Panorama
                               Interlude Three:
                            All Coming Back To Me

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask me how my day was


"Head Over Feet"
by Alanis Morissette and Glen Ballard


	I watch her in the Earthlight, gazing up at the blue-green sphere
that has brought all of us so much trouble, and wish that I could bring
myself to hate it and one of its denizens, in particular.

	She is lovely beyond measure ... and yet, I cannot escape the fact
that whenever I see her, the scent of worm dung and dust fills my nose.

	It should ...

	I had been out in the desert, training in the ways of our people
as I had since my third winter.  That day, I had hunted and killed an
killed an exceptional worm -- not nearly as large, my Master told me, as
those she had slain at my age, centuries agone -- but large all the same.
I had done it in the lair, and we had quickly determined that it was
otherwise unoccupied, and so made it our camp for that night.  My Master
even ceded me the hero's portion.  It had been sour.

	And I sat in the cave, nibbling at the worm, smelling its
leavings, I thought, <This is my life.  I want nothing else than the hunt,
and my sisters-at-arms.>

	The gods, if gods there be, heard me, and decided that my life
wanted something more.

	The communicator, our huntband's sole concession to the magick of
the Silver Millenium, echoed in the cavern.  "Hunter Nodens.  Respond."

	My Master grimaced as she lifted the communicator to her mouth.
"Nodens," she barked.

	"Prepare for early pickup.  The Princess is called to the presence
of the Khan."

	There was deathly silence in the cavern for a moment, and then all
the others began to swiftly pack their kit.  I stood still a second longer
than the others, and earned a harsh glare from my Master.  I was ready a
moment before we heard the low whine of the Ornithopter's engine, and
rushed out to board it.

	My thoughts were a desert storm.  My mother had called for me,
whom she had not seen in over a decade.  I could not imagine why.  But
then, I did not pretend to understand her.  My mother is ... was far more
attuned to the power of flame that we command than I am or shall ever be.
It showed in everything she did -- she was capricious, violent, and never
ever under control.  Tamed, perhaps, but never mastered.

	After I had been returned from my ... first sojourn on Earth, my
mother had given me wholely into the care of my Master, and sent us out
into the wilderness.  I had never asked my Master why this had occured --
it was obvious that she desired that I be as far from her as possible, to
prevent me from being softened and spoiled by the opulence of her court at
Gravitas.

	The thought that she might despise me rarely crossed my mind.

	We came to Gravitas soon, and those of my sisters who had never
seen the city before allowed themselves to be stunned by the sheer numbers
of people and sounds and smells and *things*.  For once, my Master did not
look with contempt at their exhibition of feeling.  She merely gazed at
them.  Perhaps I imagined the look of pity I saw on her face.

	We landed, and I was rushed away by the eunuchs of the court from
my sisters.  As they guided me through the streets of Gravitas to the
palace, they ignored my hesitantly phrased questions as to my mother's
health.

	I was being led to the doors of the throne room when I realized my
shabby appearance.  "Wait," I barked.  "I must not enter the Khan's
presence in this --"

	"You will enter her presence as you are now, or not at all," the
Chief Eunuch hissed.

	And then the doors were flung open, and I stepped, covered in worm
dung and dust, into the presence of Aten-Horus, Khakhan of Mars.

	Anhur Khan.

	My mother.

	The aspect of flame was on her even as she lounged on her throne.
Her red eyes seethed with it.  Her red hair seemed ablaze.  Even her dark
skin, so different in hue than my windtanned flesh, seemed to simmer.

	I knelt to one knee, lowering my head, but did not prostrate
myself.  I was no higher than any of those who paid her homage, but I
would not abase myself.

	"Rise," she said in a steamy voice.  As I lifted my eyes to her 
face, I could see that she almost smiled, amused perhaps by my mingled
impertinence and obeisance.

	"Daughter of Mars, one has come to speak with you," she began
slowly.  "You will show her no less courtesy than you would --"

	"HIIIIII!" the voice squealed off to one side, and I turned with a
horrified expression to look at the one who so interrupted my mother's
speech, before she reduced the malefactor to liquid flesh.

	The first thing that I noticed about Serenity daughter of Serenity
were her long braids that twirled behind the two priceless white diamond
clasps on either side of her head.  The next thing was the golden crown on
her forehead.  Next was the marking of the moon beneath that crown.  Next
was the paleness of her skin, unlike that of any Martian born.

	And the very last thing that I noticed about Serenity daughter of
Serenity was that she was smiling at me.  And waving.

	It was a day for reunions, it seemed.  I had not seen my mother or
the Princess of the Moon Kingdom since I had returned from being kidnapped  
more than a decade earlier.  My memories of that sojourn had faded ... and
she had grown and changed.

	That was the reason that I thought that I stood stock still and
stared at her.

	We contrasted completely.  She was fair, clean, and smiling; I was
dark, dirty, and almost frowning.  Complete opposites.

	I found my voice after a moment.  "Your highness," I said.
"Welcome to Mars."

	She bowed, still smiling sweetly.  I turned to look at my mother
with a bewhildered look on her face, and saw that she was rubbing her
forehead in a way that I had seen some of my sisters do when they believed
that my Master was not watching, and they could safely express irritation.

	"The Princess of the Moon Kingdom," my mother said simply, "has
decided to pay a visit upon each of the seven Heirs, and on Pluto.  She
has come to us first.  We are honored beyond our ability to express by her
presence."

	My mother rose up from her divan, and crossed the distance between
us, such that she was closer to me than she had been since my birth.
"You, Daughter of Mars, shall be her guide to our world.  You shall watch
over her, and protect her life as though it were as dear to you as my own.
Nay, dearer."

	And then she smiled at me, and the smile promised me exactly what  
would come my way if I were to allow her to come to injury.

	With gloom, I lead her out of the throne room, into the corridor 
leading to the baths. "Where are we going, Lady Mars?" she asked cheerily.

	"I am going to have a bath.  It has been several weeks since my
last, and I feel the need for one."  As an afterthought, I noted, "Do not
call me Lady Mars.  That's not proper."

	"What should I call you?"

	I opened my mouth ... and stopped still in my stride.  She bumped
into my back, and let out a yelp.

	In the desert, I had not had a name.  My Master had never seen fit
to give me a new one, and the childish name I had born in the court of my
mother had been long forgotten.  Those few civillians whom we had 
encountered had called me, "Honored Hunter", and sought to keep away from
me as much as possible.  That was what it was to be a Hunter.

	I resumed walking.  "Call me whatever you please," I concluded,
"so long as it is not Lady Mars."

	"All right, Mars-chan."

	I stopped, and this time whirled around, such that our faces were
scarce a fingerlength apart.  "*Mars-chan*?" I asked slowly.

	" 'Chan' is an Earther term implying affection for the one whose
name is thus modified," she said as if reciting a lesson. 

	"Do you not understand that it is not right for you to call me by
the name of my planet?" I bit out.

	She was perplexed.   "But I was told at the school that all of my
Guardians had been named for the planet that they represented.  Is this
not so?"

	"No!  It is not so!"

	The Princess began to look very upset.  "But ... but I was *told*
that you were a princess like me, that you lived in a wonderful crystal
palace like --"

	"Gods of Ice and Storm, you little twit, do you believe everything
you were told in whatever nursery school you were put into to fill you up
with propaganda?!  I've spent the last ten years in the desert, becoming a
worthy heir to my mother -- and until the very moment of her passing, she
has the right to disinheirit me!  A princess?  HAH!  *We* leave that to
weak-kneed sophomoric idiots like *your* people!"  That last roared past
my lips before I could consider it.

	She stared at me, her eyes filled with tears ... and then she
burst into sobs.  "WAAAAAAAAAH!  Mars-chan hates me!" she wailed, then
turned around and ran away down the hall.

	"Wait!" I exclaimed.  But she was already out of earshot.

	Shoulders slumped even further, I headed for the baths.

	Even though I ached to drop myself into the hot water of the tub
clothes and all, I disrobed and folded each garment carefully.  I then set 
to washing myself.

	To this day, I do not know how she approached with such silence.
Had she been an assassin, I would have died, I am certain.  As it was, my
heart all but exploded as I felt another sponge touch the back of my
shoulders, where I could not quite reach.

	I whirled around, only just holding my fire in check, to see her
with her head bowed.  She kept on scrubbing my shoulders, even as I stared
at her.

	"I apologize for my immaturity, Honored Hunter of Mars," she said
before I could say a word.  "I was simply overwhelmed by the joy that I
felt on finally meeting one of those who are my sworn Defenders, and I
embarrassed you thereby."

	In days after this, when I was past caring, I first heard the old
Martian proverb, "When a Lunar apologizes, prepare to be in the wrong."

	"No, no!" I said rapidly.  "I should apologize to you for causing
you embarassment.  The Moon Kingdom and Mars are not close, and so you
should not be expected to know of our ways ..."

	She looked up then, and smiled again.  I found myself smiling
back.  "We are not so different," she said.  "Both our peoples scrub
before soaking ..."

	So I scrubbed her back in turn, and we soaked together, and spoke
easily of the other Heirs.  I had met only one of them, Melusine, the Heir
of Neptune ... and I was not about to tell her of such as her.  I did not
think that she was ready for such things ...

	... although, strangely, she reminded me of Melusine, even though 
the capricious humour that sometimes took cruel turns in the Tritonian was
muted in this Lunar, and she seemed more given to random acts of kindness.
Everything that she did seemed to be an act of grace, just as Melusine
seemed to define elegance when she was off the field of battle.

	I did not bother to consider what the Princess would be like *on*
the field, for I knew far too well that the Heirs had been born and
trained for her defense.  She would not have needed to undergo any sort of
combat training.

	After our bath, I escorted her to the guest room reserved for
visiting royalty.  She looked at the huge chamber with amazement, and I
was pleased, until she uttered the words, "It's so small!"

	"Small?" I asked.  It was perhaps the second largest room in the
palace, after the throneroom, and possibly my mother's chamber, which I
had never entered.

	She nodded swiftly.  "Much smaller than my room back home ..."

	I swallowed a retort easily.  I had learned to do that during my
first week of training.  "I hope that you will not be inconvenienced by
its small size," I bit out at last.

	"Oh no," she said dismissively.  "This will be nice and cozy!"

	I nodded, and turned to go.

	"Honored Hunter?" she asked suddenly.  I turned to see that she
was looking at me anxiously.  "Should I have need of you ... where will
you be?"

	I visualized the map of the palace.  "My chambers are located two
floors beneath this one.  They are the third door on the right from the
nearest stairwell leading to that floor."

	She bowed to me.  "Thank you.  Good night, Honored Hunter.  Sleep
lightly."

	I turned and left, reaching the stairwell before I realized that
she had given me the traditional Hunter's farewell.  Slowly, unsure what 
to make of that, I descended to the servants chambers.

	The chamber in which I had slept before my kidnapping was still
there, unoccupied ... but unmaintained either.  I contemplated the thick
layer of dust that had built up on the bed.

	I *could* have slept there.  I have slept in far, far worse
places -- caves, canyons, ditches, sewers ...

	But I wondered if perhaps this was a sign, from either the gods or
my mother (and in truth I doubted there was much difference), that I
should spend my nights in the palace in the Princess' room, guarding over
her as she slept.

	I closed the door to the small room, and returned to the
stairwell, climbing up to her room.

	She had, of course, locked the door.

	That night was a strange one.  I had been able to sleep in caves,
canyons, ditches, and sewers ... but on that night, as I sat with my back
against the door, I could not sleep.  I bowed my head and dozed.

	Towards the nightsend, but before sunrise, I felt a presence
approach long before I heard footsteps.  I held my head and pretended to
sleep.  The presence paused before the door, standing over me ... and I
felt its heat.

	It was my mother.  She said nothing.  Perhaps I made her a fool
and she thought that I slept.  Perhaps not.

	The Princess was surprised to see me outside her door in the
morning, and did not bother to hide it.  "Why didn't you knock?" she
asked, confusedly.

	"That is not how things are done on Mars," I said shortly.

	Such was the tone of the days that I was to spend leading her
around the Palace and Gravitas.  I would show her something, she would ask
a question about why things were such a way, and I would answer that that
was either the way that things were done or *not* the way things were
done, when she made the inevitable comparisons to things in the Moon
Kingdom.

	She asked many questions, and did not seem to understand my shame
that I could give her no better answer than "That is how things are done."
I had never before realized how tradition-bound my people were.

	On the sixth day of her visit, I realized that she was bored.

	"You have shown me much of this wonderful palace, and this
marvellous city," she explained when I asked her about it.  "But I would
wish to see the rest of the planet, as well!"

	"That would be dangerous," I said quickly.  "Very few Martians
travel the wastes, for fear of the worms."

	Then, of course, she wanted to know more about the worms.  Of
course, she had already known that there were things like the dragons out
of storybooks living on Mars, but she knew little or nothing about the
reality behind the legend.  I swiftly disabused her of the image of winged
reptiles that breathed fire and possessed great sagacity.

	On Mars, the worm is both respected and despised.  They are truly
stupid beasts, and yet they are spectacularly dangerous.  Swift yet
powerful, their teeth are usually dull, due to the intense acid that they
use to digest their prey, and which they are easily able to spit at one
who dares to challenge them.  

	Which is why they are usually killed from a great distance, using
modern weapons, by those who would process them for food.  Hunters,
however, never use such weapons.

	I made the mistake of telling her about the cave where I had slain
the worm the night that she came.  Of course, she wanted to see it, and
eagerly reminded me that my sisters and I had made sure that the cave was
safe when we were there.

	So, telling myself that I did this to shut her up, I "borrowed" an
ornithopter from the airfield, and took her with me out to the cave.

	There was not really much to see.  What was left of the worm's
body had rotted away before we got there, though I could show her the
scars in the rock that its acid spews had left.  She was suitably
impressed, I suppose.

	But then she turned to me and asked the question that changed
everything.

	"But why did you kill it?"

	"For the meat," I answered, staring at her.

	"Did you not carry provisions with you?" she pressed.

	"Well, yes, but --"

	"Then why?"

	"Because ..."  I was suddenly furious.  How DARE this impertinent
Lunar question the ways of the Hunt?!  "Because that is what Hunter DO, 
you fool!  What of it?"

	"But why is it so important that you be a Hunter?" she asked with
a calm, curious expression.

	I strode up to her, my face red with anger.  "Because there is
*nothing* else for me to *be*!" I screamed.  "I know nothing else!"

	She stepped back, so that she was standing against the wall of the
cave.  "Not so," she said quietly.  "Only those who are dead can be
nothing else."

	The arrogance of that statement, from one who had never known the
training of a Hunter, shocked me beyond my ability to speak.  I raised up
my hand to slap her soundly.

	Moving swifter than I could imagine, she moved out of the way of
my blow, thus leading me to lose my balance.  I went sprawling, landing
face first ...

	... in a pile of worm dung.

	Fresh worm dung.

	I heard the Princess' scream before I looked up to see the worm at
the entrance to the cave.	

	It was larger than the worm that I had slain, nearly as large as
the stories that my Master told of the worms that she had slain, and I
did not have my blade with me, only my knife, and only a fool would attack
a worm with a knife, even my Master had said that ...

	And so there was only one option.

	"FIRE SOUL!" I screamed, hating myself.

	The worm let out a scream as it burned, and in that I found some
small shred of honor, that I did not allow *my* anguish to show.  The
moisture on my cheeks was sweat, I told myself, from the heat of the
power.

	When it was dead, I felt her eyes on me.  Go ahead, mock me, I
wanted to scream.  I knew that I deserved only contempt for killing the
worm in such a base and ignobable fashion --

	"Magnificent," she said, standing only a small distance behind me.

	I turned around rapidly to stare at her face, so close to mine,
and saw that her eyes were filled with wonderment.  "What do you mean,
magificent?!"  I demanded.

	"I have never seen such a wondrous display of Elemental Fire --
even the great magi cannot command it with such ease --"

	"You *fool*!" I shrieked.  "I am no magi!  I am a warrior!
Warriors are not *meant* to use --"

	"They do in the Moon Kingdom."

	"-- magic, it is the province of scholars and bards and --"  Her
words penetrated my consciousness.

	"Every unit of our military employs a ... warlock, is the term
used.  It originally meant oathbreaker, because there was once some oath
that kept magi from the battlefield, but it is a mark of respect in these
days."  She gazed at me with a feeling that I had never seen in any eyes
-- not pity, not contempt, but something ... gentler.  "I once spoke with
a magi about how it felt to deny the magic that surged in his veins ...
and he said it was a greater pain than I could imagine."  She was silent
for a moment.

	"If you came to the Moon with me, Mars-chan, your pain could end."

	I stared at her, not knowing if I should believe a word that she
said.  She had no reason to lie, but ...

	We contrasted again; she was clean and calm, while I was dirty and
confused.  

	I lifted my hand to begin rubbing away the worm dung on my face.
She silently produced a handkerchief.  As I reached out to take it, she
lifted it up to my face.  My hand closed over hers.

	It made no sense.  She had scrubbed my back.  Why should this
contact, so much less intimate, thrill me to the bottom of my soul?

	We could have stood there for hours, or seconds.  It didn't
matter.  She broke the silence, at last.  "I return to my Kingdom
tomorrow," she said.

	"Ah," I replied eloquently.

	"There is a final place that I wish you to show me before then,"
she continued.

	"Where would that be?" I asked.

	"Your room."

	We were silent in the ornithopter, silent on the way back to the
palace.  She only said, "No," as I started towards the baths.  I lead her
down the stairs, to the servants quarters, to my room.

	She studied it in silence, dragging a finger along the edge of the
rough bedframe, and staring at the dust that accumulated on the fingertip
for a brief moment, before turning to gaze at me.

	Her blue eyes never left mine as she slowly unbuttoned her gown
and let it fall to the floor.

	And then we made love.

	And it was wonderful.

	And the smell of her and the smell of dust and worm dung were one
and the same.

	After we were done, she slept, and I rose up to go to the toilet,
wrapping myself in a robe.  I relieved myself, and returned.

	My mother stood outside the door, wrapped in a robe of her own.

	"You must not go with her," she said.

	The aspect of fire was gone from her, perhaps that was why I only
said, "Why?", neglecting to adress her as "Great Khan".

	"If you go with her to the moon, they will say that she has bound
you to her, and that you are no longer fit to be my heir," she said
slowly.

	I am told that in the myths of the Earthers, the Moon has been a
source of madness and irrationality from the earliest times.  Perhaps that
was why I said, "Am I?"

	She gazed at me, her red eyes dull.  "Of all the children I have
borne in this past millenia, only you may outlast me to rule when I am
gone.  And you have the fire.  You are the only choice."

	I had the fire.  And I felt it building in me, slowly but surely.
"If I am the *only* choice, then why have I been made to be constantly
tested through endless training that made me HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING YOUR
DAMNED *FIRE*?"  I shrieked at the end.

	She simply looked at me, not answering.

	"I will go to the Moon with her," I said shortly as I walked
past her to my room.  "She *has* bound me to her.  I love her."

	"Love is a trick that nature plays to force us to reproduce," she
said quietly.

	I paused before I went back into the room where the Princess of
the Moon slept.  "Love is what could have come from letting me be your
daughter."

	I shut the door behind me.

	The next day, I left Mars forever.

	No one came to bid me farewell.

	My mother did not disown me, though the khans pressured her to do
so.  They finally had their way when she perished, and I was disqualified
from becoming the next khakhan.  I wonder, sometimes, as I hear of the
strife on the world of my birth, whether the fact that she refused to set
me aside was due to the fact that she truly did love me, or that she was
simply too stubborn to let the khans have their way when it was opposed to
what she wanted.

	But it does not truly matter.

	Every time I look at her, gazing up at the Earth of her Prince, my
heart aches as I remember that once she looked at me like that, in a cave
that was filled with the stench of worm.

	And then I all that came after it comes back to me, and my heart's
ache eases.  She has given me what she could give me, and it is more love
than I have ever known before.

	And the smell of worm dung and dust fills my nostrils.

	And it is wonderful.

                                 The End
	                        (For Now)

	Sailor Moon was created by Naoko Takeuchi and brought to North
America by DiC.  This story, while incorporating elements of a motion
picture held under copyright by others, is copyright 1997 of Chris Davies.

	Nobody Sue Me Okay?

Chris Davies, Advocate for Darkness, Part-Time Champion of Light.
"I am not a very nice person anymore." - Rand al'Thor, "Crown of Swords"
http://www.ualberta.ca/~cdavies/hmpage.html