On Sunday, November 16, 1997 11:36 AM, Gary Kleppe 
[SMTP:KLEPPE@execpc.com] wrote:

Any and all criticisms gratefully accepted.

The criticisms I sent on the last draft seem to have been
gratefully ignored. ^_^

No, they weren't ignored.  :)  I actually spent a lot of 
time thinking about them.

One thing you may or may not know about this story:  it's 
gone through a *lot* of revisions.  I first sent it to the 
FFML in October of 1996.  People had lots of suggestions, 
lots of things they wanted to see in the story.  I tried to 
accommodate them all, and the story dissolved as a result. 
 Ever since then I have been trying to salvage what I can. 
 One thing I learned from it all is that I have to try to 
stay focused on the core of my story, and that some 
excellent C&C will sometimes not be used.

* Akane's sudden blow-up at Ranma just screams "Plot
Device" to me. I'd like to understand a bit more of
what she's feeling in this story, what caused her to
explode like that.

Well, I did mention the port-partum depression.  It was 
basically her normal anger combined with the PPD.  I could 
have gone into more detail by going inside her head, but I 
didn't want to violate the perspective.

Besides, it *was* a plot device.  :)

* The story does such a great job of setting up a totally
plausible one night stand between Ranma and Ukyo; then it
cops out.  It would have been a much more powerful story
if it HAD happened.

Well, believe it or not, there was a version of the story 
where it did happen.  Way way back I sent two versions to 
my pre-readers:  They did do it, and they didn't do it. 
 They agreed with me that the "they didn't do it" was the 
better story.  For one thing, one of the appeals of Ranma's 
character is his honor and innate goodness, and adultrey 
slights both of those things.  I wanted my Ranma to still 
be likeable (remember, at the time there was still "Magic" 
on the horizon) and not to have this kind of stigma.

I still have that version of the story.  I read it from 
time to time.  There are parts of it I like.  But I like 
the "didn't do it" version better.

I also have to say that upon re-reading, I found the end
Ranma/Akane making up scene to be far too saccharine for
my taste.  Maybe that's just me, though.

Naw.  :)  I've always been a sucker for melodramatic and 
sappy.  Me?  I *loved* Kasumi's little speech to Ukyo.  I 
love writing moments like that.

Gary Kleppe

I don't think I thanked you last time (I'm quite bad at 
responding to my email).  I *do* appreciate your comments. 
 I always look forward to seeing your responses to my 
stories.  Just because I sometimes don't heed them does not 
mean I appreciate them any less.  Thanks for taking the 
time to write them.  :)


-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

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