Subject: Re: All It Takes Is a Spatula
From: Sebastian Weinberg
Date: 5/30/1997, 5:34 AM
To: Fanfic Mailing List


On Wed, 28 May 1997, Richard Lawson wrote:

: 
: All It Takes Is a Spatula
: 
: by Richard Lawson
: 

I like the title.


: "Of course.  Gave her wholesale prices, too, just because she was so friendly.  

Offered him a cookie, no doubt. :)


: Besides, she thought to herself as she threw on her cooking clothes, staring 
: into mirrors was a good indication of narcissism, something she had no interest 
: in becoming a part of.

Um, I don't have my dictionary here, but are you sure that
"narcissism" is right?  It kinda sounds strange to me.  [shrugs]


: Ranma continued as if she hadn't heard her.  "I can't, I won't.  I mean, I'm 
: married.  Even if I'm no longer worthy of her.  Oh, Akane."  This last was said 
: in a voice full of despair.

"Oh, Akane" sounds *so* artificial.  Try it without the "oh" and
trailing off.


: "Because..."  Ranma trailed off, evidently thinking, then continued after a 
: minute.  "Because proposing to her was one of the best moments of my life.  And 
: we've had lots of other good moments, too.  And I'd never trade any of that 
: to... to live in this damn cave."  Ranma laughed humorlessly.  "And I am a 
: stupid idiot, aren't I?"

"Aren't I"?  I think not.  Try "ain't".


Well.  Still a good fic, just like the last time I saw it.


Sebastian
-- http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/ Comics reviewed.
-- Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"