Especially when it was all his fault that she had run off..

Probably better than 

Especially when he felt that it was all his fault that she had run 
off...

More punch, and even though it isn't true, he's the point of view
character.  Might delete the "all" though.  He isn't dumb enough
to think it's all his fault that Akane is upset by her realisation
of her cooking ineptitude.

Kasumi, who had been, as usual, optimistic beyond belief that Akane 
could
cook a decent meal, had allowed Akane to cook lunch. And, as usual, the 
rest

Probably funnier than the other version.

Serving octopus is less plausible than the curry.  Even in Japan
I can only assume that octopus is a relatively expensive dish,
and not one which would be served for lunch.  

Of course I have no knowledge except from fanfic of Akane's famous
curry dish so I can't really comment on her inability to cook it.


"First star out," Akane murmured, seeing it too, then closing her eyes 
to
make a wish. "Star light, star bright..."

I really doubt the Japanese have that one.  

"Don’t interrupt me, Akane," he exclaimed in irritation, squeezing his 
eyes
shut. He wouldn’t look at her. He could feel a blush crawling up his 
face,
but he forced the words out. "I know I’m such a baka… and… I say the 
dumbest
things to you about stuff like that… but, you know, I… I…" He took a 
deep
breath. "I… I kinda… I sorta… I l-like ‘j-just Akane’ just fine." He 
mumbled
the last few words, feeling the heat in his face rise even higher.

Lovely ineptitude about this is that is totally in character
for Ranma.  

If you’re going to C&C and tell me Ranma and Akane are acting OOC, 
please
don’t bother to – I already know that. People who have read the stuff I

Actually, I don't think they are.  This looks to me to be an attempt
to recreate the moment that Akane realises she's never going to have
Doctor Tofou, when for once she didn't cover up her vulnerability
by finding an excuse to be angry.  Her normal angry disposition is
taken into account, as is Ranma's little difficulty with 
self-expression.