SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS
(http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/)
PRESENTS...
Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA :
Round 3
A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2
Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting
Tournament Fanfic
by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright other people, obviously. If I
ever even considered claiming that these were my own
characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.)
-=-
AUTHOR'S NOTE :
School is sucking less! I've dropped two courses and am
switching majors from Computer Science to a DIY Multimedia Design
program. Wahoo! Time to turn in votes is shorter this time; two
weeks only. Get to it, and have fun!
(Oh, and Mihoshi DID say 'angle' in the last episode. That
was intentional. :)
-=-
EPISODE 3 :
THE BAD GUYS STRIKE BACK
The villains,
having been struck
down by various heroes
and do-gooders, plot against
the honorable fighters of the
tournament in secret seclusion.
Revenge is their driving motive.
Lord Only Knows what they have in
mind to disrupt the proceedings...
Meanwhile, a dark force has taken over
Sakura, in a standard plot device scenario
which a slightly hapless David, with the help
of a Bhuddist monk, tries to remedy. If this wasn't
bad enough, two rivals are now a team, a large fat man
is trying to date a goddess, and schemes and mechanisms are
in place to end the tournament, once and for all...
*
If you go to the lowest, deepest point in heaven.. the
closest thing to a sinkhole of evil, the bowels of damnation and
the most twisted, cavernous fathoms of the human soul, you'll
find a bathroom.
It's the least used bathroom in heaven, since it's very
inconveniently located at the bottom of the Records Keeping
building's archive hall, in sub basement seventy four. But it's
perfectly suitable for a group of dark plotters planning dark
things. It's dark, first of all, and nobody ever goes there.
Plus it had COOL acoustics.
"OOHOOHOHOHOOHHOOHHOOOO!!!!!" Devilot laughed, enjoying
listening to her manic little giggle bounce off the tile walls.
"Death! Revenge! Blood! Pestilence! OHOOHHOOOHOO!"
"This will work," M.A.D. said, sparks kicking up as he
worked on some strange figure on a medical examining table. "We
have the technology. We can rebuild him."
"And he will be our tool to destroy those who humiliated
us!" Devilot cheered, bouncing around like a rubber ball on
crack. "All we need is some more dark power, and it will be
complete! Ohooohhoo! Brilliant, brilliant plan! My science
plus your knowhow will earn our victory!"
"Yes, I know," M.A.D. smirked. "I am amazing."
"No, *I'M* amazing!"
"I'm more amazing."
"Are not, I'm more amazing than you'll ever be!"
"I'm so amazing that I have no words to express how amazing
I am."
"Yeah, well... well... OOHHH!!!" Devilot pouted, stamping
her foot. "Just work on the cyborg."
*
Elsewhere, dark forces coalesced into human form. The taint
flowed through its pores and veins as it sat down and had a cup
of coffee in the spookiest, most shadow-laden part of the
cafeteria and lit up a clove cigarette.
Evil Sakura was busy writing dismal poetry about the
pointlessness of life and the beauty of death. Normally she
wasn't very poetic but since Akuma helped her finally touch her
real power, she had changed a bit. She had a leather fuku on
now, and lots of Aquawhite hairspray. Evil Sakura also had been
reading a steady diet of Anne Rice novels, and started sleeping
during the day underneath her bed so she could stalk in shadows
at night and stare at throbbing neck veins on people who looked
at her funny. This all seemed, not FUN since the idea of mirth
and joy and fun was dead to her, but at least amusing.
But there was still that David twit. Three times he had
tried to stick that ward on her forehead, and three times she had
to beat him off. He was getting sneakier, too. Next thing you
know he'd be hanging from an air vent on a cable above her like
in Mission Impossible.
David, who was hanging from an air vent on a cable above
Evil Sakura like in Mission Impossible, fingered the wrinkled
paper in his hands carefully. This wasn't going well; he was new
to the Exorcist thing, and didn't quite have the knack of putting
the silly ward in place. With Nicotine still in the health ward,
it was up to him to save Sakura! He would DO it!
The cable snapped.
Landing with an unpleasant THUD on Evil Sakura's table,
breaking the spindly little folding legs on it, he crashed to the
floor and stared up at an unimpressed goth Shotokan fighter.
"Maybe next time," Evil Sakura said flatly, stepping on
David's head before leaving.
*
David slumped around the health ward, holding an ice pack to
his forehead, the shredded rapelling cable dragging along behind
him.
"Well, it worked in the movies," was his only defense.
Nicotine laughed until he went into a coughing fit. David
patted the elder on the back gently, so he could continue. "Boy,
movies aren't reality," Nicotine said, getting serious. "That's
like saying those silly video games are reality. You can't swing
in on a rope waving a sword and save the princess."
"I know, I know... but I've got to DO something!" David
growled, frustrated. "I mean.. she's my friend, or something."
"I'd help, sonny, but my back's still rather messed up,"
Nicotine noted. "Look, it's very simple. Stick the paper on her
head. Easy as pie, yes?"
"She keeps beating me up before I can."
"Hmm. That is a puzzle, isn't it."
"What happened to the bastard that did this to her, anyway?"
"Who, that little evil boy? Akuwossname?" Nicotine asked,
rubbing his beard. "Nobody's seen him since his fight. He just
waddled off grabbing at his stomach. Shouldn't eat that much
while exercising, gives you cramps."
"Sir, is there any danger in letting her stay evil? I mean,
if we've got time, I can make a better plan..."
"No, no danger. WAIT! That's not entirely accurate. She's
in INCREDIBLE danger!" Nicotine warned. "Evil taint persists.
You can always purge it like I did with Mizuki, but if it grows
too much then you're gonna have a mess 'o badness on your hands
when it's siphoned out."
"But you didn't have any trouble with Mizuki."
"Well, I had a Evil Storage Jar handy," Nicotine smirked.
"Be prepared, I always say. And it's in a very safe place
indeed. Very safe. No way anybody could find it at all, nope
nope nope..."
*
Anita kept glowing.
"It's been a day now. Shouldn't you, um, turn on the dimmer
or something?" Ukyou asked, dressing up Anita's dolly in a new
outfit.
"I can't really stop it. It just turns on when there's some
evil around," Anita said. "Lots of evil around lately."
This was worrying Anita, now that she had emotions to show.
Ukyou, wanting to cheer her up, had been playing games and doing
fun things with the girl; going out for ice cream, playing board
games, visiting the gardens, betting on the ponies while smoking
fifty dollar Havanas... today they were in Ukyou's quarters,
dressing up dolls. But Anita would always be glowing, sometimes
dimly, sometimes brightly. It was unnerving.
"I should try to get a hold of one of those goddesses. This
isn't good," Ukyou said. "Look, you wait here. I'll be right
back."
"But Ukyou--"
"I won't be long, sweetie," Ukyou smiled, motherly instincts
kicking in. "Don't worry."
*
Skuld wandered around, waving an Evilometer. "This isn't
good," she said, mirroring Ukyou's sentiment.
"My sentiments exactly," Ukyou stated, sliding up to the
smaller goddess. "Look, Anita's glowing like a blacklight bulb.*
She's kind of nervous. What's the official word on what's going
on? The air is THICK with tension."
"We're not sure. I'm trying to track the source of it all,
but this equipment's kinda obsolete. It won't lock onto the
source of the disturbance," Skuld said, bonking the Evilometer a
few times. "HEY! I know! I'll go invent something even better!
Come with me, I'll need a lab flunkie."
"Wha... hey!" Ukyou protested, as Skuld grabbed her wrist,
set down a cup of water, and teleported through the surface to
Yggdrasil's Work Area.
From around the corner, a pair of eyes from a foot or three
up watched them go. "Perfect, better than perfect," she said,
resisting the urge to laugh evilly. "Okay, you can come out
now."
A figure maybe seven feet tall wobbled around the corner,
almost filling the hallway.
"You know what to do," Devilot said.
"You'll give me a weapon to take down that white haired
freak so I can date my Love Goddess, right?" Earthquake asked.
"Like we agreed?"
"Oohohoho!!... ahem. Yes indeedy we will. Now hurry,
hurry! And be quiet."
"No problem," Earthquake said, stomping down the hall with
thundering footsteps, tearing the doorframe apart to Ukyou's
quarters, grabbing Anita from her spot on the floor and tucking
her neatly under one arm (armpit odor paralyzing her instantly)
and running back at 2.3 on the Richter Scale.
"Eh... quiet enough, I suppose," Devilot said. "Now come
with me."
*
"Finished!" Skuld clapped. "Oh, it's so brilliantly
designed! It's such genius! I really need to hand it to myself;
the Suck-U-Evil Vacuum Cleaner works wonders!"
"Gt mhp oughtta hrrr!" Ukyou muffled, from inside the red
carpet bag on the back of the vacuum cleaner.
"Now, to go find what's causing this mess!" Skuld cheered,
unzipping the bag and dumping out Ukyou, then walking briskly
towards fate.
*
"Brat."
"Old fart."
"Little kid!"
"Stupid plumber!"
"Dangerous sword freak!"
"GRRRRR!"
"Grrrr!"
Mario and Naru glared at each other.
Things weren't working out well for the newly formed team of
two. While they had enough body mass to equal one other fighter,
therefore giving the Lord the idea to put them together, they had
personalities which clashed like that band who did 'Rock the
Casbah'.
"There is NO-A way I'm a-gonna work with you, kid," Mario
said, turning his back.
"Likewise!" Naru pouted. "Yer a big fat poo poo head!"
"A what?" Mario asked. "Ya little immature kid! Go home
and play with your dollies! This is-a adult's tournament!"
"I am NOT a little kid!" Naru shrieked. "I'm BIG!
Waaaaaaaah!!"
"Are not... you're-a a little tiny dinky insignificant
microscopic particle sized quantum packet of NOTHING!!" Mario
taunted.
Then the tide turned.
Naru cried.
"Waaaah!!" Naru bawled, fountains of tears spurting from her
eyes. "Everybody picks on me! Why are they so mean to me? I
just wanna be a fighter like my daddy, waaah!"
Mario, in the face of a small crying child, lost any resolve
he had. "Uh... well, you're a good fighter, ya, just..."
"WAAAAAAAAAHHH!!"
"...not to say that, um..."
"WAAAAH, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"
"Okay! I'll-a fight with you in a team! You're not little!
Just stop, you're-a getting my overalls wet," Mario begged.
"...really?"
"I'm-a gonna regret it, but alright."
"WAIWAI!"
"GANGWAY!"
"What?"
"I said, 'WaiWai'."
"No, you said 'Gangway.'"
"Did not."
"Then who di--"
A giant rolling ball of flesh roared by, flattening both of
them. Earthquake continued on down the hall, a rolling boulder
the likes of which you usually see Indiana Jones running away
from.
"Ow," Naru replied.
*
In a lone dojo, Dan concentrated.
He focused all into the whole of his being. The world
surrounded him with no impact, but he was the world. His
consciousness expanded at a geometric rate, environment absorbed
and understood, the transition from current state to the state he
desired firmly planted in the footprint of his mind. Muscles did
not twitch; they did not need to. He was ready.
"DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAAAADDD!!!!!" Dan screamed, flying
through the air and landing his heel against the punching bag.
It exploded in a shower of sand and torn leather.
"OOSHA! I did it! OYAJIIIII!!!!" Dan cried, clenching a
fist. "I am finally ready, Master Splinter! I am ready to
conquer Sagat once and for all, and regain my family honor!
Vengeance is MINE!"
"Yes, yes, good," Splinter yawned. "Glad to see you've
progressed. Keep in mind that opponents do not stand perfectly
still, however. There will be evasion."
"I can handle any moving target! I have eyes in the back of
my head!" Dan boasted, before Skuld ran him over, leaving little
footprints all up and down his back.
"Gomen!" she apologized, without looking back.
Splinter sighed. "Perhaps we should train more before the
matches begin, Hibiki-san."
Dan tried to nod in agreeance from the floor, but Ukyou was
stepping on his head as she ran through following Skuld.
*
"Leave me alone!!" Kiyone shrieked, running like the devil.
"Kiyoneeee-saaan!"
"If this is some sin I'm atoning for, I'M SORRY!" Kiyone
sobbed. "Make her go away! Lord, please, make her go away!"
"I'm busy," God said somewhere else.
Mihoshi fluttered through the air with a lack of the
greatest of ease, trying to control her new angel wings. She
caught a really wicked cross-current in the jet stream, spun out
of control, and crashed into Kiyone. Again.
"Itaaaaaai... @_@" Mihoshi burbled.
"Just think," Kiyone said from somewhere under the pile of
feathers. "Only an eternity more of this to put up with..."
Earthquake rolled by like an earthquake, but both Galaxy
Police Officers were too preoccupied to notice. Which is a
shame, considering he was breaking a law at the moment. Devilot
dashed along behind him, or rather, was carried by her two goons
on a divan chair.
*
In the cafeteria, B.B. Hood and Kasumi Tendo were having a
deep discussion about life's philosophy, and the meaning of man's
existence.
"I like to shoot things."
"That's nice."
"Ne, Kasumi-san, is it cold in here or something?" B.B.
asked, tugging her red riding hood around herself tighter. "It
feels... wrong, somehow."
"Oh my... do you mean like there's a hidden stash of evil
energies in this very room which acts as a disturbance to the
natural order of things and unsettles all who are near it?"
"No, more like the heating vent is busted."
"Could be," Kasumi smiled, sipping her tea. Only to find
there was no more left. "Oh dear... excuse me one minute, Hood-
san."
Kasumi walked over to the Hot Drinks vending machine, and
selected the button for tea again. The little orange light was
on, though; no more tea left. So, she decided she'd be a little
bold and daring today, and pushed the button for Black Coffee.
A small jar containing the evil energies of Mizuki plopped
into the dispenser tray.
"Oh my," Kasumi noted.
*
Earthquake stopped rolling, and checked Anita again.
Besides looking very dizzy, she little girl was glowing like
the sun itself.
"OOHOOHHO!!" Devilot cheered, hopping down from her caravan
and native bearers. "It must be in there! He stashed the jar in
the cafeteria! Onward!"
*
"It's coming from up ahead!" Skuld said. "The cafeteria!"
*
"I sense a great disturbance in the force," Belldandy said
aloud, then resumed her knitting.
*
"Gosh, what should I do with this?" Kasumi asked, taking the
jar full of sin and examining it curiously.
"Maybe you should open it up and see what's inside!" B.B.
Hood suggested...
*
"Uh-oh," Urd said, looking up from her soap operas.
"Something big is going down."
*
"I wish I was in this story," Keiichi whined.
*
The situation in the cafeteria quickly sank into chaos.
Skuld, Ukyou, Devilot and Earthquake all showed up at the
same time. Nobody made a move towards Kasumi, considering the
thermal detonator 'o doom she was holding in her domestic little
hands.
"Quick, give that to me so I can get rid of it!" Skuld
demanded. "It's evil! Hurry!"
"Could I please have it?" Devilot asked, holding out her
hands.
"Okay," Kasumi smiled, giving Devilot the jar.
Skuld's jaw hit the floor. "Wha... wha..."
"She said 'please'," Kasumi smiled.
"OOOHHOHOOHOHHHOOHOOO!!!!" Devilot laughed. "Now, *I* have
the power of Mizuki! You're all doomed, doomed, DOOMED!"
Ukyou drew her spatula; Skuld got the vacuum cleaner warmed
up. It was about to get ugly.
"We can't let you get out of here with that," Ukyou warned,
twirling her spatula.
"Yes you can. E.Q., if you'd please?" Devilot requested.
Earthquake held up Anita, who had thankfully passed out from
his body odor a long time ago, and now was flaring like a rocket
with light.
"Make a move and the girl gets it," Devilot smiled.
"Anita!! Noooo!" Ukyou exclaimed, as folks tend to do in
situations like this. (Law of Name Shouting, Anime Physics)
"Bad guys win, bad guys win, good guys are loosers, good
guys are loooosers... o/~" Devilot chanted, skipping around in a
little circle.
"HA! You'll never get out of here with them!" Skuld said,
waving the vacuum cleaner.
Earthquake, Devilot and Anita vanished in a puff of
sparklies, courtesy of M.A.D's patented matter teleportation
device.
"Uh... like I said! You'll get out of here with them!"
Skuld corrected, looking embarrassed.
*
"Sir, there's a lot of odd things going on," Belldandy said.
"Maybe we should postpone round three until they're sorted out?"
"Nonsense!" The Lord laughed. "What would be the fun of
that? On with the show."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
THE YGGDRASIL SUCCESSIONAL FIGHTING TOURNAMENT :
ROUND THREE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Alright, everybody, we're at the halfway point! So let's
be very polite and clap for all the fighters who have made it so
far. They're quite talented, and will have a real challenge to
face," Belldandy smiled for the camera. "Now, in case you might
have forgotten..."
1. Bouts last for ten minutes. Any which go over this
limit will be judged by megamis on hand, based on
whoever had the upper hand throughout the fight.
2. There will be no draws or double knockouts. Any fights
which cannot be determined in the ten minute period
will go into overtime; double knockouts will wait until
both fighters awaken and can continue.
"Although," Belldandy added, "It seems He will do whatever
it takes to keep things as interesting as possible..."
3. Weapons are allowed of any kind. No animal partners
are allowed as weapons; weapons must be non-sapient.
"...and somehow Remi got to use her Muse..."
4. Stepping out of the ring and into the shallow watery
moat around it counts as a Ring Out, and the opponent
in the ring wins.
5. All initial bouts were picked completely at random.
Progressive bouts will be organized by victors of
previous ones in standard pyramid fashion.
6. The winner after five rounds, the only undefeated
fighter, will be the one who becomes the creator and
god of all that exists.
"I wonder if we should rewrite these rules?" Belldandy
wondered aloud.
"They're fine," God said. "Now let's get cracking some
heads!"
MATCH 1 : KASUMI vs. SPLINTER
Kasumi hurried to the ring, after that confusion in the
cafeteria. She wouldn't want to be late, heavens no. That
wouldn't be proper.
Splinter was already there, meditating as usual. He rose to
greet his opponent, bowing deeply.
"You are skilled," Splinter said. "We both have won our
matches by substantial numbers."
"Why, thank you, sir," Kasumi appreciatively bowed.
"...however," Splinter commented, "Unlike the others, I know
that you are not truly a martial artist. It would be very unfair
of me to treat you as such, and irresponsible."
"Oh my... we have to fight each other?"
"Yes, that's what a tournament is."
"I guess that explains why people keep trying to attack me
in these ring things," Kasumi smiled sweetly.
Getting up after the facefault that shook the arena,
Splinter dusted off his kimono. "Instead," he continued, "I have
devised a true match of powers we can both participate in."
"Oh? What?"
"Staring contest," Splinter said. "Go."
Kasumi looked at Splinter.
Splinter looked at Kasumi.
The battle was on!
MATCH 2 : CASEY JONES vs. MARIO and NARU
Casey was a happy psychopath.
He had managed to find the Sports Equipment Shack in
Heaven's field hockey stadium. Now he was armed to the teeth
with every kind of blunt weapon conceivable by ESPN and ESPN2;
cricket bats, hockey sticks, baseball bats, badminton rackets, a
snowboard... and around his waist, a length of bungee cord, just
in case.
His opponent, or rather, opponentS, were barely armed. One
didn't have any weapons except a pair of white gloves, weirdly,
and the other was a kid with a sword she really couldn't handle.
This would be effortless.
"Alright!" Mario and Naru announced simultaneously, posing
dramatically. "Team Nario Brother and Sister, FIGHT ON! Special
Ultimate Final Mega Just Thought Of It An Hour Ago Secret
Technique..."
"Eh?" Casey asked.
"POLYGON BOOLEAN UNION!" they yelled, and jumped at each
other.
Both deformed, warped into each other, and then landed in
one complete combined form; a normal sized warrior, with a jaunty
red plumber's cap and wading pants, as well as a pretty pink
dress. Its hair flared up, glowing yellow, at Super Saiyajin
Level 0.8.
"Behold! I am NARIO!" Nario exclaimed, posing cutely.
Casey fell over.
With a cry of "FORM BLAZING SWORD!", Nario pulled a glowing
sword out of nowhere with a number of stars and mushrooms
designed into the handle, and charged.
"Cool! We should do that sometime!" Skuld commented.
Urd glanced over. "Do what?"
"Combine into a big brawly thing!"
"Yeah. Right. Just what we need; a sake drinking domestic
housewifey megami that invents things that explode."
MATCH 3 : EVIL SAKURA vs. B.B. HOOD
"...so when she gets close enough, stick this on her
forehead," David explained again.
"Why don't I just shoot her instead?"
"Because we're trying to EXORCISE her!"
"I like shooting people," Hood giggled cutely.
David threw up his hands in give-upness. "Fine. Whatever.
But put this on her forehead when you finish! Okay?"
"Sure!" B.B. Hood said, putting the ward in her picnic
basket and promptly forgetting about it, since her brain could
only hold three or four thoughts at once and they currently were
Fire, Fire, Guns, and Cute.
Evil Sakura teleported into the ring, flaring up with a red
battle aura. "Who is the foolish mortal that challenges me?"
"Me!" Hood waved, cheerfully.
"Ha. How they come, like moths to the flame. Food for the
immortals, they are crushed like insects under the wheel of time.
How I detest the puny existence of man, the darkness denied, as
he represses his true bestial nature," Sakura monologued. "If
only they could see the evil inside their souls, as I have, and
take power over the dominion of others in the right of conquest,
they could evolve beyond--"
B.B. Hood shot a missile at her.
"I thought 'Gothic' was a kind of architecture," Urd yawned.
MATCH 4 : UKYOU vs. KIYONE
Kiyone breathed a sigh of relief. The Banpei-bots were
keeping Mihoshi on the sidelines; here, in the arena, she at
least had a respite from the onslaught of Mihoshi.
It was worse than she could imagine. As an angel, Mihoshi
didn't need to sleep; she could terrorize her best friend and
partner twenty four hours a day. But of course, she had to eat,
or she'd whine, and she needed six meals a day to make up for the
time she was awake. She also could walk through walls, and find
Kiyone like a heat seeking rocket...
Kiyone was actually glad to be in a fight, if it meant no
Mihoshi nearby.
Her opponent was not glad. "Look, I forfeit, okay?" Ukyou
said. "I've got things to do. My new friend got kidnapped!"
"Forfeit?" Kiyone asked, left eye twitching. Forfeit meant
match was over. Meant going back to Mihoshi. Bad, bad. Bad.
She set her blaster on 'Disembowl.' "Eeheheheee... nooo
forfeit... we're fighting."
"Err, what's with that crazy look in your eye? I--"
"Fighting! Wooohooo!" Kiyone giggled, and jerked the
trigger repeatedly.
"She has issues," Belldandy said quietly.
EXHIBITION MATCH 1 : EARTHQUAKE vs. SEPHIROTH
Skuld floated around some trees, avoiding the melting clocks
draped over them. It was a good idea to hold the next fight in
another dimension, after Tokyo was reduced to component atoms in
the last brawl; but she was getting a little seasick from the
weird surroundings.
Sephiroth didn't mind them at all. Environment was
negligible; he lived inside his own twisted brain. So he just
floated in place, waiting. He was as powerful as a god and would
easily annihilate whoever came before him. Then perhaps he'd go
on a date, since as a dark god, he didn't really get to socialize
much and was looking forward to a nice relaxing dinner and a
movie before he continued seeking the Promised Land.
In a burst of smoke, Earthquake teleported in. "HAHAHA!" he
laughed. "You're gonna get it now, pretty boy!"
Sephiroth clicked his sword into place, ready.
The fat ninja held up his sickle and chain, showing the
handle; it had been encrusted with little round gems, of a wide
range of colors. "Devilot loaded me up with TONS of that Materia
stuff!" Earthquake chortled. "Bolt 3, Big Guard, Mimic, Quadra
Magic, Bahumut Zero, Cure 3, Life 3, and KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND!
I'm gonna get medieval on your ass, pal, magic style!"
"Hmm," Sephiroth hmmed. Perhaps this will actually be fun.
"Uh..." Skuld gulped, looking nervously at the two.
"BEGIN!" she yelled, quickly jumping into a puddle and getting
the hell out of there, as lightning blasted back and forth and
great explosions of fire and chaos.
EXHIBITION MATCH 2 : DAN vs. SAGAT
Sagat grumbled. This was stupid.
There he was, busy polishing his dozens of fighting
trophies, when in pops this crazy chick who claims she's a
goddess. Something about a challenger who was declaring Sagat's
titles void, and wanted revenge for some reason. Obviously the
Mui Thuy kickboxer wasn't gonna let some punk slam his good name,
so he agreed to fight.
After arriving, they told him who his challenger really was.
"OOSHA!!!" Dan taunted, rolling into the ring.
The defending champion rated this somewhere between root
canals and prostate surgery in terms of desirable activity.
"Forget it," Sagat said, turning to leave.
"Fine, ONE EYE," Dan taunted, shaking his forearm. "Quit
while you're ahead, eh? How's that depth perception? Do you
need a monocle, two eyes?! TWIT! LOSER! WIMP! WEENIE!
KNEEBITER! SPORKHEAD! JER--"
Dan hit the mat as a fireball slashed through the air where
his head was.
"Alright," Sagat grumbled. "I'm SICK of this. Today, Dan
whoever you are, you're gonna die. Then maybe I'll have some
peace and quiet."
"I have trained," Dan said, voice actually dropping to
serious, nontaunting tones for some reason. "Trained and
trained, and learned new techniques. Now... I avenge my father.
Goodbye, Sagat."
With that, Dan sprang into the air. "DAN DAN BOOT TO THE
HEAD!"
Sagat fell down, surprised, with a footmark on his face.
"MY GOD!!" Urd yelped, spitting out her sake.
"Yes?" God asked.
"He... he HIT him!" Urd gaped. "Impossible!"
The Lord only smiled.
"And now, a special match for a shameless attempt to grab
ratings in the 13-30 male demographic!" Skuld cheered. "Please
welcome..."
EXHIBITION MATCH 3 : CAMMY vs. MAI SHIRUNAI vs. SOFIA
The three women looked at the wrestling ring which had
recently been filled with chocolate pudding.
Then they looked at their outfits, which had been reduced in
fabric size by roughly a yard.
Then they looked at the drooling otaku in the crowd.
"Forget it," Cammy said.
"I'm out," Mai added.
"Later," Sofia waved.
("I had a feeling we'd hit some resistance," the Lord said,
from his booth, watching. "So I did a little miracle to make
something that would encourage them...")
Skuld hopped up to the group of women. "Hello! I was told
to give you these," she said, distributing envelopes. She
quickly got away, task complete.
Mai blinked, and opened hers... inside was a polaroid photo.
A picture of Andy Bogard and Sofia pawing each other in a
romantic spot in Southtown park. Her favorite spot in the park.
"AndddyyyyYYYYYY!!!!!" Mai roared.
"What the hell?!" Sofia exclaimed, looking at a photo she
was holding. "Eiji... and CAMMY?!"
"MAI! What are you doing with Bison!?" Cammy asked, waving
her photo. "You... you.. slut!"
All three jumped each other, not coincidentally falling into
the chocolate pudding. The fight was on!
"Sir, isn't that a little dishonest?" Belldandy asked.
"After all, you DID use the Deux ex Machina to make those
pictures..."
"Hey," God explained. "It's for ratings."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO CAST THE DECISIVE VOTE THAT CHANGES FATE!!!
As is customary in reader-polled tournament fanfic, YOU decide
who wins what fights! If you've read this far, you're probably
interested in how it turns out, ne? It'll turn out how the
majority of readers decide. DON'T DELAY! Mail in this form
today! It takes very little of your time, and if everybody who's
enjoyed this series so far votes, we'll have a better fanfic for
all concerned.
When deciding, consider all of the following...
* Who conceivably would win, given the strengths of these
characters and their abilities?
* Who SHOULD win if you had anything to say about it, because
they deserve it?
* Who would make for a funnier fight later on if they won?
What would maximize your entertainment value?
* If you can't decide, perhaps you could flip a coin?
Cut and paste the following form, putting X's in the boxes where
appropriate, and mail to the given address. THE DEADLINE FOR
SUBMISSIONS IS NOVEMBER 12th, 1997! After that, no more votes
will be accepted, and Round 2 will be tallied, written and in the
books. Good luck and may the weirdest one win!
.----------------------------------------------.
| ROUND 3 PAIRINGS : |
| |
| [ ] Kasumi vs. [ ] Splinter |
| [ ] Casey Jones vs. [ ] Mario/Naru |
| [ ] Evil Sakura vs. [ ] B.B. Hood |
| [ ] Ukyou vs. [ ] Kiyone |
| |
| [ ] Earthquake vs. [ ] Sephiroth |
| [ ] Dan vs. [ ] Sagat |
| [ ] Cammy vs. [ ] Mai vs. [ ] Sofia |
| [ ] Jesus vs. [ ] Santa Claus |
| |
| Comments about the fic series so far : |
| ____________________________________________ |
| ____________________________________________ |
| ____________________________________________ |
| |
| MAIL TO : twoflowr@glue.umd.edu |
| SUBJECT : Tournament Voting Submission |
| DEADLINE : November 12th, 1997 |
`----------------------------------------------'
DO NOT E-MAIL A FORM IF IT IS PAST DEADLINE!
Do not e-mail empty forms!
Do not e-mail incomplete forms!
You'll be wasting my time and yours.
Be cool. :)
Thank you, and enjoy the rest of Spoof Chase's MAGICAL
TROUBLESHOOTING CROSSOVER FIGHTING TOURNAMENT BETA.
-Stefan Gagne
* I bought a blacklight today, and had it on while I wrote this.
I feel groovy.