I just found this in my archives.  I posted it to afsm in
June.  As I recall, Chris Davies was the only one to notice.
I believe "WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS ALL ABOUT?!?!" was his
response.

Anyway, this is an answer to the person at Otakon who asked
why I don't write funny stories, only serious stories with
funny bits...



Subject:  [OS] This just occured to me...

[Scene opens on a ratty looking flat in South London.  Seated at the
kitchen table are SETSUNA, going through the paper and mumbling "I
knew that would happen" to herself, HARUKA, filling out a contest
entry, and MICHIRU, attempting to tell her story.]

MICHIRU:  Right, so then Usagi says, right, she says, that she and
Mamo-chan had already done it.  Well, of course, I knew that wasn't
true, and -- why aren't you listening to me?

SETSUNA:  Because I already know how your story ends.  Hand me the
phone, would you, Haruka?

[Haruka does so.]

MICHIRU:  And what about you, Haruka?  Why aren't you listening to my
story?

HARUKA:  Because I'm still mad at you for flirting with Ami last
night.

MICHIRU:  Oh, and who was *all over* Makoto, little miss "did the
world shake for you too"?

[HOTARU enters.  Notices that no one has cooked breakfast.]

HOTARU:  Why am I always the one who has to do all the work around
here?

HARUKA:  We're trying to teach you responsibility.  It's hard work
being a parent.

MICHIRU:  That's right.  So get us some breakfast like a good little
girl.

[The door smashes inward in a spark of pyrotechnics, leaving a large
crescent-shaped mark in it.  MINAKO BOLOWSKI enters.]

MINAKO:  Hello, girls, it's me, Minako, your wacky landlord, come over
here to learn more about your Outer Senshi humor, ha ha.  So, Michiru,
you and Haruka still doing the nasty?

MICHIRU:  [sighs]  Yes, Minako.

MINAKO:  Great, great.  Oh, look, some sod broke your door.  That'll
be 10000 yen you owe me.

HARUKA:  What can we do to get you to leave?

MINAKO:  [becoming chibi]  How about buying all my spare Sailor V
merchandise?

SETSUNA:  Fine, here's all our worldly wealth.  Don't spend it all in
one place.

MINAKO: WAI!!  Thanks, Setsuna!  [she exits]

HARUKA and MICHIRU:  SETSUNA!!!

[There is a screech, a scream, and the sound of a bus colliding with a
body.  Splat.]

SETSUNA:  [smiling evilly] Hotaru, go get our money, would you?
[HOTARU exits]

[HARUKA smashes MICHIRU's Aqua Mirror..]

MICHIRU:  What was that for?

HARUKA:  I'm bored!  It's been months since we last saw a fight.
Setsuna, is there any chance of a fight coming up?

SETSUNA:  Not for another few years or so.  The inner Senshi take all
the minor monsters down around here.  [dials]

MICHIRU:  What's wrong with peace?

HARUKA:  It's girly.

MICHIRU:  It *is* **not**!  You only say that because you couldn't
score last night...

HARUKA:  That's because you came home too pissed for me to get
anywhere.  You passed out.

SETSUNA:  [on the phone]  Hi, Mokoti.  Listen, I can see all things
past, present and future, so I know we're destined to sleep together.
So how 'bout we get it out of the way now?  [pause]  You're only
fighting fate... [looks at phone, sighs] It always worked in the
Silver Millenium.

HOTARU:  [enters, hands money to Setsuna] You guys are really bringing
me down, OK?

HARUKA:  Where's our breakfast?

HOTARU:  Oh, fine, be that way.  All I can say is you better watch it,
'cause I'm getting really depressed now.

[SETSUNA picks up her paper and leaves the house, rather quickly.]

MICHIRU:  Why is that supposed to frighten us?  You're only a little
girl.  Who do you think you are, Mistress Nine?

[Hotaru powers up.]

HARUKA:  Erm...let's not be hasty now...

SATURN:  Death...Reborn...

MICHIRU:  [in major panic mode]  Aaah!  I'm going to die!  And the
last album I listened to was Phil Collins!  I can't die with Phil as
my last waltz...

SATURN:  REVOLUTION!!!

[The house, and indeed, most of the universe, vaporises, in one of
those 'the actors don't want another series to be made' explosions.]

[Cue end music]



--Sean Gaffney
--not cut out for humor...