Mizu:  Hello and welcome to the show.  For once we'll try to start
the new year with the first segment of a series, said series being
"Half A Sorceress" by Jussi Nikander.  At this point, I'd like to
remind our viewers and our reviewees that generally, we like the
material we are covering, and this case is no exception.

HALF A SORCERESS

Boggs:  ...is better than a nun.  

Written by: Jussi Nikander

Boggs:  Directed by:  Jussi Nikander
Mizu:  Best Boy:  Jussi Nikander
Cog:  I believe Jussi Nikander may be female
Boggs (holds up bucket):  Easily fixed.  

As Ranma was plunged into the spring, he felt his body change.  Then
he hit his head on a rock, and didn't feel anything any more.

Boggs:  That's it, he's dead.  Show's over.
Mizu:  But did it have the cinema verite quality of "Akane and Ranma
Have Sex On Akane's Bed."?

Something that had slept in that spring for a thousand
years was now coming around, as it had found a new host for itself.

Mizu:  Cthlu Nafltaghn!
Boggs:  Gesundheit!

He was also quite surprised to see
his son floating face-down in a spring, his pigtail orange.

Boggs:  Orange?
Mizu:  Don't ask me, I've never seen Slayers.  Rumor has it, though,
that the girl was notoriously flat-chested so that's one taunt for
Akane that ain't gonna happen.  
Boggs:  Ya know, that could change everything between Akane and
the wimp.

Slowly the something was awakening in Ranma's mind.

Mizu:  Meeow?  Say, I wonder if Lina likes cats.  After all, she's
going to be sharing living quarters with one.  Could be crowded.  

When Ranma sat up,  Genma moved to a stage beyond surprised.
Ranma's eyes were red, and he sprouted a pair of small breasts.

Boggs:  Yep.  Just trashed a major attraction for me right there. 
Mizu (shudder):  I just know that somebody's going to end up looking
into Lina's soft _red_ eyes at some point.   

And why there was some weird pressure
inside her skull, like somebody else was there too? 

Mizu:  Ranma's brain is going condo.  

At the same moment the pain registered, and he
dropped Ranma and started to run around, frantically trying to
extinguish the flames.

Boggs:  Just stick your butt in one of those convenient pools.
It'll fix you right up...

She briefly considered casting a Ray Wing in
order to look around, but since she hadn't been able to pull of a
decent basic fire spell, it probably would have been just a waste of
energy.

Mizu:  You know, if there's any place that ought to have a lot of
ambient magical energy in the modern world, that's the place
Cog:  Perhaps she would have had more luck with a water spell.  

"Little thing!?" Ranma shouted. What was Genma saying?  He had turned
into a _girl_.

Mizu morphs into Ranma:  And it's _not_ little!
Boggs:  Yeah.  Don't you know condoms come in large, extra-large,
and collossal?  

<Just who is crazy!!> Lina was getting angrier by the minute.

Boggs:  Are you talkin' to me?  I don't see no one else in here
so you must be talkin' to me...

She
hoped that she would have had Zel teach her some shamanistic
magic.

Mizu:  She expects to be timetravelling soon?
Cog:  "She wished she'd had Zel..."

It really looked like his son had gone crazy.
What would Nodoka do once she found out?  

Boggs:  Same thing she'll do when she finds out about the cats.

nobody had claimed that there were voices speaking
inside their head before.

Mizu (sings):  I hear voices but there's no one there...

<I fell into the pool and then... I drowned there?  I'm
dead!??>

Boggs:  Could be worse.
Mizu:  You could be in Cleveland.  

Slowly, Ranma began to understand the situation. "You mean... I have 
the
soul of whoever drowned that spring inside me?"

Boggs (sings):  He's a soul man!
Mizu:  Ranma certainly seems to be slow on the uptake, today.

Then Ranma let out that 'crazy chick' remark. <HEY!! JUST
WHO'S A CRAZY CHICK!!!>

Mizu:  Haven't we covered this already?

He then walked out of the hut, leaving an unconscious Genma and a
bewildered Guide behind.

Cog:  One fails to see the source of the Guide's perplexity 

Lina took the mental equivalent of a deep breath. <Now, how did I get
here?  Well, I should probably first tell you that I'm a sorceress.>

<A sorceress?> Ranma asked.

Boggs:  Is there an echo inside yer head, boy?

Still, she had a story to tell. <Anyway, we parted company since this
alchemist had been able to make ten copies out of Naga...>

"Ten copies!!??" Ranma shouted out aloud, not believing what he heard.

Boggs:  Maybe they'll duplicate the process and Linna can move outta
Ranma's skull.  
Mizu (sings):  Be a clone, be a clone, everybody...loves a clone

in the end, I was able to beat Shabranigdo with a really major magical
spell, for which I had to borrow power from here and there.>

Mizu:  Is there a reason Jussi just synopsised most of his or her
videotape collection?  
Boggs:  Maybe Shadsatti's gonna make a come-back.
Mizu:  If so, it would be better to tell us about it when it's 
actually an issue.  

He hoped that he could once more become a human there.>

<Err.. Become a human?> Ranma asked.

Mizu:  You know, you can't have an echo unless you have some empty
space to work with...  Looks like Ranma has plenty in there.  

Ranma's story was interrupted by a cry of rage that came behind him.
"Ranma Saotome!  I have found you at last!  Prepare to die!!"

Mizu:  Look guys, it's Inigo Montoya!

Ranma turned around to see a muscular boy of his age, wearing a
yellow-and-black bandanna, black sleeveless shirt, and rugged pants,
and wielding a red umbrella, staring down at him with murder in his
eyes.

Cog:  "ragged" pants may be a more accurate descriptor.  
Mizu:  Hmm...my fashion sense is tingling.  

end of chapter 1

Mizu:  Any parting thoughts, Joe?
Boggs:  It's still good, but I liked the first draft better.
Mizu:  And on that note, we'll bid you adieu.