Just got back from seeing "Starship Troopers".  Man, what 
an experience!  I was so worried that they would take this 
classic Heinlein novel, concentrate on only the violence 
and the war, and produce a film that totally ignored what 
made "Starship Troopers" a truly thought-provoking novel. 
 After seeing the movie... wow!  Boy, they sure...  I mean, 
they... they...

Words fail me.

I've been inspired by the movie.  I am going to submit a 
movie script to Hollywood.  I am certain that next summer, 
you will see the following trailer appearing in movie 
theaters around the country:



[Music begins playing:  horns blow a soft, low tone; 
violins playing
 high and stringent; the whole being slightly ominous.]

[We see the well-defined back of a man.  His muscles seem 
to be about
 to rip out of the red shirt he wears.]

NARRATOR (I imagine Peter Cullen, aka Optimus Prime): 
 Ranma Saotome.

[The man, Ranma, whirls about to stare into the screen. 
 His front is as
 impressively physiqued as his back; his pectorals bulge 
impressively.]

NARRATOR:  One of the best martial artists on planet Earth.

[Cut to another scene.  Ranma, female, is fighting Genma. 
 Her pectorals
 bulge only slightly more impressively.  She slams Genma 
against a tree
 with her forearm;  then her other hand forms a fist that 
flies at Genma's
 face with incredible speed.  The scene is cut before we 
see contact being
 made, but we do hear a sort of "splurch" sound.]

[Next we see a young woman with shortly cropped hair, a 
tube top that
 leaves little to the imagination, and a torn denim jacket 
barely hanging
 on her shoulders.]

NARRATOR:  Akane Tendo.

[She lifts an impressive-looking gun that's almost as big 
as she is.
 Written on the side is "The Hammer".  She points it at the 
screen.]

NARRATOR:  Inheritor of the Tendo Dojo - and a woman not to 
be messed with.

AKANE:  [As she fires the gun.]  Ranma no baka!

[Cut to another scene.  People are standing in the shadows 
as the camera
 pans along.  We cannot make out any details, but we do see 
that some are
 men, and some are women.]

NARRATOR:  They will face the toughest challenge of their 
lives.  Face
           enemies that want to see their blood.

[MUSIC:  The violins now begin playing faster, more 
frantically.  Drums begin
 to boom in tempo.  The melody becomes more and more 
strident throughout the
 following scenes.]

[Cut to:  Akane firing "The Hammer" at a young woman with 
long brown hair.
 The woman, Ukyo, wears a bandoleer that has spatula-shaped 
grenades on it.
 Ukyo is also wielding an impressive-looking gun that fires 
tiny spatulas at
 high speed.  The two woman dance around each other for a 
few seconds,
 before we see Akane hit by Ukyo's gunfire.  Akane begins 
to fall.]

NARRATOR:  Enemies that want to see them dead.

[Cut to:  Ranma fighting a huge mechanical alligator in a 
pond.  The
 alligator thrashes impressively as Ranma desperately tries 
to hold on to
 its neck.]

NARRATOR:  Before it is over...

[Cut to:  Akane, half of her face covered in bandages, is 
in a sword fight
 with another young woman whose primary attribute is a pair 
of breasts the
 size of watermelons.  BIG watermelons.  The woman, 
Shampoo, is snarling.
 She fights off Akane's attack, the slices at her exposed 
leg.  Again, the
 scene cuts before we see contact.]

NARRATOR:  ...they will have fought...

[Cut to:  Ranma, female, her hands moving so quickly they 
can't be seen,
 fights an older, white-haired woman in the middle of a 
burning building.
 The woman, Cologne, suddenly lets fly a grenade that heads 
towards Ranma.]

NARRATOR:  ...the forces of Hell.

[MUSIC:  We are now in full orchestral mode.  The music is 
so full of
 melodramatic urgency that you want to leap out of your 
seat and begin
 fighting someone.]

[Cut to:  an overhead shot of a female Ranma.  She is 
standing on a rock
 next to a pond.  At her feet are the bodies of a cat and a 
duck.  The
 camera pulls back, revealing the charred ruins of the 
Tendo home and
 dojo.  Indeed, everything for a three-block radius has 
been leveled,
 leaving nothing but brightly glowing embers among piles of 
ash.
 Surrounding Ranma on all sides are hundreds of walking 
corpses dressed
 mostly in black.  They shamble towards Ranma, parts of 
their bodies
 falling off, groaning, gesturing at Ranma.  Ranma whirls 
from side to
 side, as if unsure where to begin fighting.]

[Cut to:  The title screen.  Right now it is entirely 
black.  We hear the
 sound of fighting, followed by some sort of gray mess 
hitting the screen.
 The mess actually forms letters:]

Narrator:  THY

[Cut to:  Ranma, sitting astride Shampoo, beating her 
senseless.]

[Cut to:  The title screen.  We hear a sound not unlike 
flesh rupturing.
 Parts of the screen erupt in a dark red, fleshy mess. 
 They, too, form
 a word:]

Narrator:  INWARD

[Cut to:  Shampoo fighting a young man wearing nothing but 
tight black
 pants that leave little to the imagination.  The man, 
Mousse, hits
 Shampoo right between her breasts, and Shampoo's eyes go 
wide as she
 makes a sound like "Urk."]

[Cut to:  The title screen.  Blood pours in a steady 
stream, forming the
 last word:]

Narrator:  LOVE

[Cut to:  Ranma fighting another young man.  The man, 
Ryoga, has muscles
 to match Ranma's.  They fight amidst a raging whirlwind, 
where we can
 see bits of lumber and the occasional car being tossed 
about. Watching
 them nearby we can see Akane, somehow managing to stay on 
her feet.  Only
 tufts of her hair remain, and most of her body is covered 
in bruises and
 bandages.  She is clutching her fist and the hate on her 
face mirrors
 that of Ranma and Ryoga.  She begins to hobble towards 
them.]

[Cut to:  The title screen.  Now we see a bunch of tiny 
credits, listing
 actors, producers, insurance agencies, etc.]

Narrator:  Rated PG.

[Music:  Suddenly stops.  All is quiet.]

[Cut to:  A young woman in an apron.  The woman, Kasumi, is 
smiling widely.
 She lifts a plate.  On it are a collection of fleshy, 
bloody, unidentifiable
 body parts.]

Kasumi:  <Tilting her head and crinkling her eyes>  Have a 
cookie!

[Cut to:  A black screen.  The words "Summer, 1999" appear 
briefly before fading out.]

[Music:  Plays a final, dark fanfare.]




I expect to make at least 200 million dollars in worldwide 
release.  Whaddya think?

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com