This time the Enterprise-like control-room only contains two
people, the burly Irishman-type and the short Japanese man with
bright blue eyes.  

Mizu:  Welcome back to our show.  I'm Mizu, 50 kilograms of 
water, in a devastatingly attractive package, and this ugly
sack of meat beside me is Joe Boggs, who will shortly be
celebrating his 150th birthday, so send those cards and
pressies while you can!

Boggs:  Cog ain't here for this one, because he's on a date
with his girlfriend.  

Mizu:  Besides, there were no spelling errors to catch.  
You know, in theory we're supposed to pretend that we're
trapped here, being subjected to these fics against our
will.    

Boggs:  But the truth is we like most of th' stuff we 
review, so we don't use the [MST] tag.  Besides, the
stuff where the MST folks talk to the evil Dr. Whosiface
ain't funny anyway.  It's boring.

Mizu:  And we particularly like this fic both in concept
and execution.

Boggs:  But we'll try ta make fun of it anyway.


Ranma 1/2 property of...ah, hell, you know this already. Same
bullshit applies for Sailormoon.

-Mizu:  You know, I think he's becoming jaded and casual.
Fanfic writing should be a ritual sacrament, that ennobles
the spirit...
Boggs:  Ah, shaddup and roll tape already.  

Nibun no Senshi Sailormoon
Episode 4: My Enemy, My Ally, My Curse

-Mizu:  Captain Kirk with the Jusenkyo curse.  It needs to be written!

   Charon once again spoke in his eerily quite, emotionless voice.

-Boggs:  Quite emotionless or quiet, emotionless?
Mizu:  OK, so there was one spelling error.  Still not
worth interrupting Cog's date.  

  "And I was with you when the spark left your eyes," Artemis said.
"You were very, very dead."

-Boggs:  Hey!  They wanna be called "metabolically impaired".

  "Long ago," Charon said, "Long before the Mau began to serve the
Moon Kingdom, there was a great civil war between the Fil, who are
very evil, very cruel beings, and the Mau. The Mau eventually won,
forcing the entire Fil civilization off-planet in a cryostatic
transport vessel."

Boggs:  Bigots.  All the people from one continent are nice, and
all the people from the other are evil?  Suuure.  Th' damned 
English usta say the same thing about the Irish.
Mizu:  Well, what about the Dark Kingdom?
Boggs:  Those guys are another species from another universe.
They gotta right to be weird.    
The Fil-kitties are the same critters, or were when they had
their land stolen from them.  Besides, I betcha Luna wouldna 
been so reluctant to talk about 'em if she didna have some
guilt.  

  Ranma frowned. Charon stepped closer, and hissed where only she
could hear, "Ryouga's fine. We'll talk about it later." Ranma visibly
relaxed at this point.

-Mizu:  Maybe the pig should use telepathy to reassure Ranma.  Because
there's no way that something that short can whisper to something that
tall, without nearby people overhearing.
-Boggs:  Then again, if anyone did hear, they probably wouldn't figure
it out.  After all, none of 'em ever noticed Sailor Moon's hair style.

   Makoto frowned. "I thought Ami's computer said you merged with
some friend of Ranko's..."
   Charon sweated. "I...ahhh...I sensed dark energy. I was
investigating." This seemed to be accepted by the girls. Charon was

Mizu morphs into Ranma as Sailor Moon:  Again?  Don't you get tired
of casting aspersions on innocent people?

   Ranma smirked. "Hey, I gotta start sometime. I'm s'posed to take
over the dojo someday, right?" <Please let Kasumi take the hint...>

Mizu:  Kasumi?  Take a hint?  Kasumi?!

   From the house, they heard the distinct shout of "Akane-chan!
Could you come downstairs for a minute?"

Mizu:  Who is that, anyway?  Kasumi doesn't shout.
Boggs:  Must be Ukyou.  Dunno why she wants to talk
to Akane.  

   "Hello Shampoo-chan! Ranma-kun is out in the dojo..."
   Ranma's left eye began to twitch.

Mizu:  <Giggles>  Really stickin' it to 'im, aren't they?

  "Okay okay, sheesh. 'Bout a year ago, Pop and me were in China. He
dragged me to some training grounds that were out of the way and
supposed to be great places, according to brochures he kept pickin'
up. He found this one brochure for a place called 'Jyusenkyou'.

Boggs:  Exposition...boring...can't...stay...
Mizu whacks Boggs on head:  Oh shut up.  It has to be done for
readers who don't know it.
Boggs nods insincerely:  Right.  Lots of people on the FFML who haven't 
heard this story I betcha.  
Mizu pushes glasses up on nose:  It's mandatory and easy to skip.
I just wish that people writing for more obscure series would do the
same thing.  
Boggs:  Then again, a lot of those series don't even do it, much
less the fanfics.  

   Ranma shook his head. "That ain't it. It's what would happen if
any of my 'fiancees' got suspicious."
   "FIANCEES!?" Rei, Minako, and Makoto shouted.
   "Anou, Ranma-kun...that's illegal in Japan," Ami said.

Boggs:  Nope.  Marrying 'em's illegal.  Havin' 'em's just scummy.  

   The chamber's lights played dimly across Adonais's face as he
stroked the slight growth of golden beard on his chin. His jade-hued
eyes gleamed in the soft lighting. "Most, most interesting indeed,"
he said, and leaned back into the shadows, chuckling evilly.

Mizu (pleased):  Jadite!  Welcome back!
He turns his attention to the camera.
Mizu:  OK, this was funny.  I would have been happier with a
a slower build-up, secrets revealed near the end rather than
at this point in the story, but it was a funny scene.  
Boggs:  C'mon Makoto, rescue 'im from those bullying girls.  
Ya know you wanna...  I still think the Fil are getting a 
bum rap.