TRIO C&C
(The Trio is sitting on the reviewing couch in their living room.  
Ranma is wearing an Austin 3:16 t-shirt.  Usagi is wearing a Dude 
Love one and Gohan has on a Ken Shamrock t-shirt.)

Usagi: WRESTLING shirts?!  Ick!  Why are we wearing these things?
Gohan: Because the author's pouting that the Raw Is War taping at 
Nassau Collosium is sold out and he couldn't get tickets.
Ranma:(To Usagi) Don't be upset, I think you look kinda... cute in 
that shirt.
Usagi:(Blushing) Really?
Gohan:(Whispered to Ranma and jokingly) You're only saying that 
because it's a size too small.
Ranma:(Without turning) Shut up Akane!
Gohan/Usagi: Who's Akane?
Ranma:(Thinks for a second) I don't know. (Shrugs) Let's get on with 
the fic.
___________________________


You asked for it.  You begged for it.  You demanded it.

YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

[Gohan:(Jim Carrey voice) CABLE GUUUUUYYYYY!!!!!
Ranma: '_'; We should NEVER have let him see that movie.]

Oh! My Brother!

Chapter 8

[Ranma: We're jumping in during the middle of the fic?
Gohan: Looks like it.
Usagi: Could have been worse.  Could have been the end.]

Friday morning.  The battlecry of the under-rested student rang 
through the house.

"AAAAAAAAAGH!!!   I am SO LATE!"  

Hmm, I sounded like Usagi.

[Usagi: HEY!]

Urd made the effort to open her door and fling a minor force bolt at 
me, and then went back to sleep.  Belldandy and Keiichi had been 
awake for hours.  THEY never had this problem.  Why Belldandy doesn't 
wake me up, I'll never know.  You'd think after living in the same 
house as me for two thirds of a year they'd have figured out that 
Chris and alarms don't mix.

I scowled at Skuld's snickering face as I ran out the door.   
Freshman get Friday mornings off at NIT.  Whoever came up with that 
little scheduling setup needs to be flogged.  
"ByeeverbodygottagoseeyouatlunchBYE!"

Yep.  I definitely had been watching too much Sailor Moon.

[(Ranma and Gohan snicker as Usagi bonks the back of God-Boys head 
with a discus.)]

I stepped out into the yard, and took a look around.  *Nice day,* I 
thought.  *Low pollution today, the air is just on the good side of 
crisp, and the sky is a lovely shade of green.*

[Trio: O_O]

I blinked, took a second look, and verified that yes, the sky was 
actually green.  Not a deep green, sort of a light sky green, if you 
can wrap your mind around that.  I admired it for a few moments, then 
walked back inside the temple. 

"Bell-chan?"  I called, walking through the door.

"Hmm, Oniichan?" she replied, walking out of the kitchen.

"Why is the sky green?"

"Refraction of the sun's rays off of water droplets in the atmosphere.
.." She trailed off and blinked as the full meaning of my question 
hit her. 

[Ranma: Smart aleck.
Gohan: I don't think it was intentional.]

Skuld looked up from her latest gadget.  "Green?"

Keiichi spat out his tea.  "Green?"

"YES, GREEN!" I yelled. 
 
"What's the racket?" Urd grumbled sleepily as she stumbled out of her 
room.

"The sky is green," Skuld told her.

Urd blinked owlishly.  "Green?"

[Usagi:(Confused) How do you blink "owlishly"?
Gohan: Did her head spin 360 as she blinked?]

"We are not, I repeat, NOT going through this again!" I roared, 
exasperated.  "The sky is green.  As in the color you get when you 
mix blue dye and yellow dye.  Green.  Between yellow and blue in the 
rainbow.  GREEN!"  I stopped my rant and stood there, panting.  
"JEEZ!"

[Ranma: Whoa!
Usagi: Time for him to switch to decafinated.
Gohan: Or cut down on the sugar intake.]

"Am I the only person here who's grasping the situation?"  I walked 
over to the window, and whipped back the curtains.  "Look at that!" 
Urd took a glance, sniffed, and went to rummage in the fridge.

Belldandy walked over and peered out the window.  After a moment, 
Skuld and Keiichi joined her.  "It's an awfully nice shade," 
Belldandy finally said.  "Very pretty."

[(The Trio facefaults.)]

"I kind of like it," Skuld said.  "It's a nice change from the 
standard blue."  She and Belldandy locked eyes and giggled.

I sighed.  Great, it was make fun of Chris day.  "Could someone 
please explain to me what's going on?"

"Bug," Urd said through a gulp of sake.  I couldn't resist the urge 
to shudder at the thought of drinking at this time of the morning.  
"Definitely a bug."

[Gohan: Yuck!  It's things like that, that make me glad I hate 
alchohol.
(The others nod.)]

Skuld pulled out one of her toys, and turned it on.  She played 
around with it for a moment, and then frowned.  "Oniichan, would you 
go see how far the effect extends?"

"Why me?"  Skuld gave me a steady look, and I sighed.  "Fine, I'm off.
"  I froze time and flew off.

[Ranma: And right there, you have proven why.  You shouldn't let 
girls push you around.
Usagi(Puppy dog eyes and in an Ultra Cute Voice) Raaaanmaaa, I'm 
thirsty.  Could you, pleasy weasy get widdle me a dwink of soda? 
(Bats her eye lashes) Pleeeeeeeease?
Ranma:(Nervous) I... uh... sure.
(Ranma runs for the kitchen.)
Gohan: O_O;]

After a few minutes, I reached the ocean, and the sky was still green.
  I scowled at the greenish hue the ocean had taken.  It looked like 
it was full of pond scum.

[Usagi: EEEEEWWWWWWW!]

As I walked into the temple, I noticed the girls looking at each 
other nervously.  Warning bells went off in my head.  Those three 
nervous at the same time is never a good sign.  "I flew to the ocean, 
and it's still green."  Skuld shook her head.  "What?"

***

"IT'S IN ME?!"  Funny, I didn't feel sick.  I looked down at my chest,
 then tried to look at my back, giving myself a good kink in the neck 
in the process.  "OK, I give, what the hell does a 'bug exhaust port' 
look like?  I'd think I'd feel something like that if it's in me."  
Then another thought occurred to me. "How do you exhaust bugs anyway?
"

[Gohan:(Sarcasticaly) Now THERE'S an interesting mental image.
(Ranma comes back in and hands a can on Coke to Usagi.)
Usagi: Thank you Ranma. (Kisses him on the cheek)
Ranma:(Blushes) Aw, shucks.]

In the middle of my chest there was a swirling red and black vortex, 
maybe two inches across.  I brought up my hand to touch it, but my 
fingers met the fabric of my shirt rather than disappearing into the 
wormhole.  "Let me guess.  Bug exhaust port?"

"It's a small one," Urd offered helpfully.  "I wouldn't be surprised 
if only one or two bugs got through at all."

"I feel so much better," I said sarcastically, and looked 
entreatingly at Skuld, who was frowning at the device she held in her 
hand.  It looked suspiciously like a tricorder, and I suddenly 
regretted getting her into Star Trek.  "If you're done making like 
Data, could you please make it go away?"

Skuld shrugged, pulled out her hammer, and ran outside, screaming a 
battle cry.  Quite a sight, an almost-teen goddess waving around an 
overgrown croquet mallet and making like Thor.  As she ran around the 
yard, seemingly attacking nothing, her adversary faded into view.  It 
was only a faint grey shadow at first, but soon it resolved into a 
grey-blue fuzzball with eight legs, a round body, long ears, and 
buckteeth.  It kept on dodging moments before Skuld could hammer it.

[Usagi: I repeat, EWWWWWWW!
Gohan: Ugly sucker.
Ranma: Almost as ugly as a... (shudders) cat.
Usagi: HEY!  I like cats!]

"A bug," Keiichi said from the kitchen.  "Very annoying, and very 
dangerous.  You're lucky it only turned the sky green on you.  When 
Bell-chan and I had a bug problem, it was blowing things up."

I looked at the guy like he had gone insane, then looked at Urd for 
confirmation.  "You have GOT to be kidding me!  A bug is a software 
defect.  It's a portion of code that has unexpected behavior."

"Unless Microsoft writes it, then it's a feature," came Urd's snappy 
comeback.

[(The Trio snickers.)]

I glared at her.  "Ha ha," I drawled sarcastically.  "Very funny.  
You're a riot.  Would you please be serious?  THAT," I pointed at the 
critter, "is a living, breathing creature that Skuld's trying to 
flatten.  How could it be a bug?"

Urd rolled her eyes.  "'Niichan, we're dealing with a computer that 
runs REALITY.  It has so many tasks running that we gave up trying to 
count them ages ago and just numbered them infinite.  When one of the 
tasks starts to foul up, the others can compensate, but you still get 
a small zone where the normal laws of the universe are completely 
arbitrary.  To make killing and restarting the task easier, Kami-sama 
made it so that they'd do that." With her final word, she pointed at 
the 'bug.'

I shook my head in disbelief, and sighed.  "I'll take that on faith, 
thanks," I said.  "But why does it look like a cross between a spider 
and a rabbit?"

[Ranma: 'Cause Kami has a weird sense of humor?]

Belldandy looked sheepish and said, "Well, it was a lot better than 
the goblins they had them look like before."  I arched an eyebrow at 
her, and she elaborated.  "There's no reason it needed to look like a 
monster.  There's these little creatures on Altair IV that died out a 
few thousand years ago - I borrowed their form."

*SPLAT*  I turned my attention to Skuld, and saw she had finally 
gotten the bug.  With a puff of smoke, it disappeared, and the sky 
turned blue again.  "Neat," I remarked. "I wish I could do that in my 
computer classes.  Would have made debugging a lot easier."  I looked 
down at the vortex in my chest.  "Umm...so how do we get rid of this 
thing?"  I suddenly felt queasy. "Or could you at least make it so I 
don't have to LOOK at it?"

Urd cast a spell to hide the vortex, and looked at me with a bit of 
disgust.  "You are SUCH a wimp."

[Gohan: I don't think ANYONE would like to have to stare at a hole in 
their chest all day if it could be avoided.]

"Well," Skuld said as she walked up, a jaunty grin on her face, 
"first we have to find out what's causing it."

I had this incredible sinking feeling...

***

"Excuse me?  THREE wishes?"

"That's what it says," Skuld confirmed.  "The port is caused by 
conflicting requirements brought about by three separate wishes.  Two 
are trying to make you stay here, and one is trying to draw you back 
to Canada."  She peered at the data her tricorder (It looked like a 
tricorder, it sounded like a tricorder, she even HELD it like a 
tricorder - it's a tricorder) displayed and frowned.  "Some place 
called Saskatoon."

"Home," I muttered.

[Ranma:(Singing) Hooome on the Raaaaange!
(Gohan and Usagi elbow Ranma in the gut.)
Usagi: You're a dear, but please don't ever do that again.]

"So," Urd said as she moved off to her room, "we better get packing." 
 At my confused look, she sighed with exasperation.  "We have to 
figure out what the wish is that's drawing you back there, and we 
have to do it quickly."

"Aww, come on," I whined in my best whine.  "My date with Rachel's 
tonight!"

Urd gave me a sympathetic look.  "You better call it off, 'Niichan."  
Her eyes flickered to Belldandy, and I picked up her message.  If a 
second bug showed up, it could cause some real trouble, and someone 
might get hurt.  Like Rachel.

I'll give Old Norse this much, it has some truly impressive swears.

[Gohan: I don't think that's anitomicaly possible.
Ranma/Usagi: You know NORSE?!
Gohan:(Scratches his head) I guess... a little.]

I was too busy wallowing in misery to really listen.  "I'm doomed.  
That's it.  That's the only explanation.  Somewhere in Yggdrasil 
there's a process who's entire job is to make sure I don't have a 
date go well even ONCE!"  I checked my watch, grabbed the phone, and 
dialed Rachel's number.  "Hi Rachel, you decent?  Good, I'll be right 
there."

[Usagi:(Imitating Rachel) But I said I'm NOT decent!
Ranma:(Imitating Chris) That's why I'll be right there.
Gohan:(Shaking his head) You're both sick.]

A bitter smile was my only response.  "Rachel..." I trailed off.  
Damnit, I did not want to do this.  I took a deep breath and steeled 
myself and tried to ignore the look in her eyes.  "Rachel, I have to 
call off the date tonight."

She sort of flushed and seemed grow angry.  "Oh, so the hussy got to 
you, did she?"  She reached to grab the door and slam it in my face.  
"FINE!"  She threw the door shut, and I yelled as it bounced off my 
foot.

[Ranma: Why does this scene seem so familiar?]

"This has nothing to do with Ami," I shouted at her.  "I have to call 
it off because I'm afraid you might get hurt if I don't!"  Rachel 
looked at me as if I had grown horns.  I suppose in a way, I had.  
She told me later that my god marks were glowing when I said that.  
Apparently the illusion that allows mortals to 'ignore' the god marks 
breaks down under intense emotion.

"What on Earth are you..." she never finished her sentence as the 
wood of the door suddenly warped and crumpled it on itself.

[Gohan: Whoa!
Ranma: I guess the warenty just expired.
Usagi: What did the door crumple on itself?
Gohan: Huh?
Usagi: Well, it said that the door "crumpled IT on itself."]

"Will you come back?" she asked softly.

"I promise," I said with a smile.  Deep inside me, I felt something 
click.

[Trio:(Hum ominous music.)]

"I told Rachel the date was off because I had to go home, what did 
you expect?"

She took a moment to yell for her sisters.  They arrived, and 
banished the masking, eliciting a gasp from them both.  Looking down, 
I saw their problem.  The vortex has shrunk until it was barely a 
centimeter wide.  As I examined it as well as I could from the 
awkward angle, I noticed it was fluctuating slightly.

"How the hell did you do that?" Urd demanded.

Belldandy peered over Skuld's shoulder and looked at the tricorder 
with a worried frown.  "What did you say to Rachel, Oniichan?"  I 
told Belldandy what I told Skuld, and she shook her head.  "There's 
something more."  She walked forward, took my head in her hands, and 
brought my face down to hers, where she touched my forehead to hers.

[Ranma:(Deadpan) My mind to your mind.  My thoughts to your thoughts.

Usagi:(Sigh) We never should have let him get hooked on that show.
(Gohan nods.)]

I was treated to a most disconcerting series of sensations.  It was 
like I was reliving the conversation, but I was kind of outside it as 
well, and I had no control over it as it seemed to fast forward and 
pause at odd moments.  We reached the end of the conversation, and my 
last words played themselves over and over.

As Belldandy released my head, I staggered back a couple steps.  "Now 
I know what a VCR feels like," I muttered.

[(The Trio snickers.)]

"You PROMISED that girl you'd be back!"  Urd and Skuld made little 
gasps.

You know, I get REALLY sick and tired of the way those three never 
tell me anything.

[Ranma: Like how Pluto and Trunks never tell US anything?!
Gohan: That IS annoying, isn't it?]

Urd took a good long slug of the sake bottle she was carrying.  "You 
can't just promise a mortal like that!  Contracts between gods and 
mortals are treated just like wishes!"

"Cool," I remarked.  From the looks they were giving me, I don't 
think that was the response they were looking for.  "Look at what it 
did.  The exhaust port is smaller.  Maybe it relieved some of the 
stresses on me."

"But...but," Skuld said helplessly, her dismay all over her face. 
"You're not supposed to do that!  What if you can't come back?"

Suddenly, the air seemed to become charged with energy.  "I WILL come 
back," I said, with a lot more force than I really intended.  The 
girls exchanged a nervous look, and I decided to change the subject.

[Gohan:(Snickers) He sounds like you Ranma.
Ranma: What's THAT supposed to mean?!
Usagi: You have to admit, you can be pretty forceful when you wanna 
be.]

There's several reasons I hate traveling my way as opposed to the 
mediums that my sisters or the other deities use.  First, the simple 
fact that while it SEEMS instantaneous to others, it's anything but 
to me.  A trip to Valhalla and back can take up to five hours 
subjective time.  So, when everyone else has been up for ten hours, 
I've been up for fifteen.  It really messes up my sense of time.  
Second, and I've mentioned this one before, it's BORING.  I can't 
read because it's unsafe.  I can't listen to music because my Discman 
doesn't work in no-time.  Third, it's dangerous for me.  If I happen 
to impact a building at Mach 2, I'm a grease spot.  I can't fly 
really high so as to be safe, because I don't have mastery of the 
spells that would allow me to breathe at the high altitudes.

Of course, all that means nothing to those three menaces who have me 
wrapped firmly around their fingers.

[(Gohan looks at Usagi, who is twirling Ranmas pig tail around her 
fingers as Ranma blushes.)
Usagi:(Notices Gohan looking at her) What?
Gohan:(Goes back to the fic) Nothing.]

My conversation with my parents was a riot, though:  

Mom: "You're coming home?  That's great!  When are you arriving?"

Me: "Uh...in about six hours?"

Mom: "Are you coming by plane?"

Me: "Something like that."

[Gohan: Sounds like what I would say to my mom... if I could remember 
her.]

What, you expected me to lie?  Sorry folks, doesn't work that way.  
Thankfully, I figured out that one quick (well, Urd's object lessons 
on the matter kind of did it for me).  I'm never comfortable with 
lying, although somehow I seemed to be reasonably good at it (well, 
unless I let myself get out of hand).  Must be all that acting I did 
in high school.  Go figure.

A few hours later, I was flying over Saskatoon admiring the city.   
Wonderful place, 'Toon Town.  Where most cities went UP, 'Toon went 
OUT.  Hey, it's the prairies, real estate is cheap.  The funniest 
thing, though, is the University.

The University of Saskatchewan (yes, it's Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, 
get the smartass jokes out of your system now) is a reasonably 
respected school among the medical, engineering, and agricultural 
fields.

[(The Trio blink.)
Usagi: I don't get the joke.
Ranma: Me neither.
Gohan: That one was over my head too.]

Well, my defense of my hometown aside, I had to find the source of my 
wish, and I'd better start now.  The only place I could think the 
person might be is the U. I mean, let's be honest, I was an 
Engineering student - I probably spent three-quarters of my waking 
moments (and probably half of my sleeping ones) at the campus.

I landed outside the Physics building, and went inside.  The place 
was pretty deserted, and I found out why when I entered the foyer in 
front of the two main lecture halls.  Finals were on.  "Great," I 
muttered.  "This is going to suck."

I used some water from a nearby fountain and my always-handy pocket 
TV to let Urd and Skuld get there.  Good thing the place was deserted 
- it takes a bit of work for Urd to get out of that little TV, and 
she goes through some downright indecent positions.  Urd is a very 
healthy young goddess, I must say.

[Trio: O_o;;;
Ranma: This guy needs a date, REAL bad.]

Gah, I can't believe I thought like that about my SISTER.  Sheesh, I 
needed a date.

[Ranma: Told ya.]

I checked my watch and groaned.  "The exam just started," I 
complained.  "Fabulous."  I went to the door and read the schedule, 
and groaned again when I saw the class.  "Come on, I'm going to grab 
something to eat.  That's the Control Systems final, they're going to 
be in there for at least two hours."  I grinned.  "Besides, it'll 
give me a chance to check out the games at the arcade."

[Usagi: Sounds like a plan.
Ranma: Fooey.  The only video games I like are fighting games.
Gohan:(Sarcasticaly) Now THERE'S a shock.]

However, I must say, I was truly surprised to see an ISO-9000 
certified pizza joint in the student's union.  That was something I 
thought I'd never see, and I'm not sure I want to again.  I won't 
bore you with the arcade, since it was mostly Skuld whipping my ass 
at all my favorite games.  Life just isn't fair.  But then, I play 
RPGs about ten times as much as I do action games.  A couple hours 
later, I was sitting outside the exam hall again, bored out of my 
skull while Skuld played with her tricorder and Urd slept off the 
alcohol she had been drinking.  

Where does she keep that stuff?

[Ranma: I don't think we want to know. (Aside) Although, why do I 
think someone expects me to want to?]

Slowly, almost too slowly, the door opened, revealing the source of 
my trouble, and I burst out laughing.

Skuld and Urd stared at me.  "'Niichan?  You OK?" Urd asked.

[Gohan: Someone starts laughing for no apparent reason...
Usagi: ...And you ask if he's OKAY?!?!]

"Fine," I gasped between laughter, and grinned at the student who was 
gaping at me.  "Hi Colin, I should have known it was you."

"Chris?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.

"Oniichan, what are you talking about?" Skuld demanded.

"When all else fails..." I began, and Colin's face brightened as he 
finally accepted it was me.

We echoed the rest of the saying together.  "...blame Simmonds."

[Trio: Who's Simmonds?]


***************

Ch 9 is being started by Colin, don't worry, he should be able to 
live up to standards...or lack thereof.

[(The Trio snickers.)]
____________________________

Usagi: That's it?
Ranma: I guess so.
Gohan: And we'll be back next time.