Gary Kleppe wrote:
On Tue, 19 Aug 1997 16:53:02 -0500, Keener <otakunxs@bellsouth.net>
wrote:
Note: Due to my current condition, broken finger which hampers my typing
tremendously, I have decided to spend my time regaining what little
reputation I have ever held by actually C&Cing some of the fics that
have been posted recently.
Cool. Sort of inspires me to do the same with this big backlog of fics I
have.
Unfortunately, the other fic I was C&Cing, Double Trouble 5, got messed
up when Call waiting bumped me off my server and somehow froze my
computer. <sigh> An hours work down the drain...
Oh, and you all can add me to the FFML casualty list. I tore a muscle in
my left leg right after GenCon.
Psh! At least you got to go to the thing. What about poor little me,
stuck in Alabama with no means of escape. I have a name! I am NOT #6!!!
Nodoka just hmphed and gave a look of disapproval.
I believe the proper spelling is humphed, that is if I'm reading my
Kipling right.
I don't think there is a proper spelling, it's more of a sound effect.
Kipling = Just So Stories = how the camel got his hump = obscure pun.
Oh and it would be an Onemonapia (I KNOW I misspelled that... ironic,
ne?)
This scene needs a preceding chapter. ANY scene where the forces of the
Four Fiancee's of the Apocolypse (minus Akane for obvious reasons) plus
Kuno and Ryouga all working together needs major setup. There's the
The Kunos aren't in on this (though they do show up later).
obligatory Nabiki scene to throw in, the milling mass of insults and
anger finally resolving itself into a common goal, then there's the
Ryouga goes the wrong way bit. Merely standard operating procedures,
really. PLEASE feel free to twist, change or completely rewrite said
procedures but do give the cast SOME reason for their showing up.
I'll see what I can do; though I think the reader can probably imagine
how these three could've gotten together on this.
I know but we've gotten to the point now where we detail less and less
when we get into "Generic Ranma Plot Point" I've noticed fics posted
that virtually say, "Akane gave Ranma something she cooked <insert funny
scene here>" As authors, we've gotta try and not rely too much on
established "Funny Ranma Scenes" and actually try and figure out why
they were so good in the first place. This keeps our sterotypes low and
our originallity high.
Not that you HAVE to explain it, just that there's something missing in
this bit and something needs to fill the hole. Actually, I kind of liked
the idea of Ukyo trying to lead this motley crew toward their common
goal. More scenes with her exaperation as they try her patience and her
very sanity would be MUCH appreciated.
A voice was faintly heard from outside. "Your turn, sugar."
<cringe> I know she says it but something makes my skin crawl everytime
Ukyo says Sugar or Ranma Honey. Flo and Ronin just don't mix
I'm no great fan of this particular Trish-ism either, but I need
something in that line so that the readers know who's speaking.
Maybe the sound of something small and pig shaped getting hit by
something metallic and flat? "Get in there Ryouga!" "No, I changed my
mind." "Get in there!" "Ukyo, I can't" "Get IN there!" "NO I... <splash>
BWEEEE!" <CLONG><BWWWWWWWwwwwweeeeeEEEEEEEE> (Doppler Effect)
P-chan stood on the table next to Hanawa. He gritted his teeth
and growled at Ranma. He backed up a bit as Ranma growled back at him.
Why'd he back up?
Ranma was staring him down.
Not really something I've ever seen him do.
"You said it. Imagine our fathers thinking that we need
psychological counseling. That's crazy."
No, that's irony. A Malkavian is crazy.
AH! AH! AH! You choost had to go and mention Vampires, deedn't you?
You don't know the HALF of it. I'm thiking about writing something else
with the erstwhile Count P-chan. Maybe he'd fit in Revenge's End...
hmmmmmm.
A bit quick on the scene swing from "He's not my fiancee!" to this.
Yeah. I wrote this whole section pretty quickly, only a couple hours
after I spent over a week (off and on) on HaM Prelude 4; I guess it
shows. ;)
Whitch I'll be reading very shortly. and fatly, and goateely, and...
you get the idea.
It was payback time.
You've already said that. How about Revenge is a dish best served with
a bucket of cold water? Am I rambling?
I know we already said it. It's a sort of device, the repetition of a
phrase in a different context.
I thought such but there really isn't any parralism to use it right.
Ranma smacking Akane for the first time doesn't mesh as well with Nodako
and Genma getting sent to the counsenling "box" You need something else
to make it all tie in. Maybe Ranma and Akane kept those foam bats and
look at them before smiling to one another and uttering the phrase.
THE END
NO! NO! NO! You've got to have the scene where the Doctor is cringing
behind his desk while Nodako and Genma fight it out with Katanna and
Sign. "THE BATS PEOPLE! USE THE BATS!!!"
Hmmm... I dunno about that.
Heh ^_-
Thanks for the good suggestions!
Gary Kleppe