Note: Okay, here it is, Suicide Blast, what Uses had been an epilogue
for. I have added, I have corrected and I have deleted. Now  comes the
hard part, posting. I hope you enjoy it. Though it does seem a trifle
dark, I promise never to leave you stranded without a ray of hope. In
fact, this is less a fic about Suicide, and more about fighting for a
friends life. Oh and I'd LOVE any C&C or MST you feel compeled to share,
might even warm myself by a flame or two... and I promise not to take so
long responding this time ^_^;;

Special thanks to all my prereaders, especially Gary, Magic Knight
Kiyone, Eric Adams, JD Farber and Christina Rose... to the rest of you
guys, dontcha love me anymore?

BTW, if you have the Ruoroni Kenshin sound track at home, play the Theme
for the Darkside of Your Soul <aka, the Oni Wa Banshu theme song>
whenever Ryouga uses the Jiatsu Bakuha.

OtakuNXS presents...

        Suicide Blast

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

    Ryouga let the wind blow coolly across his face. It caressed a face
that was no longer creased in anger, no longer twisted in grief. A
gentle wind that had no knowledge or care of the past, it just whispered
sweet contentment, and a final peace. The mind that had once been a
tumultuous storm, ever raging against itself and the world, had come to
rest. Was it the calm before the storm? Another whirlwind of pain, even
more flailing then the one he had endured these past long years? Or was
it simply the peace he had spent a lifetime searching for . He knew it
wasn't a good decision and he knew it wasn't fair, but his life had
neither been good nor fair so it all seemed to make sense.

    Ryouga had come to terms both with himself and his soul, and it all
seemed right. A question whose obvious answer had eluded him through
untold hours of sobbing in the darkness, alone. He thought back to the
phone call. The phone call that had congealed all his fears and
destroyed what little hope he had been able to tear from his godforsaken
life. It also had set him free.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

    "Yo Ryouga, I see you finally got to Akari. Only took you a month
too, not bad. Owww! Hey quit it, I'm being nice, geez Akane." Ranma's
voice had ended a month long stupor for Ryouga. He had been beyond care
ever since the whole wedding fiasco.

    Maybe the others hadn't been able to see it, but he was used to
searching Akane's face. How often had he searched that lovely visage,
waiting, begging for a sign, a look, a smile, anything that said, I love
you too? He knew her anger, he knew her tears, and he knew her smile,
like a desert wanderer knew the sweet taste of water. He watched shock,
then confusion and finally joy play about her perfect features as
Ranma's words made their way  to her heart. Lips had parted to return
the love, breaking into a tearful smile that could melt the hardest
heart. Or break it, who would of thought a smile could be so fatal?

    "Listen, me and Akane are finally gonna get hitched and I... awww
man, quit crying already Mr. Tendo, I can't make these kinda
arrangements with you blubbering every time we mention it... anyway we'd
like you for the best man." Ranma paused, continuing with a chuckle.
"Doesn't that just say it all. My best man and best friend all rolled
into a neat little 'Ranma, I'm gonna kill you' package. What? Lay off
would'ya, Akane? He's used to it by now."

    Ryouga just listened as Ranma and Akane yelled at each other over
the phone. Part of him noticed that their fighting had a playful edge to
it that had been absent before. Most of him, though, just wanted the
whole thing over, all of it.

    "So anyways, just stay where you are. Me and pop'll be by to pick
you up in a couple of days. We can go training and stuff, you know, like
the old days." Ranma continued in a whisper, "She's been cooking for
days now and we just gotta get some real food... Oh nothing Akane. Look
I gotta go, she's yelling again and  waving a deadly weapon around. My
god, it's a western omelet... wish me luck. See ya."

    He had placed the receiver down, a little surprised he hadn't
crushed it. It just didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, his
decision giving him comfort already. Was that when he had decided? Or
had it been when he first saw the smile on Akane's face? It had been a
spring of pure sweetwater, given to a man who already owned the river.
Meanwhile the sunlight cracked Ryouga's tongue, now, not even able to
beg. A figure hugging him tightly stopped his musings short.

    "Who was it Ryouga-sama?" Akari asked sweetly, eyes full of life and
a smile on her lips.

    Ryouga looked at her with new eyes and he absently traced the smile
with them. He tried to conjure up the love he had for Akane, comparing
it to his love for Akari. She knew his secret and still cared for him,
loved him even more because of it in fact. She had been there when "she"
had not. Her tears fell for him, and the smile he hungered for was given
with healthy doses of hugs and kisses for dessert. But was simply
filling the void enough? If so, then why was it still so damn hungry?

    It was just like when Ranma had dressed up as his "fiancee". Ryouga
had been willing to let Akane go just for the selfish need of someone he
could have as his own. Someone with whom he wouldn't have any fears of
rejection. Akari's love was a bit selfish too, here was a boyfriend and
a pig all in one, a dream come true for someone like her. Still, he knew
what she did out of innocence, he did out of fear. A fear for the hole
inside of him, a hole he tried desperately to feed with her love. But it
couldn't be fed with one person's love and another's fear, and soon, it
would swallow them both whole, body and soul.

    He had calmly pushed her away and excused himself, saying he needed
fresh air.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

    Looking up into the stars, Ryouga wondered at how it was going to
feel. Painful of course, but after that, sweet and total peace. How to
do it though?

    The methods open were many and varied, some that hurt, others that
were little more then closing one's eyes and never opening them. Still,
he was being selfish enough as it was, and guilt stabbed deeper then any
tanto. There was no need in spreading his pain to others, in fact, that
was half of why he was doing this. Maybe he could just fall off a
mountain, they'd never know what had happened to him then. If they ever
did find him it would just be some tragic accident, a fitting end to a
tragic life. How hard would he have to throw himself to make sure it was
fatal?

    Ryouga laughed at himself. All his training, his desperate attempts
to fill the void with something, had made his life a very hard thing to
end. Ironic that the one thing that had gotten him through his personal
hells to begin with, before he met Akane, was also prolonging the agony
of his existence. He'd just have to use those strong hands of his,
strong enough to end a life. Yes, definitely strong enough for that, but
why hadn't they been strong enough to at least hold onto a little
happiness? While looking down at his open hands, Ryouga caught sight of
a small blue ball that had formed in his palm.

    Strange, he hadn't called upon the Shi Shi Houkouden, he didn't even
feel that bad. Actually, the hole in himself silently waiting to be
given it's fill, his mind as calm as the night's breeze and a peace long
since lost, now found, he was as happy as he could ever remember being.
Why had he summoned a physical representation of his pain?

    Still, the ball of light was small, more like a snowflake then a
massive build up of heavy chi energy. He'd simply fire it off and
continue with his thoughts. A strange little idea formed in his head and
he aimed the sphere at Akari's pens. That would be one way for him to
leave without making her cry, flash fry one of her prized piglets.
Better to feel angry then betrayed, that was one thing he knew a lot
about. Of course, a ball of chi this small wouldn't even make it to the
pens before fizzling out.

    He let the force go, straight at a cute little piggy who had peeked
up over the fence.

    The sphere hurtled from his hands with more force then any Ryouga
had ever been able to summon before, almost knocking the martial artist
to his knees. As it streaked through the air, the pressure of its
passage tore an incredibly deep gash into the ground.  The pig had just
enough time to duck out of the way as the energy slammed into the pens.
Matter in the middle of the explosion didn't burn, didn't explode, it
just vaporized.

    Ryouga's dumbfounded stare was cut short as he felt his chest
squeezing in on itself and hit the ground, unable to even scream.
Squeals of pain erupted from the pig pens as he tried desperately to get
up, rolling in agony, tears soaking his face and the earth below him.
When he finally found a his voice again, he did moaned until his lungs
burned, digging huge furrows into the sod below him. Akari, having heard
the commotion, not to mention having a part of her house blown apart by
the aftershock, came stumbling out.  Just what the hell was going on?

    She gagged slightly at the smell of cooking meat and stared in
horror as her beloved pets writhed in pain. Who could have done this? A
moaning sound seemed to answer her question as she turned to see her
beloved stumbling towards her, his hand on smearing dirt on his chest.

    "Ryouga-sama, are you okay?" Her mind raced between concern for her
two greatest loves, but one won out out a thousand times over. She ran
to Ryouga, mentally cursing herself for her pause.

    His head cradled in Akari's lap, he tried to focus his thoughts. He
had felt his heart tighten. Years of training his body far beyond the
normal levels of human endurance had given him a great sense of his own
physical health. Even more so, he had sensed his own chi weaken, his own
power diminish and then released in physical form. He realized that the
blast had torn into his life force.

    Akari looked down at Ryouga in shock and concern as he started to
laugh uncontrollably, tears came again, staining his face with mud. Even
with the weak light of the stars she could see that he looked horrible.
The light in his eyes had seemed to dim, his face had a gauntly, almost
starved look about it, and his lips and skin were more blue then pink.

    He had mastered it! Now, of all times, he had mastered the
Depression Blast. Of course, this was the only way he could have
mastered it. The Shi Shi Houkoudan was a force of pure pain and
inescapable misery. The final use of it was the end of all pain. A
technique designed to end the suffering of those who used it. To master
it meant to master your own pain, to lump it with your life-force and
then fling it all to the emptiness beyond, to go out with a bang as it
were.

    It was perfect. He'd fight Ranma one last time, and he would win, a
final decisive victory before falling into death's sweet embrace. No one
would know why, Ranma was in for a world of hurt, but he had Akane after
all. He deserved a little punishment. They would heal, curse him for
being a monster and go on with their lives, guilt free.

    “Ryouga-sama? Who did this?” Akari voice was trembling as she looked
pleadingly into his eyes, begging for a smile with parched lips. Ryouga
winced, but he knew his role well enough, and he knew what had to be
done.

 “I did, Akari.” He braced himself for her anger but she just stared at
him, begging with her eyes begging him for anything, just not that
emotionless face. Ryouga felt his heart begin to reform, he felt pieces
begin to take shape, he felt a smile curling on his lips. He smashed the
glass structure with a mental blow, crushing what was left to dust.

    Ryouga bent down and gently kissed Akari on the forehead. “Tell
Ranma when he gets here that I'm coming for him. Not for Akane, not for
bread, not for any curse, just for him.”

    “You're leaving me?” she whispered. Ryouga simply nodded with the
cold expression resting easily. She slapped him, faster and harder then
the young man had thought possible, not that he would have blocked
anyway. She ran back to her house, tears welling up and stinging her
face more then any open palm could, and a kiss still burning on her
forehead.

    Ryouga felt his cheek and bowed as far to the ground as he could,
sinking to his knees and planting his hands firmly on the ground below.
“Gomen nasai," he whispered but knew better then to expect an answer. He
was leaving everyone, he knew there couldn't be any for forgiveness for
that.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

    "He said what?" Ranma asked a weak eyed Akari. "Man, I thought we
were past all that." Sighing, Ranma turned to go, mumbling something
about stupid pig headed people.

    Akari caught him by his sleeve. "Ranma, this time it's different,
you didn't see him. He's different now, I think he's gone over the
edge."

    "Aw, don't worry about it. We do this kinda stuff all the time. I'll
bring him back to ya, just you wait and see." Ranma smiled down at the
girl, then his face changed from confidence to concern as he noticed her
lower lip was trembling.

    "No," she started quietly, "he's not welcome here anymore, Ranma. I
don't... don't want to..." Akari had trouble finishing.  She screwed up
her courage, set her resolve, and closed her heart against the pain.  "I
don't want to see him... not ever again."  Akari finished in a hoarse
whisper before retreating into her house.

    Ranma shook his head, why'd Ryouga have to make everything so damn
difficult. He walked over to his father, the panda. Ever since Akane had
started cooking again, he had newfound admiration for the subtle
sweetness of bamboo. Now, he was staring at the destruction Ranma's
friend had left behind, at the approach of his son, he held up a sign
<Look at this, boy>

    Whistling appreciatively, Ranma surveyed the devastation. No doubt
about it, this was definitely a Shi Shi Houkoudan blast site. The only
thing was, he'd never seen this much destruction from what looked to be
a single shot. Ryouga must have been almost out of his mind with
depression to do something like this.

    <Are you sure you're up to this?> read the new sign. Ranma thought
about this, this kind of destruction was on a Herb or Tarou scale, could
he really get that serious and not hurt Ryouga?

    But all he said was "Sure thing Pop, I can handle Ryouga no
problem."    Ranma would find a way to calm him down, even if he had to
beat the hell out of him to do it!

End Part Two

To be continued of course....

Ending song... If you don't know the tune, it's the “M.A.S.H.” Theme
song...

 The game of life is hard to play,
 I'm gonna lose it anyway,
 My final card, I'll some day lay,
 And that's all I have to saaaaaaaayyy....

 Suicide is painless,
 It brings so many changes
 And I can take or leave it if I please,

Paraphrased Neitzche (I think) “the thought of suicide is a great
comfort, it has kept many a man company through many a hard time!”