Well...
After some encouragement by some of you out here on the FFML (BTW,
thanks are in order for Neil Robertson, Anand Rao and August
Holgado), I'm going to begin elaborating on the Ranma 5/2 story
I submitted some two or three months ago. Let me know whatcha
think about the direction I'm taking with this. By the way, I'm
gonna be occasionally using the term "shin-Ranma" ('new' Ranma) to
refer to the Ranma-dopplegangers Kaguya created for the four of us
girls in "Ranma 5/2: The Man of Our Dreams" ...unless someone happens
to know the Japanese for 'doppleganger' (Heck, even *English* doesn't
have a word like that).
For those that weren't subscribed to the FFML at the time, here's
where the story stands: Kaguya, from the one-off (uh... pardon the
pun) lemon video "Rei Rei," has essentially taken it upon herself
to give each of Ranma's fiancees their hearts' desire -- namely,
a Ranma of their own (hence, the arc title). As they wake up one
by one to find him in their beds with them, the real Ranma is in
morning detention hall, so he knows nothing about what has happened.
Nor does he understand why all the guys who have made claims on any
of these girls are so bent out of shape (and by turns, bending *him*
out of shape -- thank goodness for Miss Hinako, eh?)
Anyway, on with the story, ne? :: shakes head, mutters to self
about how "and every time I promise myself I won't write another
epic..." ::
A Ranma 1/2 fan fiction by Ukyou Kuonji
Ranma 1/2 and all characters therein are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi, et al.
Kaguya and Pipi are the creations and property of Toshimitsu
Shimizu, et al.
All characters are used without permission, natch.
***
The goddess Kaguya sighed as she stepped out of her bath. Water
cascaded from her luxuriant black hair and poured down her back.
She stood at the edge of the bath, feeling the droplets run down
her breasts, her belly, her legs. Normally, she enjoyed the
sensation of the water's course, imagining the sperm-like tracks
they drew across her body.
This day, however, was different. Her mind's eye refused to be
pulled from the quarrelsome scene she had witnessed between Ranma
Saotome and the boys who fancied themselves suitors of the girls
who wanted him. Each of the girls had Ranma as their heart's
desire, and how could she refuse love? She gave each of them
what they had wanted: a Ranma they could call their own. But
that left the boys out in the cold. She shivered, feeling the
icy blasts of their hatred... or was it just from standing out
in the open air, wet and naked?
Her manservant Pipi had hung a number of towels out for her.
Thick, thirsty bath towels, more than enough to cover her and
perhaps warm her up. She grabbed as many as her hands could hold,
and wrapped them around herself tightly. Now she was dry, but she
was still cold. No, it had to be the hatred.
She was furious with herself for her hasty actions. How could
she not have foreseen it? To find lovers for each of the girls had
indeed increased the balance of love in the world, but the hatred
generated by cutting their boys out of the deal had more than offset
that gain. She could bear the suspense no longer, and rushed to a
window, dropping all the towels behind her. She pushed it open, and
gave her beloved moon a magnificent view of her pristine figure.
Assuming it noticed.
To her mind, it seemed smaller tonight. Maybe it had indeed been
pushed away. The anger inside these young men, these... ronin.
Samurai without masters. Or in this case, without mistresses.
This *had* to be corrected.
"Pipi?!" She was surprised at the sound of her own voice. It
was pained, almost panicky. But it was an emergency... and if she
couldn't fix this soon, she might very well freeze to death. Or...
wait; no, she was just naked again. And...
"Ojou-sama?" And Pipi had already come in. She flushed a bright
crimson. Okay, now it was a bit warmer in here. She carefully
gathered the towels, and wrapped herself back in them. For his
part, Pipi had averted his eyes almost immediately. The Missionary
of Love she may be, but there were times when modesty and decorum
still had to be observed. This was one of those times. He backed
up, and slid the door to the bath closed. "Was the bath not to your
liking, My Lady?" he called through the paper screen.
"Erm... the bath was fine, Pipi. There have been ...other things
on my mind."
"The events in Nerima, ne?"
Kaguya smiled despite herself. "Very perceptive of you, Pipi.
You may well have been right all along as to whether what I had
done was proper."
Pipi merely nodded, stonefaced. It would not be wise, after all,
to adopt an 'I told you so' manner around a goddess. And even if
she couldn't see his face right now, there was no sense in letting
his voice betray him.
The door to the bath shunted open, and the goddess stepped out,
now fully dressed. She strode purposefully to the portico. "We
must lose no time, Pipi. Already, the situation may be worsening."
She stood there, once again facing the moon. Her mind focused in
on the golden glow that enveloped her. Then, summoning her magical
skills, she drew herself up and leaped into the thick air. She swam
ever upward, gliding effortlessly into the ether.
Pipi, on the other hand, was dogpaddling through space, chasing
after her wake. "Ojou-sama! Chotto ne!" Kaguya smiled and slowed
her glide to a speed at which her faithful manservant might be able
to catch up with her... by the time they passed the moon, en route
to their mission.
*****
RANMA 5/2, book two
RONIN: Men Without Mistresses
*****
Having gotten his help dragging five comatose boys to her
station, the school nurse was commiserating with the janitor
about the aggravations of their respective jobs at Furinkan
High.
"I mean, I worked at a trauma center for two years when I started
out in the nursing profession! But the damage these kids do to each
other... it's unbelievable! I still can't believe we haven't lost
anybody yet this year..."
"I understand how you feel, but I can't say as I sympathize with
'em. The damage these kids do to each other is nothing compared to
what they do to the school. Remember when the water main burst in
the girls' locker room? A couple of these boys," he jerked his
thumb to indicate the infirmary, "had been fighting in there (I
don't even wanna KNOW what they were doing in the girls' locker
room). One of 'em hit the ground, and BOOM! That was an expensive
repair, you know. You say it's a wonder they haven't killed each
other? I say it's a wonder *I* haven't taken a crack at 'em."
"How do you manage, then? You must always be running short of
supplies. I know I can go through a shipment of bandages and gauze
in the course of a single bad day, sometimes."
"Hah! You kiddin'? You'd need to stockpile supplies to keep up
with them. And that goes for both of us. I swear, I wish there was
some kinda extra-dimensional space where you could just reach back
and grab whatcha needed, when ya needed. Otherwise, Furinkan'd
haveta have a separate building to house all the stuff you and I
need all the time. It'd be like preparing for some kind of wartime
emergency."
"I guess so... it really *is* like war to these kids, ne?"
"They certainly treat it that way. Someone oughta tell 'em
t'lighten up. Play some kinda practical joke on 'em or something;
y'know, bucket of water on top the door or something like that.
I mean, I take this job seriously, but when I'm outta here, I can
go out and get rip-snorting drunk like the next salaryman. Say,
what do *you* do t'loosen up, Kimiko-san?"
"Oh, sometimes when I'm really down, I go and talk with an old
friend of mine from nursing school. She has a job like this, too.
And the kids at her high school, come to think of it, are just as
bad as these are. Worse, even, in some respects."
The janitor snorted derisively. "Worse than Furinkan? Now,
*that* I'd like to see."
"It's true! Sakura-sempai works at Tomobiki High."
This caught the janitor in mid-snort. "Sakura? Tomobiki? You
know, they say she knows magic... is that true?"
Kimiko nodded. "It's true. She tells me that it comes in handy
now and again." She sighed heavily. "Wish I knew what she does --
I imagine it'd take some kinda magic to deal with these kids..."
The janitor nodded thoughtfully.
***
Of the five sufferers in the infirmary, Ranma had sustained the
least damage. After all, he had merely been defending himself from
the onslaught, so he hadn't shown nearly as much ki energy for Miss
Hinako to drain. Still, he was alarmed when he finally woke up.
The noon hour was nearly upon him. He'd missed a whole morning's
worth of classes! As if he didn't get into enough trouble as it
was, now he had to deal with this! He bounded off the cot he had
been lying upon, and tore out of the nurse's station.
Out in the courtyard, he spotted Akane chatting with Yuka and
Sayuri. Her two friends saw him first, and whispered back and
forth between each other. This caused Akane to turn around, and
upon seeing Ranma, her eyes just lit up, while the others began
giggling. Ranma was a bit confused by Yuka and Sayuri's reaction,
but the look that Akane was giving him was downright scaring him.
Was this a set-up? But he really needed those assignments in order
to stay out of trouble with his teachers. He decided he'd just have
to tread *real* lightly. He sat down gingerly between Akane and
her friends.
"Uh... hi, Akane. Whatcha guys talking about?"
Akane blushed deeply and joined the others in giggling. "Oh,
nothing, Ranma. I'm glad to see you."
"Mm... right." Ranma's mind was racing: <What is going *on*
here?> "Actually, I'm pretty glad to see you, too. I've got
something important to ask you, Akane..."
Sayuri and Yuka were abuzz at this comment. Akane grew wide-eyed,
and Ranma thought he spotted a hint of moisture in the corners of
her eyes. "Really, Ranma?"
Something told him he was stepping into some serious trouble if
he proceeded. But he rarely listened to that little warning voice,
anyway. "Yeah. Were there any assignments handed out during class
this morning?"
Yuka and Sayuri facefaulted. This was not the sweet nothings they
expected to be hearing from the Ranma that Akane described as having
been in her bed that morning. For her part, Akane managed to look
more puzzled than hurt, and more hurt than angry. For now.
"But Ranma... you were in class all morning!" Now it was Ranma's
turn to facefault.
Sayuri confirmed Akane's claim: "Yeah, but you were staring at
Akane the whole time, now, weren't you? Were you daydreaming the
whole time, or what?" Once again, she and Yuka resumed giggling.
Ranma considered that suggestion. He knew he hadn't been in class,
but for some reason the girls all swore up and down that he had been.
Perhaps the wisest course of action was to go with the flow. After
all, it wouldn't be a complete lie to agree; one does tend to dream
when one is unconscious, and that was how he'd spent his morning,
thanks to Miss Hinako. He reached back to rub the back of his neck.
"Yeah, I guess I must have been. Wasn't paying attention."
With Ranma confirming their assumptions, the girls' confusion was
erased and replaced with pleasant smiles. Especially Akane. But
she had to push her luck: "That's so sweet, Ranma. Was I in any
of your daydreams?"
Now, why the heck would she think that? Why would I have a
daydream about that sexless tomboy, any.. way. She was flashing
a smile that could light up Ropponji, and Ranma found his denials
catching in his throat. Oh, hell. He remembered the blows he'd
received from Kuno and Ryoga, and decided to continue taking the
route the girls were leading him on: "Yeah, I s'pose you had
somethin' t'do with it..."
Anything else he might have said was crushed out of him, as
Akane grabbed him in a great big bear hug.
***
The Ranma doppleganger that Akane had actually been in bed with
that morning, however, was still wandering around inside Furinkan
High School. Not lost, exactly... just trying to familiarize
himself with the place. If he was to become Akane's love, as
Kaguya had intended, they would still have to go to school and
so forth. It would appear that the two of them would be spending
a lot of time together here, so it would be well for him to
understand the layout.
As he passed by Room 1-F, a bell went off and a horde of freshmen
poured out. Shin-Ranma bounded up and hung onto one of the
florescent light fixtures suspended from the ceiling. The
throng having passed by, he let go and landed lightly on his
feet, right in front of a straggling student.
"Saotome-sempai!" The student backed away a step. Evidently,
he was known to this sallow-faced young man. A trace of a smile
crossed shin-Ranma's face.
"Did you need something, ... ?" Shin-Ranma's voice trailed off,
as if expecting the young man to fill in his name.
Hikaru Gosunkugi couldn't believe his ears! Ranma was asking
if he needed anything! And, for whatever reason, acting as if he
didn't know him -- of course, that was to be expected, as a freshman.
<Well, as long as I'm going to be given carte blanche...> "I.. erm..
yes, yes I do, Saotome-sempai. C-could I have a lock of your hair?"
Again, a crooked smile appeared on shin-Ranma's face. So, he had
admirers on both sides of the fence, did he? Wait till Kaguya found
out. Like his creator, shin-Ranma was unable to refuse a request
apparently made from the heart. "Well, I can't see what it would
hurt. I don't think that Akane would mind too terribly... do you
happen to have a pair of scissors?"
Gosunkugi's eyes popped, but he quickly recovered. "Just one
moment, sempai." He turned around and went down on one knee,
placing his bento in front of him. Opening the box, his hand
moved across the contents, passing by the voodoo doll and spike,
the black candles, the assortment of needles, until he came to a
pair of scissors. He removed them from the bento box, and quickly
closed the lid so that Ranma would not be afforded the opportunity
to discover his plans. He stood up and proffered the scissors to
the older student. "Here you go, sempai."
"Thanks, man." Shin-Ranma ran his free hand through his hair,
and selected a lock just behind his ear. A quick snip, and he
handed the small tuft, along with the borrowed scissors, back to
Gosunkugi. "There you are. Anything to please."
Gosunkugi's expression was as close to rapture as his normally
deadpan face would allow. "Oh, thank you so much, sempai. You
don't know how happy you've made me."
Shin-Ranma waved off the younger boy's kowtowing. 'Yeah, yeah,
whatever. Glad to be of service. Now, shouldn't you be off to
lunch, kiddo?"
"Oh, yes... right away, sir!" and off he dashed. Shin-Ranma
chuckled a bit, and shook his head as he watched the freshman run
off. He turned and continued his own meanderings through the halls
of Furinkan High School.
***
Safely hidden in a grove of willow trees nearby the school, Hikaru
Gosunkugi rejoiced at his good fortune. Now, he could eliminate
Ranma Saotome from Akane's -- and everyone else's -- life forever!
He stuck the lock of hair that shin-Ranma had given him into the
straw doll, and lit two of his black candles. He set them, still
burning, at the foot of the largest willow, and lifted the doll to
the heavens while muttering some incomprehensible gibberish. He
picked out his hammer, and the largest needle he could find from
his bento box, and repeated the process. Then, with the needle
held to the straw man's heart, he slammed it to the willow. And
with the hammer, he drove the spike all the way through the effigy,
impaling it to the tree.
***
Somewhere on the second floor of the school, shin-Ranma shimmered.
And vanished.
***
Out in the ether, an icy blast struck the Missionary of Love.
Something more had gone wrong. "Pipi! We must hurry!" A small
pink orb of light formed in her hand, and grew until it enveloped
both the goddess and her manservant. Then, with a noise like the
winking of a giant eye, it disappeared, taking Kaguya and Pipi
with it.
***
Ukyou Kuonji was a practical girl, above all else. So, during
the midafternoon lull, she and Ranma left Konatsu at the grill while
they headed to the Nerima ward courthouse, and were married in a
brief civil ceremony. Sure, she had every intention of marrying
Ranma in the full and time-honored Shinto tradition. But that sort
of thing took time to plan, and lots of money to set up. It could
not be done on the spur of the moment. And Ukyou had come to the
conclusion that if she didn't stake an official claim on Ran-chan
immediately, she might run the chance of losing him to one of the
other girls. So, as unromantic as it may have been to stand in the
judge's chambers, with only a secretary and a clerk as witnesses,
the fact was that she was still walking out of that building as
Ukyou Saotome. His wife. His one and only. And that was what
really mattered, didn't it?
Once back to the Ucchan, Konatsu shrugged something to the effect
that no one had been in at all during their absence. It didn't
seem to faze her.
"That's fine, Konatsu. Why don't we close up early this evening,
then? You can have the rest of the night off. Whaddya say?" She
took down the Ucchan's curtain as she was saying this; evidently
she was quite serious. As puzzled as he was to be given the time
off so impulsively, Konatsu was grateful -- of course, if he knew
what to do with the time, he'd probably be even more so.
As if in response. Ukyou went to the cash register and pulled
out a couple of bills. "Why don'tcha take in a movie or something,
'Natsu-chan? I hear the latest Juzo Itai picture is playing over
at the Takahashi..."
For Konatsu, this was an unbelievable windfall. "Th-thank
you, Ukyou-sama," he bowed humbly. For her part, Ukyou smiled
beatifically and waved him off.
"Go on, kiddo. You have fun. I know *we* will." She and Ranma
didn't even bother to see him off, but headed directly for the
stairs. Konatsu watched them head up to her apartment, and then
he understood the reason for his mistress' largesse. Grinning
like an idiot, he headed outside. <I guess I should have seen
that coming. Well... all the best to them, I imagine.>
Ukyou lay on her bed, waiting. Soon, Ranma would be ready and
they would become man and wife in the most basic sense. She
shivered with anticipation; or maybe it was just because she
was naked?
She looked around at her apartment. It really wouldn't have to
go through any major overhauling for Ran-chan to be comfortable
living here. Her tastes in decor were mannish enough to suit just
about any guy. Not that Ran-chan was 'just any guy'...
Of course, the bed would have to go soon. It just wasn't built
for sleeping two. Ukyou slept like the warrior she was; on her
back, hands folded on her breast, ready to waken and leap to
attention at a moment's notice. So she hadn't needed any more
than the smallest of beds for her to sleep on. This would
definitely have to change. Besides, she thought as she bounced
up and down impatiently, this mattress was getting kinda lumpy...
In fact, it felt like she was sitting on a loose coil. Whatever
it was, it was poking her quite uncomfortably in a rather sensitive
spot. She adjusted her position; they'd just have to make do for
tonight, she concluded. Tomorrow, she resolved, they'd get this
thing replaced. She reached down and rubbed at the irritated area,
and began to feel much better. Now, if only Ran-chan would get out
of the washroom... she was ready for him.
Suddenly, she felt another prick to her rear. <This one must have
just sprung up,> she thought with a slight grin. <It's as if the
bed has a mind of its own, and wants me first before...>
The light dawned. The grin faded. She stood up, and stared at
the bed. Pushing aside covers, blanket, sheets, and finally,
tearing open the mattress itself, she found him.
"TSUBASA!" she roared. "What the *hell* do you think you're
doing?!" Underneath his disguise, instead of his normal (for him)
schoolgirl sailor dress, Tsubasa was completely naked. And erect.
It began to shrink, however, as he cowered from her rage.
"Please, Ukyou-sama! Don't do this, I'm begging you! I love you
more than that two-timing Casanova ever could!"
"How would you know? Is *this* what you call 'love'? Practically
trying to *rape* me on my wedding night?!" Her combat spatula was
hanging on a nearby wall, and she went for it with a swift motion
born of long practice. She slid the spatula underneath the mattress,
and as if flipping a gigantic okonomi-yaki, she flung it out the
bedroom window, with Tsubasa still inside.
Tsubasa screamed as he saw the world swish by on his flight.
Whether from anguish at this one last rejection, or fright at
the anticipated crash-landing he was about to endure could not
be ascertained. But just before he and the mattress hit the
ground...
...He woke up, bathed in cold sweat.
Tsubasa sat bolt upright in his infirmary cot. It had all been
a dream -- or had it? Looking around the room, he saw the others;
Ryoga, Kuno and Mousse. Still recovering, still unconscious. And
one empty cot. Ranma's.
Oh, no! That.. that.. pervert! He *had* to be over at the Ucchan.
Maybe he was even now turning this nightmare into reality! He had
to be stopped. Tsubasa flew out of the infirmary, not even aware
that school was still in session as he charged through the halls,
out the doors, and away from the Furinkan campus. He had to get
to the Ucchan. He had to stop this travesty of justice.
***
A spherical pink flash appeared about a block away from Furinkan
High School. When the bubble burst, there stood the goddess Kaguya
and her manservant. The street they had landed on was relatively
deserted.
"We're not quite there yet, are we, Ojou-sama?"
Kaguya smiled. "No, not quite. But be patient. Something ought
to be happening soon."
Pipi was not about to complain to her face, but he was starting
to get just the slightest bit annoyed. <First she yells out that
we have to hurry, and then she says to wait and be patient...> Any
further thoughts were interrupted as a teenaged girl in a school-
issue sailor suit charged past them, howling like a jilted lover.
The breeze created by her motion whipped Kaguya's hair and nearly
knocked Pipi over.
Something looked familiar about that dress, though, as it receded
into the distance, the girl's mournful cry echoing in their ears.
As he attempted to regain his equilibrium, Pipi turned to his
mistress: "Ojou-sama... wasn't she one of the ones attacking...?"
"Yes, Pipi, he was."
The manservant's eyes widened ever so slightly. "He...?"
Kaguya did not respond. She was listening to the wind, for the
cries of souls in pain from unrequited love. Pipi tugged at the
hem of her skimpy dress.
"Well, shouldn't we follow her... I mean, him?"
"Eventually, Pipi, but not now... I sense more pain in the
direction he came from than that which he goes to." She turned
and began to walk in the direction from which Tsubasa had run...
towards Furinkan High School.
Pipi's eyes narrowed again, and he shrugged as he followed his
mistress.
***
Pipi nodded in understanding as they arrived in the infirmary.
The three other attackers... no wonder she said there was more pain
to deal with here. And they looked pretty banged up, too. Physical
pain, however, was not something they dealt with... some of the souls
they'd helped in the past actually liked that sort of thing. If they
were in love and happy... what's a little sado-masochism between true
lovers, anyway?
Love had not caused this carnage, however. Kaguya sensed the chill
in the infirmary air despite the unconscious states of the three
remaining boys. The hatred they held for Ranma Saotome, who had
stolen their loves, was such that it was palpable even as they slept.
It was up to her to replace that hatred with love.
She passed her hands over each of the boys. "This one is closest
to the dream state, Pipi." Her manservant joined her at Mousse's
bedside. "Spirits of darkness, release this troubled soul!"
In a flash of light, the two immortals vanished into the ether.
***
To Mousse, it seemed as if he were standing on a cloud. Or was
it just that he wasn't wearing his glasses? No, it really was a
cloud... and it parted just in front of his feet, enough that he
could see that he was standing on a wooden bridge. A sonorous
voice from behind him spoke up:
"Go forward, young man! Find the way to your dreams!" Hunh?
Who the -- ?
As Mousse attempted to look over his shoulder at the speaker,
he was struck -- hard -- on the temple. Nothing serious, certainly
not for one so accustomed to Shampoo's thrashings, but enough to
knock him to his knees, and send his glasses spinning from his face.
A quick shake of his head to reset his senses, and he began to grope
around on the bridge floor for his glasses. As he crawled forward
slowly, his hand rested on something about a foot above the ground.
It was soft and warm - definitely not part of the bridge.
"Is this what you're looking for?"
His hand was resting on Kaguya's knee. She was crouched in front
of the young man, holding his missing spectacles.
"Uh.. thank you, miss.."
"Call me Kaguya." She smiled as she set the glasses on Mousse's
face. "I am known as the Missionary of Love."
"Well, it is not as if you need to convert me. I love Shampoo
dearly enough already. And I have the bruises to prove it."
"But it's not you who needs to be converted, is it? It's her."
Mousse stood up, clearly troubled. "Well, she has her stupid
Ranma now. I might as well not exist!"
"Is that what you would wish for? Not to exist?" Kaguya stood
up and stared deeply into the young man's eyes. There was a haunted
look, as though he had long been pursued by the twin demons of what-
might-have-been and what-is, and their contradictory outlooks.
"What? No! But how can I match up to Ranma and win my Shampoo's
heart?"
Hmm. Perhaps she could use his demons for her own purposes. She
murmured inaudibly, and a glowing pink sphere grew in her hand. She
turned around and threw the luminous orb into the blackness that
Mousse was facing.
"Find that ball, my dear Mousse, and you will find your heart's
desire. As improbable as it may seem to you now." She gave him a
broad wink.
Mousse looked puzzled, but left Kaguya to run along the length of
bridge. Very soon, he could see a pinpoint of pink light in the
distance. As he ran, the pinpoint grew until it was a large haze.
A silhouette emerged from the haze, and it, too, grew as he ran
toward it. In fact, it was running toward *him*. Slowly, he began
to make out the features of...
"Sh-Sh-Shampoo?! How did.. how did you get here?" He stopped
dead in his tracks.
Shin-Shampoo smiled. "No ask silly questions, Mousse. Be happy.
I here."
"She is that, Mousse..." Kaguya's voice. "Make her your own."
Mousse charged ahead and as he reached her, he swung at her.
"Yes! No more holding back, Shampoo. Today, I shall win you, in
the true tradition of the Joketsuzoku Amazon warrior."
Her eyes popping in surprise, shin-Shampoo barely managed to duck
Mousse's punch. "Mousse! What you doing?!"
Her surprised exclamation caught Mousse off guard. His hands
dropped to his sides. "But darling... I have to defeat you in
combat to truly make you mine. It is the law of the Amazons, is
it not? So, prepare yourself, my beloved, for I shall not hold
back this time!"
Needless to say, shin-Shampoo was totally unprepared for Mousse's
onslaught. Of course, he was somewhat hampered, since, being naked,
he had no place to hide his customary weapons. He was reasonably
accomplished at hand-to-hand combat, though, and found himself
connecting whenever shin-Shampoo could not avoid him fast enough.
In the waking world, he was connecting too. The punches he was
landing on his dream Shampoo were striking the wall at the head of
his cot. And for whatever reason, there was a shelf several feet
above Mousse on that particular wall. And on that shelf sat a
bucket of water. With each blow landed on the wall, the bucket
shuddered and inched closer to the edge, until...
Mousse connected again, only to be struck himself with a pail
of... oh, no.
Shin-Shampoo blinked. Where had he gone? All she could see
was a pail, and underneath it, a duck with glasses. She lifted
her head to the heavens.
"Mistress! Pipi! Come quick! Shampoo need your help!"
A flash, and Shampoo and the duck vanished from the dreamscape.
Shampoo and the two immortals stood by Mousse's cot.. at least,
it had been Mousse's cot. Mousse was nowhere to be seen, but that
strange duck was sprawled on the cot, a bucket over its head and the
sheets below it soaked with water. Shin-Shampoo looked up at Kaguya.
"Where Mousse go, Mistress? What Shampoo do now?"
Pipi drew a chair over to the edge of the cot. "Perhaps you
should watch over the duck, for now. Maybe it is the key to
understanding what has happened. We must tend to the others...
Ojou-sama?" Kaguya nodded, and gestured at Kuno. Pipi returned
to her side, and the goddess and her manservant vanished once again.
Shin-Shampoo sighed as she sat down next to the duck's cot.
"Shampoo no understand where you come from, Mr. Duck. But if
Mistress say Shampoo watch, Shampoo watch you."
***
"It's rather cramped in here, isn't it, Ojou-sama?"
"And dark. Strange..."
"Ah... here he comes.
Out of the gloom, the figure of Kuno strode toward the immortals,
a stern look upon his face. As he approached, his eyes widened in
some form of recognition, and he broke into a thin and slightly
arrogant smile.
"So... the gods have deigned to pay a visit to Tatewaki Kuno,
the Blue Thunder. I extend my greetings unto you."
Kaguya was mildly astonished. "You know who we are, then?"
"Neither name nor purpose, my lady, but you have the visage and
bearing of either god... or demon." Pipi's countenance darkened
slightly at that. "In either case, I salute you. I can do no
other."
"And we must congratulate you on your keen discernment. Kaguya,
Missionary of Love."
"Pipi, faithful manservant."
Kuno barely suppressed a smile. Surely the Goddess of Love could
find herself a more worthy manservant than this... this... mushroom-
man? Pipi's face grew darker as he spoke.
"Appearances can be deceiving, young master. Do not place too
much faith in your eyes. Handsome faces hide ugly hearts,
sometimes."
Now it was Kuno's turn to darken, "Would you be insinuating
something by that, gnome?" He lifted his bokken from his shoulder
and pointed it at Pipi. "Deity or demon, you have no right to
insult the mighty Tatewaki Kuno in such a manner. Contend with
me, and we shall see.."
Pipi reached out a finger to touch the tip of the bokken. The
tip of the wooden sword turned to white ash, and burned its way
back to the hilt. Kuno dropped the remains of the hilt as the
white heat spread, and the hilt turned to dust at his feet. "I'm
sorry to have to do that, but I had to stop you before things got...
ugly." The manservant landed on that final word with a meaningful
thud.
Before things could erupt any further, Kaguya stepped in between
Kuno and her manservant. "Believe it or not, we're here to help you
out... Tatewaki, is it? You are, I take it, less than successful
in love, ne?"
Kuno's reply was brusque. "I can capture my own damsels...
thank you."
"Mm... damsel, singular. A man cannot serve two mistresses,
my dear boy, I assure you."
"And I assure *you* that the heart of the Blue Thunder is more
than large enough to accommodate however many may come to me."
Kuno threw his arms wide open in an expansive gesture.
A dubious look crossed Kaguya's face. "Well... in that case,
behold the bridge to your dreams." She gestured at a point beyond
Kuno, and he obediently turned around to see...
...a road, or rather a bridge, leading off into the distance --
but not before breaking into two divergent paths. Kaguya continued:
"I've never seen a bridge like this one before, but I've never seen
a heart so bound and determined to have more than one desire. I'm
afraid you're no more able to have two girls than you are to travel
two paths simultaneously, but.. your heart's desires are waiting for
you on the other side of these bridges. Cross over without looking
back, and she -- not they -- shall be yours."
Kuno moved forward, more as if in a trance now than actually
compelled by any form of affection. At this point, he did not
wish to be here -- certainly Kaguya's offer was quite unacceptable.
But then again, there seemed to be no other way out of this
dreamscape but to follow her instructions. And yet...
By now, he had arrived at the crossroads. Which way to go?
It wasn't fair that he should have to decide. It wasn't fair to
him, and it wasn't fair to the road. Should they not both have
the opportunity to be graced by the footsteps of the noble
Tatewaki Kuno?
As he puzzled over this dilemma, Kaguya and Pipi began to walk
away from him. "Would you call this love, Pipi?"
"Hardly, Ojou-sama... unless you consider the love affair within
himself."
Kaguya nodded in agreement. "It isn't love, but he thinks it is.
And there is nothing I can do about it, Not for now, anyway.
Still, reducing hatred is necessary, too. I dare say I'll still
prepare him a doppleganger to occupy his mind..."
"...such as it is..." muttered Pipi. Kaguya shot him an icy
look, then softened.
"Pipi... bitterness and anger have no place with us any more
than they should be amongst the mortals. I will grant you that
this young man has a fair number of annoying weaknesses, but we
cannot allow ourselves to be as petty as that in response. It is,
after all, his anger that is partially responsible for the moon's
continued departure. For us to get angry at him defeats the purpose,
and indeed, makes matters that much worse. We shall tide him over
with his heart's desire..." She looked over her shoulder at Kuno,
still standing at the crossroads in the distance, still unable to
choose one path or the other "...as soon as he determines what that
desire may be."
As Kuno stood at the juncture, agonizing over which route to take,
or if it were possible to somehow straddle the two roads -- after
all, wasn't anything possible within a dream? -- he heard Kaguya's
voice, with an edge of impatience creeping in:
"Love involves decision, young man... make it!"
Indignant, Kuno wheeled around. "Do you think this is easy?
Do you think that..?" He was cut off by the sound of rushing wind;
a mini-cyclone picked him up and whirled him off. Off in the
distance, Kaguya sighed.
"Maybe I shall have to choose for him. It seems to be the
only way..."
***
It wasn't long before Ryoga, too, found himself at a similar
crossroads. Down one, he saw himself with Akane.. but the back
of his mind refused to allow him to put Ranma out of the picture.
He watched the story unfold, as Akane found herself torn between
her suitors, and Ryoga sat himself down and wept.
"I say his path is clear. What say we give him a little nudge?"
"Ojou-sama..." And the immortals vanished from Ryoga's dreamscape.
***
At the Unryuu farm, Akari was going about her normal chores when
she became increasingly aware of a strange tingling sensation below
her waist. As first mild and pleasant, it grew more insistent by
the minute. She had no idea what it was, nor why it was happening,
but she instinctively knew she had to do something about it before
this, this.. heat.. overwhelmed her.
She summoned her giant sumo pig: "Katsunishiki!" The great hog
came running at his mistress' call. He lowered his front haunches
before her, as if bowing, and she quickly clambered onto his back.
"To Tokyo!" Whatever this was, she knew that time spent with her
Ryoga-sama could cure all manner of ills.
The pig, with Akari riding him, began to waddle off in a vague
southerly direction toward Tokyo. Akari prayed with every step
that they would arrive soon, as she could feel her temperature
rise from rubbing herself against Katsunishiki's back...
***
Ryoga sat at the juncture for quite a long while, crying
disconsolately, when a voice began to call him from behind:
"Ryoga-sama..." It wasn't Kaguya.
He stood up, and turned to face the voice wafting from the
other road. Through the shadows, she was running toward him.
A great large shape loomed behind her, then took form as it
emerged from the darkling gloom. Katsunishiki.
And Akari running before him. Oh... dear, faithful Akari.
Always waiting for him, even if she was conscious of her secondary
place in his heart. His eyes opened wide as the realization of
the extent of her love for him slowly dawned upon him. "Akari-san...
you still... in spite of...?"
***
The janitor and the nurse were still chatting, although by now,
the janitor had been considerate enough to get a cup of coffee for
each of them.
"And I tell ya, it's gotten to the point where nothing around here
surprises me..."
The janitor had definitely picked the wrong time to say this. No
sooner were the words out of his mouth when Katsunishiki and Akari
crashed into the infirmary. Both the janitor and the nurse goggled
at the intruders; a cute but somewhat mousy teenage girl astride
this enormous pig, too big to fit through the doors -- which
accounted for the now pig-shaped hole that served as the entrance.
Akari slid down from her porcine mount, and bowed low before the
two staff members.
"Gomen nasai. I'm so sorry for the damage my pig has caused, but...
is Ryoga Hibiki in here? I was told I could find him at the nurses'
station."
"Uh... yeah, he's in back here..." The nurse gestured to the second
room, where Kuno and Ryoga continued to rest.
Akari smiled heartily, and dashed through the door. "Thank you!"
The janitor and the pig stood eyeing each other thoughtfully.
Finally, he turned to the nurse one more time.
"You know what I just said? ... I take it back."
***
By now, Ryoga could see Akari was within a few yards of him.
"Of course I do, Ryoga-sama. Come with me..." She led him down
her path, where Ryoga could see a pinpoint of light off in the
distance, like a star at ground level. As the continued, the star
grew in size and intensity, until it was bright as the sun itself
and more. Ryoga followed her (he had no choice, as she was pulling
him by the hand), with a perplexed expression on his face.
"Akari.. where did you come from? And how..?"
"We've returned, Ryoga-sama." The words came to her as she opened
her mouth.
"Returning? Where?"
"We've come to take you home."
"Take me.. home? Am I dead?"
Akari laughed her sweet musical laugh. "Nothing like that, Ryoga-
sama. In fact, we're just about to *begin* living... and loving...
that is, if you like..."
"IF? Akari, of course I would like-! I would LOVE to go with you!
Lead on!"
Akari beamed at this, and the light shining from her face drowned
out the growing star in front of them, until the two lovers and the
pig were enveloped in brilliant white light.
***
Ryoga opened his eyes to see Akari holding his hand. He trembled
a bit, and his other hand went up to his nose... just in case.
Akari just smiled her winningest. "Are you all right, Ryoga-sama?"
He could still feel pain from having been drained in the morning.
That meant this wasn't a dream. "Y- yeah. Couldn't be better,
Akari-san..."
Unseen by the two lovebirds, Kaguya and Pipi observed the
scene, smiling benevolently. Also watching them was a red-haired,
pig-tailed girl holding Kuno's hand, still waiting for him to
wake up.
"That should just about take care of them, ne?"
"Un.." Pipi nodded, then stopped short. "Ojou-sama! What about
that girl -- or was it a boy? -- we saw earlier?"
"Oh, that's right. I almost forgot..."
***
Head down, tears streaming down his face, Tsubasa continued
running toward the Ucchan. He had to stop Ranma, and he hoped
he wasn't too late. He hoped against hope that his dream wasn't
some kind of horrid prophecy.
So intent was he on getting to the Ucchan in utmost haste, he
neglected to watch where he was going, and ran slam-bang into...
"Heya, sugar. Where's the fire, huh?"
Tsubasa was flabbergasted by her demeanor. "U.. Ukyou-sama?
W-what are you doing out here?"
"I was looking for you, honey." Ukyou's smile was warm and
inviting. Tsubasa couldn't believe what he was hearing. She had
always disliked him so, and now she says she's looking for him?
Was this a trap? A lie? But Ukyou-sama wasn't capable of deceit;
even if she thought she was. Tsubasa had seen through her masculine
demeanor so long back; he should be able to see though any other
guile on her part...
But he found none. Her face spoke the truth, and it spoke volumes
of it. It was.. concern.. affection.. love?
"Hey.." Ukyou waved a hand in front of Tsubasa's face. "You in
there, kiddo?"
The boy in the sailor fuku shook his head violently to clear it,
blinked cutely several times, and then embraced Ukyou tightly.
"Ukyou-sama! You've been looking for me?" Ukyou, with the wind
momentarily squeezed out of her, could only nod in reply before
pushing Tsubasa gently away from her a little. Upon hearing her
gasp for air, Tsubasa back off further of his own accord. "Oh!
Gomen nasai, Ukyou-sama!"
Ukyou gulped in a few more breaths before responding. "'Sokay,
sugar. Yeah, I was looking for you. You wanna catch that new flick
playing at the Takahashi? It's s'poseta be pretty good."
Tsubasa's eyes nearly started out of his head. Ukyou, asking *him*
for a date?!
"Tsubasa honey? You feeling all right?"
It crossed his mind briefly to ask Ukyou the same question, but
Tsubasa decided against it. "Uh.. yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Great,
in fact. Terrific, really! Yeah, you BET I'd like to come with
you to see a movie! Let's go -- oh, but wait..
"Wh-what about.. the Ucchan?"
Ukyou shrugged. "What about it? Hey, it's in good hands. I'm
able to take off time now and again, hmm?" Tsubasa wasn't about to
argue. He was quite aware of Konatsu's growing skill; granted,
more of the kunoichi's martial prowess (when the girl-ninja would
frequently see him to the door) than his cooking skills, but he
understood those were improving as well. Besides, as long as he
was on a date with Ukyou-sama, what did anything else matter?
***
Back in her ethereal mansion, the goddess Kaguya lifted the brandy
snifter to her lips. A small sip of the warm liquid washed her lips
and tongue and slid gently down her throat. She smiled proudly.
"Well, Pipi.. that was a full day's work, ne?"
"Indeed, my Lady. Not a dull moment."
"Quite. I dare say we should wisit the area more frequently, even
if there is no need. A little excitement will do us both good."
Pipi's face remained expressionless.
***
As Tsubasa had heard, the Ucchan was in good hands, indeed.
Konatsu was performing the customary waitress duties, clad in a
silk kimono. Shin-Ranma, too, had been pressed into service as a
waiter, and looking quite dashing in his formal tux, he cheerfully
greeted customers as they walked in. But the heart and soul of the
operation stood behind the counter, serving up her traditional
okonomi-yaki specials with the same flair and flavor her customers
had come to expect, completely unaware that her exact double had
just passed by across the street from her restaurant, Tsubasa in
tow. No, life was too good to even consider such possibilities,
and with Ranma here, life would be good for some time to come.
She ducked into the kitchen to replenish her supply of batter
just as Konatsu was carrying a tray full of water glasses to a table.
Nerima being Nerima, the kunoichi tripped just within range of Ranma,
thoroughly soaking his tuxedo.
That's right. *His* tuxedo.
Konatsu blinked in surprise. "Ranma-san... when were you cured
of your curse?"
Now it was Ranma's turn to blink. "Cured? Curse? What are you
talking about, Konatsu?"
***
Well, it's taken two and a half months to polish this sucker off,
and I know it's nowhere near complete (which means it ain't gonna
see the light of the r.a.a.c. for a long time yet). If the response
is favorable enough, I think I'll shift the focus back to us girls
now. Gonna call it either "Too Much of a Perfect Thing" or "Green
Eyed Monster" -- gee, the multiple title makes it sound like an
episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle :: smirks :: Oh, well...
Anyway, I'd really appreciate some feedback on this. I've been asked
if I'd do a series sometime, but I doubt this is what anyone had in
mind. Let me know whatch'all think at the usual address...
ukyoukwnji@aol.com
Looking forward to hearing from ya!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^
