the last two times! If I was them, I'd
certainly not lower my standards to someone like you-"
"Since when would a jerk like you have any idea about what's
good in life?"
"As if a tomboy could truly understand why I'd choose to spend
my time with a real lady! She can offer me things that you
obviously can't even imagine!"
Akane picked up the nearest thing to throw at Ranma, which
happened to be Darken. The hologram shattered into inexistence as
the kami was hurtled through it. Darken sailed on for a moment,
before his nose caught in the dirt and he ploughed out a divot with
his face.
Ukyou looked at the princess with a determined glare. "We're
coming for Ran-chan! And you aren't going to be able to stop us!"
Akane, fuming with anger, also turned to the image. "You can
keep that baka, I'm just going for Otosan!"
Chuckling mirthlessly, Yukino faded from sight. "I'm looking
forwards to watching you come to me girls."
Darken staggered back to the group; Nabiki looked over at him,
"So, where do we go from here?"
"Well," Darken began, "her palace is surrounded by a
maze-garden that is quite impressive." He turned to scan the
horizon. "Fortunately, if you stay with me, I'll be able to deal
with all the guards and other nastiness that she keeps there."
While Darken was talking and scanning the horizon, individual
teleportation globes formed over the girls, then with a bright
flash, everyone except Darken faded from sight.
Turning back to the disappeared group, Darken continued, "So
try and not get separated, OK? Hey, is anyone lis-" His eyes
wide, Darken blinked once; then looked left, right, up, and down.
After a moment, the look of blank stupidity on his face was
replaced by a grimace of pure shame/disgust. Putting his hand to
his face, he muttered. "Ooh...Urd's never going to let me live
this one down."
* * *
In Yukino's private reading room, the princess was finishing
the teleportation spells she'd cast. Done, she turned to face
Ranma, who was sitting in an easy chair by the fire.
"I hope that teaches something to that pathetic excuse for a-"
Yukino looked over at Ranma and stopped suddenly. Smiling weakly,
she collapsed back into another chair. "I'm sorry for that
outburst Ranma-san. I'm not usually this way; it's just that,"
here her face went livid for a second, "That so called kami makes
me so angry!"
Letting go of her anger, she sighed and smiled at him. "I
apologize for kidnapping you. I realize that it must seem a
horrible act, and I can understand if you feel upset over it."
Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, Ranma struggled to come
up with a reply. "Naw...don't worry about it; I've had lots worse
done to me. Besides; it's not too hard to get ticked off with
Darken."
Yukino seemed to relax, visibly. "That's very kind of you to
say. It's not often I hear from people who actually seem to care
about my feelings." Ranma made a questioning grunt. "As I reign
over this land, people keep coming to me to get things done. They
all want things, things that they benefit from: laws, titles,
recognition, huge tracts of land...Just once, I'd like to have
someone whom I can trust to place my feelings before any selfish
concerns."
"And you think that I'll be the right guy for you?" Ranma
asked, thinking about the Dragon's Tooth.
Yukino smiled at that comment and cocked her head to one side.
"You're so sure of yourself and willing to stand by your
convictions despite what the world throws at you. That's a kind of
determination that I can truly respect. It also shows a strength
of character that I can lean on in times of need. For me to see
that combination of elements...well, its a rare find."
Unused to hearing himself being praised, Ranma shifted even
more uncomfortably in his chair. Looking up at her, he returned a
hesitant smile. <Ya know, when she's not busy threatening people's
lives...she's kind of cute...> Ranma quickly shook his head to
wipe out that thought. <No! I'm here for the Dragon's Tooth and
nothing else!>
A soft knock came at the door, and a lady-in-waiting entered,
then placed a tray of food down on the table. Bowing, she handed a
letter to Yukino, then left the room. The princess read the note
and sighed.
"I'm sorry, Ranma-san. A situation has come up involving
matters of state. I'll have to leave for a time and take care of
it. If you'll excuse me," she said as she got up and started to
leave.
"Wait!" Ranma interrupted. "What did you do to the others
that were with Darken?"
One hand on the door, she looked back at him. "Oh, I
teleported them to the garden-maze. The guards should keep them
there until I decide what to do with them. Why? Are they
important to you?"
"No, not really. They're just friends," Ranma muttered.
"Just friends." He looked up to see Yukino watching him closely.
He put on a smile and waved his hand. "Come on now, Yukino-san.
Wouldn't want to keep whoever you have business with waiting, do
you?" After a moment, she nodded and left.
Ranma waited for a time, then reached over to the plate of
food and picked up a pitcher. Overturning it above his head, he
lost a little height and gained a whole lot of curves.
"Just as I have business with that Dragon's Tooth."
Determined, Ranma-chan headed to the door. After a moment, she
raced back, scarffed down the food on the plate, then left the
room.
* * *
Akane looked around her. A moment ago, she had been standing
with the rest of the girls; then suddenly, a bright light and now
she was here, alone in what seemed to be an unusual garden. The
walls that surrounded her were close to four stories in height;
high above, the tops an intricate system of aqueducts was visible,
carrying the water to feed the plants and the large number of pools
and shallow streams that decorated the place. The plants of the
garden themselves were hanging down the lengths of the walls,
arranged in attractive patterns.
The walls were fairly close together, forming a narrow channel
down in one direction. A vine covered wall was behind her, and
ahead she could see several openings, leading to other corridors
perhaps.
She began to walk forwards. "Darken said something about a
maze made out of a garden," she recalled. "If that's so, then if I
solve this maze, I'll be at the palace."
Suddenly, several men stepped in front of her; coming from one
of the side passageways. They were dressed in light mail armour,
and carried long pikes that probably doubled as gardening tools.
"Halt!" One of them said. "The Princess Yukino has instructed that
you proceed no farther. Hold fast and no one will get hurt!"
Akane's face slipped into an amused glare. "So you guys are
here to stop me from giving Ranma the pounding he so richly
deserves?" She cracked her knuckles, then began to pick up the
pace towards them. "Let's see how good you really are." Running
now, Akane kicked herself into the air and aimed at the closest
guy. "Hai-ya!"
In different locations throughout the maze, Ukyou, Shampoo,
and Cologne were also busy toasting the other obligatory Faceless
Minions of Evil.
* * *
Sneaking through the halls of the palace, Ranma-chan was
trying to find her way back to the throne room. Unfortunately, the
place was huge, and she wasn't having any luck.
"Why can't we ever be kidnapped by people who live in regular
houses?" Ranma wondered as she stopped to rest.
"You there!" Ranma jumped at the voice. Turning around, she
saw Kaitei stalking towards her. "Just who are you? I've never
seen you before."
"Uh...I'm...I'm one of Princess Yukino-sama's
ladies-in-waiting!" Ranma replied, trying an attempt to curtsy.
"Are you positive you haven't seen me around before?"
Kaitei looked at her closely. "I'm sure I've never seen you
before...odd, because you do look kind of familiar."
Ranma-chan gulped, then batted her eyes at him. "Oh, I'm sure
you say that to all the girls!"
Kaitei backed off, shaking his head. Before he walked away,
Ranma asked, "I'm-I'm supposed to clean the throne room today; but
I seem to have gotten lost. Which way is it?"
"Two floors up, east wing," Kaitei replied. After another bad
curtsy, Ranma bolted away.
"Just a moment," the bodyguard said; Ranma froze, turning to
face him slowly. "Have you seen the princess' fiancee?" Before
she could think about it, Ranma nodded. "Then...could you tell
me...as a woman; what do you think about him?"
"Ah...oh...I think that she made a great choice," Ranma began.
Then she giggled girlishly. "I mean, he's so cute, strong,
powerful, determined." She began to check things off on her
fingers. "Masculine, stalwart, unflinching, a real man-"
"Enough," Kaitei held up his hand; a depressed look clouded
his face. "I should be happy for her. At last she's found someone
who she can truly care for." After a moment, his fist relaxed and
a self mocking smile crossed his features.
"Someone who might just be worthy for a princess like her."
He waved his hand at Ranma, "Continue with your duties; and
please...don't mention this to anyone."
Ranma curtsied, then fled down the corridor.
* * *
In the garden-maze, Kasumi was wiping her hands on her
apron. "Please don't think it rude of me, offering to cook you
nice guards a meal; but I have to thank you for entertaining me
while your princess is busy."
Stuffing their faces with her cooking, the four guards looked
up at her. "It's no trouble at all, ojosan," one of them said.
"We were only told to detain...er...I mean, entertain you." He
went back to eating.
Kasumi smiled, then looked at the foodstuff the guards had
brought her. "Ah! We're out of sauce." She looked at the guards,
still eating. "Don't worry yourselves, I'll go get some more for
you at the palace." With that, she bowed and walked further into
the maze.
One guard looked up. "Shouldn't we stop her?"
"Go after her if you want to," another said. "Leaves more for
the rest of us." The guards looked at one another for a moment,
then returned to eating.
* * *
"A full flush," Nabiki replied, placing her cards down. The
four guards all looked down at her hand, then groaned.
Behind Nabiki was a large pile of money, weapons, and most of
the guards' clothing. Sitting only in their underwear, the guards
looked miserable. "Pay up," Nabiki prompted.
"Have a heart," one the guards pleaded. "We don't have
anything else to give you."
Nabiki thought for a moment, then smiled and began to shuffle
the cards again. "Tell you what; one final game, double or
nothing. If any of you win, you'll get your stuff back. If I win,
I get passage by you gentlemen. Agreed?"
* * *
Carefully easing the door open, Ranma-chan peered into the
throne room. Inside, the hall was empty; not a soul was present in
the chamber. Stepping inside a little more, Ranma looked down the
hall and could see the Dragon's Tooth; still in the glass case.
Silently easing all the way in, Ranma gently pushed the door shut
so it wouldn't make a sound. Smiling slightly, she moved off
towards the Tooth.
She got two steps before the door behind her was kicked off
its hinges and landed on her, slamming her to the floor.
The male members of Team Ranma all ran over the door, heading
towards the trophy case at the other end of the hall.
"Finally!!" yelled Ryoga, "I'll be a complete man again!!"
The headlong charge stopped when they heard the sounds of
people coming in from the hall behind them. With a sudden move,
the guys all hid behind the hall's pillars.
Shaking with anger, Ranma pushed the door up and glared out.
"When I get my hands on those-"
Too busy talking to notice, Yukino and Kaitei both walked over
the door, once more driving Ranma flat.
"Are you telling me that the girls managed to defeat the
guards I sent to keep them under control?" the princess asked as
she sat down on her throne, somewhat annoyed.
Kaitei bowed, then activated a Zentron-like viewing screen.
It quickly flashed between scenes of guards in various states of
pain, defeat, and embarrassment. One set of guards were buck-naked
and staring at a deck of cards miserably; another group were fast
asleep, their stomachs bulging.
"As you can see, your highness, not one group of guards were
able to stop them. Currently, the invaders are deep in the garden
maze, making good time towards the palace. All except that kami,
who seems to be travelling in circles."
"Hmm," the princess muttered. "Obviously, it's time to take
off the gloves. Take any action you feel is necessary to stop
them. I don't want them interfering in the up-coming-" she
suddenly stopped and looked down the hall.
Mousse, Ryoga, Soun, Kuno, Genma and Happosai had all shouted
and jumped into sight at her words.
"I will never allow you to harm Akane-san!" Ryoga shouted.
Mousse held out a fist, "I will protect Shampoo no matter what
you try and do!"
"Those are my daughters out there!" Soun interjected.
"It is up to gentlemen to protect the fair sweet ladies. Harm
shall not come to them so long as Kuno Tatewaki stands firm!"
"If you harm Kasumi-san," Genma shouted, "who will cook us
dinner?"
"Yukino-chan? What's your bra size?" Happosai asked.
Looking down at the guys with a startled expression that
rapidly became a frosty glare, she replied, "I do not know how you
managed to get free, but I will not listen to pathetic threats.
Remember, your minds are mine to play with."
Finally tossing the door off herself, Ranma-chan got up and
marched forwards. Everyone turned to face her as she approached; a
determined look on her face.
"Ranma!! I've been so worried about you!!" Happosai shouted
as he buried himself between Ranma's breasts; Ranma screamed,
losing the determined look.
Kuno used his sword to bash the perverted master to the floor.
"Hentai! How dare you treat a woman so shamefully! Yours is a
character as shallow as a kitchen sink filled with dish water."
That said, Kuno promptly grabbed Ranma-chan in his arms. "You came
for me, Osagi-no-onna! How my heart cries forth joy!" Ranma
screamed again.
Mousse clobbered the two of them. "Do you mind?! There are
more important things to be concerned about at the moment!"
Rubbing her head, Ranma nodded, hit Kuno once for good
measure, and stepped out to face the princess and her bodyguard.
"Since I'm a girl, your hypnosis power won't work on me. Be a good
girl and hand over that Dragon's Tooth and everyone will be happy."
"You!" Kaitei shouted. "How dare a servant of the princess
act against her in any way! You will be punished for your
disobedience!"
Yukino looked closely at the red-headed girl before her.
"You're not one of my servants...Who are you, and why do you act
with these fools?"
"Does it matter?" Ranma asked. "I'm going to take that Tooth,
and you can't stop me."
"No, but if I hypnotize the others to stop you, they'll be
able to," the princess replied calmly. "Now, once again, who are
you?"
Ranma paused at her words; she really didn't feel up to
fighting the whole rest of the gang at once. Then, she thought
about a strategy to distract Yukino.
"Don't you recognize me?" Ranma began, sarcasm dripping from
her voice. "I'm heartbroken! To think that you, who professed her
love for me only an hour ago, would no longer know your fiancee!
It moves me to tears." With a dramatic gesture, Ranma put the back
of her hand to her forehead and leaned back.
Yukino blinked, then slowly got to her feet. She took a step
forwards and looked more closely. "Masaka...you can't be...it's
not possible..."
"You were complaining about everyone wanting something from
you;" Ranma continued, driving the stake home and twisting it.
"Well, I want something as well. That Dragon's Tooth is all that
you can offer me; nothing else is of any interest. I couldn't care
less about your pathetic troubles with men! I'm not surprised that
no guy has ever managed to present himself as worthy to you: a
stuck-up, pushy chick like you couldn't buy a husband."
The princess staggered back, falling into her chair. Her face
blanketed by a look of pure shock and dismay, she stared at Ranma.
After a moment, her mouth finally began to work. "Onna..." she
whispered. "The man I chose...he's a woman..." For a moment,
tears threatened to break from her eyes, then she threw her head
back and shouted with uncontrolled fury and pain into the air,
"DAMN YOU DARKEN!! YOU PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING, DIDN'T YOU!?!"
* * *
"A-CHOOO!!!"
Darken looked around. "Hmm...someone must be talking about
me." Shrugging, the kami turned back to face the armoured figure
before him.
"Let me see if I understand this correctly, good sir knight.
If I'm to pass by you, I have to bring you...a shrubbery?"
"Nee," replied the knight.
* * *
Weeping bitterly, the princess buried her face in her arms.
"Curse you Darken!! You knew this would happen!! You planned it
all along!!" Sobbing, she paid no attention to anything around
her.
Looking somewhat uncomfortable with what she'd done, Ranma
muttered, "Come on, while she's distracted; let's get what we came
for." The gang moved forwards, only to have Kaitei block their
path; his body set into a fighting stance.
"For what you fiends have done to the princess, you'll pay!
So long as I'm here, the Tooth will remain untouched!" With that,
the bodyguard began to run towards the gang.
First in line was Happosai. Throwing Happodaikarins, he
shouted, "Yukino-chan!! Let your darling Happo-chan comfort you!!"
as he closed in. Kaitei leapt up and hit both firecrackers with
circle kicks, knocking them back towards the master. They landed
right in front of Happosai and exploded. The master staggered from
the explosions, then was driven hard into the ground when Kaitei
stepped on him with all his weight.
Kuno ran forwards next. "What Osagi-no-onna desires, her ever
so humble and modest servant, Kuno Tatewaki, will procure for her!"
With a blur of speed, Kuno released the multi-Thunder Strike.
Weaving and dodging, Kaitei avoided the blows, waiting his chance.
Kuno pulled back and released a mighty thrust at Kaitei's face.
Cocking his head, the bodyguard allowed the blade to pass by his
ear; when Kuno was at full extension, he reached up and grabbed the
blade with both hands; one near the point, the other by Kuno's
grip. With a quick, strong motion, he pulled the tip of the sword
down, and pushed the handle end up. Not releasing his grip in
time, Kuno was launched up, the sword torn from his grasp. Flying
into the air, Kuno flew upside down across the hall, in a pose of
calm control; then he crashed into the roof of the chamber. After
a moment, gravity slowly pulled his frame from his imprint in the
ceiling, and he fell heavily to leave a matching imprint in the
floor.
Attacking as one, both Soun and Genma charged Kaitei; fists
drawn back, the two fathers stopped and started to throw their
punches as one. Kaitei ducked, held Kuno's sword horizontally
between his two hands; and then casually tossed it at the fathers.
Surprised, Soun grabbed the tip while Genma caught the grip.
Running between the started two, Kaitei reached out and caught the
middle of the sword with one hand. Using the wooden blade like a
gymnast's bars, the bodyguard swung around once with a giant swing
to build up momentum, then V-ed his legs and kicked both fathers in
the face.
As the older men crashed to the floor, Mousse set himself.
"For my darling Shampoo!!" he shouted as he threw his arms out
towards Kaitei. From his sleeves, half-a-dozen sharp, pointy
instruments with chains attached hurtled themselves at Kaitei.
Juking and dodging, the bodyguard sprang out of the way, then
reached out both arms. Grabbing hold of the chains, he gave a
mighty tug and pulled Mousse from his feet. Spinning in place,
Kaitei swung Mousse around at the end of the chains, then suddenly
let go. No longer held in an orbit, Mousse flew through the air
and crashed into a pillar. The chains followed him a second later
and wrapped themselves around Mousse, trapping him.
Ryoga super-jumped into the air and threw his umbrella. That
thrown, he grabbed several bandanna shurikens and let them fly. He
followed that up with a descending kick.
Unfortunately, Kaitei side-stepped the umbrella, and caught it
by the handle. Swinging it around like a baseball bat, he
intercepted the incoming bandannas, and batted them back at Ryoga.
Surprised, Ryoga twisted, trying to dodge his own attacks. Several
bandannas tore his shirt, and he was forced to land without
finishing the kick. Kaitei charged him; spinning the umbrella
around, he pointed the handle at Ryoga, and thrust it at his head.
Twisting to one side, the pole missed Ryoga's face, passing close
to his ear. Still shoving it forwards, Kaitei opened the umbrella,
and the iron rain-guard caught Ryoga in the face. Now pushing it
downwards, Kaitei drove the handle into the stone floor, smashing
Ryoga's face between the floor and the super-strong rain guard as
the pole sunk into the floor. Delivering a kick to the centre of
the umbrella, Kaitei drove the pole deep into the stone, trapping
Ryoga.
Turning to face the only person not yet defeated, Kaitei
smiled grimly. "You will pay severely for making the princess cry,
you fiend."
Ranma-chan growled. "Stop talking and start fighting! Kashu
Tenshin Amaguriken!!"
Throwing a multitude of punches, Ranma charged. Kaitei tried
blocking the strikes with his forearms and did a very good job;
only a few of the hundred punches Ranma threw in four seconds
managed to get through, but it did force Kaitei back.
Back-flipping away, Kaitei wiped the sweat off his lip.
"Ooh...you're very good. Almost good enough to be worthy for the
princess."
"Like anyone would want that high and mighty wench!" Ranma
growled.
Kaitei snarled. "You will not speak of Yukino-sama that way!"
he shouted as he resumed the attack. Throwing a roundhouse kick,
Ranma leaned back and let it pass by. While Kaitei's back was to
her, Ranma jabbed. Pulling his own legs out from under him, Kaitei
dipped beneath the fist and landed on his hands; working a leg
trip, he knocked Ranma down. As both sprang to their feet, Kaitei
let loose a barrage of kicks and punches. Ranma dodged most of
them, finding it difficult to find an opening.
The two fighters parried back and forth for several blows,
each getting in some good hits; neither one able to deliver the
finishing strike. By now, the defeated guys had staggered over to
the sidelines and were watching the battle. Princess Yukino had
stopped bawling, and was watching the fight as well, still
sniffling.
With a snarl on his face, Kaitei took a punch in the ribs from
Ranma, then drew back his arm and threw an open claw attack at the
red head's face. Sidestepping the blow, Kaitei's hand slid past
Ranma's ear, missing her head. Then Kaitei's snarl changed to a
fighter's grin; reaching behind Ranma's head, his open hand caught
hold of Ranma's ponytail, which was trailing behind her head.
Suddenly spinning in the other direction from Ranma' sidestep,
Kaitei used all his upper body strength to pull Ranma off her feet
and spin her around. Centrifugal force rose Ranma higher and
higher; Kaitei waited for a moment, then released his hold on her
hair. Wildly tumbling out of control, Ranma-chan flew through the
air, and smashed into one of the pillars.
For a moment, she didn't move from her spiderwebbed
indentation. Then, with a terrifying snarl on her face, she forced
herself to her feet.
"That does it! This fight ends now!!" Setting herself, she
began to growl softly, slowly raising it in volume. As this
happened, the soft glow of focusing ki surrounded her body.
Kaitei, about to continue his attack, noticed this and
stopped. Holding his place, he crossed his arms in front of his
chest in an X pattern; he too began to softly growl, and a red aura
also began to highlight him.
Now holding her hands slightly apart, Ranma-chan began to form
an energy sphere. Raising it up before her, she shouted out
suddenly, "Moukou Takabisha!!" Throwing her hands open, a beam of
energy flashed out from her palms and sped towards her opponent.
Waiting until the beam almost hit him, Kaitei braced himself
and shouted, "Waku Hebi Taoshite!!" His red aura flashed into
bright brilliance as Ranma's strike crashed into him. His figure
was picked up and tossed away in the energy.
"Springing Snake Knock Down?!" Happosai shouted, surprised.
"I've heard of this special attack. Look into Ranma's beam!"
The gang looked into the beam of energy that continued to flow
from Ranma. The strike crossed the room, finally washing its
energy into one of the pillars that lined the opposite wall.
Inside the yellow energy beam, a red glow was visible, pressed up
against the pillar.
"The power of Ranma's strike is pressing against Kaitei's ki!
Like a spring, the more power Ranma applies, the more potential
energy the ki builds up! Then finally, when the force of the
attack is expended, it's like letting go of a spring; all that
energy is released in the direction the attack came from!"
Feeling her ki energy rapidly being drained by her strike,
Ranma looked down into her own beam. Far across the hall, she
could see the red glow fighting against her blast. Inside the
glow, she could just make out Kaitei; his body parallel to the
ground, his feet pressed up against the pillar, his knees bent in a
crouching position. Determined to win, she focused more energy
down her beam, but the red glow intensified just as much. Finally
unable to hold the beam any longer, Ranma staggered and the blast
dissipated.
As the energy no longer pressed against it, the red aura
around Kaitei burst. His legs sprang straight, and he uncoiled
from the wall and flew across the chamber along the path Ranma's
beam had travelled. Her inner strength drained, Ranma-chan tried
to dodge, but was too weary. Kaitei raced like a bullet towards
her and swung his fist around at the last moment. With a
bone-cracking POW, his fist crashed into Ranma' face; knocking her
off her feet and into a pillar, unconscious.
"Ranma!!" Genma shouted as the gang crowded around the knocked
out Saotome. "Speak to me boy!" Words failed to reach her; then
shaking was also ineffective. Even repeated smacking didn't wake
her up. Finally Mousse pulled a steaming kettle from his robes and
poured boiling water over Ranma.
"AAAAA!! What do you think you're doing?! That's hot!!"
Ranma yelled as he regained consciousness. Looking around, he saw
that Kaitei had resumed his position by the princess' side.
"Enough of this," Yukino said. By now, her anguish had turned
to a fury that blazed in her soul. "Since you would try and mock
me, I will see to it that you all suffer the worst fate I can give
you!"
"So you're going to marry me after all?" Ranma replied
snidely, rubbing his aching jaw.
For a moment unable to speak due to anger, Yukino finally got
her rage under control. "Not quite," she smiled grimly. Closing
her eyes for a second, she snapped them open; once again glowing
that unearthly red. Despite their attempts to fight it, one by one
the men fell under sway of her hypnotic powers.
"Now," she said to the spellbound men, "your duty is to travel
into the maze-garden and intercept the intruders. I don't want
them to ever leave the garden...alive." Her voice dropped to a
vicious whisper; "Use any force required."
"Hai!! Yukino-sama!" The entranced men replied as one.
Waving her hands, the princess placed teleportation globes over her
new guards, and sent them on their ways.
Smiling a grimly twisted smile, Yukino turned back to the
monitor. "Come for your men, girls...you'll find more than you
bargained for."
[concluded, chapter 5]
-----------------------------------------------------------------
End Notes:
That bit with Darken and the knight who wanted a shrubbery I
think I should explain. I was watching 'Monty Python and the Holy
Grail' as I was planning this part out, and I couldn't resist using
the Knights Who Go 'Nee.' (Yes, I know; I'm pitiful.)
Like I said, this is based off of a reverse Ranma Movie 2. If
you remember, when Ranma-chan was trying to convince Toma to choose
her over Akane, she listed out Akane's faults. (ie: kawaikune,
can't cook, biggest klutz in Japan, etc.) Well, I thought it would
be proper for Akane to have a rebuttal in this. In Movie 2, Ranma
lists Akane's eight faults. Here, Akane lists Ranma's 16. Really
makes you wonder who's getting the better deal in their
relationship.
Chapter 5 will bring to a conclusion the epic saga of 'A Date
That Will Live in Infamy.' It will be a classic episode: with sex,
greed, and violence!
Well...OK, no sex; that the genre of my .05 fic...Nabiki has
the greed part all to herself...at least I can guarantee the
violence bit.
??
--
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