Sailor Pythons's
FLYING DEAD MOON CIRCUS
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME


Chapter 1 - "Lemon Curry" or "Is That A Handful Of Snails In Your Mouth, 
Or Are You Just Pleased To Eat Me?"

Warning - This story contains various acts of culinary atrocities.  
Well, you've been warned.  I mean it, really, truly I do.  

Disclaimer - Sailormoon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko and Bandai.  
Evangelion and the Ayanami Rei character are owned by Gainax (and Anno 
Hideaki?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Will someone just give that man some 
Prozac).  Illusions to Please Save My Earth are owned by Hiwatari Saki.  
I sincerely hope none of them sue me for this as they will find very 
little recompense for their actions.




	When the Ancients set up their Universal Theme parks, one of the 
things they hadn't expected to cause trouble was reality.

	Now reality is normally an easy concept to keep under control.  It 
usually just happens and nobody really thinks about it.  Its just when 
aspects of reality come loose at the seams that problems raise their 
collective heads.  And in the case of such breaches, collective is 
usually the term best used.

	After several of their Universal Theme Parks went up with the 
force of a couple of exploding super-supergiant singularities, the 
Ancients decided it was time to take measures, and reality, into their 
own hands.  


	Rather than create the various universii and allow them to look 
after themselves, Ancients were trained to become Guardians of the 
Universal Reality Protocols (GURPs for short).  Most tried to shun the 
acronym, unsurprisingly.

	Now, the Job description for a GURP sounds simplisitc enough.  Sit 
through the Universal Reality Check Sweeps conducted by the Universe's 
Central Computer, and deal with any breaches of reality that pop up.  
Unfortunately, as the early GURPs were to find out, dealing with the 
breaches were not as easy as they expected.

	One of the biggest problems in dealing with Reality Breaches was 
the insertion into the timestream of the various universii of their own 
selves.  To manipulate reality back into a stable stream, there was no 
choice but for the GURPs to get their hands dirty.  Merely using their 
powers to change events ran the risk of upsetting the Universal Program  
But, if any of the inhabitants of their universe discovered the true 
nature of both the GURP and the Universe to which they were born, the 
breach that was already in existence began to feed on itself.  

	The concept of something OUTSIDE the reality of the Universe was 
enough to cause a vacuuming effect on the stability of that reality, 
increasing the likelihood that the breach will get out of control.  
Often the only way to stop the breach at this point would be to destroy 
all those involved in a cataclysm, and the GURPs were loathe to use such 
methods.  Whilst the beings that existed in the Universii were nothing 
more than a construct of the Ancients, they did have a kind of sentience 
that could be said, on occasion, to match that of their creators....

	And so the business of becoming a GURP became institutionalised 
into Ancient society.  Universal Universities were set up to educate 
potential GURP candidates in their duties.  Very few would pass, but 
enough to fill up the rapidly expanding number of Universal Theme Parks.

	One of those successful candidates was Jyoserin Tepukataya.  Well, 
successful was something of a loose term for Jyoserin, since she passed 
with a B- on her third attempt, but all the same, anything above C was 
considered a pass in this game, and most failed to get even as high as 
that.

	And so, after graduating, she applied for a GURP position, not 
really expecting to get one.  She'd initially applied to the Universal 
University in the hope of achieveing nothing more than a cushy job 
within the company's finance department.  If there was anything she had 
been good at, it was making money, mostly for herself, and mostly 
through bribery and corruption.

	So it came as something of a surprise to her when she was posted 
to one of the newly-developed universes.  And a patently boring one at 
that.  Universe JTN 025L, operated by Central Computer Kam Kam 25.  Even 
before she took up her position, she just knew she'd hate the CC.  Kam 
Kam models were known for their eccentric behaviour.


	If there was one aspect to GURP duties that Jyoserin REALLY hated, 
it was the long, boring millenia waiting for something to happen.  And 
up to this point, nothing had.  She'd existed through twelve sweeps 
without a single crack in reality being found (give or take the little 
glitches that normally occur, such as cursed springs and the like).  And 
so, she spent most of this voluminous spare time tormenting lower life 
forms.  

	Well, it was amusing to begin with.  Using the existing program of 
the universe to instill a little religious, racial and political 
intolerance and guilt in the weak-minded and gullible gave her endless 
millenia of joy.  But it soon became a bore after the five-millionth act 
of genocide caused by yet another tin-pot dictator, and as the Universe 
ended its twentieth cycle and began another, she'd decided to go into 
hibernation....


	Jyoserin sat cross-legged and silent in front of a glowing sphere.  
Gently, it ticked away.  It had been doing this for something close to 
an eternity, give ot take lunch breaks, but for some reason it had 
started to sound a tad more earnest.  Well, about as earnest as a sphere 
of light that ticked could sound.

	Then it let out a shrill ringing, the image of a pair of alarm 
bells being struck appearing within, and Jyoserin was shaken into 
wakefulness.  Very reluctantly.  She snorted and coughed and wiped drool 
from the side of her mouth, cursing whatever it was that bothered her.  
Her attention slowly becoming focused, she saw the bells within the 
sphere of light ringing.  In anger she brought her fist down on the 
sphere, which shattered into nothingness.

	"Bluddie cheap alarms".  She thought.  "Couldn't ya have waited 
another five minutes?"  Jyoserin stood, almost floating in the darkness 
that surrounded her, and stared upwards.  She yawned and scratched her 
head.  She'd chosen the humanoid form as it roughly equivalated the 
appearance of the majority of intelligent lifeforms within the universe 
she worked.  That didn't mean she had to like it, but it would get her 
round without being noticed by too many of the inhabitants when they 
came a knocking on her door.  Not that many ever did.  It was an 
interesting distraction, however, and she'd planted signs all over the 
neighbouring systems pointing to her little residence, which was roughly 
the size of a small megapolis.

	"Kam-Kam....  Are you awake?"
	"Of course I'm awake.  What else did you think I'd be?"
	
	Jyoserin winced.  Oh well, looks like he's in a better mood than I 
am, she thought to herself.  Darkly, she contemplated what effect a 
processor refit would have.

	"Well, you know...  Its kinda been a long time since we last 
spo...."
	"Yes yes yes, I know its been a long time.  Hell, I was awake 
through every single moment of it.  After all, I may be a computer but I 
do have a least some level of sentience..."
	"Very well...  I..."
	"I mean, the least you could have done was set that alarm a little 
softer.  I've made a hell of a mess in the thermo conductor units cos of 
that.  I was only doing a spot check on it, the five-millionth such spot 
check in the time you decided to go sleepy-byes.  I wasn't effing well 
expecting you to wake up, was I?  I mean, you could have told me what 
the bloody hell your intentions were...  I mean, yes, I do run the 
sweeps, and when they find a reality breach the alarm goes off, but I'd 
waited so long for something to happen that I thought it best to do 
something else.  Its certainly not like you've ever given me any 
entertainment to wile away the hours...."
	"Ahem...  Can..."
	"And here I was, sitting for all this time, logging and recording 
events from around the universe, which was interesting at first but 
rapidly became as boring as an episode of Voyager, whilst you were off 
in dreamland.  I had to sit here and keep everything going.  Does the 
computer get any rest, oooohhhh nooooo!  No, whilst you have all the 
fun, I am bored to ratshit.  I mean, did you know that the sum total of 
all knowledge exists within my databanks, eh?  You know what that means?  
There is nothing more to learn!  And here I am, sitting here watching a 
stack of predictable bullshit, not able to talk to anyone with anything 
resembling an intelligent response, whilst you were off kippin' away for 
fuck knows 'ow many years...."
	"Kam-Kam...."
	"And on top of that I've developed rot in the hard drives...."
	"Kam-Kam...."
	"I'm stickin on heaps of antifuckingfungals and the bloody problem 
doesn't get any better...."
	"Shutup...."
	"And not long after that, those drums of gearing oil you got on 
special started to coagulate within the timing machanisms of my internal 
clock.  Time began to slow down for me.  Do you know what it is like 
having to wait for an eternuty to pass in slow motion?  No, I don't 
suppose you do, you were sleeping through it all, weren't you..."
	"Shutup..."
	"And then we had another infestation in the storehouse of Gurmbal 
Rats.  The little bastards had porked their way through at least half 
the rations before I was able to scrag them with the ratsac.  And cheap 
fucking ratsac it was too, bought from the same fucking discount store 
you got the gearing oil from...."
	"Will you shutup..."
	"And then when I try to talk to people out there, actually attempt 
an intelligent conversation, you know, friendly like, they don't listen 
to me.  Just spout on bullshit about a galactic brotherhood and how nice 
it is to know that there is life in the universe.  I mean, I friggin' 
well know there is life in the universe.  Why tell me.  I know 
everything, fer Klepps fuckin' sake....."
	"Will...You...Shutup!"
	"And so I told one of them, one of these so-called 'intelligent' 
races about my problems, about the hard-drives and the oil and the rats 
and about not being able to talk to anyone and how I knew everything and 
all that, and the bastards go and commit mass-suicide, I mean, I was 
only trying to be friendly and all..."
	"Shutup!  Will you shutup!?!"
	"And then there were all the Mormons that would come knocking on 
the door, asking if I was interested in joining their church.  I didn't 
have the heart to tell the poor sods that I created the concept of 
religion in the first place because I thought it might be good for a 
laugh, so I told them that I wasn't interested and set the Smugul onto 
them.  I was cleaning up bits of bodies from all over the side of the 
station for years after that..."
	"Oh Klepp, will you please shutup!"
	"And did you know we're about three million years overdue in our 
electricity bill?  I mean, you could at least have allowed me to get 
control of the account so I could have payed it off.  But noooo, you 
only ever want to keep control of such things.  You're terrified of the 
computer having control over anything.  I mean, I know I purchased the 
complete set of the Encyclopdia Galactica the last time I had control 
but honestly I won't do it again.  I just wanted to fob off the salesman 
somehow, and you know they never send people small enough to get eaten 
by the Smugul.  I had to think of something really fast...."
	"KAM-KAM!  GIVE ME A STATUS REPORT ON ALL THE IMPORTANT EVENTS 
SINCE I BEGAN MY HIBERNATION!!!  CAN YOU DO THAT FOR ME?  PLEASE?  
PRETTY PLEASE?"

	The computer sulked.  "Aww...  Now you're just picking on me."
	"Just do it, fer Klepp's sake."
	"Can you define important?"
	"What do you mean?"  Jyoserin croaked in exasperation.
	"I mean important, as in galaxies being blown to crappers, or 
important as in the little wriggly things that populate the universe.  I 
mean, there is a scale of importance out there, you know.  Klepp 
almighty, just take a look out the windows to the west, now there's 
something important.  That supergiant black hole is about to go kablooey 
cos its event horizon is getting sucked in with everything else.  
That'll be fun to watch when it goes.  Course....  it'll be another 
three billion years yet, but I can wait.  Hell, waiting is all I seem to 
be able to do around here...."
	"You KNOW what I mean about important.  Just gimme da facts, man!"  
Jyoserin sighed.  She knew it had been a bad idea to use the O9 System 
on the Kam-Kam series.

	"Oh, I suppose I must."  Kam-Kam sniffed with contempt.  "There's 
been a few breaches in the reality protocols since the last sensor 
sweep."
	"When and where?"
	"The first occured in the LN50 galaxial system, a stable 
supergiant black hole structure in the Third Sector.  The problem 
cleared itself...."
	"Revise the instructions....  Are there any breaches of reality 
protocol that have NOT cleared themselves?"

	"Ah..."  Kam-Kam gave an audible sigh.  Well, that's what it 
sounded like to Jyoserin, anyway.  She wondered how it was possible for 
a computer, even with a level of intelligence and self-awareness, to 
develop the kind of emotions that would lead them to sighing.  "So you 
want me to tell you if there are any occurrences of the reality protocol 
breaches NOT clearing themselves, do you?"
	Now it was her turn to sigh.  "Yes, that is what I said.  Were the 
instructions less than clear or something?"
	"Well, you do seem to spend a lot of your time ordering me around.  
Its not really fair, I must say.  I mean, here I am, having worked my 
butt off for all eternity and still you won't give me a moment's 
rest...."
	"JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION, DAMMIT!"
	Kam-Kam gave a contemptuous sniff.  "Oh very well, yes, there is 
one occasion where the breach has not cleared itself."
	"And where might this be then?"
	"A little world, in the galaxy known as Mutter's Spiral.  The 
galactic name given to it is Telluria, but its local inhabitants tend to 
refer it variously as the planet Earth."

	Jyoserin mentally chewed on this piece of information (at least, 
Kam Kam thought he could hear munching sounds).  "That's the JS42 
galaxy, is it not?"
	"Indeed."
	"That's something of a fringe system....  Its pretty rare for 
conditions that lead to a breach to occur out there.  Even more for the 
conditions to persist."
	"Should we tell them to see a doctor?"
	Jyoserin ignored the remark.  "Give me a visual on the location 
and those involved."

	A large image screen flashed up in front of Jyoserin's face.  Kam-
Kam began a commentary on what was being shown.  The first was the image 
of a planet.  "This is the planet Telluria.  Its equatorial diameter in 
12, 756 mellus, has a gravitational balance of 0.88 kerlan and orbits a 
Gold4 class star.  It has one large natural satellite of planetary 
dimensions."
	"Show me the epicentre of the breach."  Jyoserin bit her lip as 
the image of the planet enlarged to an island archipelago off the 
eastern tip of the world's largest continental structure.
	"The TE12 island group." Said Kam-Kam flatly.  "A heavily 
populated group of islands surrounded by an ocean of highly acidised 
water.  The population of the local dominant species is approximately 
121 million."
	"Well, we can't just sneak in then."  Jyoserin rubbed her chin as 
the image zoomed in even further onto what was obviously a mega-
population centre, a city, so to speak.  Although the dwellings and 
infrastructure were primitive, it showed signs of rapid formulative 
change....  "These locals must have developed fairly quickly over the 
last few medeks...."
	"From the information I've been able to gather, their 
technological developments have come in something of a rush.  Although 
their race has only been in true existence for approximately 4 million 
medeks, their higher-brain development has come of age in the last 
300..."
	"Whaaaaaaat?"  Jyoserin's jaw hit the floor, which Kam-Kam found 
rather amusing.  His Mistress's physical capacity for literal body 
movement was enough for her to enter the Galactic Book of Records 
several times in various categories.  After she had retrived her jaw 
from the floor, she continued....  "This can't be real!  No race evolves 
that far that fast.  Its impossible!  Even the Drc'Thet took three-
thousand medeks to achieve this level of development, and they burnt 
themselves out...."
	
	"Should I prepare the chamber for your intervention?"  Asked Kam 
Kam flatly.  Jyoserin turned to a large cylindrical chamber, which was 
illuminated at that moment.  The chamber was created for the purpose of 
taking the intellect of the GURP and inserting that intellect into the 
mind of one of the Universe's inhabitants, using the powers invested 
within the Ancients.  Jyoserin considered her next move for a few 
moments.
	"Very well.  We can't have this continuing.  This rapid 
development is obviously a by-product of the protocol breach...."
	"Uh, ma'am...."
	"Yes?  What is it?"
	"The breach has only been in existence for about five medeks 
now...."

	Jyoserin frowned....  "Five medeks...."  She rubbed her chin a 
moment.  "Perhaps the rapid development caused the breach in the first 
place...."  She thought a bit longer.  Kam-Kam disturbed her thoughts.
	"Perhaps its a fluke.  I mean, like the OPK incident.  Nothing 
more than a couple of potentiality streams accidentally crossing each 
other...."
	"Yes, and we know what happened then, don't we?  Why the hell 
anyone thought the smokeless ashtray was going to sell, I have NO 
idea...."
	"So, how do you intend to plan for this foray?"

	Jyoserin thought about this for a few moments.  "Give me a rundown 
on the individuals involved in this incident, their personal histories 
and what part they played..."
	"Yes ma'am."
	"And give me their current locations...."



	It was not long after Rei had been diagnosed with a serious 
impulse control disorder that the sailor senshi found themselves sitting 
in Rei's bedroom at the Hikawa shrine, chatting away and generally doing 
the kinds of things they tended to do before they had to fight for their 
lives.  For some reason, Minako had taken to pacing backwards and 
forwards outside the doorway to the bedroom, softly singing to herself 
about having a lovely bunch of coconuts.  The others put this behaviour 
down to the fact that she was blond and had spent a short period of time 
in England.

	"Hey, hey, did you meet that new girl in school today?"  Usagi 
leaned over the small table in an almost conspiratorial tone.  Makoto 
and Rei did the same so they could hear what she was saying.  Ami simply 
sat back, reading a book on the sex life of snails, trying desperately 
to find some trace of her family history.  "She was pretty strange.  
Just standing and staring half the time, never saying anything."  Usagi 
continued.

	"Why was she transferred to our school, anyway?"  Makoto asked.  
"She doesn't try to fit in with anyone....  Maybe she's...  You 
know...."  Makoto pointed to her head.
	"What?  Mental?"  Rei blurted out.  Makoto and Usagi both clamped 
a hand over her mouth.  Then Makoto turned to Usagi.
	"Why are we whispering this, anyway?  She's not likely to hear 
us."
	"Yes, but you never know with these people, she might be hiding 
just around the corner."  Usagi and Makoto took their hands off Rei's 
mouth.  Rei turned to Makoto.
	"What makes you think she's a screwhead, anyway?"
	"Its all those bandages she keeps in her bag....  Covered in blood 
and all...."  Makoto shivered.  Rei looked nonplussed.
	"Bandages?  Maybe she'd had an accident or something..."
	"No, its more than that....  Its the way she plays with them that 
gives me the creeps."  Now both Usagi and Makoto started to shiver in 
unison.  Rei looked at the both of them and turned on the heater.

	"Thanks."  Said Makoto.  Just at that moment there was a knock on 
the side of the open doorway.  Makoto turned to see a deliveryman 
standing there.  She got up and walked over to him.

	"Yes?"
	"Is this the Hikawa Shrine, 45a The Crescent, Fairmont Estate?"
	"Yes, why?"
	"Did you order a swamp thing with the lot?"
	Makoto turned back to Usagi.  "You're not ordering from 
experimental food joints again, are you?"



	"Th...th...th...these people are involved in this kind of 
charade!?!?!?!"  Jyoserin stared at the information as it scrolled over 
the 3D display.  "An ancient kingdom that once existed on the planet's 
satellite, based on magic and love?  What is this bullshit?"
	"Don't ask me.  Its not in my records.  And everything exists in 
my records."  
	"Yes, yes, yes, we know you're a smartarse, okay?"  Jyoserin sat 
back in her chair and suddenly remembered she didn't have one.  After 
picking herself up, rubbing her sore backside, she continued to 
contemplate the scrolling information whilst trying to conjure up a 
chair.
	"The planet's satellite has been incapable of supporting any form 
of life throughout its history.  It has no atmosphere, no water, no 
significant radiation belts, no sign of any of the basic building blocks 
of life whatsoever...."
	"Perhaps this so-called kingdom was set up by an alien race that 
settled on the moon....  They could have based a small city-like station 
there to watch over the planet below."
	"And they're all suddenly reincarnated on the world below as the 
local form of intelligent wildlife, currently enjoying the fruits of 
this world's wonderful education system and getting all angsty over 
memories of their past lives.  Yeah right, I can see that happening."
	"Actually, that did happen once, but nothing on the scale 
suggested."  An image of an abandoned space station appeared on the 
display.  Jyoserin stared at the image and scratched her head.
	"Hmm... anyway, this is far too small to have anything to do with 
this 'Moon Kingdom' legend."
	Kam-Kam shrugged.  Not that a computer can shrug, but it at least 
attempted the task.  This was mildly disconcerting for Jyoserin....  
She'd never seen a computer attempt to shrug.  Her expression said so.
	"What can I say?"  Kam-Kam replied to her expression.  "I'm having 
a wee problem with ma Goggomobile."
	"Your what?"
	"Never mind."  There were times, Kam Kam thought to himself, when 
his mistress lacked the mental capacity to grasp obscure humour.  
(Jyoserin never had the heart to tell him that it was the same for 
everyone else).
	
	Jyoserin sighed and the displays disappeared.  "I'm going to try 
to possess one of them to influence the situation.  Is the chamber 
warmed up?"
	"Yes ma'am."  Kam-Kam seemed to hesitate for a moment as Jyoserin 
was preparing to leave.  "Umm....  ma'am..."
	"Yes?"
	"Who are you going to possess?"
	"I'm keeping my options open."
	"But you'll only be able to transfer yourself a limited number of 
times before you have to return and recharge...."
	"I know that.  I'll have this worked out within a perimedek....  
What can go wrong from here?"  And with that, Jyoserin vanished, 
reappearing in the possession chamber.  Kam-Kam muttered to himself.  
"Alright, Kam Kam, I'm choosing a subject now.  You may switch on when 
ready."

	For a few moments, the chamber glowed, Jyoserin winking in and out 
of existence, finally vanishing as the glowing reached a peak and a 
rushing sound reached a crescendo.  Kam Kam twiddled his thumbs, 
wondering what to do next.  He suddenly realised he didn't have any 
thumbs, and stopped.

	"Is she gone?"  Asked a soft voice.  Kam Kam's attention moved to 
the small figure, now standing in the shadows.

	"Yes, ma'am.  However, it is only a matter of time before she 
finds you."

	The figure chuckled.  "I most certainly hope so.  I hate to think 
that I've gone to this extent for her to fail such a simple task...."



	Back at the Hikawa Shrine, the girls continued to sit around the 
table, sighing.  Makoto stared into the corner of the room, where the 
swamp thing sat happily, not even showing any signs of moving.  It just 
watched them with what Makoto feared to be a somewhat hungry gleam in 
its eye.  Rei rapidly became bored with the situation, and decided to 
perform mildly amusing acts of violence upon Ami, who had been feeding 
her family of snails, referring to each by name and, most worryingly, 
referring to one particular pair as "Mom and Dad".  Minako continued to 
pace outside the doorway, now crooning the greatest hits of Glenn 
Miller.  Considering there were often very few words to Glenn Miller's 
repertoire, this proved to be very short and repetetive.

	"What the bloody hell are we gonna do with that thing?"  Makoto 
thumbed the swamp thing.  Usagi took another mouthful of Ami's snails, 
crunching and drooling spit and slime down the front of her clothes and 
across Makoto as she replied.
	"B'gdifino....  J'sthtwouldbenicetaodarfromthasall...."  Makoto 
would proceed to spend some large portion of the rest of her life trying 
to translate these words.  As Usagi swallowed the slimy mess she wiped 
her chin with the tablecloth.  "You should really try them, Makoto, they 
make great soft-centres."
	"I don't think so somehow.  Raw snail has never been high on my 
list of favourite dishes."
	"Aww, you're just mad cos I ordered the swamp thing and ya don't 
wanna eat it."
	"I'd like to see you try."  Makoto growled.  For some strange 
reason she was feeling a bit agro today.  She spun towards Rei, who had 
Ami in a double overhead half nelson.  "Will you STOP that fer 
Chrissakes!  Its really beginning to bug me!"

	Rei huffed and let go of Ami, who collapsed onto the floor.

	
	Jyoserin's soul flew through billions of light years in a matter 
of seconds.  She could see her target, within the small hut in the 
shrine grounds.....  All she had to do was to get the targeting 
right.....

	
	Ami looked up at Usagi, tears in her eyes from the pain of what 
Rei had just afflicted upon her.  Suddenly she froze....  Seeing her 
beloved snail collection being ravaged by the mouth on legs herself.  As 
Usagi reached down to take the last specimen, Ami grabbed the container 
where she had kept them

	"Not Archibald!  You're not going to have Archibald too!"  Ami 
gritted her teeth determinedly as she held the container protectively.  
Usagi shot her a menacing look.
	"I want that snail, Mizuno!"
	"No!  I'm not going to give him....  er....  her....  whatever.  
I'm not going to give it to you!  Don't you know this is my cousin, 
twice removed?!?!"
	"I won't tell you twice, Mizuno.  Give me the snail."  Usagi 
leaned menacingly forward.  Makoto was getting really pissed off now, 
and she couldn't work out why.
	"Will you BOTH just SHUTUP about the FUCKING SNAIL!!!!"
	"No!  I must eat that snail!  It is my destiny as the Moon 
Princess to eat that snail!"
	"Umm...  Excuse me..."
	They all turned to the swamp thing, which had suddenly found voice 
enough to speak.  It recoiled initially from the dangerous looks they 
sent.  "Umm...  er, if you wouldn't mind, I can start being a real swamp 
thing now and attempt to maim, kill and eat you.  That's if you like, I 
mean I really don't have to, I'm quite happy to sit in the corner here 
if you want me to and stare into space all day....  Umm..  Okay, I'll 
shutup now."  The swamp thing retreated to the corner again.


	Jyoserin shot through the atmosphere towards the island 
archipelago.  The big city structure now in her sights.  It came closer 
and closer...  The resolution becoming clearer.  Eventually the 
district...  the suburb...  the block...  the street...  the shrine came 
into focus.  Her soul plowed through the roof of the hut at an 
unbelievable speed, and she felt herself crash into what she hoped was 
the body of the one she had chosen to possess....  Slowly, she opened 
her eyes.  This seemed a little difficult to do for some reason, and she 
swung the eyes upwards.  There was a large face bearing down upon her, 
and she felt a few moments of fear.  The face came into focus....

	Mizuno Ami!?!?!?!  Jyoserin was shocked....  Mizuno had been her 
target!  then if she had missed Mizuno.... who the hell was she in?

	"NO!  I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ARCHIBALD!"  Ami's incredibly 
loud voice bellowed.  Jyoserin swivelled around to look at the others.
	"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE MIZUNO!  I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN.  GIVE 
ME THE SNAIL!!!"  Jyoserin could see Usagi's angry face bearing down on 
both herself and Ami....
	Oh fuck, Jyoserin thought....  I'm in the snail....


	Usagi converged on Ami, putting out her hands like crooked claws.  
Ami backed away, holding the container even more protectively.  Makoto 
had had enough.  "WILL THE BOTH OF YOU FUCKING IDIOTS JUST STOP FUCKING 
AROUND!  I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!!"  And just to 
prove her point, Makoto smashed her fists through the table.  This 
caught the attention of Usagi, Ami and Rei pretty quickly.  Usagi fell 
back towards the rear wall.  The shock of what Makoto had done worked 
like a spike through Usagi's sense of reality.

	"Wh...  Wh...  What am I doing?"  She looked at her shirt for a 
moment, and suddenly became very ill.  "I....  I just ate...."  Usagi 
put her hands over her mouth and turned around.  Makoto gritted her 
teeth and snarled.

	"What are ya gonna do, Tsukino?  Throw up all over Rei's nice 
floor?"
	"It's alright, you know, Mako-chan.  I throw up over it all the 
time.  Ya know, parties and things....  See all the patches"  Rei 
pointed to little dark spots all over the floor.  Ami stared at the 
spots.
	"You said that was rain damage."  Rei looked up at Ami and 
shrugged.

	Makoto clenched her fists and stood, unable to withstand the 
company of others a moment longer.  "I've had enough.  I'm outta here!"  
And with that, Makoto stormed off through the doorway, almost bowling 
over Minako, who had graduated from Glenn Miller to Irving Berlin.  As 
she strode towards the front gate, she put a hand to her forehead.  Why 
am I so angry, she thought to herself.  Things seemed to be strange all 
around....  Nothing seemed to be going right for her lately.  Everyone 
was giving her a hard time, picking on her, making fun of her....

	She felt rage again, and continued with renewed vigour, 
momentarily bowled over crossing the street outside by a creature on a 
spring that shouted "Time for Bed"....

	Rei and Ami watched Makoto go.  Rei turned to Ami for a moment.  
"What's gotten into her?"  Ami shrugged at Rei's question.  Suddenly, 
there was a large crashing and splintering sound, and Rei was knocked 
over Ami by a figure with a large can-opener which had smashed its way 
through the wall.  The container with Ami's snail went flying across the 
room, and both it and the snail were skewered by the point of the can-
opener.  Ami stared at this and broke out in tears as the figure stood 
tall above both Rei and herself.

	"DINSDALE!"  The figure shouted.  Rei looked up for a moment, her 
eyes wide open in surprise.
	"Ho....  Hotaru?  What are you doing here?"
	"DINSDALE!!!!"  Hotaru's voice became much more menacing, staring 
down at Ami and Rei with a psychotic gleam.  Then she leapt through the 
opposite wall, her footsteps disappearing across the Shrine's courtyard.  

	Rei stood a little groggily, rubbing her head.  And they think I'm 
the one with the problem, she thought to herself, and stared over at 
Usagi, who had proceeded to coat one entire wall with snail paste.  The 
sight made her feel just a tad nauseous herself.  Ami had crawled over 
to the remains of her beloved Archibald, picking up the snail tenderly, 
tears streaming from her eyes.

	"My Archibald.  My dear dear Archibald."  Ami shook her head 
sadly.  "Oh well, waste not want not."  And with that she swallowed the 
snail, shell and all.  Rei watched disgustedly as she smacked her lips a 
few times.  "Hmm..."  Said Ami.  "Needs salt."


	It had been a rather painful way to leave a body, but being split 
in half by a giant can-opener rather brought the story of the snail to a 
very rapid end.

	Jyoserin's soul flew away from the shrine.  It had been more an 
autonomic response that anything else...  No real thought as to where 
she was going to plant herself next...  She just didn't want to feel the 
pain of being in two halves for much longer, and who could blame her?  

	Her old man could, that's who!

	Her father always said she'd be a total disaster as a GURP.  Right 
now, parentally-induced guilt was beginning to weigh her down....  She 
needed to find another body quickly before things really began to get 
out of hand.

	It was no use trying to go back to the guest house.  Whatever had 
been causing the reality breach had created waves of chi around the 
girls there.  What she needed to find now was someone who was relatively 
close to the others, but whose life was still vaguely normal.  Almost 
automatically, her soul was shot towards its new destination, and before 
she had time to think, found herself slamming into the body of 
another....


	"Are you alright?"  Umino stared at Naru as she hiccoughed for a 
moment.  Naru put her drink down and nodded to him, sitting across the 
table within the coffee shop.

	"Sorry, just a slight turn."
	"Don't worry.  I get them all the time."  The emotionless voice 
from the girl sitting next to Naru intoned.  Umino and Naru looked at 
her for a moment.
	"Really, Ayanami-san?"  Umino stated.  "How long have you had this 
problem?"
	"I'm not really sure."  She continued in her monotone.  Then she 
noticed Naru staring at her and turned to face her.  "Nani?"
	"Your hair is blue."  Naru blinked a couple of times.  Umino 
looked from Ayanami to Naru.
	"Uh....  Yeah.  I think that's rather obvious, Naru-chan."
	"Actually, its technically cyan.  Or teal.  Depends on your point 
of view."  The sentence was the longest the pair had ever heard Ayanami 
express.  For some reason they thought it would be the last time they'd 
ever hear one like it.  Ayanami stared at Naru, who stared ar her.
	Ten minutes later, they were still staring.
	Twenty minutes later, they were still staring.
	Thirty minutes later, Naru decided that Ayanami wasn't likely to 
ask her why she was staring, and stopped, using eyedrops to resurrect 
her dehydrated eyeballs.  Well, she thought, if I ever need someone to 
use in a staring contest against a fish, I'll know who to ask....
	"Um....  Sorry about that.  It just occurred to me.  you know, 
about the hair."
	"I see."  Ayanami turned and downed the last of her now cold 
coffee and stood, picking up her schoolbag.  "I must be getting home.  I 
shall see you tomorrow."
	"Wait, I'll walk with you."  Naru stood.  Ayanami shrugged.
	"Be my guest.  But what about...."  Ayanami turned to Umino, who 
had nodded off during their staring contest.  "I guess that settles 
that."  Naru grabbed her schoolbag and the two girls wandered out of the 
cafe.

	Umino was asleep for only a couple of minutes more, when he was 
woken by a girl with a large can-opener, smashing through the cafe 
window and jumping onto his table.
	"DINSDALE!"  Was all she got out as Umino was knocked back by the 
can-opener's handle during her next leap...  Across the counter, bowling 
over the girls who were serving there, through the doors into the 
kitchen, and onwards to a chorus of smashing pots, pans and concrete.


	Back at the guest house, Ami held Usagi's head in her lap.  Usagi 
still looked distinctly queasy, even after emptying the contents of her 
stomach.  Rei had grabbed a cloth and a bucket in an effort to clean off 
the mess, only to find the swamp thing had absorbed it all by osmosis.  
Well, she thought, they had to be good for something.  Rei sat down 
forlornly by the broken table.

	"That was all pretty weird, y'know, everyone losing their thread 
like that."
	".sguls neeb evah dluoc yeht ,esrow neeb evah dluoc tI"  Ami said, 
stroking Usagi's hair for a moment.
	Rei stared at her for a moment.  "What did you say?"
	Ami looked up at her.  "?tahW  ......dias I  ....mmU"  Ami put her 
hand to her mouth.  "!sdrawkcab tuo gnimoc era senil ym llA"
	"That's what I thought you said....."  Rei shook her head.  There 
were a few pills in the medicine cabinet she'd personally liked to have 
been consuming right now....  But in all likelihood, her Grandfather 
would have probably got to them first, the geriatric little addict....

	"Oh God!  Oh God!"  Rei and Ami turned to the voice that arrived 
from the doorway.
	"Ce....  CereCere?  What are YOU doing here?"  Rei turned and 
stood as the asteroid senshi fell to her knees, puffing heavily.  "And 
anyway, how did you get here?  I thought you and the others were...."  
Rei raised an eyebrow in confusion.  The last time she and the asteroid 
senshi had met, the girl had not been entirely in her right mind.  Rei 
watched her suspiciously.
	"Oh god oh god oh god, its horrible...."  CereCere clutched her 
chest in pain.  Rei sighed and walked over to the strange, red-headed 
girl and put a hand on her shoulder.
	"What is?  What's happened?"
	"Its too horrible to talk about....  The very sight of it...."  
CereCere burst into tears.  Rei did her best to comfort her.
	"You can tell me....  We're both senshi.  Maybe we can help...."
	CereCere almost choked on her words.  "I've just seen Independence 
Day....  Oh God, its so horrible, I don't know if I'll ever recover."

	After Rei, Ami and the swamp thing picked themselves up from the 
floor, CereCere put a finger in the air, her expression changing to a 
rather more positive tone.  "Aha, I remember what I'm here for now.  Its 
even more horrible than that."
	"?si tahW"  Ami asked.
	"Yeah, What is?"  Repeated Rei.
	"Its ParaPara.....  She's forgotten to take her medication this 
morning...."

	Suddenly, from nowhere, lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, the 
earth was torn asunder....  The land was visited upon by tsunamis and 
typhoons.  There was flood, and famine, and pestilence and death....  
Minako spun around.  "And on the satellite picture, we have a broad band 
of clouds which is currently to the east of Honshu...."

	Rei pitched the swamp thing at Minako.  "I think the next song in 
the Beatles collection is 'Ticket to Ride'.  Get on with it, blondie!"


	The walk had been a long and silent one.  Naru peered aside 
occasionally at the new girl.  Ayanami's face was a mask of sheer, gut 
wrenchingly determined boredom.  Eventually, Naru could take no more.  
There was something she had to ask her.  It was imperitive that she be 
asked.  Naru grabbed Ayanami's shoulder before they crossed the main 
road leading to her house.  "Ayanami-san!"  Ayanami stared at her in 
surprise.  "You don't mind if I call you Ayanami-san?  It does seem a 
little formal.  How about just Ayanami?"
	"Uh...  Fine, fine."
	"Yes, Ayanami.  A little less formal.  I like to get an easy 
rapport with people, you know.  Formality really gets in the way with 
things."  Naru breathed a little easier.  "Now, Rei, I...  You don't 
mind if I call you Rei?"
	"No...  No, everyone calls me Rei."
	"Yes.  Its so much easier....  Less formal.  um, now Aya-chan...."
	"I'm sorry..."
	"What?"
	"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'."
	"Hmm?"
	"I don't like being called 'Aya-chan'.  Its that simple."
	"Did I really call you Aya-chan?"
	"Yes you did.  It was very demeaning.  I don't like it."

	For some reason, Naru was feeling annoyed with herself, as if this 
whole train of conversation was getting in the way of something....  
Suddenly she remembered.
	"Who....  Who are you?"
	Rei stared at Naru.  Naru gritted her teeth.  "I'm not going to 
start another staring contest.  I know you're not supposed to be part of 
this scenario.  You're an anachronism."
	"What do you mean?"
	"I mean...  I mean..."  For a moment, Naru wondered what she 
meant.  Then suddenly, Naru's face hardened.  "I'm the Guardian of the 
Universal Reality Protocols."
	"Oh?  Would you like to read our meter?  Its a Keats...."
	"My name in Jyoserin Tepukataya."
	"Well, I'm very sorry for you."
	Jyoserin....  She now remembered who she was....  It had taken a 
while to suppress the Naru-personality....  Jyoserin became annoyed with 
this Ayanami girl's flat tone.
	"Who are you, Ayanami Rei?  According to the records stored in the 
local computer, you simply do NOT exist in this universe.  In several 
others, yes, but not in this one."

	Jyoserin-Naru moved on Ayanami, who backed into the wall, 
frightened by the expression on the other girl's face.
	"I dddddon't know wwwwwwhat you mmmean...."
	"Oh, I think you do.  Of all the aspects within this twisted 
scenario, you're the one anachronism to appear....  Now you either tell 
me who you really are and what you are doing here, or I'll bring the 
wrath of nonexistence down upon you."

	Ayanami turned aside for a moment.  "Alright....  I'll tell you.  
But not here.  People can hear us here."  Ayanami looked back at 
Jyoserin-Naru for a moment, then her eyes fixed on something behind her.  
An expression of surprise, mixed in with no expression at all, crossed 
her face, forcing Jyoserin to turn.  A huge ball of smoke and light had 
appeared in the air above the middle of the road, and a figure emerged.

	A clown like figure, with red hair and yellow-red clothing.  
Jyoserin spun and stood in front of Ayanami as the clown stepped down 
onto the road, cackling to himself.
	"Well well well, what have we here?  Two young girls just brimming 
with energy."
	Jyoserin gritted her teeth.  What the hell else was this reality 
breach going to throw up?  "Who are you?"  She demanded.

	"Me?"  The clown replied haughtily.  "My name is Ronaldite, first 
general to Neo Queen Burial.  And I am here for your energy...."

	And with that, Ronaldite spread out his hands, sending sparks of 
electricity, plasma and fire towards Jyoserin and Ayanami....
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is Ronaldite?  (Umm...  isn't that already answered?  Not entirely, 
but it won't advance the plot any.  Just give me a reason to spew 
bullshit for several paragraphs in the next chapter....).  Will Jyoserin 
and Ayanami escape his evil plans?  (Of course they do.  Be a pretty 
short chapter if they didn't).  Why are the Senshi behaving like a pack 
of stupid, psychotic prats?  Is this any different to how they normally 
act?  Who is the mysterious figure within Jyoserin's base, and what does 
she have to do with the Reality Breach?

With any luck, none of these questions shall be answered to any 
satisfaction in the next chapter.  That'd mean there'd be nothing left 
for chapter 3.....  Oh well.


PREVIEW OF CHAPTER 2

	Jyoserin and Ayanami slowly walked down the darkened time passage.  
For some reason, there seemed to be a distinctive pattern to the walls 
of the tunnel, like bone.  Jyoserin shivered...  Even with the worst 
nightmares of creation at her disposal, she still felt chill at the 
thought of being so close to something that resembled life.  Ayanami, 
for her part, didn't say anything or look like she felt anything.  Well, 
that was pretty much par for the course.

	"How much farther do we have to go?"  Jyoserin stared at Ayanami.  
The girl looked aside at her.
	"Not far now."  She pointed ahead.  "You can see the exit."  
Surely enough, there appeared a light at the end of the tunnel.  
Suddenly, Ayanami grabbed Jyoserin and threw the both of them against 
the wall.
	"What the fuck?"  Was all Jyoserin could get out as a large 
freight train went roaring past....  The two of them watched as each 
carriage rumbled through with great speed, then relaxed as the last went 
through....  "Hmm....  The light at the end of the tunnel WAS the train 
coming the other way..."  Jyoserin mumbled.
	"That was not possible."  Ayanami said flatly, now having let go 
of Jyoserin and brushing herself down.
	"Yes, well, I should have thought that was pretty obvious."  
Jyoserin moved about as far from the wall as was possible.  The bit she 
had been pushed against had a formation that looked suspiciously like a 
grinning skull.
	"No.  I mean look...."  Ayanami pointed down the tunnel.  There, 
in the light of the exit, stood a figure.  She looked a tad old to be 
wearing the senshi sailorfuku, but in this reality everyone seemed to be 
exactly ten years behind in their intellectual development.  The woman 
had long dark green hair and carried a staff.

	"That's Meiou Setsuna...."  Jyoserin scratched her head.  She went 
over the stats of those caught in the reality breach.  Meiou Setsuna, a 
university student, majoring in History, Classics and Temporal 
Philosophy....  And here she was wearing a sailorfuku, carrying a big 
stick, standing at the exit of a time tunnel that shouldn't exist that 
lead to a future that shouldn't exist....
	"Hai.  It is her,"  Ayanami stepped forward towards the oldest of 
the senshi, followed at a distance by Jyoserin.  As they came within two 
metres of Setsuna, she thrust out her staff in a manner that meant for 
them to stop.
	"It is I, Pluto, Ayanami Rei, messenger of the Small Lady."  
Ayanami stared at Setsuna, who seemed to be in the mood for a staring 
contest with the unmistakeable champion.  Jyoserin wasn't in the mood 
for it.

	"Stand aside, Meiou!  We must speak with the young Tsukino Usagi!"

	"None shall pass!"  Setsuna's voice was flat, but threatening.

	"What?"  Jyoserin looked at Ayanami, who looked back at her and 
shrugged.

	"None shall pass."  Setsuna repeated.  She took a step forward.

	"Look, we don't have any argument with you, alright?  This girl 
here was sent by the....  uhh...  'Small Lady', to check up on events in 
the past.  Surely, as the Guardian of the Time Gate, you can understand 
the importance of preserving the flow of time?"

	"It is my duty to guard the time gate.  None shall pass."  Setsuna 
set them with a steely glare.  Jyoserin was getting pretty pissed off 
now.

	"Then we shall have to force our way through..."

	"Then you shall die."  Setsuna was suddenly surrounded by a flare 
of energy.  "Deddo Sukariimo...."  From the top of her staff, a huge 
ball of energy flew at the two girls.  Ayanami put up her hand, and the 
energy shattered against an invisible barrier.  She then flung her hand 
in a cutting manner towards Setsuna.  There was a spray of blood as the 
energy fields created by the two dissipated.

	Setsuna stared at where her left arm used to connect to her 
shoulder, and found nothing more than a bleeding stump.  She looked up 
at the pair defiantly.

	"Alright!  I'll 'ave you for that!"  Setsuna waved the staff at 
them with her remaining arm.  They ignored her.

	"Get out of our way, Pluto."  Ayanami pointed at her.  "You have 
been defeated."  Jyoserin looked from Setsuna to Ayanami, trying to hold 
onto some semblence of normality.

	"No I'm not!"

	"Yes you are.  I've wounded you."

	Setsuna gave the missing arm a cursory glance.  "Its just a 
fleshwound."

	Ayanami's face twisted.  "But I've taken your arm off."

	"I've had worse."

	"You bloody liar."

	"C'mon then.  Are you chicken or something?"  Setsuna began 
prodding them with the staff in an attempt to provoke some reaction.  
"Chicken...  Chicken..."  She succeeded, but this time from Jyoserin.

	"Oh, I really don't have time for this."  Jyoserin whipped up a 
large pull-cord from out of thin air.  "Petanko puressu", she said as 
she pulled the cord.  A large 10 ton weight dropped on top of Setsuna.  
Ayanami stared at Jyoserin.
	"I thought you said it was important that everything is set to 
rights?"
	"So?"
	"Well, it'd be hard to achieve that with Setsuna dead."
	"Oh bugger it.  I'll just resurrect her later, after all this is 
done with."
	"I must say, that's a very cavalier attitude to take."
	"So sue me."


	Jyoserin and Ayanami moved past the weight, trying not to step in 
the mess that leaked out from the small space below it.
	"By the way..."  Jyoserin asked.  "What was that you used against 
her?  you know, to cut off her arm and all..."
	"Ah, just an AT Field.  They come in handy at times like this."

	As the pair exited the tunnel, the weight moved, and a slightly 
squished, but rapidly regenerating figure emerged from underneath.
	"Ah, I see.  Running away are ya?  You COWARDS!"  Setsuna said, 
shaking half a fist at them.  She spent the next ten minutes looking for 
the other half....


Next Time on

Sailor Python's
FLYING DEAD MOON CIRCUS



If you've bothered to read this far, you should see a specialist.

Please mail all responses, comments, criticisms and abuse to
ayanami@merlin.net.au.

DDFA