Ack. Guys...I'm lusciously sorry. (Anyone who's seen the evil genetic clone
episode of SP should recognize that line) I did have plenty of better things 
to be doing, and, failing that, a lot of slightly less painful and useless
things to be doing. But...I didn't. Look ,it was bound to happen sooner or
later, right? heh. heh.

So, my sincerest apologies, okay? 
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!!! It was a joke! a joke!

-----

Note: all Ranma 1/2 characters are chibi & super-deformed.
All animation is endearingly slower, jerkier, and computer generated.

Comedy Central Announcer:   Meet Ranma, the cute one. 

We see SD Ranma, wearing a blue woolen hat. SD Shampoo crashes in on
her bike and immediately gloms onto him.

Shampoo: Nihao, Ranma! Wo da airen!

Ranma: (pukes)

Shampoo: EW!

A gymnastics ribbon whips into the scene, tearing the two apart.

SD Kodachi: OHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! Stay away from him, you! (gives Ranma 
     a "come hither" look) Ra-n-ma-sa-ma!

Ranma: (pukes)

Kodachi: EW!

-----

Anouncer: Meet Ryouga, the lost one.

We see SD Ryouga talking with a terrifyingly white-bread and maternal 
     woman.

Ryouga: Ma! The kids all say I'm stupid, and I couldn't find my way 
     out of a paper bag!

TW-B&M Woman: You're not stupid, your just directionally challenged!

Ryouga: That's what I say!

-----

Announcer: Meet Ukyou, the lucky one.

We see SD Ukyou, dressed up in a red hooded snow jacket, with the 
mega-spatula slung onto her back. The hood covers her entire head except 
for her eyes.

Ukyou: MMMMPH! MMMUMER MUMMMERR MMMMMPH!!!!!

We watch as she is impaled on the school flagpole, crushed by a falling 
meteor, decapitated by the school football team.

-----

Announcer: They all live in South Park.

-----

Zoom in on a television screen. We see a bland talk show setting. A mild
looking man with a halo is sitting in the center seat.

Talk Show Announcer: And now, back to "Jesus and Pals"...

Jesus: Next caller, you're on the air.

Ranma: Um, hello, is this Jesus?

Jesus: Yes, my child.

Ranma: I need your advice. See, I have this curse - I turn into a girl when
     I'm splashed with cold water. (Jesus's eyes bug out) What do you think I 
     should do?

Jesus: What do you think I am, the son of God? Seek professional help.

Ranma: Goddamnit!

Jesus: I heard that.

-----

Cut to Furinkan High classroom, the next day. For some reason 
(authors whim?), there is a computer on every student's desk.

Hinako-sensei (child): Okaaaaay, class! Today, we're checking out fun sites
     on the internet! YAY! (she holds up her hand, which is covered by a puppet)
     What do _you_ think, Mr. Hat? (talks out of the corner of her mouth) The 
     internet is just a load of crap! (gasps) Mr. Hat, how can you say such a 
     thing? Look! (she plops a huge computer onto her desk) Look at all the 
     kawaii websites!!!

Ryouga: This is stupid! How come we can't play any games?

Ranma: This kicks ass! Hey, dude, look at this! Anime fanfic!

Ryouga: That stuff makes me sick! If people wanna be writers, they should
     use their own original ideas, instead of ripping off someone else's stuff
     and wasting time and bandwidth! If people actually got out and started 
     _living_ their lives, instead of avoiding reality with TV and
     computers, then maybe they'd find something worth writing about!

Ukyou: mmm! mm mmm mummffer mummer mrnph!!!

Ryouga: I hear you.

Ranma: Good point, dude.

Ukyou reaches out and presses a button on her computer, which promply
explodes, blowing her up.

Ranma: Oh my God! They killed Ucchan! You bastards!!!

----- End-----

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is not a conclusion, and no revolution, just a little confusion,

                  where your head...has...been...

                - tori amos, ode to the banana king (pt. 1)

We're human; we're amnesia machines.

                - douglas coupland, Microserfs
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