RANMA 1/2 PRESENTS:
SHAMPOO 1/2

Standard disclaimer:
I don't own any of these characters. They are owned by the Goddess
Takahashi and whomever she leased the rights to. Buy Ranma stuff. It's
low
in fat and takes care of that annoying money people seem to give you
for
work. Remember, Ranma is good food.

Chapter 1
BEGINNINGS

The scene opens at the Tendo Dojo in the middle of the day. We see
Soun,
sitting in his brown gi, reading a postcard. He is crying.

Soun: (Shouting throughout the house) Girls! Come here.

Kasumi comes first from the kitchen She is wearing a dress. She is
followed
by Nabiki who comes from the upstairs. She is dressed in shirt and
pants.
Akane comes in last from the dojo. She is dressed in her white gi. He
waits
for all of them to sit down.

Kasumi: What is it father?

Soun: We are going to have company daughters. A friend of mine is
coming
back from a training trip from China. It is our intention that one of
you
marries his son.

The girls mouths drop in shock.
 

Akane: I am not marrying someone I haven't even met.

Nabiki: Unless he's rich forget about it.

Kasumi: Oh my! I hope he is older than me.
 

....

 

Soun: (Ignoring the two.) Allow me to introduce you to your
prospective
brides.

He introduces the girls. They all look over the boy with admiration,
even
Nabiki. It is at this point Kasumi speaks up.

Kasumi: Father, since I am the oldest, I believe it is only right that
I
accept the engagement. (She smiles at the boy.)
 

Whoah.  Kasumi displaying a sex drive.  I'd always suspected her of
having been spayed.

Soun: (Crying) Kasumi you do your father proud. (Turns to the boy.)
Boy,
you've done well for yourself. Kasumi has taken care of the family
since
her mother died. She is the one best suited for making you a good
home. You
are a lucky man Ranma.

Boy: (Points to self) Shampoo.

Soun: (Looking confused for a moment.) Oh I see. Kasumi, our guests
have no
doubt traveled a long time on their journey and desire to clean up.
Why
don't you show Ranma where the bathroom is?

Kasumi: (Grabs the boys hand and leads him upstairs.) It's this way.

"I'll fix your bath for you and help you take your clothes off!"

 

Akane: Why don't we spar?

Ranma-chan: I don't fight girls.

Akane: (Confused) But you're a girl.
 

So?

Ranma-chan: Look it's kind of hard to explain.

Akane: I see you're afraid you'd lose

Ranma-chan: (Angrily) Why you...

She is cut off my Genma.
 

EEEEEWwwwwww....

Genma: You go on. I'll explain everything.

The girl looks incredulously at Genma but follows Akane to the dojo.

The scene changes to the upstairs. Kasumi has led the boy to the
bathroom
door.

Kasumi: And here is the bathroom Ranma.

Boy: Shampoo

Kasumi: Yes. There is plenty of shampoo in the bath.

The boy looks as though he wants to say something else but doesn't
know how
to say it. He finally gets an idea.

Boy: You come in wash back.

Kasumi: (Blushes) Oh No. I couldn't do that. We've just been engaged
and
such things should not be done until after a proper wedding.
 

"But I'm looking forward to it!"

The boy gets a defeated look on his face. He enters the bath, while
Kasumi
walks to her room.

Kasumi: (Thinking) He is quite the bold one. I believe this is going
to be
one interesting engagement.
 
 

....

A loud crash is heard in the direction of the house. Ranma-chan and
Akane
rush to investigate. They come upon the living room which is in
shambles.
We see Soun laying unconscious on the ground and a panda with glasses
beating up Genma.
 

...

Kasumi goes up to the bathroom door and raises her hand to knock on
it. The
door suddenly opens and a purple haired girl rushes outside with
nothing on
but a look of concern. She jumps over the railing to the downstairs.
Kasumi
is motionless, having been frozen in place with her hand raised as if
to
knock on the door.

Downstairs we see the girl rush into the room. She sees the panda is
jumping up and down on Ranma-chan, causing his eyes to pop out every
time
it lands on her.
 

His?  Her?  Huh?

Girl: (Pointing to the panda.) Mousse no attack Ranma and Pop. Fight
Shampoo.
 

.... 

Kasumi: Excuse me. Miss. You. The bimbo in the purple hair. (Points to

Shampoo.) What did you do with my fiancee?
 

"GIVE HIM BACK!  HE'S MINE!"

The Tendo's look shocked at Kasumi's choice of words.

Ranma-chan: Pop you'd better explain this before it gets worse. Not
that
I'm sure how it could get any worse.
 

....

(Writers note: From this point onward when Ranma is a man he will be
referred to as Ranma or Ranma-kun. Female Ranma will be referred to as

Ranma-chan. Same for Shampoo but opposite. Shampoo or Shampoo-chan for

girl, Shampoo-kun for male. Enjoy.)
 

....

Kasumi: Nabiki, that is my fiancee. Which means it's my job. (Goes
over and
gropes Shampoo-kun.) They are real. I think.

Shampoo-kun: (Yelling) No touch Shampoo!
 

Ack!

Nabiki: Oh relax. She is your fiancee.

Shampoo-kun looks confused and breaks out his Japanese to Chinese
dictionary. He looks up the word fiancee and then screams.

Shampoo-kun: Aiya! Shampoo not marry girl. Shampoo girl.

Nabiki: You look like a boy. (Tries to grab Shampoo-kun again but he
gets
out of the way.) Felt like a boy. You sure? (Shampoo-kun nods head.)

Soun: Then I guess we'll have to call off Ran...I mean Shampoo's
engagement.

Shampoo-kun looks relieved. Kasumi looks disappointed.

Kasumi: (Sadly) Well that was short lived.
 

"At least I got to touch his nuts."

Soun: (To Ranma-chan) So Ranma, which do you prefer.

Ranma-chan: What do you mean?

Soun: Which one do you want as your fiancee my boy...er girl?

Ranma-chan: I ain't getting engaged to nobody.
 
 

....

 

Soun: So which one is it my boy?

Kasumi: I think one engagement a day is enough for me father.
 

"I wanted the other one.  This one bites!"

Nabiki: (Quickly) Akane is the same age and hates boys to boot. They
are
obviously a perfect match.

Akane: Now wait just a minute...

Soun: I believe that would be for the best. After all we wanted to
join the
two schools and Akane is the best martial artist.

Ranma-chan: She's the best? Hey, that's too bad.

Akane: Why you...RANMA NO BAKA! (Punches him through the roof)

Genma: See they already act like a married couple.
 

"Ah, yes.  I remember how my sweet Nodoka used to slap me around..."

The next day we see Akane, Shampoo-chan, and Nabiki are waiting
downstairs
for Ranma. Nabiki and Akane are in school uniforms and Shampoo is in
her
purple outfit from yesterday.

Nabiki: So this Mousse has been chasing you since China.

Shampoo: Hiya.
 

"Well, hi ya to you too!"

Akane: Where is that pervert?

Ranma-kun runs downstairs. He is in his red and blue outfit from
yesterday.
 

....

Akane: (Shouting) Hey you guys!

The girls start to turn around. It is at this moment that a truck
passes by
the trio and splashes Ranma and Shampoo with water from a nearby
puddle. By
the time the truck has passed Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun are now
standing
next to Akane. The two girls cross the street to join Akane and her
companions.

Chisa: Who're your friends?

Akane: (Who hasn't noticed the change.) Meet Ranma Saotome and
Shampoo.

Chisa and Malia: He sure is cute.

Akane turns at this moment and her eyes bug out in horror.

Chisa: (To Shampoo-kun through starry eyes) So Ranma, do you have a
girlfriend?

Shampoo-kun: No.

Malia: Are you looking for one?

Shampoo-kun doesn't know how to answer. Ranma-chan quickly drags
Shampoo-kun away from the girls and to the school yard. Akane follows.

Ranma-chan: I cannot believe that just happened.

Akane: Me either. They are usually quiet and kind of shy.
 

I'm starting to wish I'd fallen into that pool.

Ranma-chan: That is not what I meant. We gotta change back.

Akane: Too late for that now.

We hear a huge shout for Akane Tendo from the school yard. We see a
large
multitude of boys rushing forward to attack Akane.

Akane: Oh great. I forgot.

She rushes forward and starts taking out the boys. Most don't stand up
to a
single blow.
 

....

 

Ranma-chan: (Admiringly) Not bad. Why do they attack you every
morning?

Akane: Some moron said that anyone that wanted to date me had to
defeat me
in combat first. Since then I have to fight my way to school every
morning.

Ranma-chan: That's stupid.

Shampoo-kun: Hiya. Should attack one at a time like Joketsuzoku.
 

Or the bad guys in a chop-sockey flick.

Nabiki suddenly gets a calculating look in her eye.

Ranma-chan: You gotta fight for dates there too?

Any further questions are cut off by a bokken wielding high schooler.
 

....

 

Nabiki: So what do you guys think of school so far?

Shampoo-kun:  Have trouble understanding teachers and girls keep
making
funny faces at Shampoo.
 

She must have fallen into the Spring of Drowned Brad Pitt or something.

Ranma-chan: It stinks. I'm bored already.

Akane: If you stayed awake it wouldn't be boring.

Ranma-chan: If it wasn't so boring I could stay awake.

Nabiki: So what was this about having to fight like Akane?

Shampoo-kun: In Amazon village if want to marry must challenge and
defeat
person want be wife. If challenged can no back out, must accept. No
way
out.

Ranma-chan: That's stupid.

....

Akane just growls as she follows the duo to the dojo. Since Shampoo
challenged Ranma first, she starts with him. Akane has to admit, both
combatants are good. Very good. Shampoo manages to press Ranma hard,
even
going so far as to put him on the defensive a few times. Eventually,
though
Ranma, who is the better fighter, wins.
 

"Aiya!  Shampoo lose!  Wo ai ni, Ranma!"

Ranma: (Catching his breath.) That was tough. You did a few new moves
on
me.

Shampoo: (Also catching breath.) Hiya. But Ranma still better than
Shampoo.
Akane want try now?

Since Akane stands up and starts to spar with Shampoo. The fight does
not
last anywhere as long as Shampoo's did with Ranma. Akane is defeated
easily.

Akane: (Depressed) Great. I guess everyone is better than me.
 

"Not everyone.  There's Nabiki, and Gosunkugi, and, um, Wayne
Newton...."

Shampoo: Akane have good strength and skill. Just need work harder.
Make
deal with you. Same deal Shampoo have with Ranma. Shampoo help you
with
Amazon techniques if you help Shampoo with Anything Goes Martial Arts.

Akane: Sure. Wait a minute. Ranma is teaching you?

Shampoo: Hiya. Ranma and Pop teach Shampoo.

Akane: Why do you call Mr. Saotome Pop?
 

"And why do you keep saying 'hi ya?'"

Ranma: When we first met Shampoo her Japanese was really bad, even
worse
than it is now. (Shampoo scowls at Ranma.) She heard me call him Pop
and
thought it was his name. She just calls him that ever since. He
doesn't
seem to mind.

Akane: Why do you travel with them?

Shampoo: (Depressed) Shampoo have nowhere else to go.

Ranma: Hey, like me and Pop said, you can stay with us as long as you
want.
We're happy to have you.

Shampoo: Shampoo thank Ranma.

Akane: We're happy to have you here as well.

Shampoo: (Nearly crying) Thank you. Thank you very much.
 

S'poo seems awfully subdued in this story.

Ranma: Now why don't you show us how you do that move. You know that
kick
you do in mid-air.

The three have a vigorous sparring session. Afterwards the go back
into the
house.

....

Later Kasumi comes home. She walks down the hall and sees Soun and
Nabiki
looking into the Saotome's makeshift bedroom.

Kasumi: What's going on?

Nabiki: They tried some of Akane's cooking. She tried some too, but
she's
feeling better now. Guess she's building up a resistance to the
poisoning.

Kasumi: Oh No. I'd better help Shampoo. (Pauses realizing what she
just
said.) And the Saotome's as well.

Kasumi gets something to settle their stomachs. Nabiki notes she helps

Shampoo first and dotes on her the most.
 

o/~  Well, I guess what they say is true,o/~  I could never be the right
kind of boy for you...

The next day the trio have recovered and leave for school. Nabiki has
left
ahead of them.

Akane: Boy, am I beat.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo know what mean.

"For change." 

Ranma and Pop work us hard.

The boys are waiting for Akane as usual. Just as they are about to
make
their move, a group of girls twice as big as the boys appear behind
them.
 

AAAH!  Big-ass girls!  Run!

Girl #1: There he is.

Girl #2: Ranma, is it true?

Shampoo-kun: Is what true?

Girl #3: That if someone defeats you in combat you have to date them?

Shampoo-kun: Yes. But no can date you.

Nabiki: (Appearing out of nowhere.) Au contraire, you can and you do.
 

Yes, folks.  Nabiki is a financial genie.

Shampoo-kun: But Shampoo can no go out with girl, Shampoo girl.

Nabiki: Not now you aren't. You're a boy. And you said if a girl
challenges
a boy, they have to accept. You can't refuse. Unless you have no
honor.
Besides it won't matter unless you lose.
 

"Ok.  But if Shampoo get stuck marry girl, she come beat crap out of
you."

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo have honor. Can no afford to lose.

Girl #1:  What's Shampoo got to do with it?

Girl #4: Well is it true?

Shampoo-kun: Yes. It true.

Girls: All right!
 

"I guess what they say *IS* true!"

The girls race forward and trample the group of boys in their haste to

attack Shampoo-kun. The fight goes on a bit longer than the fights
Akane
had with the boys. This is largely because the group is bigger. But
after a
while an exhausted, Shampoo-kun manages to defeat the group. After
defeating them Kunoe appears.
 

....

At  lunch we see Akane is sitting with a couple of her friends.

Akane: Why did you guys attack Ranma?

Malia: Well. He is the most handsome guy in the school.
 

"We must punish him for that."

Chisa: I just love it the way he refers to himself in the third
person.

"And the way he puts his hand on his hip when he stands."

 

Malia: That reminds me Akane. Just what connection do you have with
Ranma?

Akane: (Angrily) Our dumb fathers decided to engage us. But I hate it.

Chisa: Then you don't mind if we go out with Ranma?

Akane: (Not thinking things through.) I don't care about him. I don't!

(Shouting) The whole school could date Ranma! It doesn't matter!

Ranma-chan: (Muttering to self) Great. So much for using the
engagement as
defense.

At the end of the day we see the trio walking home.

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo think Great Grandmother wrong.

Ranma-chan: What do you mean?
 

"Great-Grandmother no should exist.  Is perversion of nature."

Shampoo-kun: Shampoo ask Great Grandmother why no go to school. Great
Grandmother say school make people weak. She teach all Shampoo need to

know. But Great Grandmother wrong. Shampoo fight harder in school than
when
train.
 

Cologne always struck me as the home-schooling type.

Akane: If she knew which school you went to, I am sure she would fear
for
your life.

Shampoo-kun: Great Grandmother care about many things. Shampoo life
not one
of them.

Ranma-chan: (Looking up.) Look out.

He grabs both of them in her arms and jumps out of the way just in
time to
avoid a girl jumping down from some wires above the street and
bringing a
club down on top of them. She shatters the street where they were a
moment
ago.

Girl: Darn! I almost had him.

Ranma-chan: Why did you attack us?

Girl: I wasn't trying to attack you Shampoo. I was trying to hit
Ranma.

Ranma-chan: Why?

Girl: I figured of I could ambush him, I could knock him out and date
him.
 

It's the Cavegirl Dating Game!

Shampoo-kun: Ranma no think so. (Belts her a few streets away.)
Shampoo
think Japanese girls too persistent. Remind Shampoo of Mousse.

A little ways down the street they see a rope snare laying in the
middle of
the road. The rope leads down to a closed manhole cover.

Ranma-chan: I don't believe this.

Akane: Who would be stupid enough to fall for that?

It is at this moment that Mousse jumps down from out of nowhere.
 

God:  I've decided to answer your question with a little demonstration.

Mousse: At last I have found you Saotome. Prepare to die.

He has, of course, landed in the middle of the rope snare. The rope
catches
his ankle and he is dragged into the manhole. We hear the sounds of
pounding from below.
 

Mousse:  AAAH!  Ninja Turtles!

Girls voices: At last we have you Ranma. Now you must date us.

Akane: It was meant to be a rhetorical question.
 

God:  Oh.  Right.  I knew that.

The trio arrive home. They enter the Tendo house.

Ranma-chan: I can't believe we were attacked like that.
 

"I mean, they were doing it totally wrong!"

Shampoo-kun: No need worry. We safe at home now.
 

God:  Time for another object lesson, I see.

A girl hidden behind the door swings a poker at Shampoo-kun's head. It
is
only his quick reflexes that save him from being struck. He then
punches
the girl out. A table suddenly launches itself at Shampoo-kun. As
Shampoo-kun catches the table Ranma-chan leaps over it and knocks out
the
girl that threw it.

Ranma-chan: I don't believe this. We are being attacked in our own
home.

God: You're a swift one.

Let's see if there are any more surprises.

Ranma-chan and Shampoo-kun grab some hot water and change. They then
sweep
the house and find five more girls laying in wait. They escort them
out of
the house. Kasumi and Nabiki look amused.
 

"Assualt and battery is funny!"

Ranma: How the heck did they get in here?

Kasumi: Oh I let them in.

Ranma: (Incredulously) Why?

Kasumi: They asked if they could ambush Ranma. They were so polite and
nice
I just couldn't say no.

Ranma: I can't believe you did that.
 

God:  You're a regular doubting Thomas.

Nabiki: I can't believe you didn't charge them.

Akane: You do realize they mean Shampoo, don't  you?

Kasumi: Oh my! That's different. I can't let them do that.

Ranma: How is it different they attack her instead of me?
 

"I don't like you."

Nabiki: How indeed?

The doorbell rings.

Ranma: It could be a trick. I say we don't any chances. Let's take 'em
out.

Kasumi: Now Ranma. It is impolite to attack someone without finding
out why
they are here for first.

Ranma: All right. (Shouts) Who is it?

Voice: Dolphin-gram.

Ranma: Oh. O.K. (Goes to open door.)

Akane: (Shouting) Ranma don't!

Too late. He opens the door and we see the huge head of a shark burst
through the opening and try to swallow Ranma whole. He manages to pry
open
the mouth with his feet and hands. We see Shampoo starts pounding it
with
her bonbori and Akane striking it with her transdimensional mallet.
They
manage to beat it off as the shark spits out Ranma. The door shuts
behind
it.

Akane: I can't believe you fell for that.

Shampoo: Yes. Is oldest trick in book.

Ranma: (Terrified) WHAT WAS THAT THING?

Kasumi: That was a landshark. A predator that goes door to door,
searching
for those foolish enough to let it in.
 

God: All right, that's it.  This story has gotten too silly.  I'm
shutting it down.