On Sat, 7 Jun 1997, Raphael See wrote:
On Sat, 7 Jun 1997, Mike Loader wrote:
EPISODE 7 - Places, Everybody.....
Sugoi! ^_^
Ep 8 will be a tad late due to certain...alterations....in the flow.
Expect it day after tomorrow.
Ryoga: Ukyo? Is that you?
Ukyo: No, it's someone who sounds exactly like Ukyo who just
happens to be in her restaurant after closing hours.
Ryoga: Ah. Sarcasm.
Ukyo: Gee, you're quick.
<grin> Is it just me, or is Ukyo getting even more acerbic than she
normally is? Must be the stress and all...
Stressed, and in no mood for the Lost Boy.
Ukyo: Yeah, the way nuclear missiles express themselves.
Ryoga: (scowling) Watch it. Akane isn't the one who played "Have
Spatula, Will Travel" over something a six-year-old did.
Ukyo: (annoyed) Oh, you're one to talk. I never tried to kill anyone
over rolls. School cafeteria rolls, for crying out loud! They used to
put them out to kill roaches with at my old school.
Hee hee! There ain't a sane person in the bunch, sheriff!
There isn't a single person in R1/2 without some sort of mental
abnormality. Many of which are textbook cases.
Ryoga: (skeptically) Oh, come on. Trashcans and bushes I can see,
but don't you think mauling jackets is a being a bit paranoid?
Ukyo: (grimly) I thought so too, before this morning. (shudders) If
I hadn't decided to iron that pair of jeans before putting them on...
Ewww!! >_<
Tsubasa: Ukyo-sama!! <glomp>
Ukyo: AAAIIIEEEEEE!!!
<ultra violence on a scale of, well, take a Mortal Kombat video game and
multiply it by the level of Fist of the North Star. Then square the product.>
Yes, but he'd die a happy man. ;) As it is.. well... ever touched a hot
iron?
Ryoga: (scowling) I keep telling people that, yeah. Come on, let's
find where the wedding's going to be.
Ukyo: (putting on her jacket) First intelligent thing you've said
tonight. Better let me lead. We can't stop the wedding if we're in
Outer Swazili.
You know, that entire scene struck me as really, _really_ bizarre...
Just what was it about it...
<snap> I know! Ryoga and Ukyo were participating in a rational,
logical discussion regarding a possible marriage of Akane and Ranma!
<shivers> Geez, that's weird. :P
This is obviously some new definition of the phrase "logical and
reasonable" I wasn't aware of. ;) Seriously, in the manga Ryoga and Ukyo
plot all the time to break up Ranma and Akane.
Kasumi: (getting up) Well! I've got to go help father with the final
preparations, and begin the subatmospheric landing beacon
signals. Can you tape the rest of the show for me, Akane-chan?
Ugg. I wonder if this is gonna become an important part in the next
scenes following; it's clearly progressed beyond "simple gag" level now.
It'll be interesting to see just what's gonna happen...
Oh my. Resistance is futile.
Ranma: (shrugging) I have no idea. Me an Saburo got a call saying
there was some duck ripping up the place, and when I poured hot
water on him nothin' happened.
Akane: (staring at the cage) Poor Mousse....
You know, what if it was just a normal duck who was trained in
weapon-combat? I mean, if an orangutang can use a rifle with a laser sight...
Boglegs the mind, don't it? There's a hint cleverly hidden in NS8 as to
who or what it really is.
Ranma: Yeah? What's it about?
Akane: There's this girl, Aneka, a real unreasonable jerk. And her
older sister Nakibi is in love with her.
What, not Nikabi? :P
Nope. :) Just flipflop the last two sylables.
Akane: (nodding) Weird, huh? Anyway, Aneka has also been engaged
to an aquatranssexual named Remna....
Ranma: (frowning) Huh, sounds kinda familar. Mebbe I saw a
commercial for it or somthin'.
I love irony, I do. :) What was it you said before about
"tunnel-vision from hell...?"
If Akane can fail to guess P-chan is Ryoga, this is entirely believeable.
;)
(They exit, leaving the duck behind on the coffee table. Scene
changes to Nabiki's room, where the middle Tendo sister is typing
away at her laptop.)
Uh-huh... What's gonna happen to the duck now? Don't weddings usually
have banquets/dinners/receptions after them? Um...
Why, so they do...
Nabiki: (muttering) Net gain of 300,000 yen, miniseries
royalties.... net loss of 10,000 yen, photos of Akane... book
contract...
"Sisterly Affection: Based on a true story." Now availible in
paperback.
"Foreword by the author of "Bridges of Madison County"
Shampoo: Sneaky as always. Exactly what good did you... think...
that...
(She trails off, noticing the Uzi Nabiki has taken from a bedside
drawer.)
Nabiki: (grimly) Let's talk detente, bimbo.
<grin> What was that equation again? Guns + Martial Artist = Dead
Martial Artist...?
Yup. :) Of course, normally this doesn't apply to Anime Martial Artists.
But, see, what if it turns out to be a darkfic? ;)
(She points the Uzi at a nearby plant, and pulls the trigger. A
stream of water shoots from it, soaking the dirt in the pot.)
Nabiki: (smug) Realistic looking, and cheaper than spray bottles.
<grin> I shoulda seen that coming, huh? <slaps forehead>
And y'know, after I finished writing the scene, it dawned on me that the
squirt gun would have been just as effective as a real Uzi if Shampoo had
decided to attack.
"Shampoo kill!"
*spritz*
"Oh, yeah? What are you going to do, give my pantyhose a run? Cough up a
hairball on me?"
"Meow!"
"Oh, someone save me from the terrible housecat! I know, let's go visit
the pound...."
Kasumi: (puzzled) Make sure of what?
Akane: (thinking furiously) Ah. Well, to make sure... um, that....
well, it's to make sure you don't have any, um...
Ranma: Venereal diseases.
BWAA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! That was _priceless_! Oh, you're evil,
_evil_!
Well, yes. I _did_ pair Kodachi with Soun, after all.
Kasumi: (thoughtful) I have been feeling a bit odd, lately... I
thought it was being in love, or perhaps the subatomic pile in the
hyperspace beacon (Doctor Tofu opens the door, smiling) but I
suppose I might very well have a venereal disease.
(The smile melts like a snowball in a blast furnace. Tofu's eyes,
which had begun to be obscured by fog, go as wide as saucers. Big
saucers.)
Kasumi: (blithely) After all, that sort of thing does travel... why, I
can think of at least two dozen places I could have gotten it
from...
(Doctor Tofu gives a curious, strangled shriek and passes out.)
Did I say you were evil? I take it back. You're _depraved_ Utterly
beyond help.
I love it. ^_^
Timing. It's all in the timing.
Kasumi: (startled) Oh dear. Doctor Tofu, are you all right?
Ranma: (smirking) Maybe he caught your ven*WHAM*urk.
<snort> Mmph. :)
Akane: (sighing) It was all a misunderstanding, Doctor. It's
Ranma's fault.
Tofu: (hands twisting ominously) You mean it's Ranma's fault that
Kasumi has vener...
<louder snort, tries not to laugh out loud as he's in a computing site>
Mmph! Mmmmph!
Oh my.
Saburo: (staring) Damn. All that for HBO....
Akane: (monotone, mechanical voice) HBO and The Movie Channel.
With a second breeder reactor, receiving Showtime would also be
possible. There is nothing to alert planetary authorities over. Just
wholesome cable television for the entire family.
Evil, twisted, and depraved. :) It's kinda fun, though, trying to
figure out where in the manga Kasumi managed to squeeze in conditioning
sessions on her sisters...
Probably during their sleep... but who knows?
Akane: ...rescuing birds that have escaped from their cages...
Saburo: ..."That's nuts," I told Ranma, "there's no such thing as a
Roc, it's a mythical creature..."
<grin> Of course, there's no such thing as gender/shape-changing
curses, either...
Course not. o.o
Saburo: (musing) I bet they have great reception...
Voice: (yelling) Katsunishiki! Come back!
(A pig the size of a Volkswagon races by, a young woman in hot
pursuit.)
Oh, dear. Akari, too? Why don't we bring in Kirin or something, too?
Sure thing. :)
Besides, I had to bring in Akari;
1. Because it's more chaos to toss in
2. Because Of Kasumi's feelings re pigs....
3. Because a certain Muhoshin wanted to see more of his girlfriend in this
fic.
4. Because the appearance of Akari in a fanfic usually guarantees
Gaffney's approval.
Gaijin 3: (brightly) Mebbe we can be stoppin' by the Kuno house, ya
know, ta be payin' my respects ta the...
Gaijin 1,2 and 4: NO.
Gaijin 3: Awww...
Heh heh heh. Um... do you guys do okonomiyaki? :)
Nope. Sure don't. ;)
(Two familiar-looking FBI agents, a man and a woman clad in
black trenchcoats, walk past.)
Man: (to Saburo) You there! Is that Our Lady Of Grievious Bodily
Harm off in the distance?
So, is that Kasumi they're referring to? Our Lady of Grevious bodily
Harm? How come everyone in the world seems to know her title?
Naw, tis the church. Kasumi wouldn't hurt a fly. Honest.
(Saburo looks up, and sees that the voice is coming from a
loudspeaker mounted on the bottom of a large flying ship.)
Saburo: (calmly) See that steeple off your port bow? That's it.
Voice: THE THANKS OF THE SEVEN LUCKY GODS SCHOOL ON YOU,
KIND SIR!
Okay, never mind. :)
Didn't ta begin with. ;)
Kuno: (charging and waving his bokken) Have at thee, undead leech!
(Ranma casually throws Kuno to the ground, takes his bokken, and
raps him over the head with it.)
Kuno: (dazedly) Sasuke! Purchase.. holy... water...
Hee hee hee! Great line there. :) Course, Kuno's reaction would be
even more interesting once Sasuke manages to splash Ranma with it...
Wait for it.... ;)
Soun: Ah, good to see my son-in-law...
Kodachi: Brother-in-law.
Soun: ...that too, yes, is not shirking his responsibility to the
community.
Ack! I had never thought of it that way! Oh, geez, this is screwed
up! You are _evil_ (have I already said that? Oh well)!
Hmmm...if Soun and Koachi's kid married Kasumi and Kuno's kid, what would
that make them?
Akane: (smirking) Besides, think of what it would do to daddy.
Nabiki: (shrugging) Like he would ever be able to tell. He's so
wrapped up in the Bride of Frankenstein that there could be an
massive alien signaling device on the roof and he'd never notice.
<CLICK>
Akane & Nabiki: <mechanically> Not that there is or anything...
<CLICK>
(Akane and Nabiki both shake their heads vigorously for a moment)
Please stay calm. There is nothing to worry about.
You are in error. No-one is screaming. Thank you for your co-operation.
Nabiki: (snapping out of it) Um... er... (inspiration hits) Why don't
we test that theory? When daddy comes home we'll pretend....
Akane: (grinning) I get it. That's a great idea, Nabiki. The look on
his face...
Oh, dear...
Heh.
Nabiki: Right. Lower the death odds. A lot. (she listens a bit more)
No, clear the area. I don't like funerals.
(She hangs up, and leans back, a worried look on her face.)
Nabiki: Some brave soul is gonna have to tell Akane, and it's not
gonna be me.
Ur? Something important just happened here... I guess I'll have to
wait and see what it is...
Hint: Nabiki and Sugita were recieving roughly the same news.
Okay, that was just about the most psychotic thing I've ever read.
More, please! ^_^ Looking forward to part eight when you post it!
Lessee... Lord of Variayah, Akari, Scully & Mulder, Kirin, Team
Ranma, Ryoga's new technique, Nabiki's "thing" for Akane... Yup. I think
we've got enough potential energy to get the last part rolling, huh? :)
All hell is about to break loose.
Thanks for the comments! :)
---
Raphael See