Oh, Geezis H. Fuck. Thinker, can't you take a hint when it's nailed to your
forehead with a sledgehammer? GO AWAY.

If I got as many valid  flames as you do, I would gather what dignity
remained to me and retire from this listserv until I was better prepared to
face it. You are on a writer's mailing list, Thinker. Let's look at all the
aspects of your visible contributions that make your presence inappropriate.

1. You cannot spell.
2. You have no concept of grammer. 
3. What plot we can puzzle out of those ludicrous car accidents you call
fics is badly constructed.
4. You lack the thick skin it takes to face criticism from the authors you
dare to call your peers. Your tolerance for conflict is too low. At the
first hint of argument, you declare a war.
5. If comma abuse was a crime, you'd be on Death Row right now.

Here's my advice to you, Thinker. First thing you do, you go get that dusty
old Norton Anthology out of your schoolbag and you read it. Read every work
in there. Then take your favorite passages and sections and copy them, word
for word, by hand. This'll give you the opportunity to really examine the
wording and structure and give you the first glimmerings of how to actually
write.

Next thing: go get off your computer and take a long walk with a notebook in
hand. Watch things. Listen to things. Smell things, taste things. Whenever
you notice something, pull out that notebook and describe it in there. Look
for ways to describe it that wouldn't be terribly obvious: if you notice the
vibrant gold of a new county schoolbus, the sizzly smell of a roadside
chicken BBQ or the exquisite, almost invisible taste of the drop of honey in
a honeysuckle, look for the most remote facets of the experience you can
think of and write them down. The honeysuckle didn't just taste sweet; there
was also the coolness of the flower against your lips and the crisp feeling
of the stem being crushed as it rolled between your fingers. 

Now, while you're out walking, stop by your friendly neighborhood bookstore
and pick up a copy of Strunk & White's _Elements of Style_. I fully expect
this book to have your thumbprints all over it by the time you finish your
fic, because you're going to use the bugger a lot. 

When you get home, clean the room with the computer in it carefully.
Physical labor can act as a mantra for the creative mind, allowing it to
turn over an idea carefully. Cleaning the room also gives you an ordered
workplace that can, in turn, cause you to think in structured patterns,
which will allow you to structure your fic better.

Now, once the room is clean, with Norton in one hand and Strunk & White in
the other, go ye hence to the computer and write an outline for your story,
with brief one-paragraph descriptions of scenes. Design your characters.
Make up a careful reference to work from, and for the love of consistency,
use it.

Quit for the day, and tomorrow morning, when your mind is fresh and your
sleeping brain has had a chance to turn over your ideas, settle down in
front of your computer and write your fic. Write carefully, write slowly,
and reread all the time, making sure your latest paragraph fits in with the
previous ones.

When you finish, PROOFREAD.

Finally, when your fic is finished, put it away and forget it for a week.
When you come back to it, if you can read it without retching and turning
pale, post it.

-Drakkus Blasphemy, Greater Daemon of Eris Discordia
drakkus@labyrinth.net
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