Hey guys, this is one of my earlier efforts made easier since a follows a
preset format. It was made for the Shampoo ML, and Aevan suggested I post it
here, so...
The Spirit of Ranma 1/2
Written by Allen Lin aka Tsukitaka Mordith
VP Saratoga Anime Society
Editor-in-Chief of Spiral Dance
http://members.aol.com/mordith/
Favorite sig quotes :
"Fem-boy. First I'm gonna make myself twins,
then kick all your asses!" - Pantyhose Tarou
"Four men for one girl? What real man needs
to do that?" - Tamahome
"Mankind fears the darkness and scrapes it away with
fire to survive." - Ayanami Rei (Hayashibara Megumi)
"A sword is for killing. Swordfighting techniques
are killing techniques. That's reality. What
Kaoru-dono said was only pure fantasy from an
innocent who has never had blood on her hands. But,
I prefer her fantasy more than reality."
- Himura (Bathow-sai) Kenshin <--- HECTO spelling ^_^
Original idea taken from "The Spirit of Christmas", by Trey Parker and
Matt Stone, transcription by Sophia Lin aka Tsukitaka Akiko. Anime
characters were created by and are the property of Takahashi Rumiko.
[Disclaimer : This parody does not in any way reflect the views of the
Saratoga Anime Society or Spiral Dance. This fanfic was written by Mordith
for the Shampoo ML, specifically Aevan, Rann, Sea-Dawg, Lord Saffron, all
the Ryougas, Ranma-chai,and co. It was done after Mordith blew over $200 in
one hour on anime paraphenelia. Not for sale or rent.]
Cast:
Kuonji Ukyo
Saotome Ranko (Ranma in girl form)
Tendo Akane
Shampoo
Cologne
Happosai
Kuno Tateuaki
Tsukitaka Mordith
[Setting : Akane, Ranko, Ukyo, and Shampoo are shopping and
singing "Don't make me into a Shrew."]
Ukyo : Hey! Wait a minute.
Ranko : What?
Ukyo : Aren't you a guy Ran-chan?
Ranko : Yeah, I think so...
Ukyo : Guys aren't supposed to sing songs about other guys!
Ranko : What?
Ukyo : You should be singing songs about girls!
Ranko : Shampoo Shampoo Shampoo, you're very nice and sweet.
Shampoo Shampoo Shampoo...
Ukyo : What stupid song!
Akane : Yeah. Shampoo's too violent.
Ranko : Don't you oppress me tomboy!
Akane : Don't call me a tomboy, pervert!
Ranko : Then don't belittle Shampoo you fucking tomboy!
Akane : Goddammit, don't call me a tomboy you cross-dressing
pervert!
[Cologne pops out of nowhere.]
Ranko : What the...?
Shampoo : Aiya!
Cologne : Son-in-law!
Akane : Holy shit! It's Granny!
Ukyo : What are you doing here Granny?
Cologne : I come seeking...retribution.
Akane : She's come to kill you 'cause you're a pervert, Ranko.
Ranko : Oh fuck! I'm sorry Granny! Don't kill me!
Cologne : Fear not. I have other plans for you, son-in-law.
Ranko : <<gulp>>
Cologne : Mousse is in China, yet all is not right.
Ukyo : Mouse is still after Shampoo? What a jackass!
Cologne : I must find a place called..."The Public Baths".
Ranko : We can take you to the baths, Granny.
Ukyo : Yeah, it's over this way.
[Cologne, Shampoo, and Ukyo leave.]
[Shampoo steps on Akane's foot.]
Akane : Goddammit you stepped on my foot you meatball head!
Ranko : Don't call Shampoo a meatball head, tomboy!
Akane : Pervert!
[Scene change. The ladies section of the public baths.]
Ukyo : Here we are, Granny, the Public Baths. Who you looking for?
Cologne : HIM!
Happosai : What a haul! What a haul! We meet again, Cologne.
Cologne : You have groped Shampoo for the last time Happy.
Happosai : I steal bras and panties from women all over the world!
Cologne : Women are to be respected!
Happosai : Women are to be groped!
Cologne : I'm here to put an end to your perversity.
Happosai : This time we finish it. There can be only one.
Ukyo : This is pretty fucked up right here.
[Cologne and Happosai fight.]
[Cue Mortal Kombat fight music.]
All Girls : Go Gramps!
[Cologne glares at them.]
All Girls : Umm...err....Go Granny!
Cologne : Kachu-Tenshin-Amaguri-Ken!
[Happosai dodges.]
[Kuno appears out of nowhere running towards Ranko with arms
outstreatched.]
Kuno : Tendo Akane! Pig-tailed Girl!
Akane & Ranko : Geh!
Happosai : Happo-Dai-Kirin!
[Throws bombs at Cologne. She dodges.]
[Bombs fly towards Shampoo, who pulls a tennis racket out of
nowhere and hits them towards Kuno.]
[Kuno is blown up.]
Ukyo : Oh my God! They killed Kuno!
Akane & Ranko : YESSSS!
[A horde of rats drag the splattered remains of Kuno away.]
[Cologne and Happosai grapple on the floor.]
Cologne : Girls, help me put an end to him once and for all.
Happosai : No girls, help me, so that I can put an end to her.
Cologne : He likes to grope all of you, girls. You know who
to help.
Happosai : Ranma, remember when I saved you from Akane and ate
her cookies.
Cologne : I give you free food girls, don't forget that.
Ukyo : I don't know what to do girls. Who should we help?
Akane : I say we help Granny.
Ranko : Aw, you're just saying that 'cause Gramps hates your cooking.
Akane : Hey, I don't have to take shit like that from a pervert!
Ranko : You're such an ugly tomboy, Akane, that when you walk down
the street, people go, "Goddammit! That is a fat, ugly, violent,
unsexy, uncute tomboy!"
[Everyone starts arguing.]
Ukyo : Wait, wait, just a second. Now we've got to think here.
Now let's see, what would Tsukitaka Mordith do?
Akane : Yeah, what would Mordith-senpai do?
["Sunday Afternoon" from Hayashibara Megumi's CD "Enfleurage" comes on.]
[A little Super-Deformed Mordith pops out form nowhere in a black
trenchcoat and body armor, and with a katana.]
Mordith : Did someone say my name no da?
Akane : Mordith-senpai!
Ukyo : What incredible irony!
Akane : Hey, it's Mordith-senpai!
Mordith : What's up no da?
Ranko : Ok, Mordith. Who would you help in a fight, Granny or Gramps?
Mordith : <<sigh no da>> Girls, you shouldn't think about things like
that no da. This is one of the few fanfics I write in which
you're all supposed to try and get along, more or less no da.
You should all be nice to each other, no matter who you like no da.
Now I've got to get back to my party or Aevan and Rann will be
lonely no da. Byeeeeee no da.
[SD-Mordith rips a hole in the air and hops in. Before the portal closes,
the
girls here him yell, "Hey Aevan, stop hogging the cheesy poofs no da!"]
[Everybody sweatdrops.]
Colonge : Lecherous goat!
Happosai : Dried old monkey!
Ukyo : Hey Granny! You have to understand that Gramps is making women feel
wanted, even if they are as uncute as Akane.
Akane : Hey!
Ranko : Yeah. And Gramps, you need to remember that if people like Granny
didn't try to beat you up for being a pervert, it wouldn't be any
fun.
Cologne : You're right girls. I'm sorry Happy.
Happosai : No, no, it's me who should be sorry. I've been a right bastard.
I'm sorry Cologne.
Cologne : Thank you girls.
Happosai : Yeah, thanks cuties. Come on Colonge, I'll buy you an orange
smoothie.
Cologne : Ooooh!
Ukyo : <<whew!>> That sucked.
Ranko : Yeah, but just think. Today we actually MET, I mean, we actually
SPOKE to_THE_Mordith.
Ukyo : Yeah. And you know? I think I learned something today, it doesn't
matter
if you like Ranma, Ryouga, Mousse, or (heaven forbid) Kuno.
Being a girl
in Ranma 1/2 is still about one very important thing:
Akane : Yeah, P-chan.
Ukyo : No not P-chan you uncute tomboy!
Akane : Fuck you.
Ukyo : Being a girl in Ranma 1/2 is about something much more important.
Ranko : What?
Ukyo : Making Tsukitaka-kun spend money.
Ranko : Ah!
Ukyo : Don't you see, Ran-chan? Making him spend a fortune on CDs, posters,
tapes, wall scrolls, figures, puzzles, and books with us in them.
Ranko : Hey, if your Seiyuu (voice actor/actress) makes her own CDs, Mordith
spends up to $40 US buying them! Just look how many Hayashibara
Megumi (Ranko) CDs and Inoue Kikoku (Kasumi) CDs he's got!
Ukyo : Wow, really? Count mine in!
Akane : Yeah, my Seiyuu too.
[Shampoo, Ranko, Akane, and Ukyo walk off singing "Forever Dreamer" from
Hayashibara Megumi's CD "Enfleurage".]
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If you have comments, please e-mail Mordith@aol.com. No flames please.