ECCHI 1/2
Tales of an Alternate Universe
by Kris Overstreet
Chapter One: The Incredible Ranma!
Is he stud or babe- or both??
Ranma 1/2 and its characters (c) 1997 Shogakukan. This work is
NOT intended as an accurate portrayal of the characters as seen in the
original manga and anime, but is rather an inversion of the original.
Used without permission, please don't sue, I'm not making money from
this.
*WARNING!* This fanfic series has sexual situations, nudity,
and occasionally *GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF SEXUAL ACTS*, ranging from
tender and loving to downright perverted and even silly. IF YOU'RE
UNDER 18, OR ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH MATERIAL, QUIT READING NOW!!!
Greater suburban Tokyo sprawls upwards from the sea, inland
along the hills and plains of central Japan, miles and miles of small
houses and apartment buildings, row upon row. From a distance, the
various cities and wards which surround Tokyo proper might be said to
be peaceful, tranquil places, where families live and grow in relative
harmony.
Today, clouds are gathering on the horizon.
One of the places which gives the lie to that illusion lies
more or less in the center of the city/ward called Nerima. The sign on
the front gate, rendered into English, reads in large print TENDO
DOJO, and in smaller print a phrase which could be rendered
'indiscriminate grappling' or 'no-holds-barred', but is probably best
rendered as, 'School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts.'
Inside the fence, a man in his early forties, long dark hair
brushed straight down his back, laughed and sang as he waved a
postcard with a picture of Shanghai on it. Soun Tendo practically
danced through the house, shouting with joy, "Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!
Come and hear the news! Wonderful news! Oh, joyous day!"
Kasumi walked into the living room from the back yard, still
slathering tanning cream over her body. The tiny halter and thong
bikini she wore accentuated her shapely figure, which she carried with
the self-assurance of a woman who knew exactly what that figure was
capable of. "What's up, Dad?" she asked. "Did the indecency laws get
repealed?"
From her room, pencils and pens sticking from her ears,
short-cropped hair and pockets, juggling calculator, note, receipts
and bills, stumbled Nabiki. "Oh, c'mon, sis, it's gotta be that gaijin
Ed McMahon is coming at last!" Sighing, she added, "Oh, what I could
do with ten- whoops!" The piles of paper fragments spilled from her
hands to the floor. "Aw, man," she moaned, "I just sorted those! Now I
gotta start over!"
From the kitchen, a girl with dark hair bound in a ponytail
between her shoulderblades leaned out and said, "Just a moment, Daddy!
I have to set the pie out to cool!" A few seconds later, she removed
the apron from her gi and smiled, "So, what -is- the good news?"
Soun smiled beatifically, eyes on the point of bursting with
tears. "Oh, my darling daughters... and Kasumi," he added, glaring at
her almost-not attire, "Saotome is coming at last! At long last the
Saotome and Tendo schools of Anything-Goes Martial Arts shall be
united! Oh, happy, happy day!"
"Saotome?" Nabiki, forgetting the pile of financial records at
her feet, snatched the postcard from Soun's hands, reading aloud,
"'Will arrive this week. Am bringing Ranma. Genma Saotome.' Dad,
what's this all about?" she asked, suspicious.
"Well, Nabiki," Soun smiled, "back when Akane and Ranma were
born...."
Thunder rang through the streets of Nerima.
Splashing through the rain-soaked streets of Nerima ran a
young woman, chest Gainaxing mightily beneath the loose confines of
the red Chinese peasant shirt she wore. Her red braid bounced almost
in counterpoint on her back as she ran, swishing back and forth
whenever she looked back at her pursuer. She wore equally loose,
nearly shapeless black pants secured at the waist and ankles by rope,
and a huge pack rode upon her shoulders, bouncing slightly as she
rushed down the street.
Behind her, a giant panda, also carrying a backpack atop its
soaked black-and-white fur, waved a sign; <Wait! Wait! You have to go
through with this!>
"Like hell I have to go through with this!" the girl gasped.
"This was your promise, not mine! I have to get back to China!"
<It's not like you have a choice,> the panda waved a new sign.
He turned it around; <Besides, she'll probably be a babe!>
"I don't care about babes!" the girl shouted. She stopped and
yanked a signpost out of the sidewalk and swung it at the panda. "It
was babes-" she grunted as the panda dodged her swings, "-that got- us
into- this mess!"
<And what's wrong with good looking women anyway?> the panda
hastily scribbled. He poked the girl in the chest, adding, <You
weren't exactly a monk yourself...> The panda's eyes widened as his
paw encountered something hard beneath the fabric. A quick check
confirmed it; he was touching a stiffened nipple. Angrily, he made a
new sign, reading, <You aren't -touching- yourself, are you?>
"WHAT???" the girl shrieked. Fire blazed in her eyes, and her
swings came faster, punctuating each shout, "I AM NOT-" swing
"-TOUCHING-" swing "-MYSELF! Got that, old man??"
The panda caught the signpost in its paws. With a soft 'growf'
it swung it, and the girl, in a 360 hammer loop, finally launching the
girl across the street into a fruit stand. Strolling nonchalantly
over, it picked the girl up and put her over its shoulder, holding up
a sign in its free paw; <Pardon us. Family dispute.>
The stunned vendor just stared as the panda carried the girl
away.
Beside the vendor, a bystander muttered, "Pandas running loose
and attacking innocent young women. That sort of thing shouldn't be
allowed."
Another bystander added, "Innocent? No way. She jiggles too
much to be innocent."
"That's true, I suppose," the first admitted. "Did you see how
big they were? They must have been as big as melons!"
"Melons..." The fruit vendor whispered. "Melons!" From
nowhere he drew a katana and waved it wildly around his head. "I'LL
GIVE YOU MELONS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" The two bystanders barely
dodged his first sweep, scrambling down the street barely a step ahead
of the enraged grocer.
Welcome to Nerima, home to more martial-artists per capita
than any other city in Japan. You never really know where one will pop
up...
"ENGAGED???"
"Now, Akane," Soun smiled, "it's not so bad as all that. Why,
your mother and I were arranged, and our parents before them, and so
on back into prehistory. Besides," he smiled, "Saotome is a handsome,
strong man! How could his son be anything less?"
"Tell me, Dad," Nabiki muttered, "how long has it been since
you've seen Mr. Saotome?"
"Oh..." Soun thought for a moment before answering, "about
eleven years, give or take."
"Do you -really- remember what Saotome looks like?" Nabiki
pressed. "I'll bet he's a homely pot-bellied bald-headed geek. Or
worse yet, some hairy creature-" She pointed over Soun's shoulder.
"Like that."
Soun turned slowly to see a giant panda towering over a girl
with her red hair in a pigtail. Its paws held the girl's shoulders,
preventing her from moving. Both were soaking "Ahhh...." he said to
the girl, not daring to look directly at the panda at first. "May we
help you, young lady?"
"Um.... I'm Ranma Saotome," the girl muttered. "Sorry about
this."
Soun smiled. "Ah, you must be Genma's boy!" Wrapping an arm
around the girl, he chuckled, "Welcome to the family, son! Sit down,
let Akane get something for your pet panda to munch on, and we'll
talk."
"Um, Dad?" Nabiki stepped forward and poked Ranma in the very
soft yet firm chest. "I don't think this is standard equipment for a
boy."
"Please stop that," Ranma whispered.
"Eh?" Soun stepped forward and poked Ranma's chest as well.
"Would you please stop that?" Ranma repeated.
Soun, shocked, undid Ranma's shirt and opened it, revealing
two large, rounded breasts, topped with tiny pink nipples, both erect
from the cold water soaked in the shirt. Soun's eyes bugged out of his
head, locked on the set of boobs in front of him.
Ranma snatched her shirt out of his hands and closed it up
again, growling, "What are you, some kind of pervert? I asked you to
stop it!"
Soun passed out cold on the floor.
They lay Soun onto the living room floor and covered him with
a blanket, adding a cold compress to his head. "Poor Daddy," Nabiki
sighed. "He was really hung up on you marrying one of us."
"...um, well..." Ranma shifted from foot to foot, obviously
uncomfortable. Nabiki smiled and gripped her shoulder comfortingly.
"Relax," she said, "you can stay here as long as you want.
It's not your fault our fathers are both idiots."
The panda growfed and held up a sign; <I resent that!>
"Thanks." Ranma shivered a little bit.
"Hey," Akane smiled faintly at the newcomer, "why don't you
come see the dojo? Maybe I could give you a few pointers on kempo,
hm?"
Ranma smiled faintly herself. "I'd be glad to."
The dojo's wooden floor felt smooth and solid beneath Akane's
feet. It ought to; each morning, she swept and scrubbed the floor,
making sure not a plank was out of place or splintering. In front of
her, in a totally non-combat stance, the girl with the pigtail- Ranma-
stood and watched, impassive.
"I'm not going to let up on you," Akane warned. "I'm going to
pull out all the stops."
"Fine," the other girl smiled. "I'm used to it."
Akane watched for a long moment, flowing automatically into
fighting stance, looking for the other girl to show her skill. For
some reason, though, she just wasn't moving. Not ready to block, not
ready to attack... she just -stood- there.
Akane loosed a loud, "Ki-YAA!" as her fist flowed forward to
strike Ranma in the head. Ranma ducked backwards, taking a half step
and leaning back beneath the full extension of Akane's punch. Akane
recovered, stepping forward and punching with the other fist. Ranma
took another step back, leaning to one side to let the punch pass by.
Right and left and right again, Akane punched in rapid succession,
advancing steadily, missing by millimeters each time.
Pausing for breath, Akane looked at the girl, who stood and
watched just as impassively as before. <She's good,> she thought to
herself. <I can't touch her. Am I too slow?> She resumed the attack,
sweeping her leg up in a waist-high slash which Ranma jumped over.
Punch and punch and kick and step and punch and kick and sweep and
punch, and for each attack Akane made Ranma simply stepped back and
ducked. Finally, Akane had her backed to the wall, and with the
loudest shout yet she pulled her right arm back and slammed it home.
Through the wall of the dojo.
Akane felt a feather-light pressure on her head as Ranma
vaulted- no, jumped- over her head, landing behind her. Before she
could turn, Akane felt her touch her lightly with her index finger.
Pulling her fist out of the wall, she turned to see Ranma smiling
innocently, even playfully.
<She was playing with me,> Akane thought as she stared at the
girl. <She didn't even respect me enough to fight me. That... that...>
"Hey, are you all right?" Ranma asked. "That was a pretty
powerful punch you threw."
Akane struggled not to lose her temper. "You.... you..... "
Words failed her as she tried to express the anger, the utter
humiliation, the strange girl had made her feel. "I.... you...."
Ranma, having some semblance of a clue, shrugged and said,
"Well, thanks for the spar. It was fun." With that, she walked away,
headed back to the house, as Akane's jaw worked silently behind her.
Ranma Saotome.... "I'll beat you," Akane whispered. "I -will
beat you."
Ranma was halfway back to the living room when Kasumi brushed
past her, wearing a very brief bathrobe and a towel to hold her
still-damp hair. The older woman wrinkled her nose as she passed.
"Whew!" she gasped. "Say, honey, when was the last time you had a
bath?"
"Well..." Ranma seemed uncomfortable beneath Kasumi's gaze as
she said, "..I only have the one change of clothes, and... well..."
"No excuses, kid," Kasumi said. "There's hot water in the
furo, now go wash yourself and use it! I'm not living with a
stinkbug!" She shoved the younger girl towards the bathroom, not
releasing her until the door shut behind her.
As the bathroom door shut, Nabiki walked up beside her. "Hey,
Kasumi, there's a strange man in the living room talking with Dad,"
she said. "Do you know who he is?"
"Nope," Kasumi shrugged. "Don't care, either. All I know is,
my valuable tanning time has been shot to hell, and I'm just sure
Tofu's going to stare at my bikini lines."
"Like he's going to have time to stare at anything," Nabiki
smirked.
"Hey, sis, don't knock it if you haven't tried it," Kasumi
winked wickedly.
"Well, there's the question of just who you haven't tried,"
Nabiki retorted.
"Now that's unfair," Kasumi pouted. "I don't chase girls, at
least."
"I have a roll of film which says otherwise," Nabiki
deadpanned.
"Okay, so I -do- chase girls," Kasumi shrugged, "but only the
really cute ones."
Nabiki sighed and walked away. "Oh, Sis, you're just
insatiable," she groaned as she went off to do homework.
"Damn straight," Kasumi smiled. <You know,> Kasumi wondered to
herself, <I wonder if that new girl would be interested in some play
time... it could be really educational.>
Promising herself to investigate the possibilities another
night, Kasumi trotted upstairs to get herself ready for her date.
Akane growled and grumbled her way up to her room, stomping
loudly on the wooden steps. As she opened the door to her room, Kasumi
leaned out of her room and said, "Hey, short stuff, just so you know,
Ranma's in the bath right now."
"Is that so?" Akane growled. "Well, she better not dirty up
the water in the furo!" She began grabbing her bath things and changed
from her gi into a simple bathrobe. If that proud bitch doesn't want
to share the bath, I'll kick her out! It's my house, not hers! she
thought to herself.
Ranma leaned back in the furo, soaking in the heat and
thinking about developments.
How long can I keep this from them? They gotta to find out the
first time someone spills their tea, or something.
But I'm not ready to get married yet...
Well, Ranma thought, standing up and allowing the water to
drip away from him, I guess I better get this over with...
The door slid open silently, not catching Ranma's preoccupied
attention. A large piece of terrycloth dropped to the bathroom floor,
also silently, and also not attracting Ranma's attention.
The sight of a naked Akane walking around the divider into the
main bathroom -did- grab his attention. His full, complete, undivided
attention.
On the other hand, Akane was greeted with the sight of a naked
man staring at her in turn, with the beginnings of arousal already
evident- either that, a tiny part of her thought, or he's a monster
when he's horny...
The rest of her mind, however, was running over into a reddish
fog.
Ranma looked at Akane, who was glaring in total rage at him,
and said, "Ah... this is not what you think..."
And the carnage began.
Akane stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind
her. Kasumi, wrapped in her own bathrobe again, asked, "What's wrong,
Akane?"
Akane growled, "Call the police. There's a pervert peeping Tom
in the bathroom."
"There is?" Kasumi asked. "Why aren't you running and
screaming or something? Isn't he coming out to chase you?"
"Sorry to dissapoint your perverted mind, sister," Akane said,
"but right now he's unconscious on the bathroom floor. I'll go to the
public baths later."
"Oh. Okay," Kasumi smiled. "I'll take care of it."
"You better..." Akane grumbled, stomping past her sister and
not noticing the wicked smile crossing her face.
Pervert, hm? Looks like I won't need to go out tonight after
all...