All right, blame Flashman for bring out my pro-wrestling streak (be glad
the two NHL games in Tokyo didn't bring out an Anime hockey fic...Though
the olympics might do that...). But after reading the enjoyable FFML Royal
Rumble and seeing Vegita (Austin) 3:16 in there and no one from the stable
of his arch nemisis, The good old Candaian (and British) kids the Heart
Foundation, I just had to write this. All of it's in good fun, and no
harm is meant...Well not to much...:)

******

The crowd roared, the Rumble was approaching and that meant a few things.
One was over an hour of pure wrestling mayhem, the other was Kamehama a
plenty. It also meant one other thing...

Zen grinned at the microphone, "Well, I hope your looking forward to this
as much as I am. It's time for a special interview with one of my
favorite anime and Ranma characters. Please let's all give a big round of
applause to the Spatula Goddess, Kounjii Ukyou!!!"

The crowd broke into wild cheers as the music blared into the audience,
though there where a few boo's from the fan's of the other Ranma fiancee's
and the Ayukawa Madoka fan club. But soon the cheers started to die down
as instead of Ukyou's Okonmiyaki(sp?..Gomen...:) song the 'Hart Attack'
theme was playing. Slowly Ukyou emerged from the curtins, not wearing her
usual outfit but instead wearing a leather jacket with a Skull on the back
and 'Ucchan' on the back in Pink and black. She was also with the other
the other memebers of the Ranma 1/2 cast, also in leather jackets with
Pink and black colours. With her was Ranma-chan (girl form), Akane, and
Shampoo. They all seemed to have pretty nasty expressions on there faces,
though Ukyou did seem to be the most friendly of the lot. 

Zen slowly started to back away, mostly because Akane was glaring into his
eyes and showing him a rather evil smile that was but certain to say 'I'll
show you what a violent maniac is'. Trying to exit the platform, he was
stopped by Ranma you grabbed the mic from him and started to speak to the
stunned crowd.

"So, I bet your wondering what's up, eh?" The crowd answered in a stunned
silence that convied a yes to Ranma-chan, "Well, I'll tell you what's up.
It's something that's been eating at me, and everyone else in the Ranma
1/2 cast for the last 2 years."

A small pause came as the anti-Ranma portion of the crowd started to cheer
for Ryouga, or for Tarou in Blade's case. Some just threw some rather ugly
insults Ranma's way, the most tame of which was '&^&*& ^&&^*& Jerk'. Ranma
paused, and began to get very, very angry. "You know, this is why we're so
Po'ed...So angry at the lot of you. This attitude that one of the Ranma
1/2 character is better than the other, that one is the true reason that
the show is the best. Well let me tell you something fanboy's, it ain't
true. The reason that Ranma 1/2 is the best anime of all time is a team
effort!!!"

The arena began to fill with boo's as even the pro Ranma fan's started to
get angry. Slowly some of the childrens eye's began to fill with tears,
wondering if there hero was still going to be there hero at day's end.
"This is a story that starts way back when, way back when Takahashi-sama
was working her butt off to make entertaining manga for the people of
Japan. And she did, with 2 of the greatest series of all time Urusei
Yatsura and Masion Ikkoku. And when she came up to me and offered a role
in her knew series, Ranma 1/2, I took it. The chance to work with her was
too great to pass up. And so for the sake of entertainment, I decided for
the first time in my life to play the jerk, someone who could never hold a
relationship together because he/she was always putting his/her foot in
his mouth. And I did because it was damn funny...."

"And at first the people liked it, liked it so much that it was going to
be brought over to the USA to entertain people over there. For many of us
this was a shock, we were going to be dubbed in English which was totally
strange. But we did it because we wanted to entertain people everywhere
and bring Takahashi's genius to everyone. So Ranma 1/2 came over here, and
soon became a force in the anime market. It became the most popular anime
title over here bar none, and I tell you at first it made me feel good.
Good to bring joy to another country, joy to be doing my job so well. But
that joy was soon to be poisned, poisned by the fanboy's out there..."
Ranma screamed the last comment out, ignoring the fact that Zen had
escaped the interview area. The crowd itself was in stunned silence,
wondering just what in the hell Ranma had such a beef with.

Ranma herself flashed a cocky smile, and began to talk English in her
Megumi Hayabrashi voice. "Now some of the fan's have been good, and have
enjoyed the series as it should be. A slapstick comedy with some romantic
elements built in, with most of the characters being a jerk at some point
in time. And we don't have a problem with these people, it's the people
that have to say one Ranma character is better than the other. That Ucchan
is better than Akane, that Ryouga is better than me, that Shampoo is a
stupid Amazon twit. Well let me tell you something fanboy's, we're just
playing parts to entertain you and we don't need this crap. Were would the
series be without Shampoo, without Akane, without me. You'd be watching
Ukyou flip Okonmiyaki and let me tell you that wouldn't be selling the
damn VHS tape's your buyin..."

"You seem to fail to recgonize the fact that we each play a role in this
series, and without the roles the series wouldn't be as enjoyable. But
now, some of you out there have to assume that the series rocks because of
one character and the other can jump off the bridge. Well let me tell you
something that isn't the way it's going to be around here..." 

Slowly the level of boo's began to grow, and some of throng of Ucchan
admires began to cry. What did there goddess have to with this outburts,
why did Ranma have to be so angry. Most were still in shock, but some
managed to get out of it and did the only sensible thing they could do.
They began to throw trash at the Ranma cast...

"So, you don't like the truth, you don't like the fact that some of you
have put us through the emotional hell of your fanfic's for your own
personal enjoyment. And darn it we did it because we thought it was for
the fan's, we thought they really liked the show and the work we did. But
damn it all we know the truth now. You don't care about the show, you only
care about the Spatula goddess, Ryouga-sama, or whoever else. And then you
place the one's you don't like through fanfic hell just for doing there
job. Well let me tell you something, we no longer have to do the manga
anymore, and we no longer stay in character to sell comics. If you want us
out of character so much well you've got it. And you ain't going to like
it..."

Ranma paused to mock the crowd, hurling a few insults there way. The other
memembers of his group stood on the stage, each scowling at the crowd with
a less than happy look. Slowly Akane made her way over to Ranma and took
the mike. Another hush fell over the crowd, though some of the Ukyou fans
began to hurl insults her way. 

"Typical," Akane replied, "Typical fan's not appriciating that all of the
characters make a series. You think it's easy to do this series, you think
it's heaven. You think it's easy being a 'Violent maniac' as some people
call me. You think I like reading what some people have done to me,
turning me into a raving lunatic. I'm not like that, I'm a nice person and
I like everyone I work with. But if you want a violent maniac then I'll
give it to you as I stick this mallet down your throat!!" She screamed,
materlizing a rather ample mallet to reinfore her point. Shampoo patted
her on the back, and Akane quickly passed the microphone over to her
resulting in yet more boo's from the crowd...

"So you think Shampoo stupid?" Shampoo yelled at the crowd, "You think
Shampoo dumb. Well let me lay it out for you, I'm not the stupid ditz you
think I am and I have more of an education than some of your drooling
idoit's will ever have" Shampoo finished in rather fleuent and poetic
Japanese, stunning the crowd into silence. "I did the stereotypical
Chinese girl for the English public, and I get repayed with labels like
stupid and bimbo. Well Lum never had to go through this, and sure as hell
I'm not going too. Or any one of my friends up here...."

The crowd broke out of it's shock and started to boo Shampoo again, who
was replaying with her own insluts and slang aided by the Ranma-chan and
Akane. But slowly cheers began to fill the arena as Ukyou picked up the
microphone and began to speak. "Ukyou-sama, teach these evil doers a
lesson" her fan club screamed knowing that Ukyou would stop this
injustice. 

But Ukyou had a less than friendly smile on her face, and began to speak
much like Madoka-san did when she got angry. "So, you think I'm a goddess.
That I'm number 1....Well that doesn't seem to stop some of you from
putting me through hell. Making me into some tragic character. Great way
to repay your love of me. And what's worse is when they actually portray
me well, they turn either Akane or Shampoo into monsters. And I'll tell
you one thing, if you insult my friends then you insult me. And you can
take this god worship complex and stick it where the sun don't shine!!!"

The crowd suddenly made no noise at all, not a whisper. This couldn't be
happening, they could understand the others but not her. Not the one true
goddess. Ranma picked up the mic and added decided to add one thing, "So,
now you know the truth. And what better place to start then one of our
supposed backyards, the FFML Royal Rumble. Soon you'll see what the Ranma
foundation really stands for, that Takahashi's work is the best in the
world and that we won't stand for any more character wars or any more
Ranma characters going insane. Because it's because of everyone that we'll
always be the best anime there is, the best anime that was, and the best
anime that ever will be!!!" With that Ranma threw down the microphone as
Heart Attack began to play again, turning to throw some more insults at
the still stunned crowd. Only one person dared to move, it was Blade and
he was at the edge of the seating next to the interview area. "Say it
ain't so Ucchan, say it ain't so?" He yelled, hoping like so many others
that this was all just a bad dream. 

However Ukyou responded with a Spatula shot to the head on Blade, before
saying "It's so...It's so..."

*****

Heh heh...I had to do this, it just called out to me. Why not have one of
the more popular Anime series turn heel. And what fun to have Ukyou be
among them...:) So watch out all you OOC fanfic writers, the Ranma
foundation might just pay you a visit soon...^^
 

Ja ne!!

Richard Beaubien
----------------
Matsunaga Mikage "Chemistry Forever!!!"

Fanfic homepage http://www.anime.usacomputers.net/~beaubird