HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
~By K-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
*Ranma 1/2 characters are copywrited to the ingenius of Rumiko Takahashi and
co. - Viz, Kitty, Shogakakun and Fuji TV. I own nothing on these characters.*
~Be warned, this will be a sadfic but as for a bitter ending...? I don't
know... ^_~
~I'm taking this from the manga, so no Sasuke in this one.~
Chapter 3: Memories of Me
Nabiki listened from outside the curtain as the psychiatrist
interviewed Kuno, who had barely been awake for an hour. She couldn't really
hear either Kuno or the interviewer, which meant she couldn't tell what was
going on. Had the psychiatrist found out what was going on in Kuno's head?
He'd deserve a medal if he did.
'Tip'Tap'Tip'Tap'. Hearing footsteps, Nabiki backed away from the white
curtain as the psychiatrist stepped out and started to walk forward as if she
had just arrived.
"Well?" She asked him as he closed the curtain behind him.
"I'm sorry, I can't discuss what he has told me, it's confidential,"
the psych cooly replied; "plus, you would've heard better what was going on
if you had used a stethoscope while eavesdropping."
"I wasn't eavesdropping!" Nabiki answered with fake offence at the
remark.
"I'm sure you weren't," the psych agreed in a condescending manner; "
you can go in and see your boyfriend now."
Nabiki surpressed her surprise at that mis-judgement and choked down
her oncoming laughter; "I'm just a... classmate of his."
The psychiatrist started to slowly walk off. He circled round to look
at her and smiled; "Goodbye, Miss Nabiki Tendo."
"How... did you know my name? I've never met you before," she asked
suspiciously.
"I'm afraid that's confidential," he responded as he turned his head,
walking away again as she digested his hidden answer. Kuno mentioned her?
..In what context? She would find out... from the source.
Opening the white sheet which separated Kuno from the outside world,
Nabiki walked in with an air of confidence and control, her eyes directly
focused on the young man, still not feeling completely safe around him.
He was sitting up in bed trying to reach a drink from a chipped mug
standing on the table beside him but unable to because of the restraints on
his arms. Nabiki's footsteps alerted him to her presence and he looked up at
her, his face seeming to be as calm as hers. She edgily stood at the end of
his bed.
"Good evening, Nabiki Tendo," he greeted, having given up on reaching
the cup.
"Hi Kuno.. how did it go, with the psychiatrist?" Nabiki asked
curiously. How's she going to ask him why he mentioned her to the psych guy
without bringing up this morning... without bringing Ranma and Akane?
"It was very odd, now that you ask," his aloof voice uttered smoothly;
"he kept mentioning a fight this morning that I just don't recall happening."
"You don't remember it? You tried to... " Nabiki stopped herself before
she spoke of Ranma. Kuo seemed to be changing personalities more often than
Ranma could shapeshift and she didn't want to change it again.
"I tried to to do what, Nabiki?" Kuno really could not remember
anything past Nabiki visiting him earlier this morning. That is what he had
told the polite man in the suit and white overcoat. There was something
annoying, just hanging around at the back of his mind... but he couldn't
reach it. Why ever not?
"Nothing..." she sighed; "it doesn't matter." Why'd he have to get so
perceptive?
Kuno continued to look at Nabiki in puzzlement; why was she changing
the subject? She must have a good reason... but nothing should be kept secret
from him.
"Here," Nabiki, trying to change the subject, moved over to his bedside
table and picked up his half-empty cup; "why don't I help you get a drink,
ne?"
"I have _no need_ for help," he snapped sharply back; "I can take care
of myself!" Where did that come from? It was impolite to talk like that! But
he just couldn't let her help him. He could look after himself, he was no
weakling...
Nabiki carefully put down the cup, preparing to say goodbye. It had
been a lost cause to visit him after all, especially if he was going to get
all moody again...
"Sorry, Nabiki Tendo. Please forgive my outburst," the now, yet again,
calm Kuno apologised.
Nabiki stepped back in surprise... Kuno had apologised?! That was...
humble, that was plain weird! "Apology accepted."
"I just wish I could apologise to my younger sister, too..." he
whispered sadly to the air.
"What did you say?"
"I.. uh..." What did he say that for? He had tried everything he could
to say his sister... everything. There was no reason to feel guilty. What a
odd thing to say... very odd... "Nothing, Nabiki Tendo, you must have
imagined it," he lied, not wanting to explain that which he had spoken.
"Yeah, I'm sure that's it," she replied unconvinced. He had said
something about his sister... but what? She had only caught the end of the
whisper. She remembered sadly, after speaking to one of the firemen who had
hung around the hospital after the accident, how Kuno had tried to save his
family... Imagine, going through what he did... She shivered with the memory
of the memory...
"Are you cold?" He asked, with genuine concern. After all, she had been
kind enough to visit him twice, without asking for anything in return.
"No, I'm fine," she took in a deep breath and gazed at him, her
impassive appearance fading away into one of sympathy and sadness; "I'd just
like to say... I'm... I'm sorry for your loss."
A long silence ensued as both wondered what to say next, if anything.
"Thank you Nabiki," he smiled politely.
Nabiki smiled back. So, she wasn't as bad at being comforting as she
thought she was.... that could come in handy someday...
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dip in water. Scrub thoroughly. Place on rack. Dip in water. Scrub
thoroughly. Place on rack...
That was Kasumi's routine everyday that she washed the dishes. It gave
her satisfaction to see cutlery go in dirty and come out all clean and shiny.
That's how everything should be: clean. The housework cleared her mind as she
cleared it up; then she wouldn't have to think of anything else, of anyone
else... But when she had heard the news about Nabiki's classmate from school,
about his family... she almost felt that they were talking about her
mother...
Kasumi felt she had to be strong for her sisters, when her mother had
died. She never thought that she, herself deserved to cry. She _should_ have
noticed her mother's decline, she _should_ have helped her mother somehow,
since she was the oldest child. Dad had been too wrapped up in martial arts
to notice... She... she shouldn't think like this, it would only bring on
the inevitable.
...Keeping everyone else well fed and happy was what Kasumi had always
liked doing; her mother had also been like that, always smiling and laughing
and being there for everyone else. Even when she had known, known for so long
and had never said to anyone in case it had upset them... never told anyone,
till it was too late... till one morning she never woke up...
Something cold rolled down her cheek - a tear? Oh, but she never cried,
just like mother... never... had...
Kasumi stopped washing, dropping a plate to the floor but ignoring its
'crash!' More tears emerged from her eyes and this time she let them rolled
freely, not caring if anyone saw her, for once. "Mommy..." she sobbed out
loud but quietly, and dropped to her knees; "_why_ didn't you tell us?
Why??!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Nabiki sat down in the reception area, giving her tired feet a rest. A
yawn escaped her mouth accidently... where did that come from? She had gone
longer without sleep than this. Especially with Ranma living at her house,
under the same roof as Akane - a lethal combination. Now, she didn't know
whether she was capable of sleep or not, her head too full of too many
thoughts and unresolved feelings.
She shifted about in the seat, shivering slightly. These plastic
hospital seats were cold in the winter and they were so hard, too. The
hospital was so cheap with chairs. Cold and hard and cheap. Now, why would
she be thinking about that?
Sliding the issue for another time, Nabiki's thoughts drifted like the
snow outside to the business she had with the hospital. A few hours ago,
she'd been anticipating sinking her teeth into the vengeful project to prove
to the hospital that she wasn't someone to mess with... but now, it just
didn't seem to matter. She didn't care what they thought of her, anymore. The
whole idea wasn't worth wasting energy on. Could she be losing her edge? Was
she softening? No, no she wasn't.
Being generous and caring did not save her mom. No, it hindered her.
You had to make most of life because a conscience won't get you what you
want. That was the cruel lesson that had haunted her for most of her life.
Before the fateful day, Nabiki faintly remembers being very much more playful
and happy, wanting to be just like her mom. Then she died and Nabiki didn't
feel like being happy anywhere. And then when Kasumi had discovered an old
doctors report a few years later, she had told Nabiki what had happened, that
mom knew and never said for months, never even told dad, putting on a
peaceful mask for everyone... She knew that she didn't want to be anything
like mom, whereas Kasumi turned out to be everything just like her.
Nabiki had been lost for a direction to take her life in for a few
years, wandering aimlessly through various phases. Then, one night she had
watched a lottery show and saw a past jackpot winner on the show. They had
been so happy, much happier than her. And that's when she had realised that
money would make her happy, it would get you what you wanted...
"Excuse me, miss, are you waiting to see a doctor?"
Nabiki shook herself out of deep thought and looked up to the stranger
in a suit. Must be the receptionist. "No, I was just taking a rest. I'll be
moving on." She stood up and started to walk to the exit. She could feel the
cold of the night slowly affecting her.
"Are you alright? You look so pale," the woman in the suit asked.
"Alright is such an ambiguous word," Nabiki replied, a faint finger of
melancholy softly touching the bitter tone of her voice. She wrapped her
scarf around her neck, putting her gloves on and walked out, back into the
cold depths.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What have you done with the pigtailed girl, Saotome?!" I ask as
politely as I can.
"Aw, go to hell, Kuno!" An angry Ranma replied. Unable to think of
anything intelligent, the coward punches me high into the slowly darkening
sky, where the fiery hues of the sunset capture me as I sail across the sky.
This seems so familiar... but why?
I feel the earth gaining on me, pulling me down. I brace for impact,
trying to be as relaxed as I can. The soft thump of grass graces my head as I
land. I stand up, shaking all the grass off of me, already knowing that there
will be stains covering my clothes. "Blast you, Saotome," I mutter to myself.
I look around, seeing that I was in some sort of large clearing, with
the city surrounding me with its chequered lights. I try to find my bearings
and look for my street, knowing it to be nearby. Light is fading but I can
still see the area in which I reside, from where I am. It seems that Saotome
cannot punch me very far, showing how weak he really is.
Walking towards home, I begin to smell an aura which reeks and chokes
my throat with bitterness. Whatever can it be? A glowing ember-like light can
be seen off the distance, near to where I live. Grey clouds seem to rise from
it. Is it a fire... near my house? I walk a little faster, my vision gaining
more detail of the light... Oh dear god, is that... is that...
"Wake up!"
What? I look around and see no-one.
"It's time for your medicine! Now wake up." My vision slowly blurs
till the surroundings fade away completely.......
.......Kuno blinked his eyes awake to see a woman in white dress looking down
at him, holding a bottle of something in her hands. There was light coming in
from the window. It must be morning.
"Finally! Now, I'm Nurse Take Inoe and I have to give you your
medication, OK?" She stated in a firm but quiet voice; "Before the
psychiatrist comes to see you again."
Kuno nodded dumbly, trying to remember what his dream was all about...
there was a glowing light...? But no, nothing more can be brought back. Kuno
began to think that his mind didn't want him to remember this dream. But why?
It wasn't likely to be about... ...something he shouldn't think of. Ever.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
A day later, late morning...
Kasumi sighed inwardly as Nabiki placed the phone down, it had
seemed like her little sister had been on that phone almost constantly. She
moved towards Nabiki before she could pick up the phone again.
"Do you want a cup of tea, oneechan?" Kasumi asked a weary Nabiki.
Nabiki looked into at her innocent sister's eyes. "Just one more call
and I'll have one. Thanks, Kasumi." Nabiki turned away and picked up the
phone again, missing her sister's disappointed stare. "Don't worry, I'll pay
dad back for this." Nabiki said without looking.
But it's not the phone bill I'm worried about, Kasumi thought to
herself as she went to hoover the living room carpet. It was probably dirty,
anyway. It had been hoovered over two hours ago.
Nabiki waited till Kasumi left before dialling the number. The phone
didn't answer but the answering machine did. Damn. She would still get her
message across somehow, without it sounding incriminating. The predictable
beep sounded and so Nabiki started to, too; "Hello Ms Tan, it's me speaking.
I'm not your enemy, I just want what's fair for everyone. Especially
you-know-who, the one you had a 'run in' with? Remember our conversation at
the station? I hope you honour the agreement or you know what will happen."
'Click.'
A satisfied smile blossomed on her face. Soon, justice would be done.
She had never gotten in so deep into something so risky, something which
could end up with her in court if it went wrong. But... it felt good, it felt
right...
"Kasumi?" She called out.
The hoover immediately shut off and a hopeful Kasumi came into the hall
where the phone was. "Yes?"
"I've decided I don't want a cup of tea, after all..."
"Oh... right."
"...Some coffee would be nice though," Nabiki grinned.
Kasumi started to smile again, a real smile. Maybe Nabiki would finally
get some rest now... "I'll just put the kettle on."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
'click.' 'whirr.'
Nabiki placed the tape in her machine, at last alone. In her bedroom,
with no interruptions, she could listen to this tape she had accidently left
near Kuno's bed just before his second session, this morning, with the
pychiatrist, Dr. Otokoma, had begun. How forgetful of her. She grinned
deviously, although her smile looked innocent enough outwardly. As if she
was going to pass up an opportunity to know what was going on in that
stubborn but hurt teenager's mind.
She had come in so early even Kuno wasn't awake. The information better
be worth the effort. Once her curiosity had been satiaited, then she would
stop... Maybe she would find out more about the accident, she had to make
sure that what the fireman had told her was true... Of what Kuno had done...
Though she understood what it must have been like to... to... she had never
equated that sort of behaviour with Kuno. Nobody could have. She _had_ to
have more concrete evidence.. though she'd prefer not to...
Nabiki pressed down the play button and quickly put on the earphones.
No-one but her was listening to this...
Her fists were clenched white to the nuckle as she listened on... "This
isn't fair!" For some reason the sound on the tape was occasionally muffled,
as if it was deliberately. Kuno's voice was coming out more clearly since he
was closer to where the recorder had been... Wait, something was coming
through...
"I am no weakling! No weak -"
Stupid interference. She rewinded back to see if she could make out
anymore. The headphones tight against her ears till they hurt, she played
again. At first it just seemed like indistinguishable noises but if she
listened hard enough, certain words would come through...
"Do... feel ...guilt? ...Sister... father..." One voice mentioned
between crackles, definitely not Kuno's.
"No! ...No!...I ...everything... everythi... no..." A more
distinguishable voice seemed to be protesting; "I am no weakling! No weak...
...but.... dead... still..." After this a long silence seemed to ensue. About
to press the fast-forward, Nabiki stopped herself when someone spoke...
"OK... go on, no-one... hear this... please..." She assumed it was Dr.
Otokoma speaking.
"Should... saved... am too late... ambulance already there...
...dead..." Nabiki paused the cassette, trying to make sense of the comments.
She rewound. Still, nothing more came though. But the last voice was Kuno's.
Taking off the headphones, Nabiki leaned her chin on her fist and thought
deeply, trying to amass the jumble of words into some sort of coherent sense.
Kuno was too late to save his family... just like, when mom's
"condition" was discovered it was already too late for Nabiki or anyone else
to save her. Too damn late...
Nabiki would have cried real tears right then, if she hadn't been
Nabiki.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The proud kendoist stumbled about his room, clumsily, having refused
crutches and wheelchairs because they were "beneath" him. A witty rebuttal
from a nurse on this subject was shot down with a polite but intense stare
from the said kendoist.
Now, all alone in the his curtained-off corner of the world, Kuno, in
much pain, had hobbled over to the small window near his bed to once again
view a sunset but it had been clouded over by a blizzard. His bandages bit
away unhappily against his the skin of his legs. And sharp pins felt like
they were being stabbed into his injured arm.
But he did not mind, a true warrior endures pain of all kinds to become
stronger both physically and mentally. Now that he had more time to think
than usual, he could finally enjoy the wisdom of his mother's sayings and
words which he could admit to neglecting over the past few years in order to
improve his art and to right wrongs at Furinkan High.
You know that's not the real reason, Tatewaki.
Kuno swings around but can't see anyone there. How strange, it must be
the drugs the hospital were giving him.
Just admit the truth, Tatewaki, and move on.
"Who's there?" He called out to his empty space. No-one answered and
the chatter in the rest of the ward continued.
Admit _all_ the truths to yourself.
Who was that...?
Tatewaki, the denial's killing you, you know it is.
"Who are you? I demand you show yourself!"
But I already am.
"Huh? Whatever do you mean?" A genuinely confused Kuno asked.
'Fwwssshh..'
"Talking to yourself, now. That'll never do, Kuno," Nabiki entered the
room, a slight smirk on her face.
Kuno ignored her comment while trying to stand straight with a leg,
arm and head in bandages, all crying out for peace. "Did you see anyone
standing nearby, outside the curtain?"
"Uh... no. Why?" Nabiki asked, some envelopes tucked underneath one of
her arms.
It must have been a a waking dream, or another patient trying to
intimidate him. "No reason, Nabiki," he answered. He didn't want anyone
regarding him as delusional. That would never do.
"I have some business to discuss with you," Nabiki stated; "so let's
sit down and discuss it." She pulled up the chair next to the bed but stood,
waiting for Kuno to sit down somewhere too. He didn't.
"How much?" Kuno questioned Nabiki before she could, him.
"What?" A slightly hard tone began to creep into Nabiki's speech.
"Was there a payment I missed for the photos? Money is not readily
available for me at the moment."
Nabiki looked at him strangely, her whole mood darkening further. "You
think that I'm the sort of person who would demand money off someone so soon
after they had lost their family? You think I'm _that_ cold and
money-grubbing...?" Her voice tightened up in tension.
Kuno looked slightly surprised; "I had just assumed -"
"Don't ever assume _anything_ about me," Nabiki snapped back frostily.
She threw one of the envelopes at Kuno, who caught it unsurely.
"What is this?" He asked, fingering the object, genuinely confused.
"Open it and find out," Nabiki stated, her voice steadying.
'Viiiiip!'
Kuno neatly ripped along one edge of the envelope, removing the
something from inside and studying it closely. Nabiki stayed firm and watched
his reaction.
"I cannot allow this!" He protested loudly, utterly offended; "I will
not take your money, the Kuno family has never needed charity and never will!
I will not dishonour my family's name!" He reached out the hand with money
crushed in his fist towards Nabiki, who snubbed the return.
"It's to pay for the funeral, since you can't afford it," Nabiki
asserted bluntly.
This took a pot shot at Kuno and hit a raw nerve. His anger burned with
a smouldering intensity; any anger from Nabiki seemed to be frozen over. His
fists were clenched even tighter than the whitest white, trying to stem any
need to strike out but he had been insulted too far... "My family is not
poor! We are - " he vehemenantly denied.
"'We _were_'" Kuno. It's only you now," Nabiki interrupted starkly; "I
know about the theft of your safe in the confusion of the aftermath of the
fire and that you and your sister's trust fund in the bank isn't available
untill you reach the age of 21. I know you have no money, so why deny it?"
She shooted Kuno's pride down with a frost-bound arrow, cooling down the heat
of his smouldering rage.
"I.. I..." he choked out... how did she know? Who told her?
"Just admit the truth and move on," She spoke out suddenly.
Just... admit... the... truth. The blood seemed to seep away from
Kuno's face as it sallowed under Nabiki's comments, his mind instantly
connecting the words with something someone had said earlier. What... what
was happening to him? ...Why did he not feel the need to defend his name?
He leaned slightly against his steely, cold IV stand, a hand gripping
it tightly. Nabiki was watching him with great interest... had she gone too
far? No, he needed to face facts about his position in life. A spark seemed
to be lit in his eyes and he turned his head to face her, looking right into
her eyes. Not wanting to appear weak, Nabiki held his gaze unflinchingly, not
letting any emotion pass through her.
"Why?" He asked.
"What?"
"Why are you giving me this money? What's in it for you?" He questioned
her suspiciously.
For once, Nabiki seemed unsure as to what to do, what to say, but the
hard look in his stare made up her mind for her; "...Just accept the stupid
money, Kuno. My reasons are my own and no-one elses." And with that, she
pulled back his hospital curtain slightly, exited, and left him standing,
holding the money.
He scrutinised the paper bills in his hand for a few seconds, gazed
outwards to where she had left and listened to her footsteps as she left his
ward. Kuno did not bother to chase after her. He wanted to know why he hadn't
given her back the money... but he did not know who to ask.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
End of chapter 3....
Sorry about it taking so long but 4 things held me up: exams; writer's block;
crises of confidence and writer's block. ^_^ I'll try to get it out sooner
next time, honest! : )
As always, any form of C&C valued highly!!!
Au revoir, merry Christmas and a happy new year!
~K-chan