[Lights come up on the living room.  Aside from a sofa, TV/VCR setup,
table stacked with papers and pushed against one wall, and various
posters, it is empty, giving it almost the appearance of a stage set.
Go figure.  Scott is seated on the sofa.]

Scott:  Okay, I know this isn't my usual province with the Comment
Squad, but I've always been a sucker for megacrossovers.  So sue me.
Anyway, let me introduce my partners for today's review, the People
Not Appearing in This Fanfic:  Ayukawa Madoka and Matsuura Yuu.  (to
the camera) Come on in, guys.  It's time to start.

[And the two enter.]

Yuu:  No plugs this time?

Scott:  Nope.

Madoka:  (sits) Good thing, you've managed to put it off long enough
with just the introductions.

Scott:  Hey, this isn't that bad.  You should see...  Nevermind.
Today we'll be reviewing "Turn the Page" chapter 1, by Christopher
Angel.

Yuu:  He's only telling you this because he's going to fast-forward
through the author's notes again.

[Good guess.  Scott picks up the remote and does just that.]

Chapter 1
  
***

Madoka:  Snow already, and it's only November.

"Akuma, how dare you accost Usagi-hime and Toraneko-hime in such a way!"

Scott:  (Akuma) Oh, sorry.  In what way should I accost them?

"Aww, Yosho, I only kissed them."

Madoka:  Only?

Scott:  If this was a Ranma fanfic, someone would be lying beneath a
50-ton mallet right now.

"You even admit it!"
  
"On the cheek!"

Yuu:  (to Madoka) Only.

Madoka:  ...

Princess Usagi Tsukino looked at the two fighting men and sighed.  "Men!" 
She heard a giggle from beside her and grinned at the girl who stood there.
 "You're right, Tora-chan, he is easy to set off."  She looked around her
garden and caught her reflection in the crystal wall.

Scott:  ...and the reflection struggled, but she refused to let go.

Madoka:  ...and the reflection pleaded temporary insanity.

Yuu:  Unfortunately, the impact of the reflection had already
shattered the crystal wall.

Scott:  Those who live in glass houses...

Looking at the image in the crystal, she couldn't help but smirk in
satisfaction.  She was the same height as her mother now, and if the boy's
reactions were any indication, the fact that she wasn't quite as slim and
well-toned was more of a benefit than a curse.  She looked up at her face,
and once again felt glad she ditched the rabbit-ears she wore her hair in
as a child for a simple shoulder-length cut.  Pink hair and red eyes were
bad enough, she didn't need to complete the image with her own set of
rabbit ears.  She smoothed her red summer dress and smiled, and looked over
at her friend.
  
Toraneko, daughter of Ichi, First Prince of Jurai, and Ryo-Ohki, one of his
wives.

Scott:  Ryo-ohki.  (pause) Let's hope this is the OAV continuum.

Yuu:  I really didn't want to think about that.

Her appearance was always a shock to those who didn't know her
mother.  She had light brown hair that flowed back from her face in a spiky
mane that seemed to shine with a greenish tinge at times.  Her eyes were
green, and were marked by the slit pupil of a cat.

Scott:  Funny; I just finished watching that Bunuel film with the
razor and the eye earlier today.

Madoka:  (queasy) Not -that- kind of slit pupil...

The short girl's ears
were slightly larger than a normal person's, and were pointed with tufts of
hair.  She wore a simple white robe with a black belt around her waist that
accented her lithe figure.  "Watch this," Toraneko giggled, and raised her
voice. "I agree, Usagi-chan, Yosho-kun's a MUCH better kisser than
Akuma-kun."

Yuu:  What do they have against poor Yosho?
   

"WHAT?!"  In mid-dodge, Akuma froze,

Madoka:  It really is cold.  First the snow, now people freezing in
mid-leap.

his face showing the shock he felt. 
The handsome young man with blue spiky hair snarled in anger, and clothing
disappeared as they were replaced with a black skinsuit embossed with blue
flames.

Yuu:  Let me get this straight.  The handsome man with spiky blue hair
disappeared...

Scott:  Right.  And everyone's clothing also disappeared, to be
replaced with a black skinsuit embossed with blue flames.

Madoka:  Don't you think you're overreacting to a simple typo?

Scott:  (blinks) You mean their clothing wasn't supposed to disappear?
Awww...

Madoka:  (THE stare) Well, we know where -your- mind is...

"Yosho..." Akuma growled, and held out his hand.  A glowing blue
ball formed, and he closed his hand into a fist, transforming the sphere
into an energy sword.

Yosho, for his part, started to back away, the blade from the Master Key
flickering out of existence.  "I didn't!  I swear I didn't!" he said
frantically.  The young prince looked frantically around, trying to find an
escape, and his long purple ponytail whipped in the air.

Scott:  Sure you don't want to use "frantically" one -more- time,
there?

Madoka:  (facepalms) You're hopeless...

Finding none, he
concentrated, and little logs appeared in the air around him, forming a
force shield.  "I didn't kiss them!"

Yuu:  Save your breath, Yosho.  Nobody ever believes that.

Scott:  And you should know.

Akuma roared and began to pound on
the shield.

All:  o/~ Get it on... bang a gong, get it on!

"Usagi-hime, Tora-hime, just what did my brothers ever do to you?" A low
voice asked them.  They turned to look at the young man sitting on a nearby
bench.

Scott:  If it's a low voice, shouldn't they be looking down on him?

Madoka:  They're both princesses; they probably are.

Yuu:  The puns... make them stop...

He was wearing a dark-red skinsuit and a white labcoat, but they
weren't as interesting as the shadowy visor which covered his eyes and the
flat black surface he appeared to be typing on.

Scott:  If the visor covered the surface, how could he type on it?

Madoka:  Very ineffectually.

Both were tell-tale signs
that he was working with his computer system.  He blinked, and the visor
slid out of existence, the keyboard following suit.

Yuu:  And the dish ran away with the spoon.

He ran his hand
through his giant red mohawk, and the hair waved in its passing. 

Scott:  (Kesshu) Hey, my hair...!  Come -back-!

Madoka:  This is definitely Wasshu's son.  I always suspected that
hairstyle was alive...
   

The two girls exchanged a look, and grinned evilly at each other.  "But the
best kisser of them all has GOT to be Kesshu-kun," Usagi loudly spoke in a
conversational tone.

Yuu:  (Usagi) I'm NOT telling you IDIOTS to ATTACK your BROTHER or
anything, OKAY, Yosho, Akuma?  *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

The combatting men froze, and turned deadly gazes on
their shorter brother, who paled.

Scott & Madoka:  (Yosho & Akuma) Okay!
   

"CRUD!" he yelled, and summoned up a hyperspatial hole.

Scott:  Yeah, that about sums it up.

Madoka:  Things are really going down the hole fast for Kesshu.

Seeing his
brothers coming for him, Kesshu ducked into the hole, pausing long enough
to say some parting words to the princesses.  "I WILL have my revenge." 
The hole disappeared, and another openned on the other side of the garden,
dumping out the young man.

Yuu:  Kesshu was heartbrok-- oh, dumping -out-, never mind.

"Come back here you creep!" Akuma howled, and ran after him.

"You...you...demon!" Yosho yelled, hot on Akuma's heels.

Scott:  Oops.  Yosho isn't too bright, is he?

Madoka:  Definitely Aeka's kid.

Yuu:  And Tenchi's, for that matter.

Scott:  Well, you know, all that inbreeding...

Yuu:  (Yosho) I'm not just Tenchi's son, I'm also his uncle!

Madoka:  Okay, I think we've stretched a joke of dubious humor value
far enough...  let's move on.

Akuma skidded to a stop and whirled on Yosho.  "And what's THAT supposed to
mean?" he demanded.

All:  (in unison) It means, "You... you demon!"

Within moments the three men were involved in a
full-fledged brawl.

Scott:  No more of that half-fledged stuff like before.

"Usagi-hime, have you seen our boys?" a low female voice asked.

Madoka:  Gravity must have increased in the future.  Everyone has low
voices.

Scott:  That pun was pretty low.

The
princesses turned from their entertainment and blushed guiltily as the
sounds of combat filled the air.  The three women who entered the garden
exchanged wry smiles and sighed.
  
"Toraneko-hime, you didn't," Washu said disapprovingly.  The princess in
question blushed even deeper, and Usagi followed suit sympathetically. 
"And Usagi-hime, what would your mother say?"

Yuu:  Probably nothing.  She'd just start crying.

Madoka:  Or would have a few thousand years ago.  She's in Queen mode
now.

Yuu:  Point.

"Gomen, Washu-sama," Usagi said softly.
  
"Gomen, Washu-sama," Toraneko echoed, then her eyes flashed and she pouted
a bit. "But it's just so much FUN!"
  
"She's Tsunami's daughter all right, in spirit if not in blood," Ryoko
remarked to Ayeka.  The other woman smiled a little and nodded.
  
"We still have to get her back for that manga prank, don't we?" Ayeka
replied.  "I've never been so embarrased in my life."
  
Ryoko grinned. "Oh really?  What about the time Azusa caught you and Tenchi
making out on the throne?"  She laughed as Ayeka blushed purple.

Scott:  (absolute shock) Ryouko and Aeka... are getting along... after
mentioning Tenchi...

Yuu:  Truly, the future is a miraculous time.

"Not in front of the children!" she hissed, and tried to stop herself from
blushing.
  
"Haven't you three found them YET?" Tenchi asked, walking into the garden
in the formal robes of a Jurian ambassador.  The Second Prince of Jurai
looked around.  "We've got court in half an..." he trailed off as he heard
the brawl in progress.  "Like mother, like son," he muttered.

Scott:  He said that with their mothers there?  He's either very
confident or very stupid.

"YOSHO!
AKUMA! KESSHU!" he roared.
  
The three fighting young men didn't react at all.

Madoka:  (grins) I see Tenchi still has his famous force of
personality.

In their defense, it was
unlikely they heard him, with the amount of noise they were making.  Tenchi
sighed and turned to his wives.  "Ladies?"
  
"AKUMA!" Ryoko called.  Nothing.
  
"YOSHO! Come here right now!" Ayeka commanded in her loudest voice. 
Nothing.
  
Washu grinned and pulled a megaphone out of a hyperspatial hole.  "Cover
your ears," she told the others, and paused to take a deep breath while
they did as she asked.  "KEEEESSSSSSSSHUUUU!"   The fighters didn't even
pause.  Washu blinked once, then twice, and then scowled.  "Why those..."

Yuu:  That must be some brawl.

Madoka:  I hope it was worth annoying Washuu.  (grins)

Scott:  Nothing is worth that...

"Washu-sama? Can we try?" Usagi asked softly.  
  
Washu paused and made to argue, but Tenchi merely chuckled.  "Go right
ahead, Usagi-hime," he said.
  
Usagi turned to Toraneko. "On three.  One...two...three," she took a deep
breath, and in unison, the two young women called out to the fighters in a
saccharine tone.  "Ohh boys?"
  
In the blink of an eye, the three men stopped in their tracks, their arms
and legs frozen in mid-swing.

Madoka:  Then they collapsed as insulin shock set in.

Yuu:  Never underestimate the stopping power of 'kawaii'.

They straightened themselves out quickly
upon noticing their parents looking on.
  
"Hi Okaasan!" Akuma said cheerily.  "Just having a little..."
  
"...sparring match!" Yosho finished loudly, glaring at Akuma.  He turned to
Ayeka.  "Okaasama, it is good to see you."

Scott:  (snickers) "We weren't doing anything.  Good to see you.  Go
away?  Please?"

"Do not even try that with me," Ayeka snarled at him.  She grabbed his ear
and dragged him off, lecturing him as they walked.  "How man times have I
told you NOT to fight with your brothers?"

Yuu:  (Yosho) Counting now, once.

Madoka:  (Aeka) I meant off-camera.

Yuu:  (Yosho) Oh.

"Oww!  Okaasama, that hurts!" Yosho complained.

Scott:  (Aeka) Yes, I know. (cackles)

Yuu:  (sweatdrops) I don't think she's that much of a sadist...

Akuma snickered at his brother's predicament, but his own mother's teary
gaze shut him up.  "How could you, Akuma?  How could you?"

Madoka:  (Akuma) It was easy.  First I made an energy ball, then I
transformed it into a lightsaber, and then...

Ryoko wailed. 
"I've failed as a mother, my son is such a disappointment."
  
"Aww...come on, Okaasan, I'm sorry I fought with Yosho, I really am..."
Akuma said, trying to placate his mother.

Yuu:  All those who believe him, raise your hand.

(No movement.)
   

Ryoko stopped ber blubbering and sniffled.  "Who cares about the fighting? 
You were losing!" she accused.

Scott:  (ROFLs)

Madoka:  (smiles) It's good to see some things never change.

"I WAS NOT!" Akuma said defensively.  "I was holding back."
  
Her false tears disappearing as fast as they came, Ryoko snorted.  "Yeah,
right, you were getting your butt kicked, sonny boy," she said, and led him
off while critiquing his performance.
  
Washu finished patching up her son and shook her head in dismay.  "Why do
you get into these things?  I KNOW you're smarter than that."

Yuu:  (Washuu) ...Although not as smart as -I- am, of course.

"It wasn't really my idea, Okaasan," Kesshu tried to explain.  He nodded
over at the princesses.  "They kind of drafted me into it."
  
"I see," Washu sighed, and bestowed a disapproving glance on the two young
ladies.  "You two had better get going, your presence is required as well."
 The girls eeped and ran out of the garden.  Smirking slightly, she turned
back to her son.  "Now you, young man, we need to have a talk about you
using my computing resources to play your games."

Scott:  (Kesshu) I've been meaning to talk to you about that.  You
need to upgrade your processor, I can't run DOOM 4000.

Kusanagi watched his charge in the playground and sighed.  "Mamoru-kun, try
not to kill youself, OK?"
  
"Hai!" the young child yelled back at him, and proceeded to hang from a bar
by his knees.  He swung back and forth, trying to catch another bar, and
started to fall as his legs slipped.  He didn't even have time to scream
before Kusanagi streaked over and caught him.

Scott:  That last sentence sounds sort of...

Madoka:  (flatly) -Don't- say it.

"What did I tell you?" Kusanagi asked.  The boy gulped once and then threw
his arms around Kusanagi's neck, crying.  "Aww geez, Mamoru-kun, it's OK,
I'd never let you fall."  

Yuu:  (Kusanagi) Unless I didn't catch you, of course.  But that goes
without saying.

The child wiped away his tears and smiled weakly, pulling away from the man
a bit.  "Kusanagi-sensei takes care of me," he said proudly.  He threw his
arms around Kusanagi's neck again.  "Love you, Kusanagi-sensei!"
  
"I love you too, Mamoru-kun," Kusanagi replied softly.  He set the boy on
the ground and pushed him back towards the playground.  "Be a little more
careful, would ya?"
  
"Hai!" Mamoru returned to his playing.
  
Smiling to himself, Kusanagi went back to watching the boy play, as he sat
under the brances of a large tree.  *He's such a good kid,* he thought. 
*Reminds me of Momiji....oh damn.* Bitter tears came to his eyes as her
tried to fight back the returning memories.

Madoka:  I sense a flashback approaching.

***
  
2000 AD

Yuu:  (sardonic) Good call.

"Do you, Mamoru, take Momiji to be your lawfully wedded wife?" asked the
dazed priest.

Scott:  (Kusanagi) "Momiji"...?  Oh, damn, I'm at the wrong wedding!

Madoka:  (priest) Oh, you want the -Second- Universal Church... that's
across the street.

The poor man didn't know what to make of the groom, who was
obviously not quite human.  This was almost as bad as that one party that
was interrupted by the crazed kendoist.

Scott:  o/~ You've gotta fight... for your right... to paaaar-ty!
   

"I...I do," Kusanagi haltingly said.  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he
was convinced that fighting Aragami was easier than this.

(Scott and Yuu nod.  Madoka notices and looks annoyed.)

"And you, Momiji, do you take Mamoru to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
Kusanagi looked over at his bride and felt himself begin to sweat.  She
looked so radiant, it almost hurt to look at her.

Scott:  Aaargh... I'm blind!

Madoka:  Eh?

Scott:  Sorry, inside running gag.

The awkward young girl
of fourteen he had protected with his life had grown a few inches and
filled out some, and now was the most breathtakingly beautiful woman he had
ever seen.   His Princess Kushinada.
  
"I do," Momiji said smoothly, and smiled at her future husband.
  
"Then, I now pronounce you man and wife," the priest replied, and inwardly
sighed with relief.

Yuu:  (priest) I thought for sure she was going to change her mind...

"You may kiss the bride."
  
His heart beating a mile a minute, Kusanagi turned to his wife and slowly
lifted her veil.  He bent to kiss her softly on the lips, and the audience
cheered.

Scott:  The trumpets played a fanfare.

Yuu:  The credits began to roll.

Madoka:  The lights came up in the theater.

Kusanagi held the kiss for a long moment, treasuring every second of it. 
he pulled back, and looked into Momiji's eyes, and saw how happy she was as
well.  
  
That was the last thing he saw before the world was washed out in a
brilliant light.

Scott:  Aaargh... I'm blind again!

Yuu:  And everybody died.  The End.

Madoka:  o/~ It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine...

***
  
Kusanagi felt a hand shaking him.  "Kusanagi-sensei?"  The voice became
more urgent.  "Kusanagi-sensei!"  He blinked, and looked up at the person
who was shaking him.
  
Mamoru looked back at him, worry etched on his face.  "Kusanagi-sensei, why
are you crying?  Did you hurt yourself?"

Scott:  (Kusanagi) No, Mamoru-kun, that brilliant light in the
flashback hurt my eyes.  That's all.

"Nothing, Mamoru-kun, just something in my eye," Kusanagi lied, and took a
deep breath, trying to calm himself.  He heard someone approach from behind
them and turned to see one of Mamoru's nurses.  "Sorry, kid, looks like
it's time to be Mamoru-ouji again."
  
"Do I HAVE to?" the boy whined.  Kusanagi nodded and Mamoru sighed,
trudging off to to his nurse like a doomed man.  Kusanagi watched the young
prince leave, and then fell back to brooding about his past.
  
Momiji had died then, in the event known as the Second Impact.

Yuu:  Whoa.  It really -was- the end of the world as they knew it.

Madoka:  I doubt anyone felt fine, though.

Kusanagi
still didn't know what had saved him from the same fate.  He supposed it
was the same mitama which had given him his powers.

Scott:  New Aragami brand mitama!  They're blue, they're stylish, they
generate AT Fields!  Order -yours- today!

Madoka:  I just realized, this is a Tenchi/EVA crossover.  Do you
think the Light Hawk Wings are a variant AT Field?

Yuu:  Or vice versa.  If so, that'd have some interesting
ramifications, either way.

He had spent days
tearing apart his surroundings, looking for any sign of Momiji, and then
later the rest of the members of the TAC, but he had found nothing.
  
He had wandered the devastated landscape for weeks, merely shutting out his
surroundings as the pain of Momiji's loss ate him up from inside.  Kusanagi
didn't know how far he had travelled, but eventually he found a small
forest that had been relatively untouched by the blast.   
  
Almost by accident, he had come upon a a new ability that a bearer of eight
mitamas had.

Yuu:  The ability to find new plot devices at will?

Madoka:  (smiles) Now, that's not nice...

The ability to merge with a plant and become one with it.  In
a secluded lake, near what appeared to be the remains of a shrine, he had
found a large tree that had wonder scrolls tied to it.  Something about the
tree had made the ache in his heart less intense, less sharp.
  
Given a choice between spending the rest of his days alone, and sleeping in
this magical tree, the option was clear to Kusanagi.  Without a second
thought he merged with the tree and slept for more than a thousand years,
held in the embrace of Funaho.
  
Kusanagi shook himself out of his brooding with a snort.  Hiding, that was
what he had been doing.  Running away from his pain like a frightened
child.  Funaho had given him an escape, had let him submerge his pain in
her memories of another world, another life.
  
It was only months ago that Kusanagi had finally been awoken, by the child
he now guarded and cared for.  All he and Funaho had known at the time was
that a child who was linked intimately with the planet was sleeping at the
roots of the tree.  A child who was lost, and alone, and needed a
protector.  Funaho had almost thrown him out to help the young boy, and
Mamoru Chiba, Prince of the Earth, had met Mamoru Kusanagi.

Scott:  And screamed in terror at the sight, probably.

The young prince had befriended the lonely Kusanagi, and the man had felt
some of the aching pain he still felt at Momiji's loss finally lessen. 
When the prince's caretakers had shown up, Kusanagi volunteered to become
the boy's protector and mentor.  One interview with the Neo-Queen later,
the prince had his very own guardian.

Madoka:  Kusanagi loved the job, but he just couldn't get used to the
salt-shaker uniform...

With a sigh that he felt to the very essence of his bones, Kusanagi stood,
and patted the trunk of the tree he had been sitting under, giving it a
wistful look.  It would be so nice to simply go back to sleep, to forget
his life and his memories in Funaho's embrace.  "But I guess you wouldn't
let me hide again, would you, old friend?"  A spear of light burst from a
leaf of the tree, and Kusanagi chuckled and nodded.  "Didn't think so."  He
patted the trunk again, and knelt to check the soil.  As a transplanted
tree, and a very old one at that, Funaho needed special care.  Kusanagi
didn't want to lose another friend.

Yuu:  o/~ Take your hat off when you're talking to me, and be there
when I feed the tree...

Kusanagi walked out of the garden, not noticing the two pairs of eyes that
watched him.  "Will he ever recover fully?" Endymion asked his wife.
  
Serenity shook her head sadly.  "Would you, if I died?  Would Ares, if Rei
did?  Would Haruka, if Michiru did?"

Scott:  (Endymion) Right.  So it'll take him another week or so?

Madoka:  (facepalms)

She hugged hugged herself as a sudden
child swept over her, and Endymion took her into an embrace.  "Deep loves
like the one you and I share are supposed to be the greatest things in the
universe, Mamo-chan," she said softly.  "But they carry a great price. 
Part of his soul died that day, and I don't think anyone can ever recover
from that."
  
Endymion looked at her in shock and sorrow.  "How does he go on from day to
day?" he asked, wonder and awe evident in his voice.
  
"Without Funaho and Mamoru-kun, I don't think he would be able to,"
Serenity answered seriously.  She leaned more heavily against her husband
and sighed again.  "Kusanagi, Ranma, Andrew, Tarou, Tenchi, was anyone not
wounded by the events of those fifteen years?  Allowing the Second and
Third Impacts were the hardest things I ever did."

Scott:  You know, the frightening thing is, I can see Serenity as a
member of SEELE...

"Sometimes I wonder if this future was really worth it," Endymion
whispered.  "Did the end really justify the means?"  They turned as they
heard the crisp steps of a royal page.
  
"Endymion-ou?  Serenity-ouhi?" the boy began respectfully, "The court
awaits your presence."

Madoka:  Presents?  Ahh, that explains the cold; it's not November,
it's Christmas.

Yuu:  You know, for someone who was talking about stretching a joke...

Madoka:  Gomen.

"HA!  Take that, you puffed-up megalomaniacal twerp!"
  
"Chris, I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  You take these games
FAR too seriously."
  
"This from the guy who threw a week long party after finishing all ten
Phantasy Stars."
  
"Look who's talking!  Need I remind you of the Dragon Warrior incident?"
  
Chris shrugged.  "So I get into them a little more than the average guy. 
We all have our quirks, Frey."

Scott:  Roleplaying games... (sighs)

Yuu:  What's wrong with RPGs?

Scott:  Nothing.  (Soun Tendo wail) But I've been too busy at school
to play Final Fantasy 7...

"And Chris has enough quirks for ten of us," Skuld snickered, entering the
room.  "Why Kami-sama let you two setup Ygddrasil for playing all these
games I'll never know."

Madoka:  (Chris) The hard part was, we had to upgrade the processor.
We couldn't run DOOM 4000 with the old one.

Yuu:  (coughs) "Stretching."

Madoka:  Oh, come on...

The youngest of the Norns had grown up over the
past millennia, and was now turning the heads of more than a few of the
gods.

Scott:  Soon followed by mallet-ing the heads of more than a few of
the gods into the ground.

Frey and Chris exchanged a look and grinned.  "We discovered another one of
Boss's vices," Chris explained.  Skuld gave him an inquisitive look and he
elaborated.  "For the record, it's cute girls, practical jokes, gumballs,
and number four is really good RPGs."  He held up his hands palm up in a
sort of helpless gesture.  "He's a cool guy, what can we say?"
  
"I still think it's your bad influence on Him and the rest of us," Skuld
muttered.
  
"I do my job well," Chris said smugly.  He glanced at the calendar on the
wall.  "Speaking of which, aren't I due for reincarnation soon?"
  
Frey sighed.  "I HATE reincarnation season," he muttered, and glanced
enviously at Chris.

Yuu:  (Frey) All those DEAD people walking around.  Ick.

"Count yourself lucky you're first on the roster, I'm
third last.   Having to take care of all those kids..." He shuddered, and
Chris laughed.
  
Skuld looked at the ground uncomfortably.  "Oniichan?" Skuld said softly,
"It's time.  She has arrived."
  
"Tiamat?" Chris sighed.  "Very well, let me get Rachel and Ami and we'll
go."  He paused and grinned.  "It'll be fun to see Washu-chan again, and I
think I've even chosen my parents-to-be."  He stood up and ran out of the
room.
  
The other two deities watched the youngest of the gods leave.  "Will he be
able to do what he must?" Skuld asked.

Scott:  (Frey) Not a chance.

Madoka:  "Skuld facefaulted."
   

"I don't know," Frey said honestly.  "He seems to be OK, but you never
know..." he trailed off and spread his arms helplessly.  Skuld sighed and
nodded, and Frey watched her for a while.  "How long are you and Urd going
to tear yourselves up over this?"
  
Tears came to Skuld's eyes, and she looked down at the floor.  "We took
them from him, Frey.  He chose duty over love again and again, and when he
was finally to get his reward, our..." she gritted her teeth and hissed the
word out, "STUPIDITY cost him them forever."
  
"It was a mistake.  But was taking their places really the only answer?"
  
"You tell me!" Skuld yelled angrilly.  "Was his sanity worth it?  Do you
want an insane-with-grief god who can freeze time and reprogram Ygddrasil?"

Yuu:  (Frey) Well, it might liven things up a little around here...

 She stopped and tried to calm herself.  "The souls of the two women he
loved were obliterated before his very eyes, because of Urd and I."  
  
"How long?" Frey repeated.  "How long must you pay?"

Madoka:  (Skuld) Until the balance is paid off.  I really should've
checked the interest on these credit cards...

Scott:  So Skuld bought Chris's soul on the installment plan?

Skuld began to walk out the door and paused, looking back at Frey.  "As
long as he needs us."
  
***
  
"The court of King Endymion and Neo-Queen Serenity is now in session," Rei
intoned.  "I call upon Grand Marshal Kiyone of the Galactic Police."  A
middle-aged woman, her black hair now streaked with traces of grey, walked
up and knelt before the throne.
  
"Your Majesties, I am here to report on a matter of utmost urgency."  She
stood, and looked Serenity in the eyes.  "The Galactic Police has been
tracking an entity known as Tiamat for the past fifty thousand Earth years.
 It has come to our attention that she is now on her way to Earth."
  
Ranma listened intently to what was occurring, and leaned over to whisper
to his brother.  "Hey, 'Drew, looks like there's gonna be some action!"  He
winced as he felt a set of fingers dig into his arm.  He looked over and
saw Hotaru giving him a sharp look. "Gomen, Hotaru-chan."

Scott:  Ranma and... Hotaru.

Madoka:  Just hope he never -really- gets her angry.

Yuu:  (Hotaru) Ranma no BAKA! *destroys planet*

Snickering slightly at Ranma's predicament, Andrew hissed as he felt Minako
step on his foot.  "Jeez, Mina-chan, calm down."

Scott:  Andrew and Mina... okay, that one's not bad...

"Behave," she murmured to the grey-haired man.  "I don't know why I put up
with you."  Minako paused.  "Well, aside from the sex."  She giggled as
Andrew blushed scarlet.
  
"Have you no sense of modesty?" Andrew growled back at her, as his face
burned with his embarrassment.

Yuu:  (Minako) Let me check... nope.

Minako looked him straight in the eyes.  "This fuku doesn't have any room
for modesty."
  
Listening in, Ami sighed and looked up at Tarou.  "They're at it again,"
she said.  Tarou merely shook his head in dismay.

Scott:  (strangled) Ami and... TAROU?!

Madoka:  Calm down, calm down...

Scott:  What does Chris have against Ami?  Poor girl...

Madoka:  This -is- the Siblings-continuity Tarou.

Scott:  Yeah, but even so... besides, isn't Jupiter more his type?
She'd definitely be closer to Ukyou than Mercury is...

Madoka:  (calmly whomps Scott with a convenient book from the table;
he collapses) There.  Now we can get on with the review and stop
nitpicking over the author's choice of couples.

"I'll beat some sense into Andrew and Ranma later," he promised her.
  
The Grand Marshal continued as she tried to ignore the conversation from
Serenity's court.  "We have been able to follow and track the progress of
Tiamat.  She will reach Earth in thirty days."
  
Looking to the Neo-Queen for permission, Makoto stepped forward.  "What
threat does Tiamat present?  What kind of power does she have?"

Yuu:  (Kiyone) Oh, none.  She's only sightseeing.  I just thought
you'd like to know.

"Tiamat will be the most powerful foe yet, Sailor Jupiter," a voice said
from the entrance to the courtroom.
  
"Aunt Susanna?" Apollo whispered to Ares.  
  
The red-clad mad nodded slightly, and whispered back.  "Do you know anyone
else who makes an entrance like that?"

Madoka:  It's anime.  You know they're powerful when they make a cool
entrance.

Serenity smiled as if Pluto had made a joke.  "You always say that, Sailor
Pluto," she said with a bit of exasperation.  Sailor Pluto walked forward
to the throne, bowing slightly to the King and the Neo-Queen.  The man who
walked beside her knelt before the thrones.  "Welcome back Pluto, Jadeite."
  
"I assume you know about this, Pluto?" Endymion asked.
  
Pluto grimaced and looked embarrased.  "In truth, I didn't.  I was informed
by a greater entity of Tiamat's threat.  Her mere presence threatens the
timeline, to a far greater degree than anything I could handle alone."
  
"Who could know more about the nature of time than the Senshi of Time?" 
Haruka whispered to Michiru in low tones.

Scott:  (Michiru) Well, there was that weird guy with the long scarf
and the police call box...

He looked closely at Pluto, and
his eyes widened in surprise.  "Look at her, she's actually flustered!"

Yuu:  Haruka?  "He"?  But isn't Haruka...?

Madoka:  (shrugs) Don't ask.

Yuu:  (nods)

Pluto looked over at Haruka peevishly.  "I heard that, Uranus.  There are
entities far more powerful than anything we have ever fought.  The
caretakers of reality themselves."

Scott:  (Pluto) The Authors.

Madoka:  And even they pale before the might of... the Editors!

She nodded to Jadeite, and the man took
out three objects from his pockets.  The first was a small portable
television,

Yuu:  The year 3000 and they're still using televisions?  You'd think
they'd have something closer to Washuu's computer...

the second a small mirror, and the third a bottle of water.  He
placed the first two objects on the ground, and poured the water out,
making a puddle.
  
In the audience, the Ambassador of Jurai looked over at his wives.  "You
don't think she means THEM, do you?"

"A TV, a mirror, and a puddle?  It's definitely them," Ryoko growled, and
then smiled slightly.  "I hope Chris-chan's coming too."

Scott:  Spot the author-insertion character, kiddies...

Madoka:  Oh, you're awake?

Scott:  (waving hands in vaguely placating gestures) I know, I know,
it's not like that.  But you can't expect me to pass up commenting on
a line like that...

Madoka:  (considers) Okay, you have a point.

"Your Majesties, I'd like to introduce Urd, Goddess of the Past and Cupid
of Love." A dark-skinned woman with platium hair stepped out of the
television set.  She wore loose dark blue clothing that covered her torso
and arms, a red-lined blue cape, and very little else.  The cleavage of her
outfit and her belt were of the same tiger-like fur.  On her forehead she
had a dark blue inverted triangle, and similar marks on her cheekbones.  
  
The men in the room began to sweat.

Yuu:  At least now they don't have to worry about the cold.

Madoka:  (slyly) "Stretching".

Yuu:  Touche.

"Belldandy, Goddess of the Present and Nature."  A pale woman with light
brown hair appeared above the mirror.  She had on billowing white clothing
that seemed to give the impression of wings, over which she had a maroon
combination vest and robe.  On Belldandy's forehead there was a thin
diamond of a slightly lighter blue than Urd's.  She smiled kindly at the
assembled people.
  
Out of the puddle, a black-haired woman, barely out of her teens jumped. 

Scott:  Jumped...?

Madoka:  Hentai.

Scott:  I didn't mean it like that!  The sentence doesn't scan well!
I was giving C&C!  Really!

Yuu:  Yeah.  Right.

She carried a long-hafted hammer over she shoulder.  Her clothing was
reminiscent of a lab coat, the way she had a red skirt that swirled around
her ankles from the back over another tight knee-length skirt.  Her loose
white tunic had two red shoulder-pads, that only enhanced the image of a
scientist.  On her forehead there was a blue rounded inverted triangle,
with point of yellow at the center.  "Skuld, Goddess of the Future and
Science."

Yuu:  You know these are important characters because they all get a
full paragraph of description.  Most of the others just have two
sentences or so.

"And finally, Christopher Angel, God of Moments, Protector of the Norns and
Patron of Protectors..." Pluto was cut off by a deep voice.
  
"And snappy dresser!" Beside Skuld a tall man simply appeared, flanked by
two women wearing some extremely indecent armor.  He was well over six feet
tall, and he had short black hair.  His lightly freckled face was marked
with a dark blue rectangle, the long axis on the vertical.  He wore black
pants and a light green shirt, over which he had a dark green trenchcoat. 
"Howdy folks!"
  
Urd, Belldandy and Skuld barely supressed their urge to sigh in dismay.

Madoka:  Help, help, it's being suppressed...

Yuu:  (groans)

"THAT's a god?" Ranma said with narrowed eyes.  "Doesn't look too
impressive to me..." he trailed off as Hotaru grabbed his arm tightly.   He
looked over at her and saw the fear in her eyes.  "What is it?"
  
"I.." she faltered and continued, trying to explain the feeling she felt. 
"Ranma, I don't think he's someone you can beat.

Scott:  I won't say anything about self-insertion characters.  (smiles
innocently at Madoka)

They scare me."

Yuu:  This from a woman with the ability to blow up planets.

Scott:  I didn't think the OMG crew were that powerful, even without
their limiters... later SM characters should match or exceed them.

She
nodded towards the throne, and Ranma was shocked to see the King and
Neo-Queen step down and kneel before the newcomers.
  
***
  
Washu watched the proceedings worriedly.  Something was very wrong.  She
hid behind a nearby pillar and called up her computer terminal, and frowned
at the readings she got.
  
Standing in the court she picked up the power signature of Chris,
Belldandy, Skuld, and Urd, but the two latter's mass was split into two
parts.  She ran an analysis, and paled as she realized what the readings
meant.

Scott:  I could make a tasteless joke about the Mass and Ryo-ohki, but
I won't.

Madoka:  Thanks so much for letting us know that.

She dismissed her computer and walked back from around the pillar, and saw
Urd giving her a pleading look.  
  
Washu nodded slightly and sent a telepathic message to Urd.  *I won't tell
anyone, but you two better tell me what's going on here.  Why are you two
pretending to be those Valkyries?*

Yuu:  (Washuu) Skuld I could understand, she always had a thing for
mecha, but you?

Madoka:  (Urd) Let's just say... o/~ La, la, la, la, my boyfriend is a
pilot...

Scott:  (to Yuu) And she calls me a hentai.

Pain appeared in Urd's eyes for a moment, and she closed them.  *It is the
price we have to pay for what we did to him, Washu.  Please, let it go,
I'll explain later.*
  
***
  
"Oh, please don't do that," Chris complained.  "It irritates the living
hell out of me.

Yuu:  (Chris) I want you to explain -now-.

Stand up already."

Yuu:  Oops, missed the scene change.  Sorry. (grins)
   

The monarchs stood and returned to their thrones.   After they sat,
Belldandy spoke.  "I don't need to ask if you intend to fight Tiamat.  That 
much is obvious.  We are here to help, and to guide you."
  
"Guide?!" Ares shouted.  "You're gods!  Why can't you just..." he waved his
hand in an impression of a magical guesture.

Scott:  (Chris) Because then this'd be a really short fanfic.

"To quote a phrase I used over and over in my youth," Chris said dryly,
"I'm a god, not THE God.  We have to follow rules like everyone else, and
as much as I'd get a kick out of vivisecting Tiamat, I'm not allowed to. 
This fight is yours, not ours."
  
"I told you there'd be some action!" Ranma enthused a little too loudly to
Andrew.
  
Chris turned and looked at Ranma coldly.  "There will, but not for you,
Ranma."  Serenity held up her hand, and the assembled court silenced as he
continued speaking.  "The one who will be going back to the past will be
the Princess."
  
Usagi started as the eyes of the court turned to her.  "I knew it," Apollo
muttered.  "It's always the Princess."

Madoka:  I'm glad someone said it.

Yuu:  Because it saves us the trouble?

Madoka:  (nods)

Endymion spoke the question that was on all of their minds.  "Why her?"

Scott:  Tradition.

Madoka:  Nepotism.

Yuu:  I can't stand her, either, so I'm hoping she dies horribly, and
-then- all the powerful fighters can go back and wipe the floor with
Tiamat.

Urd looked to her sisters and brother for confirmation before speaking. 
Finding their support, she finally spoke.  "Because the rest of you can't
be trusted."

Scott:  (singsong) Dah DUM!

Madoka:  Nice ending.

Scott:  Overall comments... let's see.  A couple of grammar and
spelling mistakes that I didn't bother pointing out.  A spellchecker
won't pick up on some of them, so be careful...

Madoka:  I liked the ending.

Yuu:  The setup is fairly intriguing, although the first half of the
chapter seems almost irrelevant.  There's no reason to introduce
Tenchi's children unless they somehow become important later... so I
assume they will.  Somehow.

Madoka:  The time-travel theme is pretty common, but it definitely
fits Sailor Moon, and with EVA thrown in, it's fairly necessary.  Oh,
and nice job on the ending.

Scott:  Interesting choice of series, too, although I'd just as soon
not include the Ranma cast...  Blue Seed was definitely a nice touch.
It seems to be becoming a popular series, now, too.

Yuu:  Well, it's been released.  It will be good to see what part EVA
plays in all this.

Madoka:  I'd like to see Usagi help stop the Second Impact to save the
people, and then flash-forward to the future to show how it's
changed... or maybe even just leave that question unanswered, so Usagi
will be left wondering whether she did the right thing.  And good
ending.

Scott:  And speaking of endings, we're about done.  Until next time...

[Scott raises the remote toward the camera.  He and the others wave;
then he pushes a button and all goes black.]


Scott Schimmel                http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~schimmel/
Ex ignorantia ad sapientium;  "You really aren't normal, are you?"
ex luce ad tenebras.              -- Miki Koishikawa