The Control Room has "Jingle Bell Rock" playing over the speakers as we
fade in.  Boggs (a burly Irishman with a bent nose) looks up in 
annoyance at a golden glowing sphere in which you can vaguely see
rotating gears.

Boggs:  WILL you turn that crap off?  It's just barely past Halloween.

Cog:  One understood that this music was traditional at this time.

Boggs:  Only in malls.  

Mizu (seated on couch):  Hello and welcome to the show.  As ever,
I am Mizu, fountain of enlightenment and with me are my undead 
associate Joe Boggs and our inanimate host Cogito Ergo Sum.

Boggs:  Yo.

Mizu:  Our review tonight will be of "Sailor Minerva, the Secret Sensei"

Boggs:  The secret teacher?  

Mizu:  Not entirely inappropriate as you will see, although I think
that the author means "senshi" rather than "sensei", since that is
what the other "sailors" are called.  In any case, as ever, our subject
was chosen by Cog through rigorously logical criteria, and tell us 
Cog, what were those criteria?

Cog:  Since this fic can only be read by the copying and pasting it, 
we might as well review it.

Mizu:  Please folks, remember, no more than 72 characters to a line...

Iriko is the sailor sensei from the planet Minerva. Minerva, previously 
between Mars and Jupiter, is now the asteroid belt.  She is a small 
woman, five feet tall.  She has lavender hair in a long braid, from the 
top of her head hanging to just brush the floor.  When a sailor sensei, 
she is dressed in the normal sailor suit with a lavender bow and skirt. 
She wears amethyst-point dangle earrings.

Boggs (sings):  Short people got...no reason to liiiive.
Cog:  Yes, that should be "senshi" rather than "sensei".  Enough
said about that.  

Back before the fall of the Moon Kingdom, the planet Minerva was a 
place of quiet beauty and nature.  Unlike the other kingdoms, Minerva 
had been undeveloped. The people were quiet and shy, rarely seen 
outside their home world.  Like the other kingdoms, Minerva sent a 
daughter to be part of the Moon Princess' court.  She tended the 
garden, instead of the princess.  Because of that, she was not well 
known to the others of the court.

Boggs:  I guess short people don't get no respect.
Mizu stands to his full 4'9":  You might want to lay off that line
of humor, all things considered.  

She carried a secret.  Her people were the best spies of the Silver 
Millennium.  When word of the Dark Kingdom came to Queen Serenity, she 
asked the people of Minerva to help infiltrate Beryl's court.  They 
brought word just before Beryl's attack.  For what Beryl viewed as 
their betrayal, she had the planet Minerva destroyed.  Unlike the Moon, 
she didn't stop at the people and buildings.  She had the planet blown 
into many pieces.  It became the asteroid belt. 

Boggs:  Ya know, we're not dumb.  We can figure out what you mean when
you say the planet between Mars an' Jupiter was destroyed.  Ya don't 
have ta say it 5 different ways so we'll get the clue.  
Mizu:  See Beryl.  See Beryl destroy.  Look, look, Beryl is destroying! 

After the battle for the Moon, Iriko begged to be allowed to follow in 
her brother's footsteps.  She wanted to go under deep cover in the Dark 
Kingdom  --  to undermine Beryl's power and her generals  --  to 

Mizu:  Unfortunately since everyone was dead after the battle for the
Moon, nobody paid much attention to Iriko.  Perhaps she should have 
asked for that assignment after the destruction of Minerva instead?

Iriko became Amethyst, warrior of the Dark Kingdom.  She moved her way 
up the ranks to a point where she was just below the generals.  She 
became an aide de camp.  When she was assigned to help Jedite, she threw 
little wrenches into his plans.  When he was punished, she was 
reassigned to Nephlyte.  She found in Nephlyte a "flaw".  His growing 
attachment to the human girl, Molly

Cog:  Sentence fragment.  Try "She found in Nephlyte a "flaw", his 
growing attachment..."
Boggs:  Man, I hate that way of pronouncing Nephrite's name, makes 'im
sound like a dork. 
Mizu:  It's interesting that she uses DIC's names except for calling
the enemy world the "Dark Kingdom"

When the Dark Kingdom had first made it's move for domination he had 
been one of the cruelest of the general.  He had seen something during 
the final battle that changed the way he looked at the universe.

Mizu:  A chicken crossing a road?
Cog:  A statistical analysis of the instability of a society based on
fear and hatred?
Boggs:  Naked women?

Soyasite was easy to manipulate.  When he was away from his lover he 

Mizu:  Soyasite!?  What kind of mineral is Soyasite?
Cog:  That should be "Zoicite".  Which is incidentally, a real
mineral as is Nephrite.  
Mizu:  Of course the interesting thing is that since Zoicite's biggest
mistakes involved trying to kill Endymion, if Minerva gets credit
for leading Zoicite to defeat, then Minerva is also responsible for
almost getting her king killed.
Boggs:  Ya just can't buy that kinda loyalty.  She also switched 
Zoicite back ta being a guy.  Suteko, that is, not Minerva.

During her time on duty, she would sneak into the room and quietly 
whisper to Darien.  She added a little of her power to help him hold 
onto his memories.  It wasn't much, but when he was sent out to attack 
people, he would defend those of earth and the princess.  His only goal 
was to get the silver imperial crystal.  He didn't know why.

Boggs:  Yeah.  Sure.  She just snuck into his room to whisper to 'im.
Uh-huhn.

When the climax came, it happened sooner than she expected.  She knew 

Boggs:  Girls just hate it when ya do that.  Ya gotta learn to pace
yourself
.  
>from listening to Malachite that the inner sensei were back together.  

Now was the last chance she had to align the Prince back with the side 
of good.  

Boggs:  I had my car's alignment checked yesterday.  Turned out to
be Chaotic Evil.  

Prince Darien slept in a special chamber that Queen Beryl had specially 
prepared for him.  The room resonated with power,  a subtle type of 
power.  It was directed at Darien's mind.  It was subtle enough that he 
never noticed the brainwashing being done

Boggs:  See Beryl.  See Darien.  See Beryl brainwash Darien.  
Mizu:  Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department.  For example
"It was directed at Darien's mind" isn't really necessary when in the
next sentence you talk about the brainwashing being done to Darien. 
Ordinarily I think that you should only say each thing once.  If your
reader doesn't grasp the concept, they can always go back and reread
it until they get it.  

OK here is the main story.  Enjoy.  I hope! 

Mizu:  You know, I'm far from sure that the reader needs to know all
the stuff in the prologue (apart from the physical description).
This is all stuff the author has to have worked out, of course, but 
it might work better for us if it was revealed in the course of story as 
appropriate.  That way we could start out wondering who Amethyst is,
why is she undermining Beryl's control of Endymion and so on.  Let your
reader use their brains instead of spelling everything out.   
Boggs:  Failing that, can I put in a request for a lemon scene where 
Prince Darien does the wild fandango with Amethyst?  
Mizu looks at Boggs with disgust:  Oh shut up.  

Good evening, Amethyst."  Endymion nodded to the purple haired young 
woman standing guard outside his door.  Over the past few weeks he had 
gotten used to her presence and expected her to be there every evening.

Mizu:  Strange.  You think that the other youma would notice a high 
ranking official who does guard duty in her spare time.  

As the evening drew on Amethyst slipped into the Prince's room.  She 
knew from experience that he would be asleep by this time.  She closed Boggs:  And she could easily slip into his bed and become a featured

attraction his wet dream...
Mizu:  Or not.  

the door quite and turned to look at Endymion.

Cog:  "quietly"
Mizu:  Do they have doors in the Dark Kingdom?

Though not the warrior type of the other sensei, she had powers that 
were just as effective in their own way.  she moved to his side and 
whispered, "Minerva power!?  Between one step and the next the cold 

Cog:  That is neither a question nor an exclamation since she 
whispered it, and thus be "Minerva Power."

After a long moment she decided that she had not been detected once 
more and set to work.  She kneeled at Endymion's side and stretched out 
her hands.  Placing them on either side of his face she whispered, 
"Minerva mind slip."  

Boggs:  Ah, go fer the alliteration.  "Minerva Mind Meld", that's the 
ticket. 
Cog:   "she decided that once more she had not been detected".  
Mizu:  Unless of course she'd been detected one previous time. 

A purple glow started in her hands and moved out to bath the sleeping man's face. 

Cog: "bathe"

Endymion smiled and returned the bow.  "Good afternoon, to you also, 
miss?"  The curiosity was plain in his eyes.  He had not known that 
anyone else was allowed in this garden.

Cog:  "Miss...?"
Mizu:  Or milady, if he suspects that she is of the aristocracy.

Iriko blushed and mumbled.  "My name is Iriko, your highness.  I am the 
gardener here."

Endymion smiled and took her green tinged fingers, raising them to his 
lips.  "I am pleased to me you, Lady Iriko."

Mizu:  Princes do NOT call servants "Lady" and kiss their hands.
Boggs:  Snooty (mumble-mumble)
Mizu:  This scene's an example of what I was talking about.  You
didn't need to tell us about Iriko's preference for gardening over
court function in the prologue when you tell us about it here.  
If I were you, I'd lose the prologue and put the information into
your story in just this way.  But if you're going to keep the
prologue, you should change names such as Darien, Malachite and
ah...Soyasite to accord with your main story.    

Amethyst kept silent.  Kunzite asked her this question every night.  
After the first time she answered she knew better than interrupt the 
general in his musing.  Her bones remembered well the lessening he gave 
her

Boggs:  You mean he made her even shorter?!
Cog:  "lessoning"

Endymion would be showing up to collect this boy.  She knew from 
experience that Sailor Mercury's attacks where not that strong.  The 

Mizu:  Does that mean she's been attacked by Sailor Mercury?  If she
hasn't, then she knows by reputation or by observation.
Cog:  "were"

girl was more the brains of the scouts.  She would need to back her up 
if they were to keep the boy out of Endymion's hands.

Cog:  Of course the problem is that Mercury is likely to detect
Amethyst/Minerva the moment she does anything.  
Boggs:  Maybe Minerva can use "Minerva Cloak!" against Mercury's visor. 
 

She could hear them talking quietly.  It seemed that the two had some 
feelings for each other.  Minerva smiled.  It was good to see that the 
other scouts were finding people to care for.  She always thought that 
the lives of the inner scouts was lonely, never thinking on how lonely 
her own life had been over the years.

Mizu:  It would be interesting if Minerva had actually fallen in love
with one of the other Dark Kingdom soldiers.  That is the kind of 
problem that undercover operatives frequently have to deal with and
would provide some needed complication.  And it's clear from Nephrite,
Zoicite and Kunzite that the higher orders of the Dark Kingdom are
capable of love.  
Boggs:  But then she couldn't do the horizontal mambo with Endymion!

"I see," Beryl answered.  She turned about.  "Kunzite, take this and 
put her in a cell.  I think I have a use for her.  She holds lots of 
energy inside her that can be useful."  She let out a cruel laugh.  "It 
has been a long time since I had a Minervan to drain.  It will be a 
great day for us.  She will hold enough energy to release Queen 
Metilla."  Iriko struggled in Kunzite's grip.  He reached back and 

Cog:  "Metallia"

slapped her hard.  Normally Iriko could deal with any attack but she 
was weak from the earlier blast and he knocked her senseless.

Mizu:  Uh...this is Kunzite.  Most powerful of the Generals, able to
single handedly defeat all the Inner Senshi unless they take him off
guard?  It's not at all surprising that he can flatten her.  

mind.  She knew the fate of the other Minervans who had been captured 
over the long years that she had been under cover.  Tears came to her 
eyes as she remembered the fate of one of her cousins.  "That won't 
happen to me."

Mizu morphs into Iriko:  No, she'll never make me watch "Three's 
Company!  I'll die first!

powers.  It wasn't easy but she could feel that there were three other 
minds with in this hall.  The surface thoughts she could reach showed 
that they were all mad.  They must have been in those cells for a long 
time.

Mizu:  Odd.  The cells don't look all that bad.  
Boggs:  Yeah, but those TV's only play "Three's Company"
Mizu:  The fiends!

Beryl's laughter stopped short as she felt the blast rip into her mind. 
She staggered forward and then spun about.  Her eyes widened in 
surprise whe she saw who had the gaul to attack her

Mizu morphs into Minerva:  Hands up Beryl!  I've got a Frenchman and I 
know how to use him!
Cog:  "when", "gall"

"You! How did you get

Mizu:  That purple tint to your hair?
Boggs:  The winning lottery number? 
Cog:  It seems likely that since this is not a file attachment, the
author has reached the text limit allowed to her e-mail messages.
She will have to break her chapter into two parts or send it as a 
text file attachment.  
Boggs:  Bummer.  And still no lemon scene with Endymion.  

Mizu:  Well that's it for now.  I recognised where this story was 
coming from.  Many imaginative people will insert a character on the
fringes of the main action of a story they enjoy, but Minerva deserves
better than just to be slotted into the main plotline.  She needs
more development.  Who knows what Dark Kingdom schemes she could
have foiled without the other Senshi even getting close to the action?
As it stands, Minerva is really just a spectator, an exteriorisation
of the author as television viewer.  But the bit with Endymion, and
her relived memory of her Silver Millenium past showed what she could
do if you just focus on her as a character in her own right a little,
by for example giving her a Dark Kingdom suitor, or a hopeless passion
for Endymion.  
Boggs:  Anyway, that's all we got, so we're outta here!
______________________________________________________________________