On Monday, October 20, 1997 8:49 AM, Donny Cheng 
[SMTP:chengdo@shaw.wave.ca] wrote:

Kyuusuku

In the first OAV, you can clearly see his name romanized as "Kyusaku".
Just so you know.  Doesn't mean you can't romanize it however you want. 
 :)

Ranma had quite a reputation among the cities various schools.

city's

Ranma stood still as looked over a cute girl that just stood up.  A
feeling of uneasiness overwhelmed him.

Hehehe.  Liked this bit.  He can subconsciously detect the presence of 
cats.  Neat!

He was the only boy in the whole school, who didn't
give into Atsuko's charms.

Kill the comma.

They girls looked back and forth from Ranma to

The

But there was something about her that made Ranma use all of
his control not to scream.  She reminded him of a cat.

I'd remove this last sentence.  You're doing a wonderful job of subtly 
showing Ranma's ailurophobic reaction to Nuku Nuku.  Don't spoil it by 
spelling it out.

Nuku Nuku stared at Ranma with a mixture of confusion.

A mixture of confusion and what?

	"Ranma not like cats?"

I'm not sure I like Nuku Nuku's Shampoo-speak.  She speaks 
simplistically, but not *that* much.

Kyuusuku lifted his head from the medicine cabinet to look at his
daughter.  She had a few scrapes and cuts around her body and she
was sporting a big grin.

This is not possible.  Nuku Nuku gets dropped from a hoverjet, gets 
into a high-speed collision with cars, gets hit with rockets and other 
ordnance, and never so much as gets a scratch.  Her clothing gets 
shredded, true, but her body is darned near impervious.

I think you could describe the same effect by having her clothes torn 
and dirty.

Nuku Nuku picked Ranma up into her arms.  Ranma licked her on the
cheek.  "Can I keep him Papa-san?"

Hee!  I love it!  :D  :D  :D

Nice job.  Captures the Nuku Nuku spirit perfectly.  Nice interaction 
with Ranma.  Thanks for sharing it.

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

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