Samurai Pizza Cats: the Catatonic Saga
by Josh Green
(sort@bucket.ualr.edu)
Episode 3
'Curse of the Dragon's Scale'
*****
Disclaimer:
Samurai Pizza Cats is copyrighted by Sotsu Agency, Tatsunoko Production
Co., Ltd., Saban International Services, Inc., and Saban International
N.V., all rights reserved.
This story is a work of fanfiction, and as such uses the characters
without permission and is not done for profit. This story is not meant
to encroach on the owner's rights, but is made exclusively for the
purpose of entertainment. I respectfully ask that it only be
redistributed in the original format.
Notes:
This series of stories starts around 6 months after 'The Big Comet
Caper', so some of the characters and/or their relationships are
altered. This is an on-going series of stories and although I will
attempt to make each episode enjoyable individually, I suggest you read
the previous episodes in order to fully understand what is happening.
(Mail me at sort@bucket.ualr.edu for previous episodes.)
I apologize in advance for any references to other Anime, Sci-Fi, or
Cartoon series/movies, as well as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
These works belong to their respective authors/creators.
( ) = indicates author's notes or information
[ ] = indicates actions or descriptions
* * = indicates sound effects
< > = indicates thought
_ _ = indicates emphasis
*****
[Scene: the rooftop of a building. It's nighttime and a waning moon can
be seen overhead. The building's roof is flat and has a large skylight
near the center. Four shadows are seen, moving toward the skylight.]
Narrator: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? According to
polls, three out of four shadows don't know. Well, three out
of _these_ four shadows, anyway.
Speedy's Voice: Come on, let's get this over with.
Good Bird's Voice: *Shhh.* [Softly] We don't want to wake up the whole
neighborhood.
Polly's Voice: Ouch! My tail! Watch where you're stepping, Speedy.
Speedy's Voice: [Softly] Oops. [Chuckles nervously.] Sorry.
[The shadows arrive at the skylight and bend over it, to look inside.]
Guido's Voice: [Softly] Can you see anything, guys?
Speedy's Voice: [Softly] I'm afraid we forgot to bring flashlights.
Guido's Voice: [Softly] No problem, I've got an idea.
[One of the shadows removes something from it's back and points it at
the skylight. A bright flash of light occurs, the skylight shatters,
and the four shadows fall into the building, landing with a single
audible *Thud.*]
[Scene: inside a kitchen. There is a large refrigerator, a stove, and
some cabinets. Speedy Cerviche, Guido Anchovis, Polly Esther, and Good
Bird are lying in a heap on the floor. Guido's Sunspot Umbrella is open
and glowing steadily..]
Polly: [Sarcastically] Great idea, Guido.
Guido: [Pained] I'll admit, I've had better.
[The Samurai Pizza Cats untangle themselves and begin to search through
the kitchen.]
Speedy: [Opening the stove's oven and peering inside.] Remind me again,
what are we looking for?
Good Bird: Something that might prove a connection to the Dragon
Dynasty. Look for anything odd or out of place.
Polly: [Opening the cabinets above the stove.] I'll tell you what's
odd. There isn't any food in these cabinets.
Guido: [Looking in the refrigerator.] None here either.
Speedy: But that can't be! This restaurant was booming with business
just yesterday!
[Good Bird spots a coin laying on a counter. He picks it up and holds
it between two fingers. The coin has a Western style dragon engraved on
one side.]
Good Bird: [Thoughtfully] It looks like whoever was running the
'Nekohanten' gave us the slip.
[The other Pizza Cats look at Good Bird. Seeing the coin, they're
shocked into a few seconds of silence by the possibility that Good
Bird's suggestion is accurate. Guido finally asks the question on all
of their minds.]
Guido: But how could they possibly have known we were coming?
*****
[Scene: the Big Cheese's apartment. The free-standing chalkboard and
small black and white television are still in the room. A small table
has been added to the center of the room. Jerry Atrick sits at the
table while Seymour Big Cheese stands by the window, holding two squares
of cloth.]
Narrator: While the Pizza Cats ponder their precarious predicament, we
look in on the Big Cheese at his low-budget hideout.
Seymour: All it needs is a woman's touch. [To Jerry] Which pattern do
you think would be best for our curtains? A manly, solid color
like this. [Holds out a square of navy blue cloth.] Or maybe
something more frilly, like this. [Holds out a piece of cloth
with a flower pattern on it.]
[Jerry's eyelids are almost fully closed and it's apparent that he's
nearly asleep.]
Jerry: [Sleepily] Whatever you think is best, Dear. [Shocked into full
awareness.] *Ahem.* I meant: why are we up this late, anyway?
Seymour: [Putting down the curtain samples.] I'm expecting an important
visitor. He agreed to meet here but would only come at night.
Jerry: [Curiously] Who is this person?
Seymour: It's the same fellow that gave me the liquid I used in the
marshmallow fluff. He's going to give me something else which
he believes will rid us of the Samurai Pizza Cats.
Jerry: [Suspiciously] Why is he interested in eliminating the Pizza
Cats?
Off-Screen Voice: I merely want to be of help to our next great Emperor.
[Seymour and Jerry look toward the source of the voice. Standing in the
doorway to the room is a Figure in long, black robes. The Figure is
wearing black boots and gloves and carrying a crooked, blackened staff.
The hood of the Figure's robes keeps its face in darkness. The Figure
speaks in a deep, slow voice. (Did I forget to mention black?)]
Figure: [Bows to Seymour.] I am glad that you waited for me.
Seymour: [Bows in return to Figure.] No problem at all. [Excited] Did
you bring the item you told me about?
Figure: I did. [Hands a small box to Seymour.]
Jerry: [Still suspicious] What is it?
Figure: A tiny clipping from the Plate of a Dragon. Food and liquid
tainted by it will make people take their anger out on a friend
and act indifferent toward an enemy.
Seymour: After we poison the Pizza Cats' water supply, they'll be too
busy fighting each other to stop us from taking over Little
Tokyo!
Jerry: Is there any way that the Pizza Cats can counter this curse?
Figure: [Waits for a second, not replying.] Only upon hearing an
ancient Word of Power can a being be freed from the effect. Only
I know that Word. And I will not tell it to anyone.
Seymour: We'll begin tonight. By tomorrow night, the city will be ours!
[The figure slips out the door while Seymour continues to rant.]
Figure: <Seymour is a fool and easy to manipulate. But I will have to
be careful around the old crow.>
*****
[Scene: a sewer tunnel. A number of pipes of different sizes go along
the top of the tunnel. Seymour Big Cheese and Jerry Atrick, wearing
yellow rain coats, walk through the tunnel. Seymour is holding a map
and leading the duo, while Jerry holds up a paper lantern in one hand
and a small incense stick in the other. Jerry looks even more tired
than in the previous scene.]
Narrator: The Big Cheese stomps his way through the sewers, planning to
wreck havoc on the Pizza Cats. I've heard of politicians
engaging in mud slinging before, but I've never heard of mud
_wading_ helping a person get anywhere in life.
Seymour: [Mumbling while reading the map.] Left turn at Albuquerque...
second star on right... click your heels together three
times... [Looks up and speaks to Jerry.] We should be almost
there. [Notices Jerry's incense stick.] What's with the
incense?
Jerry: [Absently] To keep the sewer spirits away.
Seymour: [Surprised] Sewer spirits? [Normally] Give me a break, there's
no such thing.
Off-Screen Voice: Master Splinter?
[As four weapon-bearing turtles appear, Seymour jumps onto Jerry's back
in fright, causing Jerry's eyes to bug out from the weight.]
Seymour: [Scared] *Aaah!* It's the sewer spirits! They've come to
torture us for invading their domain!
[The four turtles wearing colored belts and bandannas give each other
confused looks.]
Red-Turtle: [Sarcastically] Well, it's nice to know we still have that
affect on people.
Blue-Turtle: Excuse us, have you seen another mutant rat around here?
Narrator: Sorry to disappoint you, but there's not a bigger rat in all
of Little Tokyo.
Purple-Turtle: *Sigh.* Looks like the dimension portal is _really_
broken this time. [Presses some buttons on a gizmo he's
holding and a shining portal appears.]
Orange-Turtle: Bye, dudes!
[The turtles step through the portal and it closes.]
Seymour: It would be nice to have some warning before something like
_that_ happens.
Narrator: Unfortunately, inter-dimensional travelers rarely file
itineraries.
Jerry: [Fully awake] Can you get off? My back is killing me.
[Seymour jumps off of Jerry and continues walking. They reach a place
where two large tunnels meet. Seymour studies the map briefly.]
Seymour: Perfect, we're right under the intersection of Kyatto and
Karasu streets, where the Samurai Pizza Cats' pizza parlor is
located. (1)
Jerry: How can you tell?
Seymour: [Smugly] For one thing, I have a highly developed sense of
direction. [Normally] Also, that's what the sign over there
says.
[Seymour points to a typical street sign planted at one corner of the
intersection of the two tunnels.]
Jerry: [Surprised] Well, I never would have guessed!
[Seymour walks to the side of the tunnel and opens a small hatch. Inside
the alcove is a large pipe with a cap fitted onto the side. (2) Writing
on the cap reads, 'Pizza parlor water supply intake valve.']
Jerry: [Worried] Are you sure you know what you are doing, Cheesy?
Seymour: Of course! I've always believed in the 'Do it yourself'
attitude. And I was trained as a professional plumber when I
was young.
[Seymour twists off the cap and water comes rushing out, drenching
Seymour and Jerry. Seymour manages to replace the cap, stopping the
water flow.]
Seymour: [Weakly] That is, of course, if you count playing Mario Bros.
video games.
Jerry: Well, at least you've maintained your 'Can do' spirit.
Narrator: It looks to me like the Big Cheese is truly 'all wet.'
Seymour: Jerry, make a note. From now on, the Rat Pack gets to handle
all possibly dangerous or _watery_ assignments.
Jerry: Right.
[Jerry reaches into the alcove, turns a pair of handles above and below
the cap, then removes the cap. A small amount of water comes out, but
quickly tapers off. Jerry brings out the box with the Dragon's Scale in
it, opens the box, and tosses the clipping into the pipe. After putting
the cap back onto the pipe, he turns the handles back to their original
positions.]
Jerry: [Beginning to fall asleep.] Can we go home now. *Yawn.* I need
my beauty sleep.
Seymour: [Giving Jerry an odd look.] Someday you'll have to tell me how
you did that.
Jerry: [Mumbling, with his eyes closed.] Yes, Mother.
*****
[Scene: outside the Samurai Pizza Cats' headquarters. The digital clock
reads '11:50am.']
[A slow zoom on the building is done for a few seconds, then the scene
changes.]
[Scene: inside the Samurai Pizza Cats' pizza parlor. Speedy Cerviche,
Guido Anchovis, and Polly Esther are serving tables. Francine is behind
the counter, taking orders. The Pizza Cats have frantic looks on their
faces and most of the customers seem unhappy.]
Narrator: The next day, the Pizza Cats' problems are just beginning.
Dog Customer: [To Cat Customer] Your anchovies are getting on my half of
the pizza!
Cat Customer: [To Dog Customer] And your pineapple is getting on my
half!
[The Dog and Cat customers start throwing anchovies and pineapple at
each other.]
Deer Customer: Waitress! This pizza has too much pepperoni!
Bird Customer: I demand service! This pizza is too hot!
[The Pizza Cats rush between tables trying to please all of the
customers, but with little apparent success.]
Speedy: [Stopping to talk briefly with Guido.] The tips are terrible
today!
Guido: Tell me about it. One lady told me I was going to get a big tip
for serving her promptly, but all she left was a soggy napkin!
Narrator: Why are _you_ complaining. I never get anything for my
wonderfully helpful comments.
Speedy: [Annoyed] Who says you're helpful?
Frog Customer: [Breaking up the conversation.] Waiter! There aren't
any flies on my pizza!
Speedy: [Frustrated] I tell ya! I get no respect around here.
*****
[Scene: the dining room of the Pizza Cats' HQ. The lunch rush is
obviously over, as there are no customers. Speedy Cerviche, Guido
Anchovis, Polly Esther, Good Bird, and Carla are sitting at a table.
All of the Pizza Cats look tired, though Good Bird and Carla less so
than the others (they had KP duty today).]
[Francine comes out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with six glasses of
a yellow liquid on it.]
Francine: I made us some lemonade!
Narrator: Fresh lemons! Nature's way of saying your mouth is awfully
puckered. [Very quickly] This message brought to you by the
Little Tokyo Citrus Association.
[Francine sets the tray down on the table in front of the Pizza Cats.
Francine sits down and all of the Pizza Cats, except Carla, pick up one
of the glasses.]
Speedy: Thanks, Francine. [Takes a sip of lemonade.] *Sigh.* I hope
the dinner crowd will be easier than the people who came for
lunch.
[Polly and Good Bird drink some of their lemonade.]
Polly: Something strange is going on. Everyone seemed so angry today.
Guido: I'm surprised you would notice.
[Guido starts drinking his lemonade, but is interrupted when Polly
suddenly kicks him into a wall.]
Polly: [Angrily] Care to repeat that, buster?
[Guido pulls himself out of the wall and yells back at Polly.]
Guido: [Angrily] What I meant to say was that I'm surprised the
customers would let an ugly girl like you take their orders!
Good Bird: [Angrily] Would you two stop bickering?
Speedy: [Angrily] Hey! You can't tell us what to do, mister
_ex-villian_!
Good Bird: [Angrily] Oh! And I suppose you've always been a 'goody
two-shoes!'
[While the Pizza Cats are arguing, Carla turns toward Francine.]
Carla: [Worried] This is weird. Why are they acting like this?
Francine: [Nonchalantly] I wouldn't worry about it. They probably just
need to blow off some steam.
[Francine stands up and leaves the room, drinking her lemonade.]
Speedy: [Angrily, to Polly] ...and your breath stinks, too!
Polly, Speedy, Guido, & Good Bird: *Humph!*
[All of the Pizza Cats besides Carla leave the dining room, going in
different directions.]
Carla: [Worried] Oh dear.
[Carla enters the kitchen, where Francine is preparing the ingredients
for more pizzas.]
Carla: I definitely think there's something wrong here. Good Bird and
the others just left. Maybe we should call Big Al. He might
know what's happening.
Francine: [Annoyed] Do it yourself, I'm busy. [Leaves the kitchen.]
Carla: But I don't know the phone number!
[Carla takes the phone from its resting place next to the computer
screen. She punches a number of buttons then puts the phone up to her
ear.]
Telephone Voice: You have reached the Relief Goddess Office. I'm sorry,
but all of our representatives are currently on the
mortal plane. Please leave your coordinates in
space-time and we...
Carla: [Hanging up the phone.] *Sigh.* That wasn't it. I guess I'll
just have to go to the Palace in person.
*****
[Scene: a busy street of Little Tokyo. Carla is riding a bicycle along
the sidewalk, dodging her way through the pedestrians.]
Narrator: And so Carla sets off on her quest to save the world, little
realizing what's in store for her. *Hmmm...* Aren't we being
a little over-dramatic? The show only lasts 30 minutes.
Carla: [Pedaling as quickly as she can while avoiding an accident.] This
*pant* is *pant* fanfiction.
Narrator: Oh, right! Well, forget the 30 minutes. The writer still has
a few screws loose. Then again, I already knew he was crazy.
He's writing a Samurai Pizza Cat fanfic, after all.
*****
[Scene: the Ginza district of Little Tokyo. (3) A large number of
people frequent the shops along the street. Good Bird sits on a
rooftop, morosely staring at the crowd.]
[Jerry Atrick, spying on him from nearby, picks a hand-held radio off
his belt and presses the 'Talk' button.]
Jerry: [Into radio] It's time.
[The Rat Pack descends on the shoppers, cutting apart grocery bags with
their swords, shoving a few shoppers back and forth, and making
threatening gestures toward the store owners. Good Bird does nothing
during all this.]
Jerry: [From behind Good Bird.] Have you learned yet that you can't
trust the 'good guys.' They'll never really be your friends.
[Good Bird turns his head toward Jerry slightly.]
Good Bird: [Emotionless] Shut up, old crow.
Jerry: It's not too late. You can still rejoin the Ninja Crows.
[Good Bird remains silent, but turns his head away from Jerry. Jerry
pulls a sword from behind him and lunges at Good Bird. Good Bird dodges
the thrust and faces Jerry, now armed with his own sword.]
Jerry: Hold on a sec...
[Jerry brings a book marked 'Script' from nowhere and places a pair of
glasses on his face.]
Jerry: [Reading from book.] You have learned much, young one.
Good Bird: You'll find I'm full of surprises.
[Good Bird retaliates and the two lock swords, trying to overpower each
other.]
Jerry: [Trying to read from the script while battling Good Bird.] Your
destiny lies with me, _Bad_ Bird. Your father knew this to be
true.
Good Bird: No!
[Good Bird shoves Jerry back and resumes his attack.]
*****
[Scene: a small street in Little Tokyo. On the sides of the street are
mostly personal dwellings with a few small shops here and there. Guido
Anchovis walks along, kicking a can in front of him.]
[A door to one of the buildings opens and Lucille steps out. Her smile
widens slightly when she sees Guido.]
Lucille: [Cheerfully] Hello, Guido.
Guido: [Annoyed] What do you want, Lucille?
Lucille: [Becoming teary-eyed.] I don't think that's a very nice way to
greet your girlfriend.
Guido: [Angrily] I couldn't care less what you think!
Lucille: [Starts crying.] Now you've gotten me upset!
[Several panels open on Lucille's hairdo and a swarm of mini-missiles
burst from her hair. The missiles robotech through the air and land on
a shocked Guido. (4) After a few seconds, the smoke clears, revealing
a charred and dazed Guido.]
Lucille: [Sadly] If that's the way you feel, then I'll just leave you
alone.
[Lucille enters her home, leaving the near unconscious Guido outside.]
*****
[Scene: inside the Pizza Cats' HQ. There aren't any customers and Polly
Esther is pacing back and forth in the dining room.]
Polly: [Angrily] Where did everyone go? They left me here alone, didn't
they? I have to handle our customers all by myself!
Narrator: Actually, you don't have any customers.
Polly: [Angrily] Don't _you_ start! I want to know where the others are
and I want to know right now!
Narrator: Well, if you insist...
*****
[Scene: the court of the Imperial Palace. The members of the governing
council, including Big Al Dente, are sitting on the floor and Emperor
Fred is seated on his throne. The Empress and Princess are not
present.]
Big Al: The next item on the agenda is-
[The doors to the throne room slide open and Carla enters, still winded
slightly from the bicycle ride.]
Carla: [Pleadingly] Big Al!! I have to talk to you! Everyone is acting
strange!
Emperor Fred: Fa-red! Fa-red, Fa-red!
Big Al: [Glancing at the Emperor] Define 'strange.'
Carla: Well, this morning all of our customers were being very hostile.
And this afternoon the other Pizza Cats got really angry at each
other and just left without any explanation.
Emperor Fred: Fa-red.
Big Al: *Hmmm...* I think-
[Francine storms into the throne room, looking very angry.]
Francine: [Angrily, to Carla] Why did you run off? You can't just take
a day off without telling anyone!
[Emperor Fred suddenly appears behind Francine, waving his fans.]
Emperor Fred: _Fa-red_!
[Francine's eyes glaze over momentarily. When they return to normal,
she looks around in confusion. Big Al and Carla notice this reaction.]
Francine: Why in the world am I at the Palace?
Carla: [To Big Al] Do you think they were hypnotized or drugged?
Big Al: [To Carla] That seems like a logical explanation. But why did
she come out of it?
Emperor Fred: Fa-red!
[Carla and Big Al turn to look at Emperor Fred. Both have disbelieving
looks on their faces.]
Big Al: You don't suppose...
Carla: It couldn't be anything else! And I know exactly what we need to
do! [She strikes a pose with one finger pointing skyward and a
background of chrysanthemums appears behind her.]
*****
[Scene: the Ginza district of Little Tokyo. The Rat Pack continues to
harass the citizens while Jerry Atrick and Good Bird duel.]
Jerry: [Still wearing glasses and reading from the book titled
'Script.'] Join me and I will complete your training. With our
combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring
order to Little Tokyo.
Good Bird: I'll never join you!
[Down below the pair, a stack of televisions in one of the store windows
suddenly go blank. The screens change to a plain background with
writing that reads 'Action News! Special Imperial Report.' A live
picture of Emperor Fred is then shown and his voice can be heard.]
Television: [Emperor Fred's Voice] Fa-red!
[Good Bird's eyes glaze over. Good Bird shakes his head and quickly
looks around, spotting Jerry and the Rat Pack.]
Good Bird: <What's going on? I can't remember what I was doing here.
I've got to get the others.>
Jerry: [Reading from the script.] If you only knew the power of the
dark-
[Good Bird blurs and jumps skyward while Jerry isn't paying attention.]
Jerry: [Looking around.] Huh?! Where'd he go? [Throws the script down
and looks frustrated.] That's the last time I put off memorizing
my lines!
*****
[Scene: outside of Lucille's house. Guido Anchovis lies, still dazed,
on the sidewalk.]
[Guido comes around, stands up and dusts himself off a little. A van
with speaker horns attached to the top goes by, playing patriotic music.
A spoken message can be heard over the music.]
Van Speaker: ...and remember, Emperor Fred is your friend! [Emperor
Fred's Voice] Fa-red!
[Guido's eyes fog up for a second, then return to normal. Guido glances
about himself in confusion.]
Guido: <How'd I get _here_? Something's up. I'd better get back to the
restaurant.>
[Guido jumps onto a rooftop and hovers away.]
*****
[Scene: close-up of Speedy Cerviche's face. Speedy looks very depressed
and water is pouring down on him from above. Music can be heard.]
Music: Rain drops keep falling on my head. But that doesn't mean my eyes
will soon be- [Announcer's Voice] We interrupt this broadcast
for an important Imperial announcement. [Emperor Fred's Voice]
Fa-red! Fa-red!
[Speedy's eyes briefly dull. He blinks and looks around in shock.]
[Zoom out to show Speedy (fully clothed) standing in a shower with the
water turned on. A portable radio rests on a counter outside the
shower.]
Speedy: [Confused] What am I doing?!
Radio: [Announcer] Stay tuned for the latest developments.
[Speedy turns off the shower and the radio, then exits the bathroom.]
*****
[Scene: the dining room of the Pizza Cats' HQ. Polly Esther is
standing, impatiently tapping her foot.]
[Francine and Carla enter and Polly pounces (more figuratively than
literally) on them.]
Polly: [Angrily] Where have you been? I was left here alone to slave
and toil over a hot pizza while you two were off gallivanting
through the malls, no doubt.
[Francine and Carla glance at each other before responding.]
Francine & Carla: Fa-red!!
[Polly eyes glaze over. They quickly return to normal and Polly looks
at Francine and Carla curiously.]
Polly: What's happening?
[Good Bird, Speedy Cerviche, and Guido Anchovis arrive at the same
time.]
Carla: Somehow, all of you were poisoned today and made to act
abnormally. You started fighting with each other for no reason.
Good Bird: Well, I know who's behind it and why. The Big Cheese has
been using this opportunity to attack the shoppers downtown.
We've got to stop those goons of his right away!
Francine: [Looking quite angry.] We'll show Seymour that he can't toy
around with our feelings!
[Scene: outside the Pizza Cat's HQ. The giant gun raises and the clock
folds down, creating a ramp for the launch tube. Mother and Son Dog
watch the action from a street corner.]
Speaker: [Francine's Voice]
We're sorry for the attitudes that we've had all day.
But now it's payback time and we won't be stopped, no way!
Hang onto all your hats, hang onto all your shirts!
It's time to launch and someone's going to get hurt!
[The launch of all four Pizza Cats is heralded by plumes of white, red,
blue, and green smoke. The launch gun begins to lower.]
Narrator: A little bit different from Francine's normal rhymes, but true
none-the-less. Just try to tone down the ferocity next time,
will ya?
Speaker: [Francine's Voice] Sorry.
Mother: I'm not surprised in the least. I always knew that Francine was
a little she-cat.
Son: Doesn't that make you a-
Mother: [Clamping a hand over Son's mouth and smiling falsely to the
camera.] Now, now. There could be children reading.
Narrator: Before the writer has to put a rating on this fanfic, we'll
move right along to something harmless... like the battle the
Samurai Pizza Cats are about to begin.
*****
[Scene: the Ginza shopping center. The street is vacated, but the Rat
Pack (Moe, Curly, Larry, and Ford Cheese) continue their search for more
people to pester. Queue entrance music.]
Moe: [Hearing the music.] Eh? What's that?
Jerry: [Spying from the top of a building.] Uh oh! I think it's time
for me to depart. [Slinks away.]
[A spot light appears, set against one of the rooftops. Good Bird
appears in the light.]
Good Bird: You thought you could turn us against each other. But you
were wrong.
[The second spot light comes on, displaying Guido Anchovis hiding behind
his open umbrella.]
Guido: True friends stick to each other forever. [Moves the umbrella
out of the way.] Even when things go bad.
[The next spot light shines on Polly Esther, who is playing her flute.]
Polly: [Stops playing.] And the power of [blows kiss] love will
overcome all differences.
[Speedy Cerviche becomes illuminated by the final spotlight.]
Speedy: And our best friend happens to be the writer! So you can't
_possibly_ win.
Moe: We'll see about that, knucklehead!
[The two groups of warriors spring at each other and meet with a clash
of blades. The Rat Pack is sent flying from the Pizza Cats' blows.]
Narrator: Finding themselves greatly outclassed, the Rat Pack decides to
retreat.
Moe: [To Narrator] You don't have to rub it in! [To Pizza Cats] This
isn't over yet, Pizza Cats! We'll be back!
[The Rat Pack becomes four dark blurs and they disappears.]
Speedy: [Crosses his swords dramatically.] Way to go, guys!
[A background with the Rising Sun and Mount Koochi appears behind
Speedy. Good Bird, Guido, and Polly slide into the scene.]
Guido, Polly, & Good Bird: Ta-da!
*****
[Scene: the Big Cheese's current hide-out. Seymour Big Cheese sits
alone, sulking.]
Seymour: [Depressed] What's the use. There's no reason for me to get
mad and blow up without someone else in the room.
Narrator: [Deadpanned] Don't worry. You'll always have me.
Seymour: [Happily] That's right! [Seymour's body begins to glow red and
he speaks angrily.] Those darn Pizza Cats! [Red lightning
sparks around him.] I just can't take it anymore!
[Seymour's explosion leaves him blackened and a blast pattern is burned
into the floor underneath him.]
Narrator: Now, don't you feel better?
Seymour: [Tired] It's just not the same without Jerry.
Narrator: And on that note, we'll bid our audience a fond farewell!
*****
[Scene: an unidentifiable room. The Figure who met with the Big Cheese
earlier is standing in front of a television set. The TV is currently
show a picture of Emperor Fred waving his fans around.]
Television: [Emperor Fred's Voice] Fa-red! Fa-red! Fa-red!
Figure: *Rrrrr...*
[The Figure smashes his fist into the picture of Emperor Fred's face,
shattering the television screen. Scene fadeout.]
*****
Speedy: Next time on Samurai Pizza Cats, the Catatonic Saga!
Narrator: Empress Freida is having a tea party and the Pizza Cats are
invited! But is everything fun and games? Or does the
Empress have a secret agenda? Meanwhile, the Big Cheese
decides to kidnap the Princess Vi. But why are there two
Princesses running around the Palace? Why can't Princess Vi
find her jewelry? Why can't I get a decent haircut? And
doesn't it seem like we've gone through all this before? See
if you can guess the answers, then find out the real questions
in 'The Empress' Tea Party.'
*****
End notes:
(1) Kyatto is 'Cat' in the original title of SPC: 'Kyatto Ninden
Tyandee.' Karasu means 'Crow' according to a Japanese-English
dictionary. I rarely pick anything at random.
(2) Yes, I know real plumbing isn't like this!
(3) From what I understand, the Ginza district is the most important (or
famous at any rate) shopping area in Tokyo.
(4) To robotech: to follow a sort of spiraling, random path of movement.
All the missiles in the anime 'Robotech' seem to do this and some
people started using 'robotech' as a verb to describe this movement.
My personal belief is that the missiles are purposely programmed to
do this to confuse anti-missile systems. Hey! It's no more odd
than using 'defenestrate' in a fanfic! :)
P.S. I couldn't resist crossing over the TMNT while I had Seymour in the
sewers. Sorry.
P.P.S. Oh! And another thing, 'The Empire Strikes Back' is my favorite
of the trilogy. ;)