THE FFML ROYAL RUMBLE

	All the lights in the stadium winked out.  All sight was blotted out 
in the darkness and the people could hear the fighters in the ring as 
they let their confusion be known.

	"Who's the s*** faced A**h***, that's sc***ing around with the 
f***ing lights?!"

	"Can't see a... HEY!!  WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR HANDS!!!"

	"Jeez, I didn't mean to do that.  I can't see a thing too ya know!"

	A whispered, "(Giggle) Not now Mamo-chan."

	"Hee, hee."

	Then the organ music started.  "What the f*** is going on," Vegita 
growled.

	A blood red spotlight was turned on and slowly headed towards the 
entrance way as the organ gave way to slow and heavy guitar riffs 
accompanied by strong drum crashes. (Authors note: Think of Kanes' 
theme music.)

	The light highlighted the man whos back was to the audience, a red 
symbol that stood for "Heaven" on his black karate gi.  His long hair,
 tied off in a pony tail that stood straight up,  was the same color 
as the spotlight he was enveloped in.  He sneered, revealing a set of 
white fangs that flashed in the dull light and Akuma began to move to 
ringside.

	"Hold it," Warhammer said as he blocked the man whos name meant 
"demon", "You can't enter.  I know Hikaru is out and we need a 
replacement, but YOU'RE not an Animate!"

	"Yes I am," Akuma replied as he pointed to a TV and VCR that 
suddenly appeared next to him, with "Street Fighter: The Animated 
Move" cued up and paused on a certain spot, "As you can plainly see.  
I have a cameo appearance in the India scene."

	Warhammer looked at the screen and replied, "My hero got beaten, so 
I'm not in the mood for this.  That ISN'T you."

	"Yes it is."

	"No it isn't."

	"Yes."

	"No."

	"Yes."

	"No."

	"YES!" Akuma got into a battle stance.

	"NO!" Warhammer readied his weapon.

	Flashman tapped Warhammer on the shoulder and said, "Uh... I hate to 
tell you this... but I'm the one running this thing and I'm of the 
school of thought that Akuma IS in that scene and thus, God help us, 
he's allowed to be a legal alternate.  So, please get out of the way 
so we can continue the countdown."

	Warhammer growled in annoyance and moved aside so Akuma could enter. 
 Once in the ring, Akuma stood in the center, braced himself and 
flared his red aura until it touched the roof.  As he did so, the 
lights blasted back on.  "Cute entrance," Ranma said as his eyes 
adjusted.

	Akuma turned an eye on him and replied, "Do you wish to go first?"

	Ranma braced himself as he yelled, "I accept your challenge!"

	Ranma moved in and tried his Amaguri Ken but got the shock of his 
life as Akuma teleported through it and then hit him in the back with 
a vicious elbow.  Ranma cried out in pain and Akuma hit him with a 
flaming Shoryuken, sending him out of the ring and collapsing to the 
floor in a heap.  "Next?" Akuma asked casually.

	Vegita gritted his teeth and though, "S***!  He's powerful.  I can 
feel his aura.  It's massive."

	The Senshi and friend meanwhile, were planing their strategy.

	"I say we rush him all at once," Jupiter said as she clenched her 
fist, "There's no way he can take all three of us."

	Sailor Moon looked up at Tuxedo Kamen, who said, "I'm not sure.  He 
looks powerful... but, I don't have any other ideas, so I guess we 
might as well."

	"Count me in as well," Vegita said as he gathered up the last of his 
strength.

	Sailor Moon nodded and the four of them moved to attack Akuma.  The 
villain smiled devilishly and knocked them all back with a Hurricane 
Kick that had purple lightning on his leg.  Jupiter stood and cried, 
"Sparkling Wide Pressure!"

	Akuma answered with a purple Hadoken and the two attacks canceled 
each other out.  Akuma then blocked the cane thrust that Tuxedo Kamen 
had aimed at him and dodged the flying kick of Sailor Moon.  He 
ducked the kick of Vegita and rocked the Saya-jin with a forward 
punch to the stomach.

	Vegita fell back, clutching his bread basket as Sailor Moon pulled 
off her tiara, changed it to discus mode and aimed it at Akuma as she 
said, "Block this!  MOON TIARA ACTION!"

	The discus flew threw the air and Akuma tried to block it with 
another Hadoken but when the mystical weapon slashed through it, 
Akuma teleported out of the way.

	The discus hit the next available target.

	Which turned out to be Sailor Jupiter.

	Her cry of pain echoed through the arena as the weapon hit her hard 
and knocked her over the top and to the floor.  "JUPITER!" Moon cried 
in alarm as she ran over to where her tall friend lay.

	Jupiter looked up and said as she winced from the pain of a snapped 
rib, "You... win," before she passed out.

	"My, my," Akuma scolded, "you need to work on your aim."

	"I..." Sailor Moon thought as tears came to her eyes, "stopped it 
before it killed her... but still.... she's hurt because of me."

	"Sailor Moon," Tuxedo Kamen said, "snap out of it!  You are needed 
here.  Jupiter will survive.  We may not if you don't pay attention.
"

	"Indeed," Akuma agreed as he looked at them, death in his eyes.

	Behind Akuma, Vegita jumped into the air and powered up.  "FINAL..." 
he began.

	That was as far as he got before Akuma, without even turning to look 
up, teleported into the air behind him and, gathering his ki, 
unleashed a storm of Hadokens.  Under normal conditions, Vegita would 
have been able to take the attack.  However, as tapped as he was, 
Vegita fell pray to Akumas Air Super.

	As they started to fall to the ground, Akuma grabbed Vegita by the 
arm and flung him out of the ring, where he hit the floor with a 
crash.

	The leader of the Sailor Senshi and her boyfriend were both 
frightened by what they had just seen.  However, Tuxedo Kamen did a 
better job of hiding it.  He stood as rigid as stone, a look of cold 
determination on his face as Sailor Moon shook like a leaf besides 
him.

	He grabbed her hand and Sailor Moon looked up at him.  "Sailor Moon,
" he said, "we may have to fight each other soon but until that time 
arises, I shall be by your side."

	Sailor Moon looked up at him and smiled a radiant grin as her fear, 
while not totally vanishing, faded into the background and she 
replied, "Thank you, Tuxedo Kamen."

	Akuma sighed in annoyance as he sarcastically said, "If you two are 
quite finished with your romantic b*** s***, we can continue."

	Akuma powered up to full, as Tuxedo Kamen threw a magical rose.  
Akuma ducked under it and said to the tuxedo wearing hero, "You have 
what I'm looking for.  RAGING DEMON!"

	Akuma teleported forward and grabbed hold of Tuxedo Kamen.  Everyone 
was blinded by the light Akuma gave off as he struck multiple times.

	Tuxedo Kamen fell to the ground, his skeleton broken in many places. 
 Akuma moved forward as he said, "You see.  It is my mission in life 
to become the strongest there is.  I shall accomplish this by 
destroying spirits who are exceptionally pure, good or evil, and you 
fit the criteria."

	"No," Sailor Moon said as stood in between the evil Shakotan and her 
true love, "I won't let you."

	"Out of my way little one," Akuma barked, "I have no interest in you.
  For though you are pure in spirit, you are only a small girl."

	Sailor Moon scowled, "Just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't 
protect the one I love."

	"'The one you love'?" Akuma raised an eyebrow, "I didn't know cradle 
robbers could be pure in spirit.  Now move, or do you wish to die?"

	"If I did it protecting his life," Sailor Moon replied in an eerily 
calm voice, "I would gladly die."

	Akuma growled as his red aura flared to life, "Very well.  Prepare 
to meet your creator.  RAGING..."

	BZZZZZZT!  The buzzer went off for the last time and Akuma whirled 
around, his attack forgotten, as he felt the ki of who had drawn #30.


	"No," he panicked, "This isn't possible!"

	The last person stepped through the curtain...

	....and the audience exploded with the loudest cheer of the night.

	Son Goku ignored it.  His attention focused only on the evil monster 
in the ring.  He stopped by where Vegita had finally arose and the 
prince said something that was swallowed up in the roar of the crowd.


	"Huh?" Goku asked.

	"I... s.. said," Vegita, who was too exhausted to move anywhere yet, 
repeated, "you... b... better go S... Super.... S... Sa... Saya-jin 
if y... you want to b... beat him."

	Goku shook his head, "That wouldn't be fair... but, why didn't YOU 
do it?"

	Vegita laughed weakly and answered, "You kidding?  Where's... the 
fun... in that?"

	Goku smiled and said, "Go back and rest up.  I'll handle this."

	As Goku stepped through the ropes, Akuma said, "Such ki, I have 
never seen anything like it before in my entire existence," he 
grinned evilly, "and he is a pure spirit.  This shall be enjoyable."

	With that, he teleported behind Goku but before he could strike, 
Goku performed a teleport of his own and kicked Akuma in the back of 
the head.  "That trick," Goku explained, "won't work on me."

	"Maybe," Akuma replied, "but I have others."

	As the two fought, Sailor Moon moved over to where Tuxedo Kamen lay 
in a heap and whispered, "I'm sorry.  This is for your own good," 
before she managed to get him to his feet and push him over the top.

	Flashman called in the paramedics to carry off Tuxedo Kamen.  Before 
they did so however, Sailor Moon heard him rasp, "U..sa..ko.  Win... 
this... f.. for... us."

	"I will," she replied.

	Then the medical team arrived, placed him on a stretcher and carried 
him to the infirmary.

	Akuma and Goku meanwhile, were going at it full tilt.  Akuma struck 
with a roundhouse right kick, while Goku answered with a left one.  
Both attacks struck home and the two backed off.  Akuma threw a 
Hadoken while Goku unleashed a ki ball.  Both projectiles canceled 
each other out and so the two began teleporting all over the ring.

	Akuma would be in one spot one second and the next Goku would be 
there.  The audience and Sailor Moon quickly got dizzy, trying to 
keep up with the speed the two competitors moved around the ring with.


	Then, there was the sound of a collision and two voices exclaiming.

	Goku and Akuma had teleported, litteraly, right into each other and 
both of them staggered back, rubbing their faces.  Akuma unleashed a 
Hurricane Kick and staggered the Saya-jin hero as it hit four times.  
Then he followed up with a Shoryuken that knocked Goku onto his back.


	As Akuma started to fall from his Shoryuken, Goku sprang up to his 
feet and then jumped up into the air, striking Akuma with his own 
fist as he spun in midair and cried, "SHORYUKEN!"

	Akuma fell to the ground and when he stood up, he exclaimed, 
"INCONSIVABLE!  How could you have learned that move so fast?!!"

	Goku smiled and replied, "I'm good at things like that."

	Akuma gritted his teeth in fury and cupped his hands to his side.  
Purple energy gathered around him as he powered up to full.  "This," 
Akuma said as he readied himself, "ends now.  DIE!  SHINKU... 
HADOKEN!"

	Akuma thrust his hands forward and fired a cone of purple energy at 
Goku.  Goku moved fast and retaliated by also cupping his hands to 
his side, shooting them forward, but he cried, "KAME HAME HA!"

	The yellow ki blast that Goku fired, collided with the purple one 
that Akuma fired.  They fought for dominance for a span of three 
seconds before Gokus' attack completely overwhelmed Akumas and the 
"demon" was sent flying out of the ring, through the rear wall and 
out into the night.

	Goku frowned, "Is that it?" he thought, "I drew the last number, so 
I knew I wouldn't get the chance to fight all the others, but I 
thought I'd get more of a fight then that."

	Goku heard someone cough behind him and turned to look at who it was.
  He saw Sailor Moon and he said politely, "Hello little girl.  Are 
you lost?"

	"I," Sailor Moon replied as she went into her routine, "am the 
Pretty Suited Soldier, Sailor Moon!  I didn't want to be here, but I 
gave my word that I would win this battle... and THAT means I'm going 
to have to go through you!  In the name of the moon... I'll eliminate 
you!"

	Goku patted her on the top of the head and said, "You're a cute 
little girl, but does your mother know you're wearing that?"

	"HEY!  Didn't you hear me?  I'm Sailor Moon!"

	"I mean, shouldn't you wait until you're fourteen to start wearing 
an outfit like that?"

	"ARE YOU INSULTING ME?!"

	The obvious look of utter confusion on Gokus face made Sailor Moon 
think, "Is this how Rei sees me?"

	Aloud, Sailor Moon asked, "How old do you think I am?"

	Goku replied, "Ten?"

	"Yep," Sailor Moon decided mentally, "DEFINATLY how Rei sees me."

	"GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!" The crowd shouted.

	"Oh, right," Sailor Moon said as she pulled out every weapon she had.


	"When in doubt," Sailor Moon remembered Makoto telling her one time, 
"go for overkill."

	Goku thought, "I'll go easy on her.  She can't be THAT powerful."

	"MOON TIARA ACTION!"

	BAM! "Ow!  Hey!"

	"MOON PRINCESS HALATION!
	KA-BLAM!
	"MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!"
	KRA-KOOM!
	"MOON RAINBOW HEART ACHE!"
	BLAM!
	"MOON GORGEOUS MEDITATION!"
	DA-DOOM!
	"MOON STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!
	BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!

	Sailor Moon gasped for breath, her lungs exhausted from crying out 
so many attacks at once.  Goku, for his part, stood there, his left 
eye and the right side of his mouth twitching.  The top of his gi and 
the shirt underneath, were blasted away, as well as every shred of 
cloth below his knees.  His chest and lower legs were covered in burn 
marks.  "Ooooookay," he thought, "maybe she is."

	Then, his eyes thinned to slits, his mouth became a grin line and he 
thought, "All right then.  Let's do it."

	Goku shot his arms like a machine gun and fired ki ball after ki 
ball after ki ball at Sailor Moon.

	The Senshi did her old, "Dodge and Panic Maneuver" and managed to 
avoid all of them.  She breathed a sigh of relief, then tensed again 
as she saw Goku readying another attack.  Getting to her feet, she 
jumped at Goku and stuck out her foot as she cried, "SAILOR MOON 
KICK!"

	The kick connected but Sailor Moon litteraly bounced off.  "OW," she 
cried as she hit the mat with her backside, "no fair!"

	Goku shrugged and replied without even a hint of malice, "I can't 
help it if you hit like a girl."

	"I *AM* A GIRL!!  SAILOR MOON KICK!"

	The same result as last time was repeated.  "Ouch," Sailor Moon 
exclaimed as she got up to try again.

	"SAILOR MOON KICK!"
	Bounce.  Thud.  "Ouch."
	"SAILOR MOON KICK!"
	Bounce.  Thud.  "Ouch."
	"SAILOR MOON KICK!"
	Bounce.  Thud.  "Ouch."
	"SAILOR MO... oh, forget it.  MOON PRINCESS HALATION!"

	The crescent moon bolt and the accompanying energy wave smashed into 
Goku and staggered him slightly.  Goku thought, "This is getting us 
no where.  Time to end it."

	Goku brought his hands to his side and cupped them, he gathered his 
energy, preparing to let go with a weak Kame-Hame-Ha and eliminate 
the girl that was trying, but just wasn't powerful enough to keep him 
fighting, or so he though.

	As he was powering up, Sailor Moon was panicking.  "OH NO," she 
thought, "that's the same move he used to get rid of that Akuma guy!  
I'm dead!"

	Right on cue, Sailor Moon found herself suddenly turning into 
Princess Serenity.

	Goku looked up and thought, "What's happening to her?  This is 
getting weird."

	Sailor Moon had changed.  Her short Sailor uniform was now a long 
and flowing white gown.  Her face seemed to have a sterner deminor to 
it, but her eyes radiated compassion.  Resting on her forehead was a 
golden marking of a crescent moon.  In her hands floated a white 
crystal that radiated a power that, Goku noticed, was as powerful as 
his at Super Saya-jin Level.

	Goku willed the change to Super Saya-jin, his hair becoming spiky 
and standing straight up, and he readied himself to fire.

	"I," Serenity said as she readied the Ginzuishou, "do not go seeking 
violence.  However, I am here now and my friends, as well as my true 
love, have asked me to fight on their behalf.  So, even though we 
might have become friends, had we met under other circumstances, I 
will defeat you now."

	Gokus only reply was, "KA... ME...."

	Serenity raised her crystal and intoned, "COSMIC..."

	"HA... ME...."
	"MOON...
	"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
	"POWER!!!!!"

	A blast that could destroy a planet, met in the exact center of the 
ring with a blast that had already done so and they waged war for 
dominance, neither one gaining or losing an inch.

	"We've gone through thirty entries," White Wolf said as he shielded 
his eyes, "and now the last two participants are fighting it out in 
an energy war!"

	"It looks like this is it!" Tybalt exclaimed.

	Flashman paled as he saw that neither beam seemed about to die down 
and in fact, the area where they met, seemed to be swelling.  "What's 
wrong?" Warhammer asked, his grief momentarily forgotten as he saw 
the way that Flashman shivered.

	In reply Flashman said, "Remember when Fuu and Mercury did something 
similar to this?"

	When Warhammer nodded, Flashman explained, "Well, think of it five 
million times worse and you've basically got the situation in front 
of us."

	Warhammer gulped.

	Flashman pulled out a remote labeled, "IN CASE THE, YOU KNOW WHAT, 
HITS THE FAN," and stabbed the red button on it.

	Suddenly, the ring vanished as it was teleported high into the sky 
over Long Island.  To appease the fans inside the Collosium, a large 
video screen appeared and gave an image of the ring and its 
combatants.

	The two energies got stronger and stronger, until....

	They both exploded as a white flash, that could be seen from outer 
space, covering most of Long Island.  When the beams faded, one 
figure was seen falling from the ring and the other standing tall and 
true.

	Then the ring was teleported back into the stadium and the loser hit 
the floor as the winner collapsed on the mat, exhausted.

	Everyone was silent as Flashman picked up the microphone and 
announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen.  The Winner of the first ever FFML 
Royal Rumble is...."

	Flashman paused for effect.  He smiled as he saw the people sat on 
the edge of their seats, waiting for him to announce it, so they 
could start cheering.  He took a deep, cleansing, purifying breath 
and....
____________________________________

	The author frowned.  After placing the thirty names in a bag and 
randomly drawing them to see what order they would be eliminated in, 
he was stuck.

	He had lost the bag containing the last two names.  However, as he 
had planed to finish the story quickly so he could move on to his 
other works, he went on writing anyway and had decided to pick 
whichever one of the two that felt most natural when he got to that 
point.

	Unfortunately, he couldn't decide.  He was going to be yelled at 
either way.

1) If he picked Sailor Moon, people would complain that he was 
showing, once again, his Pro-Usagi bias.

2) If he picked Goku, people would say that he had been just stating 
the obvious, that Saya-jins were too freaking powerful and that he 
had wasted their time.

	He had only one choice.  He looked around and found the nearest coin 
like object, an old arcade token, and held it in his right hand.  
"Okay," he said, "the space ship aka; 'Heads,' is Sailor Moon and the 
words on the back, aka; 'tails,' is Son Goku."

	He flipped the coin and...
___________________

	"...SAAAAAAAAAAILOOOOOORRRRRR MOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!"

	(Authors Note: This is really how I decided who would win.  I have 
been impartial and fair to all the characters.  Cross my heart and 
hope to die.)

	Goku, laying on the ground, thought, "This is unexpected."

	Sailor Moon meanwhile, could hardly believe it herself as the crowd 
cheered loud enough for people five blocks away to hear and "Moon 
Revenge" played over the loudspeakers.  "I did it," was the thought 
that repeated itself in her mind, "I did it.  Wait a minute.  *I* did 
IT?!  I DID IT!"

	She pulled herself up to her feet and her smile was one of a person 
who had gotten a stay of execution.  She giggled insainly and pumped 
her arm, in a manner very similar to her uncles', as she cried, "ALL 
RIGHT!"

	Her exuberance faded to fear as Goku climbed back into the ring, his 
face a blank mask.  Sailor Moon gulped as she watched Goku crack his 
knuckles.  Both of her lives flashed in front of her eyes as the Saya-
jin took a step forward....

	...and held out his hand.  "You're pretty powerful," Goku said, "but 
your abilities could use improvement."

	Sailor Moon breathed a large sigh of relief, as she accepted the 
outstretched hand and they shook.  "Would you like me to train you?" 
Goku asked.

	Before Sailor Moon could answer, Gokus' wife, Chi-Chi, stormed out 
of the crowd and into the ring.  She grabbed Goku by the ear and 
scolded, "Ooooh, no you DON'T!  FIRST, it was Uubu and now THIS girl! 
 NO WAY!  You are going to spend some quality time with your family 
and you are going to ENJOY IT!"

	"Yes dear," Goku replied as Chi-Chi dragged him away, ear first.

	As soon as Sailor Moon was alone in the ring.  Warhammer carried in 
a gold trophy that was twice as big as she was and put it down before 
her.  The figure on top of the trophy was an androgynous figure with 
a crown on top of its head and the inscription on the side read, <The 
Best In The Multiverse.>

	"Congratulations," Warhammer said, "now... if you'll please excuse 
me (sniff) I'm gonna go cry."

	As he left, Sailor Moon heard the TekkaKnight sob, "TEKNOMAN 
LOST!!!!  BWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

	Somewhere in the tenth row, Blade finally sat up and groaned, "T..
Tarou w..as... robbed," and promptly passed out again.

	"Wow," Sailor Moon thought, "nice trophy, but how am I going to get 
it home?  Not to mention, where am I going to hide it?"

	At the broadcast booth, White Wolf and Tybalt were giving their 
final comments.  "Well," White Wolf said, "it's been an interesting 
night, to say the least."

	"Yes," Tybalt replied, "until the next time we decide to hold 
something like this, goodnight everyone and remember... Spam is evil.
"

	Back in the ring, the other winners of the night had come out to 
give their own congratulations to Sailor Moon.  "Good work niece," 
Dan said, "I knew you had it in you."

	"From one sailor suited warrior to another," Sakura added, "nice job.
"

	The Undertaker said nothing and simply nodded.

	Trident kneeled before her and said, "It will be nice to know that I 
will have a deep respect for you in the work our two realities 
uniting for in the future."

	An audience member turned to Flashman and asked, "What is he TALKING 
about?"

	Flashman laughed and replied, "Let me tell you all about it...."

THE END

Special Thanks:

Warhammer: For helping me out when I got really stuck and letting me 
use his persona as the referee.

Megane 6.7: For giving me the idea for the POA and suggesting 
"Kunomania".

Zen: For letting me use his persona as the interviewer.

White Wolf: For creating the FFML and here's hoping that it will last 
for another two... hundred years.

Tybalt: For daring to be the moderator of this crazy list.

And finally....

All of you: Hey, someone has to be reading this... right?

'Bye.