(A girl of about sixteen with shoulder-length pink hair flops down in the
Sacred Sofa. She holds a bowl of popcorn in her hands and just as she's
about to start chowing down, she's joined by what appears to be a blonde
guy, and then by an aqua-haired beauty. The blonde scoops up a handful of
popcorn and pops a tape into the VCR.)

Shana (aka Sailor Solathei, for those of you who haven't read my obscure
and lame fic): Hey! I was going to watch Evangelion!

Haruka: Oh, wait till you get a load of this. It's a laugh a minute.
(presses play)

Michiru: (sigh) Do you think this is fair? Obviously this person isn't a
native English speaker.

Shana: Nah, of course it's not fair. If it were fair it wouldn't be fun.

----------

From: bob w <winkstwo@mail.sssnet.com>
To: EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
Cc: Fan-Fiction Mailing List <fanfic@fanfic.com>
Subject: [FFML] [FFML][STEAMFIC] DR. THINKER VS. LURKER
Date: Sunday, December 14, 1997 8:31 PM

PAYBACK TIME....BIG TIME.....HA HA!!!!

Michiru: Oh...fear clutches my breast.
Shana: Um...I don't think that's fear.
Michiru: Huh?...HEY! (smacks Haruka on the head with her mirror) We are
TRYING to read here.
Haruka: Sorry!

Sign

Dr. Thinker
Lurker, this is a STEAM-FIC. In which I get even with you. It's spell
correct. I think. No Flames, please. 

(all start placing bets on the first error)
Haruka: I give him ten sentences before he blows it.
Michiru: I'll hold out for fifteen.
Shana: I give him two.
 

STEAM-FIC.....a strange fiction that you and some friends kill butt of 
some esle.

Haruka: DAMN! (she and Michiru hand over money to the grinning Shana)

It's allready calm me down. Let's see if it will warm or cold you.

Shana: Did we do a betting pool on the first glaring grammar error?
Michiru: Nah, there's no point.
 

Sign
Dr. Thinker
---------------------
"I'm the Steven Raliff of the Sailor Moon Universe"
Soon to been my new sig.

Haruka: I think Steven would beg to differ with you.

=====================================================================

Shana: Ooo, look...railroad tracks.
Haruka and Michiru: (break into a rendition of "I've been working on the
railroad")

Dr. Thinker Meets Lurker

--- Lurker Dome.

Hikaru: Lurker-chan, you get some vistors

Lurker: Who?

Dr. Thinker: Guess?

Michiru: Jeans?

Lurker: (mad) The nutball from AOL?

Shana: That really narrows it down.
Haruka: Really. Did you happen to notice that almost oll of the cc addys in
that lame snowball thing were *@aol.com?
Michiru: The rock thing was good, though.
Shana: Yeah (snicker).
 

Dr. Thinker: Nope. 

Lurker: (with steam coming out of his ears) Dr. Thinker. 

Dr. Thinker: Yup. I brought some of my friends over.

(Five teenage-girls appear. They are the Sailor Scouts)

Haruka and Michiru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
Shana: Uhh...settle down, Beavis...
Haruka: He. Must. Pay.

Dr. Thinker: When you a story that you can C & C mean next time,
make sure it's nice..not the stupid things you been sending me and the
FFML.

Shana: Talk about the pot and the kettle...
Michiru: And I suppose "Judge Brainitite" is a fine piece of modern
literature?

(Lurker takes a butcher knife as Hikaru turns
into the Ray Knight of Fire. As the same time, Serena,
Raye, Mina, Lita, Amy turns into Sailor Scouts
Dr. Thinker takes out a super-gun)

Haruka: A Super Soaker? 
 

Dr. Thinker: Let's rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Fires the gun) I
always want to do that in one of Sailor Moon IRCs. But this fan-fiction

is

better than nothing at all.

Shana: Hmmmm...SM IRC...wonder if he ever shows his face on Undernet
#sailormoon?
Haruka: You don't show your face on IRC, baka.
Shana: It's a figure of speech. Now hush so we can suitably pick this thing
apart.

Hikaru: (makes a fire spell at Mercury) Take that.

Amy: (ducks) Missed me!

(The fireball hits a piple of freezing cold water)

Michiru: Huh?
Haruka: What in the HELL is a piple?
Shana: Kinda like a pimple, except...(notices the other two looking at her
strangely) Hell, I don't know.

Amy: Good thing, it's was not a hot water piple! Or we been dead. 

Dr. Thinker: The only thing that you can save you from me is too say
you are sorry about making funny and flaming me.

Shana: Look, buttmonkey, YOU'RE the one that asked for C&C. Deal with it.
Michiru: Buttmonkey!?
Haruka: You've been watching Beavis and Butt-Head again, haven't you?
(sotto voce) crazy gaijin animation...
 

Lurker: Not as long as you life, Thinker.

Haruka: Which, if Thinker keeps this up much longer, won't be a very long
life. (unsheathes the Space Sword)

Dr. Thinker: Moon do you thing!!!

Serena: Sure thing....MOOON SECPTER ELIMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Hikaru and Lurker melts like youma into dust.)

Shana: Okay, ladies...help me out here. Dust is a solid. Melting denotes a
liquid. HOW DO YOU MELT INTO DUST!?!?! (starts to go into Cornholio mode)
Michiru: I think that's enough Jolt (tm) for you, Shana-chan.
 

Moon: Moondusted!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!
Dr. Thinker: YES!!!!!!!!!!! The world is save for bad stories. 

Michiru: Oh, great..safe for bad stories. 
Haruka: I'm booking us a flight on the next space shuttle out of here.
(starts packing)
 

And good reviews...too.
Raye, Lita and Mina: (together) We want some of them.
Amy: You can clean up. If you want.
(Dr. Thinker and the Sailor Scouts leaves the dorm)
-----OUTSIDE the LURKER DOME in THE NORTH POLE----------------------

(We see Dr. Thinker staying on take of a moutain peak look over 
the Lurker Dome)

Shana: Someone translate this for me, please.
 

Dr. Thinker: Yo, bro!!!

Odin: Yes? 

Michiru: *I* would not be referring to Odin as "bro" if I were him.

Dr. Thinker: Time to take care of this place!!!!

Odin: Bombs away!!!!!

(a Green and Orange helicopter appears over the Dome. Two  H-Bombs are
bomb onto the Lurker Dome. The dome goes up in blaze of fire)

Dr. Thinker: Mercury, do your stuff.

Amy: Ok! MERCURY WATER BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

All: Mercury WHAT blast!?
 

(The blaze of fire is but out and the water from the Mercury's attack,
quicky melts the leftovers under tons of cold ice)

Haruka: Uhm...fire...water...melts under cold ice. THAT makes a LOT of
sense.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

All: Stay within the lines. The lines are your friends.

Dr. Thinker: See you on FFML. Or my the way, Lurker, his idea from
from you lastest notes, plus Sean's remark in another post. Hikaru
was right about that. You counter-counter MSTing gets a rating
of 4 crows. (The best when no ones is reviewing with you.) 

Shana: (sings) Four craws sat upon a wall...(notices Haruka and Michiru
looking at her strangely) They made us sing that in grade school and it
kinda stuck, okay?
Haruka: Lastest?
Michiru: Does he just do like Dr. Seuss and make up words when no others
fit?

You can make own version, if you dare!!!!!! But I doubt that BIG TIME!!!!

Shana: Too late. We just did it.
Michiru: Ara, now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't even necessary.
Haruka: Yeah, you're right. Let's go get something to eat. (she and Michiru
get up and leave)
Shana: Look. Thinker. Buddy. We all love our fics. We all think our fics
are God's gift to otaku everywhere. If you're pissed about someone's
opinion of them, fine, but public displays of pisstivity (that's not even a
word, is it?)like this are a) immature, b) dangerous, and c) incredibly
frigging LAME. Lurker-sama has a good point, y'know. If you can't write in
clearly understandable English, either ghostwrite with someone who can or
even find a list of folks that speak whatever your native tongue is and
post yer fic there. Most of us get about 50-100 messages a day off not only
this list, but others, and get really hacked off when one of the messages
that's freaking out their mail server and jamming up the works is a turkey
full of poor spelling, poor grammar, and outright idiocy like this
so-called "steamfic" of yours. Ah well, enough ranting. I'm going to bed.

(Shana gets up, yawns, stretches, and toddles off to bed. G'night.)

--Sailor Solathei