Teaser #3

(Open on a jet black screen.)

Narrator: (walking onscreen) We feel it only fair to warn you. The 
upcoming release of the Nameless Sequel contains material some 
readers might find objectionable.

Voice From The Audience: You mean hentai stuff?

Narrator: (stiffly) No, none of that.

Voice: Oh. Damn. Okay, so lots of violence, bloodshed, and carnage, 
right?

Narrator: (thinks) Akane gets hit on the head by a pair of stilleto 
heels. Does that count?

Voice: No.

Narrator: Oh. Then no, sorry.

Voice: Huh. So then it's a real tearjerker?

Narrator: No. Not a sad moment in it, really.

Voice: (after thought) Okay, I got it. It has one of those all-
powerful otaku avatars.

Narrator: Not a single avatar, no. We leave that sort of thing to 
Crys.

Voice: (annoyed) Okay, so what the **** is so ****ing objectable 
about it?

Narrator: It....it's....

Voice: Yes?

Narrator: (sweating) A slapstick comedy. Cartoon violence with no 
lasting consequences, improbable love affairs, silly vendettas, 
ludicrous...

Voice: (outraged) WHAT? No emotion? No pathos? No tear-inducing 
deaths? No serious solving of problems in a gritty, realistic 
manner?

Narrator: (sadly) None.

Voice: And you dare print such trash?

Narrator: We did warn you.

Voice: (disbelieving) Ranma doesn't agonize or soul-search over 
ANYTHING?

Narrator: Doesn't even ponder the meaning of life.

Voice: Ukyo doesn't commit suicide?

Narrator: Doesn't even consider thinking about contemplating it.

Voice: (annoyed) Well. It's hardly canon, then.

Narrator: So it goes.

Voice: Akane had better at least hit Ranma.

Narrator: (brightening) Oh, she does!

Voice: Leading to irreversible brain damage, I hope?

Narrator: Ah. No, not so's you'd notice.

Voice: Next you're going to tell me that Nabiki doesn't rethink her 
callous ways, or realise she's in love with Kuno.

Narrator: (sweating) Nope. Not with Kuno.

Voice: (disgusted) I think I've heard quite enough. If you'll excuse 
me, I'm going to go read a _real_ fanfic. One with sex and gore and 
serious exploration of feelings. Not this light-hearted comedy 
crap. Takahashi would be ashamed.

(The sound of moving feet is heard, and then a door slams.)

Narrator: (muttering) Should have taken that job announcing Bitter 
End teasers.

THE COMPLETE, FINALLY FINISHED NAMELESS SEQUEL. COMING SOON 
TO AN ML NEAR YOU. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. WE WARNED 
YOU.